Weight loss destroys relationships?

nowine4me

For the most part, partners/Husbands don't give a crap about measurements, bench presses or the like. If you wanna talk about that stuff, find someone who shares that part of your life -- like a friend, that's a girl. Talk to your husband about him, football, cars, weather, whatever. Carve time out of your walks and gym to spend together. He's feeling lonely and left behind. If you want to make it work, be present and make your marriage a priority. PS - I know your situation first-hand.

Christine_72

tiptoethruthetulips wrote: »

Perhaps it's time to stop talking to him about the gym and weight loss all the time. Sure chat about it occasionally but it can be tiring for the other person when it's all the time.

This is what i do. I can see my husbands eyes glaze over when i start talking about dieting/nutrition/weight loss. He has zero interest in it and conversations about it bores him to tears. God forbid i bring up MFP one more time in our house lol So, i just don't talk about it with him anymore, I come here instead

ETA: If i were to hire a personal trainer at the gym i would choose a woman. Out of respect for my husband, and so he wouldn't feel the need to be jealous or insecure.

cmtigger

elphie754 wrote: »

cmtigger wrote: »

elphie754 wrote: »

AFGP11 wrote: »

I think his behavior is a red flag that warrants a visit to a marriage counselor. The feelings he's expressing are all about how he feels about himself and not how he feels about you. I find his behavior troubling. He is actively trying to guilt you for something that is good for you and that you enjoy. Someone with a healthy love for you wouldn't do that. Honestly being accused of cheating when there is no cause for suspicion is always a huge red flag in my experience and that has nothing to do with weight loss. Jealousy easily turns into possessiveness and rage. Sometimes weight loss can trigger the jealousy and rage that was already there beneath the surface. This is why many people view feeder/feedee relationships as abusive. The abuser will use food to keep the victim literally unable to move or leave them. Often in these relationships when the victim decides to lose weight, the anger and abuse comes out openly from the partner because their first choice in how to control their partner has been taken away.

I am not saying he is a feeder or anything of that sort, but if he always encouraged you to eat, gain weight or do other self destructive things and gets upset when you stop them, there is more of a problem there than cute jealousy. This is way above MFP's pay grade. Get a professional and tell them what you told us.

What an extreme and ridiculous leap to abuse... jealousy does not equate to abuse and this makes me question if you even know what true abuse is.

He's accusing her of having an affair with her trainer. That's emotional abuse. Not all abuse is physical. Not all abuse is intentional, but counseling will work that out.


Edited to add. Emotions aren't abuse, but many people deal with them in abusive ways.

No, it's not.

Once is not. Repeatedly and ignoring her denials IS.

Please read more about emotional abuse. I've been a victim and often people make excuses for the person doing the abuse. It's easy- there isn't hitting or physical violence.

elphie754

cmtigger wrote: »

elphie754 wrote: »

cmtigger wrote: »

elphie754 wrote: »

AFGP11 wrote: »

I think his behavior is a red flag that warrants a visit to a marriage counselor. The feelings he's expressing are all about how he feels about himself and not how he feels about you. I find his behavior troubling. He is actively trying to guilt you for something that is good for you and that you enjoy. Someone with a healthy love for you wouldn't do that. Honestly being accused of cheating when there is no cause for suspicion is always a huge red flag in my experience and that has nothing to do with weight loss. Jealousy easily turns into possessiveness and rage. Sometimes weight loss can trigger the jealousy and rage that was already there beneath the surface. This is why many people view feeder/feedee relationships as abusive. The abuser will use food to keep the victim literally unable to move or leave them. Often in these relationships when the victim decides to lose weight, the anger and abuse comes out openly from the partner because their first choice in how to control their partner has been taken away.

I am not saying he is a feeder or anything of that sort, but if he always encouraged you to eat, gain weight or do other self destructive things and gets upset when you stop them, there is more of a problem there than cute jealousy. This is way above MFP's pay grade. Get a professional and tell them what you told us.

What an extreme and ridiculous leap to abuse... jealousy does not equate to abuse and this makes me question if you even know what true abuse is.

He's accusing her of having an affair with her trainer. That's emotional abuse. Not all abuse is physical. Not all abuse is intentional, but counseling will work that out.


Edited to add. Emotions aren't abuse, but many people deal with them in abusive ways.

No, it's not.

Once is not. Repeatedly and ignoring her denials IS.

Please read more about emotional abuse. I've been a victim and often people make excuses for the person doing the abuse. It's easy- there isn't hitting or physical violence.

As a victim of abuse as well as an advocate, just no. But I have more troubling issues to deal with today (tragic day here) so going to back out of this one.