Weight loss destroys relationships?
Options
Replies
-
I worked with personal trainers for awhile. Over the course of 2 years, I worked with 2 females and 1 male. I got very close to all of them (and I am a big flirt by nature). They all took measurements which meant they had to touch my body. I always talked openly to them about what was going on in most aspects of my life. I kept in touch with them outside of the gym and even did social things with them (I did a fun run one year with my male trainer)
I told my husband all of it. He was never jealous. I asked him why. He told me that he was secure in our marriage and even though I was sharing time with these people, he knew I would always come home to him.
Now we go to the gym together. Sounds like you need to get to the bottom of why he is insecure or jealous. Have you tried asking him outright?2 -
It's very a common problem. And not really a surprising one when you think about it. Although I'm not fond of the phrase "lifestyle change", that is exactly what you have done. You've change your lifestyle. You have to be aware that your lifestyle affects your family's lifestyle. Spouses don't always want a change. It can be hard and you'll need to work on it together. It can destroy relationships just like any other change.1
-
I think his behavior is a red flag that warrants a visit to a marriage counselor. The feelings he's expressing are all about how he feels about himself and not how he feels about you. I find his behavior troubling. He is actively trying to guilt you for something that is good for you and that you enjoy. Someone with a healthy love for you wouldn't do that. Honestly being accused of cheating when there is no cause for suspicion is always a huge red flag in my experience and that has nothing to do with weight loss. Jealousy easily turns into possessiveness and rage. Sometimes weight loss can trigger the jealousy and rage that was already there beneath the surface. This is why many people view feeder/feedee relationships as abusive. The abuser will use food to keep the victim literally unable to move or leave them. Often in these relationships when the victim decides to lose weight, the anger and abuse comes out openly from the partner because their first choice in how to control their partner has been taken away.
I am not saying he is a feeder or anything of that sort, but if he always encouraged you to eat, gain weight or do other self destructive things and gets upset when you stop them, there is more of a problem there than cute jealousy. This is way above MFP's pay grade. Get a professional and tell them what you told us.1 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »It's very a common problem. And not really a surprising one when you think about it. Although I'm not fond of the phrase "lifestyle change", that is exactly what you have done. You've change your lifestyle. You have to be aware that your lifestyle affects your family's lifestyle. Spouses don't always want a change. It can be hard and you'll need to work on it together. It can destroy relationships just like any other change.
One partner being a little jealous of the other is normal. Accusing your partner of having an affair with the trainer is way beyond normal jealousy. I hope that isn't normal to you. It isn't flattering, it is a huge red flag.3 -
I think his behavior is a red flag that warrants a visit to a marriage counselor. The feelings he's expressing are all about how he feels about himself and not how he feels about you. I find his behavior troubling. He is actively trying to guilt you for something that is good for you and that you enjoy. Someone with a healthy love for you wouldn't do that. Honestly being accused of cheating when there is no cause for suspicion is always a huge red flag in my experience and that has nothing to do with weight loss. Jealousy easily turns into possessiveness and rage. Sometimes weight loss can trigger the jealousy and rage that was already there beneath the surface. This is why many people view feeder/feedee relationships as abusive. The abuser will use food to keep the victim literally unable to move or leave them. Often in these relationships when the victim decides to lose weight, the anger and abuse comes out openly from the partner because their first choice in how to control their partner has been taken away.
I am not saying he is a feeder or anything of that sort, but if he always encouraged you to eat, gain weight or do other self destructive things and gets upset when you stop them, there is more of a problem there than cute jealousy. This is way above MFP's pay grade. Get a professional and tell them what you told us.
What an extreme and ridiculous leap to abuse... jealousy does not equate to abuse and this makes me question if you even know what true abuse is.3 -
I think his behavior is a red flag that warrants a visit to a marriage counselor. The feelings he's expressing are all about how he feels about himself and not how he feels about you. I find his behavior troubling. He is actively trying to guilt you for something that is good for you and that you enjoy. Someone with a healthy love for you wouldn't do that. Honestly being accused of cheating when there is no cause for suspicion is always a huge red flag in my experience and that has nothing to do with weight loss. Jealousy easily turns into possessiveness and rage. Sometimes weight loss can trigger the jealousy and rage that was already there beneath the surface. This is why many people view feeder/feedee relationships as abusive. The abuser will use food to keep the victim literally unable to move or leave them. Often in these relationships when the victim decides to lose weight, the anger and abuse comes out openly from the partner because their first choice in how to control their partner has been taken away.
I am not saying he is a feeder or anything of that sort, but if he always encouraged you to eat, gain weight or do other self destructive things and gets upset when you stop them, there is more of a problem there than cute jealousy. This is way above MFP's pay grade. Get a professional and tell them what you told us.
What an extreme and ridiculous leap to abuse... jealousy does not equate to abuse and this makes me question if you even know what true abuse is.
He's accusing her of having an affair with her trainer. That's emotional abuse. Not all abuse is physical. Not all abuse is intentional, but counseling will work that out.
Edited to add. Emotions aren't abuse, but many people deal with them in abusive ways.3 -
Please also remember this is a big change for him. If you come home and tell him all about what you did with your trainer, talk about how good you feel after being with him, and don't spend time with your husband he may look at it differently than you. When you talk about training what he might be hearing is you talking about another man you spend a lot of time with, has common interest with you, and makes you feel good.
This would cause jealousy for many people. Try talking to him less about training and do more with him. Make meals together, have a date night, do a puzzle together.
You should start marriage counseling because it seems like you are both hurt, he is hurt because he feels he is losing you and you are hurt because he is upset and taking out his fear on you. Fear presents itself in different ways.2 -
If I were you I'd be angry as hell--accusing you of having an affair, wow wow wow. He is insulting you and your integrity. Not okay.
I second the advice of a marriage counselor.0 -
I think his behavior is a red flag that warrants a visit to a marriage counselor. The feelings he's expressing are all about how he feels about himself and not how he feels about you. I find his behavior troubling. He is actively trying to guilt you for something that is good for you and that you enjoy. Someone with a healthy love for you wouldn't do that. Honestly being accused of cheating when there is no cause for suspicion is always a huge red flag in my experience and that has nothing to do with weight loss. Jealousy easily turns into possessiveness and rage. Sometimes weight loss can trigger the jealousy and rage that was already there beneath the surface. This is why many people view feeder/feedee relationships as abusive. The abuser will use food to keep the victim literally unable to move or leave them. Often in these relationships when the victim decides to lose weight, the anger and abuse comes out openly from the partner because their first choice in how to control their partner has been taken away.
I am not saying he is a feeder or anything of that sort, but if he always encouraged you to eat, gain weight or do other self destructive things and gets upset when you stop them, there is more of a problem there than cute jealousy. This is way above MFP's pay grade. Get a professional and tell them what you told us.
What an extreme and ridiculous leap to abuse... jealousy does not equate to abuse and this makes me question if you even know what true abuse is.
He's accusing her of having an affair with her trainer. That's emotional abuse. Not all abuse is physical. Not all abuse is intentional, but counseling will work that out.
Edited to add. Emotions aren't abuse, but many people deal with them in abusive ways.
No, it's not.4 -
Significant weight loss does change the dynamic of the relationship. Not everyone can handle it. I like that my hubby doesn't interfere with my fitness ambitions even if he doesn't share the same interests.0
-
For the most part, partners/Husbands don't give a crap about measurements, bench presses or the like. If you wanna talk about that stuff, find someone who shares that part of your life -- like a friend, that's a girl. Talk to your husband about him, football, cars, weather, whatever. Carve time out of your walks and gym to spend together. He's feeling lonely and left behind. If you want to make it work, be present and make your marriage a priority. PS - I know your situation first-hand.4
-
tiptoethruthetulips wrote: »Perhaps it's time to stop talking to him about the gym and weight loss all the time. Sure chat about it occasionally but it can be tiring for the other person when it's all the time.
This is what i do. I can see my husbands eyes glaze over when i start talking about dieting/nutrition/weight loss. He has zero interest in it and conversations about it bores him to tears. God forbid i bring up MFP one more time in our house lol So, i just don't talk about it with him anymore, I come here instead
ETA: If i were to hire a personal trainer at the gym i would choose a woman. Out of respect for my husband, and so he wouldn't feel the need to be jealous or insecure.7 -
I think his behavior is a red flag that warrants a visit to a marriage counselor. The feelings he's expressing are all about how he feels about himself and not how he feels about you. I find his behavior troubling. He is actively trying to guilt you for something that is good for you and that you enjoy. Someone with a healthy love for you wouldn't do that. Honestly being accused of cheating when there is no cause for suspicion is always a huge red flag in my experience and that has nothing to do with weight loss. Jealousy easily turns into possessiveness and rage. Sometimes weight loss can trigger the jealousy and rage that was already there beneath the surface. This is why many people view feeder/feedee relationships as abusive. The abuser will use food to keep the victim literally unable to move or leave them. Often in these relationships when the victim decides to lose weight, the anger and abuse comes out openly from the partner because their first choice in how to control their partner has been taken away.
I am not saying he is a feeder or anything of that sort, but if he always encouraged you to eat, gain weight or do other self destructive things and gets upset when you stop them, there is more of a problem there than cute jealousy. This is way above MFP's pay grade. Get a professional and tell them what you told us.
What an extreme and ridiculous leap to abuse... jealousy does not equate to abuse and this makes me question if you even know what true abuse is.
He's accusing her of having an affair with her trainer. That's emotional abuse. Not all abuse is physical. Not all abuse is intentional, but counseling will work that out.
Edited to add. Emotions aren't abuse, but many people deal with them in abusive ways.
No, it's not.
Once is not. Repeatedly and ignoring her denials IS.
Please read more about emotional abuse. I've been a victim and often people make excuses for the person doing the abuse. It's easy- there isn't hitting or physical violence.2 -
I think his behavior is a red flag that warrants a visit to a marriage counselor. The feelings he's expressing are all about how he feels about himself and not how he feels about you. I find his behavior troubling. He is actively trying to guilt you for something that is good for you and that you enjoy. Someone with a healthy love for you wouldn't do that. Honestly being accused of cheating when there is no cause for suspicion is always a huge red flag in my experience and that has nothing to do with weight loss. Jealousy easily turns into possessiveness and rage. Sometimes weight loss can trigger the jealousy and rage that was already there beneath the surface. This is why many people view feeder/feedee relationships as abusive. The abuser will use food to keep the victim literally unable to move or leave them. Often in these relationships when the victim decides to lose weight, the anger and abuse comes out openly from the partner because their first choice in how to control their partner has been taken away.
I am not saying he is a feeder or anything of that sort, but if he always encouraged you to eat, gain weight or do other self destructive things and gets upset when you stop them, there is more of a problem there than cute jealousy. This is way above MFP's pay grade. Get a professional and tell them what you told us.
What an extreme and ridiculous leap to abuse... jealousy does not equate to abuse and this makes me question if you even know what true abuse is.
He's accusing her of having an affair with her trainer. That's emotional abuse. Not all abuse is physical. Not all abuse is intentional, but counseling will work that out.
Edited to add. Emotions aren't abuse, but many people deal with them in abusive ways.
No, it's not.
Once is not. Repeatedly and ignoring her denials IS.
Please read more about emotional abuse. I've been a victim and often people make excuses for the person doing the abuse. It's easy- there isn't hitting or physical violence.
As a victim of abuse as well as an advocate, just no. But I have more troubling issues to deal with today (tragic day here) so going to back out of this one.1
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 392K Introduce Yourself
- 43.6K Getting Started
- 259.8K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.7K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 402 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.8K Motivation and Support
- 7.9K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.4K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 998 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.4K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions