uncaring spouse
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DeficitDuchess wrote: »Motorsheen wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »EbonyDahlia wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »EbonyDahlia wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »EbonyDahlia wrote: »dylans1789 wrote: »
This is an excuse for allowing someone to treat you like cr@p. 7 years ago, I was married, had a 10 acre property, several horses, a couple of kids, a great group of friends (small country town), a financial dependency on my husband. Don't think for a second it didn't break my heart to sell my horses, move away from my friends, support myself financially (alimony is not a thing in Australia) and parent my children. But it was not impossible. The fear of doing it was the worst. Doing it was easy. Today, 7 years on I am in a relationship where I'm not lonely and depressed. My OH is my best friend. I'm happy (as happy as a parent of teens can be). I no longer have to feed the self loathing with food. It wasn't me, it was him.
My dad said to me when I was little, you only get one life - it's up to you what you make of it. This has stuck with me. Be bold, do the hard thing - or wake up one day when you're 70 and realise you wasted your life being miserable.
Not everyone has, resources to sell! Horses're expensive to buy so, you obviously left with; a good chunk of change!
Yep. And don't forget the 10 acre property.
I didn't but I am not, sure whom; got that or if, it was sold & the, profits split but since she did indicate that she sold "my" horses she, most likely herself pocketed all of those profits since; the horses were solely hers!
Aren't we a nasty judgemental lot? Ever heard of debt? Mortgage? Money borrowed on the house to start up my husband's business? The horses were sold off over a period of months, and they were not elite show horses, just average trail riding horses, not worth a heap of money at all.
Then what was the, point of staying long enough to; sell them? Also I am unable to judge/question someone's life if, they don't make it; public knowledge!
No, you assumed. And the horses were sold after I left - I did not receive any money for them at the time. Again you assumed. I in fact left everything I cared about, my whole life, to escape a controlling relationship and become me again. I did so with no resources other than my own determination and willingness to change things.
The ONLY reason I posted my story was to let you know that you are not alone, and that even though it's hard there are options, and you do have control over your life. The only intention I had was to give you some encouragement and support and maybe something to think about so that you are not stuck in a miserable situation for the rest of your life.
If all you can do in return is be nasty and judgemental towards me then fine. I wish you a long and happy life.
Yes I, made assumptions but you, did also! You assume that if, there's a will there's always; a way & that; simply's untrue!
An analogy:
2 men were, shot in the head within; the same area. 1 survives, the other; dies. The 1 whom died was, happily married, had 2 children, a great career & friends. While the 1 whom, survived was; homeless & recently attempted suicide. Would you, be suggesting that; it wasn't fate but rather that the successful man didn't have, enough of a will to live as; the homeless man did to survive & therefore it's the, deceased man's fault for; not surviving because a homeless man with, nothing to live for survived the; same injury? Sometimes just because there's a will, doesn't mean there's always a way to; achieve something & it doesn't mean that, it's our fault if; we're unable to!
Maybe the married guy really, really wanted to die?
It's a plausible, if not probable, thought.
That's why, I said "happily" to; remove that doubt but nice try; though!
Happily...... that's pretty funny.
When I'm king of the world, I'm officially going to change the word 'marriage' to: 'sucker bet'
There will be sucker bet planners. Sucker Bet magazines with brides on the cover.
Florists who specialize in sucker bets and sucker bet cakes.
Couples will travel to Niagara Falls and Pismo Beach to celebrate their sucker bet.
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EbonyDahlia wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »EbonyDahlia wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »EbonyDahlia wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »EbonyDahlia wrote: »dylans1789 wrote: »
This is an excuse for allowing someone to treat you like cr@p. 7 years ago, I was married, had a 10 acre property, several horses, a couple of kids, a great group of friends (small country town), a financial dependency on my husband. Don't think for a second it didn't break my heart to sell my horses, move away from my friends, support myself financially (alimony is not a thing in Australia) and parent my children. But it was not impossible. The fear of doing it was the worst. Doing it was easy. Today, 7 years on I am in a relationship where I'm not lonely and depressed. My OH is my best friend. I'm happy (as happy as a parent of teens can be). I no longer have to feed the self loathing with food. It wasn't me, it was him.
My dad said to me when I was little, you only get one life - it's up to you what you make of it. This has stuck with me. Be bold, do the hard thing - or wake up one day when you're 70 and realise you wasted your life being miserable.
Not everyone has, resources to sell! Horses're expensive to buy so, you obviously left with; a good chunk of change!
Yep. And don't forget the 10 acre property.
I didn't but I am not, sure whom; got that or if, it was sold & the, profits split but since she did indicate that she sold "my" horses she, most likely herself pocketed all of those profits since; the horses were solely hers!
Aren't we a nasty judgemental lot? Ever heard of debt? Mortgage? Money borrowed on the house to start up my husband's business? The horses were sold off over a period of months, and they were not elite show horses, just average trail riding horses, not worth a heap of money at all.
Then what was the, point of staying long enough to; sell them? Also I am unable to judge/question someone's life if, they don't make it; public knowledge!
No, you assumed. And the horses were sold after I left - I did not receive any money for them at the time. Again you assumed. I in fact left everything I cared about, my whole life, to escape a controlling relationship and become me again. I did so with no resources other than my own determination and willingness to change things.
The ONLY reason I posted my story was to let you know that you are not alone, and that even though it's hard there are options, and you do have control over your life. The only intention I had was to give you some encouragement and support and maybe something to think about so that you are not stuck in a miserable situation for the rest of your life.
If all you can do in return is be nasty and judgemental towards me then fine. I wish you a long and happy life.
Yes I, made assumptions but you, did also! You assume that if, there's a will there's always; a way & that; simply's untrue!
An analogy:
2 men were, shot in the head within; the same area. 1 survives, the other; dies. The 1 whom died was, happily married, had 2 children, a great career & friends. While the 1 whom, survived was; homeless & recently attempted suicide. Would you, be suggesting that; it wasn't fate but rather that the successful man didn't have, enough of a will to live as; the homeless man did to survive & therefore it's the, deceased man's fault for; not surviving because a homeless man with, nothing to live for survived the; same injury? Sometimes just because there's a will, doesn't mean there's always a way to; achieve something & it doesn't mean that, it's our fault if; we're unable to!
Um ... lol OK. I don't think you've been shot in the head. I do think that you have choices, as does everyone. That's not an assumption, or a judgement, it's a fact. Choices might not be easy, and you might have to give up something to get something else, but they are choices nonetheless. If you feel that staying in your current situation is your best choice, then do it. It's not for me to say. But like I said, sharing my situation was merely intended to make you think about options. Leaving was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. It was scary and difficult and harder maybe than staying. But it was worth it. There are two types of people in this world, those who things happen to, and those who make things happen.
It was, as an; analogy lol! Also I am not, in that; situation myself & choices, guarantee nothing; favorable'll result! Some women make it, out of their front doors only to; be hunted & executed by, their ex's somewhere; else!0 -
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Kasner1975 wrote: »
Just going to go ahead and leave this here for whoever needs it.....
Considering that, you resurrected a; ½ day old thread!
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I'm thinking your happiness is too important to allow the toxic relationship, to ruin your life. Just saying. Cant be there for others if your not there for yourself0
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wanna_be_free wrote: »so ive been with my partner for coming upto 13 years..since i was 16. 2 kids and multiple mental health problems later ive put lots of weight on which im slowly loosing.today he came into the kitchen to me, looked at me with disgust and actually said 'just look at the state of you' which susprisingly didnt hurt... ive lost most of my feeling for him due to being spoken to like a piece of poo and him constantly trying to get with other woman..
anyhoo just wanted to rant a bit.. i can do this.. i will become the healthy sexy person i once was and give him a big fat pie in the face
This is a truly sad situation that many woman find themselves in taking the leap of leaving needs support for you to wither the storms ahead reach out to family and friends don't hide his behavior due to embarrassment let his demons be transparent he is not your fault confide in people you care about and they will come to your aid in the best way that they can0 -
Just being honest here. If things are like that, you don't need him. You can do better without him and become alot more healthier mental and emotional wise without hearing that negative crap! Just think, he says things like that to you, what will he say to your kids if they gained some weight? I believe you would be happier and healthier without all that negative crap and show him what you are really about girl! You got this girl!!!!0
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Ever wonder why we condemn other countries for their spousal abuse yet I wonder what the statistics are her in the USA?0
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Kasner1975 wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »Kasner1975 wrote: »
Just going to go ahead and leave this here for whoever needs it.....
Considering that, you resurrected a; ½ day old thread!
You spent longer than that arguing the same irrelevant point to death.
My points were, valid & that's what, matters!0 -
I hope at some point you have the confidence to know that you and the kids deserve better and are able to separate from him. You don't deserve to be treated that way and your children don't need to grow up thinking it is ok to be treated that way or to treat others that way.1
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MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »Carbkiller1970 wrote: »Ever wonder why we condemn other countries for their spousal abuse yet I wonder what the statistics are her in the USA?
I'm not sure I understand the point you're making. Are you saying we condemn other countries for spousal abuse while allowing it to happen here? Or we condemn it in other countries when it's just as bad here? I can't tell what connection you're making
I just mean we are no better0 -
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MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »Carbkiller1970 wrote: »MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »Carbkiller1970 wrote: »Ever wonder why we condemn other countries for their spousal abuse yet I wonder what the statistics are her in the USA?
I'm not sure I understand the point you're making. Are you saying we condemn other countries for spousal abuse while allowing it to happen here? Or we condemn it in other countries when it's just as bad here? I can't tell what connection you're making
I just mean we are no better
Ah I see. I think as a country we're definitely better. There are help-lines, shelters, therapists, etc. where as somewhere like Saudi Arabia rape isn't even illegal.
True at least we have some decent resources0 -
MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »Carbkiller1970 wrote: »MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »Carbkiller1970 wrote: »Ever wonder why we condemn other countries for their spousal abuse yet I wonder what the statistics are her in the USA?
I'm not sure I understand the point you're making. Are you saying we condemn other countries for spousal abuse while allowing it to happen here? Or we condemn it in other countries when it's just as bad here? I can't tell what connection you're making
I just mean we are no better
Ah I see. I think as a country we're definitely better. There are help-lines, shelters, therapists, etc. where as somewhere like Saudi Arabia rape isn't even illegal.
Unfortunately it took the US until, 1993 for marital rape to; become illegal nationwide!0 -
DeficitDuchess wrote: »MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »Carbkiller1970 wrote: »MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »Carbkiller1970 wrote: »Ever wonder why we condemn other countries for their spousal abuse yet I wonder what the statistics are her in the USA?
I'm not sure I understand the point you're making. Are you saying we condemn other countries for spousal abuse while allowing it to happen here? Or we condemn it in other countries when it's just as bad here? I can't tell what connection you're making
I just mean we are no better
Ah I see. I think as a country we're definitely better. There are help-lines, shelters, therapists, etc. where as somewhere like Saudi Arabia rape isn't even illegal.
Unfortunately it took the US until, 1993 for marital rape to; become illegal nationwide!
Really??? Wow didn't know that. In some areas we are really not that far ahead of some so called third world countries0 -
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MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »Carbkiller1970 wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »Carbkiller1970 wrote: »MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »Carbkiller1970 wrote: »Ever wonder why we condemn other countries for their spousal abuse yet I wonder what the statistics are her in the USA?
I'm not sure I understand the point you're making. Are you saying we condemn other countries for spousal abuse while allowing it to happen here? Or we condemn it in other countries when it's just as bad here? I can't tell what connection you're making
I just mean we are no better
Ah I see. I think as a country we're definitely better. There are help-lines, shelters, therapists, etc. where as somewhere like Saudi Arabia rape isn't even illegal.
Unfortunately it took the US until, 1993 for marital rape to; become illegal nationwide!
Really??? Wow didn't know that. In some areas we are really not that far ahead of some so called third world countries
Are you kidding me? We are SO far ahead of those countries, some still perform female castration for example. If you really think that as a First World citizen you have it only just a little bit better than someone living in the Congo you need to get out more.
I stated in some areas. Not in general0 -
MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »Carbkiller1970 wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »Carbkiller1970 wrote: »MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »Carbkiller1970 wrote: »Ever wonder why we condemn other countries for their spousal abuse yet I wonder what the statistics are her in the USA?
I'm not sure I understand the point you're making. Are you saying we condemn other countries for spousal abuse while allowing it to happen here? Or we condemn it in other countries when it's just as bad here? I can't tell what connection you're making
I just mean we are no better
Ah I see. I think as a country we're definitely better. There are help-lines, shelters, therapists, etc. where as somewhere like Saudi Arabia rape isn't even illegal.
Unfortunately it took the US until, 1993 for marital rape to; become illegal nationwide!
Really??? Wow didn't know that. In some areas we are really not that far ahead of some so called third world countries
Are you kidding me? We are SO far ahead of those countries, some still perform female castration for example. If you really think that as a First World citizen you have it only just a little bit better than someone living in the Congo you need to get out more.
The outrage for me's that, these atrocities just shouldn't have; ever occurred at all! Regardless of, whom/where has it; worse currently!0 -
DeficitDuchess wrote: »MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »Carbkiller1970 wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »Carbkiller1970 wrote: »MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »Carbkiller1970 wrote: »Ever wonder why we condemn other countries for their spousal abuse yet I wonder what the statistics are her in the USA?
I'm not sure I understand the point you're making. Are you saying we condemn other countries for spousal abuse while allowing it to happen here? Or we condemn it in other countries when it's just as bad here? I can't tell what connection you're making
I just mean we are no better
Ah I see. I think as a country we're definitely better. There are help-lines, shelters, therapists, etc. where as somewhere like Saudi Arabia rape isn't even illegal.
Unfortunately it took the US until, 1993 for marital rape to; become illegal nationwide!
Really??? Wow didn't know that. In some areas we are really not that far ahead of some so called third world countries
Are you kidding me? We are SO far ahead of those countries, some still perform female castration for example. If you really think that as a First World citizen you have it only just a little bit better than someone living in the Congo you need to get out more.
The outrage for me's that, these atrocities just shouldn't have; ever occurred at all! Regardless of, whom/where has it; worse currently!
Agreed !education is a wonderful thing0 -
You may need to start saving, get educated, getting a job and getting out of there when you are ready. At this time there doesn't appear to be a rush.0
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My daughter has been in a relationship like that. 10 years. 2 kids. We have helped a lot. Finally got her and kids out from under his financial control and into a place of their own. She started working at Walmart for $12 hr and hardly needs any help now. We babysit the grandkids full time but we love that. He is such a piece of crap that he hardly ever sees the kids and hasn't given her one dime. He is required to but it isn't enforced. She is so much happier now than she has ever been. Also dating a really nice guy too! Life is too short to waste time not living. Get your kids into a better situation! You will never regret that. Good luck!
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Best way to fix this: good bye.0
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My ex was verbal at first. Then, we were not allowed outside of the back room of the house because he paid more of the rent and utilities. Finally, he became physical in front of the kids after I enrolled in school. I had to finish a programming class with a broken nose.
Kiddos should never have to see the ones they love get hurt by the other. Verbal and emotional abuse is just wrong. He sees the change/improvement and it threatens his sense of control over you.
You are not an object to be owned, and your children are not meant to be silent pawns watching as one parent grinds the other down. We silently teach them how to treat others as well as how we should be treated with our relationships.
Stay strong, and try to reach out to support groups. I agree, life is too short to be treated like that.
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