Friends suddenly unsupportive after losing a lot of weight?

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  • Okohme
    Okohme Posts: 152 Member
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    People can be real weird about other people changing their lives. You've worked very hard to make some great changes and become healthier and happier and that's what matters. You mentioned that the new you is good for you mentally, and is certainly healthier, try to remember that when people are getting down on you. Also, for what its worth, what he said sounds strange. If he is genuinely concerned its an odd and not particularly effective way to express it. If it is something other than actual concern, jealousy, maybe just feeling like he doesn't know where he fit in in your life now. People can become insecure when people close to them make big changes.
  • lthames0810
    lthames0810 Posts: 722 Member
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    I think the truly well meaning may be reacting to the changes they see in our faces when we lose a considerable amount of weight. The cheek bones, jawline, even the eyes. The changes can be even more pronounced on an older person.
  • fubarfornow
    fubarfornow Posts: 40 Member
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    People have so many different reasons for doing what they do. Some are genuinely concerned, some are threatened, some are a combination of both, and some are something else completely. I know folks who get a little panicky when they see someone lose a lot of weight rapidly, because it reminds them of what happened to a loved one when they got sick (and lost the weight unintentionally). I know other people who have dealt with people who were truly anorexic, and who dieted themselves to death, or if they didn't go that far, they became so obsessed with their control over food that they thought about nothing else. I guess what I am trying to say is that people's motives aren't always foul, so it may be worth giving them the benefit of the doubt, but that does not mean you should put up with their bad behavior, or let them make you doubt yourself.
  • Adventuretown
    Adventuretown Posts: 120 Member
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    Quasita wrote: »

    sometimes people find comfort in not being "the fattest person in the room" so when they see others making progress, ones that they saw in a way like "at least I'm not as big as XYZ," it becomes a threat and an alarm to their shaky self-worth.

    Transitioning from a weight perspective can be rough on everyone involved, and rouse up insecurities that people either didn't know they had or were actively denying.


    YES! This is totally true. Hits the nail on the head, I think, with this friend's comments, and the attitudes of many I've come across (work, mostly) with negative feedback..
  • Adventuretown
    Adventuretown Posts: 120 Member
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    lthames0810 wrote: »
    I think the truly well meaning may be reacting to the changes they see in our faces when we lose a considerable amount of weight. The cheek bones, jawline, even the eyes. The changes can be even more pronounced on an older person.

    I'm definitely not "old" (not quite 32!), but if anything, weight loss has really showed in my face--- and revealed so many wrinkles that were once filled with fat. hahaha. Darn it!
  • JaydedMiss
    JaydedMiss Posts: 4,286 Member
    edited March 2017
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    we had similar stats i started at 232 5 ft 3 im down to 142 (90 down) in past 11 months almost. people have been concerned the entire time besides the only 3 people who matter, Me, My boyfriend and my doctor. Aslong as we stay happy and healthy fk the rest

    our success just highlights their failures, Note the people critisizing are likely not fellow health nuts

    we cant possibly succeed unless its a terrible eating disorder, right ;) ?
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,874 Member
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    If it's someone who hasn't seen you in awhile, the change can be fairly dramatic. Beyond that, much of our society is used to looking at fat and really have about zero clue what a healthy BF% looks like.

    Honestly, in 4.5 years I've basically lost a couple of long time friends...not so much for this reason, but because a lot of my priorities and the way I was living life changed. It happens...people don't like change. The good news is that over the years I have increased the number of people in my life who are more fitness oriented and have more in common with these days.
  • JaydedMiss
    JaydedMiss Posts: 4,286 Member
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    Tacklewasher wrote: »
    JaydedMiss wrote: »
    we had similar stats i started at 232 5 ft 3 im down to 142 (90 down) in past 11 months almost. people have been concerned the entire time besides the only 3 people who matter, Me, My boyfriend and my doctor. Aslong as we stay happy and healthy fk the rest

    our success just highlights their failures, Note the people critisizing are likely not fellow health nuts

    we cant possibly succeed unless its a terrible eating disorder, right ;) ?

    C'mon. Tell us more about your aunt :)

    LOL iv actively avoided her past 3 weeks now so i have nothing new to share XD
  • RuNaRoUnDaFiEld
    RuNaRoUnDaFiEld Posts: 5,864 Member
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    I once had an obese nurse tell me to go eat a pizza.

    Not a friend who was concerned, just the normal practice nurse.

  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 32,166 Member
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    Seconding the themes above that people stop commenting after they get used to the new look, that they're not used to seeing you thinner so it looks all wrong to them, that our culture doesn't give us many models for healthy body weight (mostly just overweight regular people and celebrities who're portrayed as diet/fitness crazy or obsessive), that folks have seen others lose quickly via illness & worry, that loose skin (especially face) can make us look a little scary temporarily until it shrinks back, etc.

    Also, a factor is that relatively few people (percent of population-wise) go through this kind of steady, successful weight loss, so folks aren't used to seeing that process happen, either. At least in my world, it's slightly more common to see big losses for bad reasons, like a disease or high-stress life problems.

    By & large, when I got the "too skinny" line from people while losing, I went with "My doctor is happy with my course, and so am I", and left it at that.

    I didn't get any crazy-inappropriate comments like that one from your male FB "friend", though. If I had, I probably would've ripped him a new one . . . metaphorically only, of course. ;)
  • amyepdx
    amyepdx Posts: 750 Member
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    tapwaters wrote: »
    My favorite that I've gotten: when you talk about your weight loss (always only after being asked) you make me feel bad about myself. She then went on to say that my success actively hurts her feelings and that I make her feel fat -- just because I've successfully lost weight.

    OMG that's horrible!
  • thebestyear2017
    thebestyear2017 Posts: 36 Member
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    I (never again!) showed a friend my before and current body photos - which I keep on my phone to keep me motivated. She said the differences between the two were "probably down to lighting - you look the same to me"!
  • hookandy
    hookandy Posts: 278 Member
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    Interesting thread, I have not suffered the issues here and have just received the first comment from a co-worker that noticed I had lost weight. (Only 20lb down)

    Wonder if when I lose the next twenty these comments will turn from a good thing and a boost to motivation to a negative comment that is demotivating.....?
  • rainbow198
    rainbow198 Posts: 2,245 Member
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    With some people the comments just don't stop...even after years of maintenance. In my case I know some people are shocked that I have kept my 80+ pounds off for so long.

    I keep my health, nutrition and fitness chats to my MFP buddies, so I'm not sure if it's jealously or what, but it's annoying. I just change the subject or ignore, ignore, ignore.
    jenkofb wrote: »
    Be careful of camera angles. Those downward angled shots posted often on FB really CAN take 20+lbs off a person - and I know because I'm a professional photographer. At 5'3" and 170, you are obviously not a skeleton, so I'd just ignore the comment and become a bit more mindful of camera angles, trying to capture the most realistic ones -- which are placing the camera at about shoulder height and straight on. People often don't do that because they see it as unflattering, when really, it's just the most honest.

    I wasn't aware of this. Thanks for posting.

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