Forgetting his face.

_Pseudonymous_

This may seem silly, but I lost my best friend in 1997, right before starting 5th grade. I spent the night at her house that weekend, shortly after leaving her house she was hit by a car, went into a come and died. That was almost 16 years ago and I still remember her voice, her face, pretending to be spice girls (she was sporty spice and I was baby spice). Even though she wasn't technically family she felt like a sister. I still think about her and wonder what she would be doing right now if she hadn't died so young. What kind of woman she would have become.

There are little things that trigger memories for me. Hearing her name, or a voice that sounds like hers. Sometimes I find myself catching a whiff of a scent that will bring me back to her house. They say scent is the strongest trigger for memory? Maybe find a scent that you associate with that person?

I am so sorry for your loss but I hope that the posts you find in this thread will help ease your pain and bring you comfort.

nomeejerome

The grief process is a weird thing and there is no time limit on it. Everybody experiences the process in different ways and will experience various emotions. Our bodies are amazing machines that will do mind blowing things to protect us.

OP: i wish there was something I could say to make it better for you. Death just sucks. Period. I really hope you find a way to heal and take however long you need to feel better.... :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

irishscootz

This is remembering. Talking about the moments that you remember, and sharing your story. These are the moments that bring about healing. I don't think that we will ever forget those that we lose, we can't. Continue to share, and embrace it!

Lutah7

I really needed to hear a lot of this. Thank you. 4th of July was incredibly hard, only 2 weeks after his body was returned home and the military ceremony and then private burial. At a parade, it seemed I was inundated with the harshest comments. Maybe there is something wrong with me that those are the only ones I overheard. One young woman saying, "Servicemen deserve to die for being in someone else's country, this is a crock of ****." One remark, "I wonder if we shoot fireworks near the vets, if they will flip out." followed by laughter. I was just dumbfounded. I left the parade, I just couldn't stay. Since then I kind of hid in my house feeding my anger and bitterness. I'm ashamed that it took me so long to do something pro-active instead of pathetic. I guess in a way MFP has kind of become my little safety zone. I can be alone and cry and still type. I am sorry for the whining. I hate whining... and yes, I realize that I have sunken into it. This is my journey out of that hole I guess. It's kind of like having a bad wound on your arm that you cover up and dont look at in the foolish hopes that it will magically disappear. It never does. But finally there's a scab over it and it seems like all is well. But the infection is still there.... and the only real way to deal with it is #1 cut the arm off, or #2 rip the scab off and dig out all the infection. Painful, gross, yucky to look at.... and I will try not to bring it out in the open anymore.

I guess I said all that rambling to say, "thank you." For all the input and things to think about.

shimmer615

I lost my dad 1.5 years ago. He was 55. While I can still remember him well, I have a hard time talking to my young sons (ages 6 and 2) about him, because it is still a really painful loss. The one thing that I have found that I can connect them with (and myself), is music. My dad loved music. All of the classic stuff - Chicago, Boston, Journey, the Beatles, Eric Clapton - and my boys have a love of that now too. I can say "you know what, this is a song that your grandpa liked a lot" and my oldest starts rocking out to it. I also feel like it's a sign when I'm listening to Pandora, and out of all of the songs on the station that I chose, one of the songs that I chose for his funeral comes on. I feel like he's saying hello to me.

I feel that the more I talk about him with people who loved and knew him, and the more I think about him - the easier it is to remember him. I remember his cheesy grin, how his voice sounded when he talked to my oldest son. If I'm having a really rough day, I send him a message on his facebook page.

I hope that this helps you. The pain is very real, and it sounds cliche, but it does get better very slowly over time.

Ely82010

I am sorry that on top of dealing with the burial of your husband, you had to hear nasty remarks from very nasty people. That must it hurt so much, that I can't imagine how you were able to deal with it. Shame on those members of the human race for becoming so callous and insensitive; I don’t understand people like that, I really don’t.

Stay strong, believe in yourself, and keep the memories of your husband in a very special place in your heart. It will be your comfort for years to come.

micheleb15

So sorry for your loss.

nomeejerome

I really needed to hear a lot of this. Thank you. 4th of July was incredibly hard, only 2 weeks after his body was returned home and the military ceremony and then private burial. At a parade, it seemed I was inundated with the harshest comments. Maybe there is something wrong with me that those are the only ones I overheard. One young woman saying, "Servicemen deserve to die for being in someone else's country, this is a crock of ****." One remark, "I wonder if we shoot fireworks near the vets, if they will flip out." followed by laughter. I was just dumbfounded. I left the parade, I just couldn't stay. Since then I kind of hid in my house feeding my anger and bitterness. I'm ashamed that it took me so long to do something pro-active instead of pathetic. I guess in a way MFP has kind of become my little safety zone. I can be alone and cry and still type. I am sorry for the whining. I hate whining... and yes, I realize that I have sunken into it. This is my journey out of that hole I guess. It's kind of like having a bad wound on your arm that you cover up and dont look at in the foolish hopes that it will magically disappear. It never does. But finally there's a scab over it and it seems like all is well. But the infection is still there.... and the only real way to deal with it is #1 cut the arm off, or #2 rip the scab off and dig out all the infection. Painful, gross, yucky to look at.... and I will try not to bring it out in the open anymore.

I guess I said all that rambling to say, "thank you." For all the input and things to think about.

You know....people can be real ***holes sometimes and that sucks that you had to hear it. Take your time with this process. Cry when you want. Smile when you want. Cry again if you want to.......it is ok to do those things and it is ok to cry. :flowerforyou:

EmmaOnTrack

I also feel like it's a sign when I'm listening to Pandora, and out of all of the songs on the station that I chose, one of the songs that I chose for his funeral comes on. I feel like he's saying hello to me.

I feel exactly this when "Shine on you Crazy Diamond" or "Wish you were here" by Pink Floyd comes on. 11 years after my beloved Dad died I now take a moment to say hello back and thank him for popping in when these songs interrupt my busy life. I played Shine On at his funeral, loud.

Lutah7

I guess I can't post a pic here. A couple people have asked. I put a pic of Marcus in my profile.

As for "them protecting themselves" ..... Marcus' unit was protecting a village..... They would ask for little sample acks of gum and starburst candies to give to the kids there. ....

Iron_Lotus

I lost my husband 8 years ago and I struggle to remember what he sounded like. I remember what he looked like but it is slowly starting to fade. I look at pictures and of course talk about him with the kids. Hopefully I will be able to convert some of the old videos with the kids as babies and I will get to see and hear him again, but honestly I don't really think I could handle it and I don't want to offend my current husband.

forgtmenot

My dad died 13 years ago today. If I think really hard I can remember his voice, the cologne he used to wear, his face, everything about him. I try to think about him a lot and I have a picture up of him in my house that I look at all the time. It really helps a lot. I understand how you feel though. I sometimes worry I will forget certain things about him too.

jkal1979

For me it helped having a small memory box with pictures, mementos and a few other things in it. Pulling it out and just looking at what was in there helped with the healing and also helped with keeping the memory of my husband. I'm in a different place in my life now but I still pull it out every now and then.

Lutah7

Is there anyway to close this or delete this? I just feel like I created an issue that I didn't mean to create drama or hurt and I would like to just delete this is there any way to do that?? Is there anyway I can talk to a moderator? ..... Thank you all for responding. I'm not sure quite what happened with that one reasons posts. I did NOT mean to create some set of political uproar. For anyone I hurt, please forgive me ...... Not sure what to do!

jkal1979

Is there anyway to close this or delete this? I just feel like I created an issue that I didn't mean to create drama or hurt and I would like to just delete this is there any way to do that?? Is there anyway I can talk to a moderator? ..... Thank you all for responding. I'm not sure quite what happened with that one reasons posts. I did NOT mean to create some set of political uproar. For anyone I hurt, please forgive me ...... Not sure what to do!

No need to feel bad or apologize for starting this topic. I don't see where anyone is hurt from this topic or where there is drama. I can't speak for everyone, but I replied because I know what it's like to lose a spouse and how important it is to be able to talk about it or asking how to deal with certain things. It's part of the healing process.

CeddysMum

Is there anyway to close this or delete this? I just feel like I created an issue that I didn't mean to create drama or hurt and I would like to just delete this is there any way to do that?? Is there anyway I can talk to a moderator? ..... Thank you all for responding. I'm not sure quite what happened with that one reasons posts. I did NOT mean to create some set of political uproar. For anyone I hurt, please forgive me ...... Not sure what to do!

This is all just still so fresh for you and I am so sorry you had to deal with those hurtful remarks on top of it!
Please don't feel bad about posting this topic! I haven't seen any drama or anything wrong in you posting this!!!

Everyone is different and everyone grieves in different ways whichever way you need to deal with your grieve is OK. Reaching out for support is GOOD

Please just accept the support offered here and don't feel guilty for reaching out!

((((many Hugs))))