How do I stay focused on myself and motivated when I think my husband is cheating on me?

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  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
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    that is more reason to take care of yourself, you may have to show him how strong you are and how good you look and you don't need him!
  • animatorswearbras
    animatorswearbras Posts: 1,001 Member
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    Go to couples counseling I'm guessing you don't know for sure but whatever is happening you don't trust your husband and you can't carry on your relationship this way. Take care x
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
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    lthames0810 wrote: »
    I know first hand what this is like and I never saw it coming. I was literally sick with grief. I couldn't keep food down and lost weight at a dangerous rate. I didn't know that one could actually die from a broken heart. My family had to intervene.

    OP, in my opinion this is not a time to demand discipline of yourself, but rather to do some hard thinking, resolve the uncertainty and figure out how best to care for yourself and your interests.

    You were lucky to have a good family. I went thru this and my Mom and Dad had dinner with them, had them up for Christmas, told me I needed to find someone to make me happy like he has. He had been in love with her since he was little. They were very self centered and could care less about me. Mom is 90 years old and wants me to wait on her, it is hard, I do some trying to be a good person but she gets meaner and meaner. Dad died 2 years ago but he just went along with her. Terrible time in my life. Later I found a good husband. Life got better but it is terrible not having family support. Not everyone has it.
  • liftorgohome
    liftorgohome Posts: 25,455 Member
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    Keep focused on your fitness goals and maybe go to the gym together and ask him for advice. Men love that. Also make more time for just you two.
  • annobrien978
    annobrien978 Posts: 16 Member
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    If you think he is cheating confront him dont ignore it
  • gcibsthom
    gcibsthom Posts: 30,137 Member
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    hubbardcasey28 wrote: »
    I was doing great with my dieting and fitness routine but over the past few months my husband has been going to the gym and working out, I was super excited that he was getting into it with me...BUT now a culmination of things together make it seem like he's cheating on me, so we've been fighting a lot....it's destroying me and I feel like I'm slipping back into to bad eating habits and being tired all of the time . Has anybody else had to deal with these issues affecting their workouts and diet?

    Now is the perfect time to be focused on you....working out at the gym, or other exercise will help you burn off frustration, anxiety, and worry as well as calories....when I found out my first wife was cheating, I went from a couch potato slob to a marathon running...running kept me sane and focused and helped me deal better with the issues at hand, which was our son. Keeping your body in shape helps keep your mind in shape as well. Yes, be direct with him, confront him and find out what is going on....get counseling, or do whatever you need to do, but don't lose that focus on healthy body/healthy mind....
  • cyranda63
    cyranda63 Posts: 614 Member
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    hubbardcasey28 wrote: »
    I was doing great with my dieting and fitness routine but over the past few months my husband has been going to the gym and working out, I was super excited that he was getting into it with me...BUT now a culmination of things together make it seem like he's cheating on me, so we've been fighting a lot....it's destroying me and I feel like I'm slipping back into to bad eating habits and being tired all of the time . Has anybody else had to deal with these issues affecting their workouts and diet?

    You have to ask yourself if you could live with someone who has cheated on you and then you have to ask him if he is cheating. If so, you either work it out or you end it.
    He could be insecure about the possibility of losing you and therefore getting into fit to bolster those insecurities. Are you fighting because you are accusing him of cheating?
    I was shocked when my husband told me we drifted apart, I was so unaware but I knew I couldn't live with someone who cheated on me so it took overnight to ask him to leave. The weight dropped off at an alarming rate, I can't imagine that type of stress making me eat.
    You truly need to find out for certain and if he says he is not cheating and you don't believe him then you have to question why you don't believe him. Trust issues are a sign of an unhealthy relationship too. Bless you.

  • shans34
    shans34 Posts: 535 Member
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    I found out my long time boyfriend (who I live with and have a child with) had an online affair. It was brutal! Yes it's painful. I used the hate, anger, lack of trust, sadness to fuel me. Now we chose to work things out, but the emotions that come with it are real. I took a long look at myself to try and see what he sees. It was awful. I used that to push myself to improve in many ways. Eating, weight loss and health were a huge part of that list.
    I know how you feel. I know the pain. You can push through regardless and be the person you are meant to be!
  • crushingitdaily12345
    crushingitdaily12345 Posts: 577 Member
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    People cheat for a variety of reasons. You can stay or leave. You should only stay if you are both committed, and focused on being together.
  • hubbardcasey28
    hubbardcasey28 Posts: 30 Member
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    Geocitiesuser wrote: »
    To put into perspective.... If a family member dies, if you lose your home, if you get diagnosed with cancer, if there is war and your neighbors are dead, all of these things... Horrible things... Happen. But you still need to not over eat.

    Unfortunately this thread will generate a lot of negativity towards your hubby, but he is not here to defend himself nor are you even sure if he is cheating. Couples fight...

    You're right couples do fight...I should know I've been with him for 21 yrs and have 2 teenage children
  • hubbardcasey28
    hubbardcasey28 Posts: 30 Member
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    competecompetecompete wrote: »
    Geocitiesuser wrote: »
    To put into perspective.... If a family member dies, if you lose your home, if you get diagnosed with cancer, if there is war and your neighbors are dead, all of these things... Horrible things... Happen. But you still need to not over eat.

    Unfortunately this thread will generate a lot of negativity towards your hubby, but he is not here to defend himself nor are you even sure if he is cheating. Couples fight...

    Women have this thing called "a woman's intuition". Usually it's right on

  • hubbardcasey28
    hubbardcasey28 Posts: 30 Member
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    You are spot on and I was, but still wasn't searching for negativity towards my husband but while a woman's intuition can be spot on...it's all consuming and that's what got me...I was my own worst enemy because of the frame of mind I was in
  • hubbardcasey28
    hubbardcasey28 Posts: 30 Member
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    cyranda63 wrote: »
    hubbardcasey28 wrote: »
    I was doing great with my dieting and fitness routine but over the past few months my husband has been going to the gym and working out, I was super excited that he was getting into it with me...BUT now a culmination of things together make it seem like he's cheating on me, so we've been fighting a lot....it's destroying me and I feel like I'm slipping back into to bad eating habits and being tired all of the time . Has anybody else had to deal with these issues affecting their workouts and diet?

    You have to ask yourself if you could live with someone who has cheated on you and then you have to ask him if he is cheating. If so, you either work it out or you end it.
    He could be insecure about the possibility of losing you and therefore getting into fit to bolster those insecurities. Are you fighting because you are accusing him of cheating?
    I was shocked when my husband told me we drifted apart, I was so unaware but I knew I couldn't live with someone who cheated on me so it took overnight to ask him to leave. The weight dropped off at an alarming rate, I can't imagine that type of stress making me eat.
    You truly need to find out for certain and if he says he is not cheating and you don't believe him then you have to question why you don't believe him. Trust issues are a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
  • hubbardcasey28
    hubbardcasey28 Posts: 30 Member
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    I got confirmation of that this weekend...and honestly I wasn't accusing him . I've actually been trying to be be very understanding I actually thought he was going through a midlife crisis because he bought a motorcycle and has been drinking very heavily when he's never been a drinker his whole life . So he didn't come home a few nights and told me that he got drunk at different locations and passed out there I tried to talk to him about it and he said it was just something he was going through, and honestly my main concern was him drinking and being on that bike..it wasn't until a few weeks ago that started to think maybe this wasn't what I thought it was all along and ...Have you ever been so mad at someone but when you finally see them your just so glad they are alive you can't even be mad, that was more what it was like for me when he would come home. I know for sure now, but what I was saying is that all of this stuff just threw my routine to crap I would be so upset during the day wondering what I had done wrong that I would go all day without eating and then at night I was so happy just for him to be nice to me that's when I would eat...so I go all day without eating and then make up for that at night when I wasnt able to burn it off
  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,874 Member
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    hubbardcasey28 wrote: »
    You are spot on and I was, but still wasn't searching for negativity towards my husband but while a woman's intuition can be spot on...it's all consuming and that's what got me...I was my own worst enemy because of the frame of mind I was in

    See a therapist. Doesn't need to be with him. Go on your own. Whether or not he's cheating, sounds like you have some soul searching to do and someone to help you sort through your feelings will be invaluable. Good luck.
  • daneejela
    daneejela Posts: 461 Member
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    Gut feelings could be right and wrong...but in any case, the harder situation you are going through - the harder you should take care of yourself!
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
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    hubbardcasey28 wrote: »
    I got confirmation of that this weekend...and honestly I wasn't accusing him . I've actually been trying to be be very understanding I actually thought he was going through a midlife crisis because he bought a motorcycle and has been drinking very heavily when he's never been a drinker his whole life . So he didn't come home a few nights and told me that he got drunk at different locations and passed out there I tried to talk to him about it and he said it was just something he was going through, and honestly my main concern was him drinking and being on that bike..it wasn't until a few weeks ago that started to think maybe this wasn't what I thought it was all along and ...Have you ever been so mad at someone but when you finally see them your just so glad they are alive you can't even be mad, that was more what it was like for me when he would come home. I know for sure now, but what I was saying is that all of this stuff just threw my routine to crap I would be so upset during the day wondering what I had done wrong that I would go all day without eating and then at night I was so happy just for him to be nice to me that's when I would eat...so I go all day without eating and then make up for that at night when I wasnt able to burn it off

    You Deserve Better Than This! This reminds me when I was young and my husband stayed out nights and drank and I was crazy enough over him to live like this. He died a few weeks ago and he drank off and on with his wife and thank goodness I didn't have to put up with it. He didn't change. Glad I got out. I found someone who I am with now 25 years later and it was a good choice.
  • liftorgohome
    liftorgohome Posts: 25,455 Member
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    Any updates? Did you find out if he was cheating on you?
  • Katiebear_81
    Katiebear_81 Posts: 719 Member
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    hubbardcasey28 wrote: »
    I got confirmation of that this weekend...and honestly I wasn't accusing him . I've actually been trying to be be very understanding I actually thought he was going through a midlife crisis because he bought a motorcycle and has been drinking very heavily when he's never been a drinker his whole life . So he didn't come home a few nights and told me that he got drunk at different locations and passed out there I tried to talk to him about it and he said it was just something he was going through, and honestly my main concern was him drinking and being on that bike..it wasn't until a few weeks ago that started to think maybe this wasn't what I thought it was all along and ...Have you ever been so mad at someone but when you finally see them your just so glad they are alive you can't even be mad, that was more what it was like for me when he would come home. I know for sure now, but what I was saying is that all of this stuff just threw my routine to crap I would be so upset during the day wondering what I had done wrong that I would go all day without eating and then at night I was so happy just for him to be nice to me that's when I would eat...so I go all day without eating and then make up for that at night when I wasnt able to burn it off

    Here's your truth for the day: He chose to cheat. It isn't your fault. It isn't your fault. It isn't your fault.

    I understand a lot of what you're thinking/going through, although not the full extent of it (while my other half has issues with drinking, etc. he hasn't stepped out on me that I know of). My advice is thus: You can only control yourself, your actions and reactions. Please see someone for therapy. Decide for yourself that you're going to eat healthy meals, and set the timer on your phone/watch if you need the reminder. Get some exercise away from the house - a walk, a bike ride, or go to the gym if you're able. Meet your friends for dinner or drinks. Take a class, if there's something you're interested in. Don't allow yourself to die in your hole of grief, regardless of whether you split up or stay together. Choose to step out of the hole and move forward. ::hugs::

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