Terrified of making the wrong decision

marelthu

I'm part of a program at my local hospital the ultimate goal of which is bariatric surgery. It can take 18 months or so to go through the program before surgery is an option. It's a terrific program. I have access to a nurse, a dietician and a psychologist. Since starting in January I've lost 33 pounds (I have another 40-50 to go).

The psychologist in particular has been hugely helpful to me. She's helped me changed my thinking about food, my relationship to it, how my childhood influenced my eating and how to forgive myself for mistakes and enjoy the odd treat. I feel like this has opened a whole new world of knowledge and understanding for me.

So here's the issue. Within the next month I'm going to have to tell them if I want surgery or not. If I don't want it, I'll be slowly eased out of the program. I'm starting to feel more and more like I don't want the surgery and that I can do this successfully on my own. But eight years ago when I was on WW I thought the same thing and gained back the 40 lbs I lost and then some. But back then I was ignorant about weight loss and didn't understand half the things I do now.

Let me be clear I have no issue with bariatric surgery. I know the people who have had it are grateful for it. It's not a quick fix as some might think. It takes as much effort and strength of will to lose weight and keep it off on bariatric surgery as it does through a non-surgical weight loss program.

I just feel like I don't want to go that route. It's invasive surgery and it changes your body chemistry. As I said, I know the vast majority of people who have had it are grateful for it and have adapted - and I'm sure I would too - but I feel like it isn't for me.

So now I have to make a choice. If I say I don't want the surgery and change my mind 6 months from now I'll have to start the program all over again. Also, I'm 56 years old and the cut off for the surgery is 65. I know that gives me a fair amount of time but I'd still lose a couple of years waiting again.

I guess what I'm looking for is someone to tell me it's ok to say "no, you don't need the surgery, you can do it on your own." I know that's ridiculous since you don't know me and it has to be my decision, but I'd appreciate any thoughts (constructive) that you might have.

ponycyndi

In general, if every part of you doesn't say, "I HAVE to do this!" Don't .

ponycyndi

And if someone says "don't do it", and all you think is "you're wrong" well, then, you have your answer.

allyphoe

You can do it, but it doesn't have to be on your own. Ask for a referral to a dietician and psychologist who can work with you on an ongoing basis.

LKArgh

marelthu wrote: »

I'm part of a program at my local hospital the ultimate goal of which is bariatric surgery. It can take 18 months or so to go through the program before surgery is an option. It's a terrific program. I have access to a nurse, a dietician and a psychologist. Since starting in January I've lost 33 pounds (I have another 40-50 to go).

The psychologist in particular has been hugely helpful to me. She's helped me changed my thinking about food, my relationship to it, how my childhood influenced my eating and how to forgive myself for mistakes and enjoy the odd treat. I feel like this has opened a whole new world of knowledge and understanding for me.

So here's the issue. Within the next month I'm going to have to tell them if I want surgery or not. If I don't want it, I'll be slowly eased out of the program. I'm starting to feel more and more like I don't want the surgery and that I can do this successfully on my own. But eight years ago when I was on WW I thought the same thing and gained back the 40 lbs I lost and then some. But back then I was ignorant about weight loss and didn't understand half the things I do now.

Let me be clear I have no issue with bariatric surgery. I know the people who have had it are grateful for it. It's not a quick fix as some might think. It takes as much effort and strength of will to lose weight and keep it off on bariatric surgery as it does through a non-surgical weight loss program.

I just feel like I don't want to go that route. It's invasive surgery and it changes your body chemistry. As I said, I know the vast majority of people who have had it are grateful for it and have adapted - and I'm sure I would too - but I feel like it isn't for me.

So now I have to make a choice. If I say I don't want the surgery and change my mind 6 months from now I'll have to start the program all over again. Also, I'm 56 years old and the cut off for the surgery is 65. I know that gives me a fair amount of time but I'd still lose a couple of years waiting again.

I guess what I'm looking for is someone to tell me it's ok to say "no, you don't need the surgery, you can do it on your own." I know that's ridiculous since you don't know me and it has to be my decision, but I'd appreciate any thoughts (constructive) that you might have.

How much weight do you still have to lose to get to the final goal? Are there medical reasons why this should happen as soon as possible? These are factors that would influence my decision

marelthu

ponycyndi wrote: »

In general, if every part of you doesn't say, "I HAVE to do this!" Don't .

That's a good way to think about it. If I'm going to have surgery I have to be all in with it.

marelthu

ponycyndi wrote: »

And if someone says "don't do it", and all you think is "you're wrong" well, then, you have your answer.

True!

marelthu

allyphoe wrote: »

You can do it, but it doesn't have to be on your own. Ask for a referral to a dietician and psychologist who can work with you on an ongoing basis.

Yes, that's a really good idea.

estherdragonbat

My father and sister have both had it. They've both lost weight and improved health, though some of it has come back in the years since. They're still thinner than they were pre-surgery and their health markers are better (Dad had Type 2 diabetes and high cholesterol and blood pressure. He doesn't anymore. My sister had other issues which have cleared up.) When I was 5'3" and 254 lbs, my dad started encouraging me to have it. I found MFP because I don't want it and because I developed some health issues that my obesity made worse.

My reasons for not having it:

1) I don't like the idea of elective surgery if there's a different option
2) I enjoy cooking and trying new recipes and cuisines. I've seen that my dad has had to cut certain foods out of his menu.
3) I'm a vegetarian. Google told me that if I have the surgery, beans and whole grains will be among the foods cut.

In six months, I've dropped nearly 54 lbs logging on MFP, eating less, and moving more. I guess, going by my family, yes... the surgery will help. But it is drastic, it will mean changes to your diet, and it may mean cutting out foods you consider basic staples. That depends on what you eat and what you can see yourself giving up longterm.

With MFP, while watching what I eat means that there are foods I have less often than I used to, I can still make them fit. The weight is coming off slowly but surely. It is definitely possible to do this on your own, but it takes effort and motivation. For me, bariatric surgery isn't a path I want to pursue. For two family members, it was and it worked. Just know that while the surgery will take the weight off quickly and improve your health markers overnight, keeping it off is still going to take effort.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

TavistockToad

Sounds like you are just setting yourself to have an excuse if you fail...

You have to do the work, you have to be 100% committed.

marelthu

aggelikik wrote: »

marelthu wrote: »

I'm part of a program at my local hospital the ultimate goal of which is bariatric surgery. It can take 18 months or so to go through the program before surgery is an option. It's a terrific program. I have access to a nurse, a dietician and a psychologist. Since starting in January I've lost 33 pounds (I have another 40-50 to go).

The psychologist in particular has been hugely helpful to me. She's helped me changed my thinking about food, my relationship to it, how my childhood influenced my eating and how to forgive myself for mistakes and enjoy the odd treat. I feel like this has opened a whole new world of knowledge and understanding for me.

So here's the issue. Within the next month I'm going to have to tell them if I want surgery or not. If I don't want it, I'll be slowly eased out of the program. I'm starting to feel more and more like I don't want the surgery and that I can do this successfully on my own. But eight years ago when I was on WW I thought the same thing and gained back the 40 lbs I lost and then some. But back then I was ignorant about weight loss and didn't understand half the things I do now.

Let me be clear I have no issue with bariatric surgery. I know the people who have had it are grateful for it. It's not a quick fix as some might think. It takes as much effort and strength of will to lose weight and keep it off on bariatric surgery as it does through a non-surgical weight loss program.

I just feel like I don't want to go that route. It's invasive surgery and it changes your body chemistry. As I said, I know the vast majority of people who have had it are grateful for it and have adapted - and I'm sure I would too - but I feel like it isn't for me.

So now I have to make a choice. If I say I don't want the surgery and change my mind 6 months from now I'll have to start the program all over again. Also, I'm 56 years old and the cut off for the surgery is 65. I know that gives me a fair amount of time but I'd still lose a couple of years waiting again.

I guess what I'm looking for is someone to tell me it's ok to say "no, you don't need the surgery, you can do it on your own." I know that's ridiculous since you don't know me and it has to be my decision, but I'd appreciate any thoughts (constructive) that you might have.

How much weight do you still have to lose to get to the final goal? Are there medical reasons why this should happen as soon as possible? These are factors that would influence my decision

40-50 lbs. Kind of depends on how I feel/look as I get close to my goal. No, there's no medical reason. My co-morbidity that put me in line to have the surgery is sleep apnea but I have a CPAP mask for that. It's just that in the province I live in it's considered elective surgery so there are very few operating rooms available and there's a long wait list, no matter how large one is. Even when/if I finish the program (I also have to take 10 health classes and I've taken 4) it's still 16-18 months after that for the surgery.

marelthu

estherdragonbat wrote: »

My father and sister have both had it. They've both lost weight and improved health, though some of it has come back in the years since. They're still thinner than they were pre-surgery and their health markers are better (Dad had Type 2 diabetes and high cholesterol and blood pressure. He doesn't anymore. My sister had other issues which have cleared up.) When I was 5'3" and 254 lbs, my dad started encouraging me to have it. I found MFP because I don't want it and because I developed some health issues that my obesity made worse.

My reasons for not having it:

1) I don't like the idea of elective surgery if there's a different option
2) I enjoy cooking and trying new recipes and cuisines. I've seen that my dad has had to cut certain foods out of his menu.
3) I'm a vegetarian. Google told me that if I have the surgery, beans and whole grains will be among the foods cut.

In six months, I've dropped nearly 54 lbs logging on MFP, eating less, and moving more. I guess, going by my family, yes... the surgery will help. But it is drastic, it will mean changes to your diet, and it may mean cutting out foods you consider basic staples. That depends on what you eat and what you can see yourself giving up longterm.

With MFP, while watching what I eat means that there are foods I have less often than I used to, I can still make them fit. The weight is coming off slowly but surely. It is definitely possible to do this on your own, but it takes effort and motivation. For me, bariatric surgery isn't a path I want to pursue. For two family members, it was and it worked. Just know that while the surgery will take the weight off quickly and improve your health markers overnight, keeping it off is still going to take effort.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Thank you very much for your input. That really helps a lot. I've been looking for someone who chose not to go the surgery route. It's so great to hear your perspective.

marelthu

TavistockToad wrote: »

Sounds like you are just setting yourself to have an excuse if you fail...

You have to do the work, you have to be 100% committed.

Hmmm. You may be right. I never thought of it from that perspective. I look at surgery as a fall back when in fact it takes the same effort and dedication as a regular weight loss program does. Thanks for your insight.

pinuplove

marelthu wrote: »

aggelikik wrote: »

marelthu wrote: »

I'm part of a program at my local hospital the ultimate goal of which is bariatric surgery. It can take 18 months or so to go through the program before surgery is an option. It's a terrific program. I have access to a nurse, a dietician and a psychologist. Since starting in January I've lost 33 pounds (I have another 40-50 to go).

The psychologist in particular has been hugely helpful to me. She's helped me changed my thinking about food, my relationship to it, how my childhood influenced my eating and how to forgive myself for mistakes and enjoy the odd treat. I feel like this has opened a whole new world of knowledge and understanding for me.

So here's the issue. Within the next month I'm going to have to tell them if I want surgery or not. If I don't want it, I'll be slowly eased out of the program. I'm starting to feel more and more like I don't want the surgery and that I can do this successfully on my own. But eight years ago when I was on WW I thought the same thing and gained back the 40 lbs I lost and then some. But back then I was ignorant about weight loss and didn't understand half the things I do now.

Let me be clear I have no issue with bariatric surgery. I know the people who have had it are grateful for it. It's not a quick fix as some might think. It takes as much effort and strength of will to lose weight and keep it off on bariatric surgery as it does through a non-surgical weight loss program.

I just feel like I don't want to go that route. It's invasive surgery and it changes your body chemistry. As I said, I know the vast majority of people who have had it are grateful for it and have adapted - and I'm sure I would too - but I feel like it isn't for me.

So now I have to make a choice. If I say I don't want the surgery and change my mind 6 months from now I'll have to start the program all over again. Also, I'm 56 years old and the cut off for the surgery is 65. I know that gives me a fair amount of time but I'd still lose a couple of years waiting again.

I guess what I'm looking for is someone to tell me it's ok to say "no, you don't need the surgery, you can do it on your own." I know that's ridiculous since you don't know me and it has to be my decision, but I'd appreciate any thoughts (constructive) that you might have.

How much weight do you still have to lose to get to the final goal? Are there medical reasons why this should happen as soon as possible? These are factors that would influence my decision

40-50 lbs. Kind of depends on how I feel/look as I get close to my goal. No, there's no medical reason. My co-morbidity that put me in line to have the surgery is sleep apnea but I have a CPAP mask for that. It's just that in the province I live in it's considered elective surgery so there are very few operating rooms available and there's a long wait list, no matter how large one is. Even when/if I finish the program (I also have to take 10 health classes and I've taken 4) it's still 16-18 months after that for the surgery.

No way would I have elective surgery for 40-50 pounds, even considering the cpap. Keep it up and you could be at your goal weight in 16-18 months! But that's my choice for my body. Only you can decide for you.

lhadleyucf

You should definitely try it without surgery if you even have a slight desire to try! But definitely get help, don't go it alone! Use myfitnesspal, nutritionists, psychologists, every weapon in your arsenal!

clicketykeys

What would be the consequences if you said you did want the surgery but then reached your goal weight a month before it was supposed to happen?

marelthu

pinuplove wrote: »

marelthu wrote: »

aggelikik wrote: »

marelthu wrote: »

I'm part of a program at my local hospital the ultimate goal of which is bariatric surgery. It can take 18 months or so to go through the program before surgery is an option. It's a terrific program. I have access to a nurse, a dietician and a psychologist. Since starting in January I've lost 33 pounds (I have another 40-50 to go).

The psychologist in particular has been hugely helpful to me. She's helped me changed my thinking about food, my relationship to it, how my childhood influenced my eating and how to forgive myself for mistakes and enjoy the odd treat. I feel like this has opened a whole new world of knowledge and understanding for me.

So here's the issue. Within the next month I'm going to have to tell them if I want surgery or not. If I don't want it, I'll be slowly eased out of the program. I'm starting to feel more and more like I don't want the surgery and that I can do this successfully on my own. But eight years ago when I was on WW I thought the same thing and gained back the 40 lbs I lost and then some. But back then I was ignorant about weight loss and didn't understand half the things I do now.

Let me be clear I have no issue with bariatric surgery. I know the people who have had it are grateful for it. It's not a quick fix as some might think. It takes as much effort and strength of will to lose weight and keep it off on bariatric surgery as it does through a non-surgical weight loss program.

I just feel like I don't want to go that route. It's invasive surgery and it changes your body chemistry. As I said, I know the vast majority of people who have had it are grateful for it and have adapted - and I'm sure I would too - but I feel like it isn't for me.

So now I have to make a choice. If I say I don't want the surgery and change my mind 6 months from now I'll have to start the program all over again. Also, I'm 56 years old and the cut off for the surgery is 65. I know that gives me a fair amount of time but I'd still lose a couple of years waiting again.

I guess what I'm looking for is someone to tell me it's ok to say "no, you don't need the surgery, you can do it on your own." I know that's ridiculous since you don't know me and it has to be my decision, but I'd appreciate any thoughts (constructive) that you might have.

How much weight do you still have to lose to get to the final goal? Are there medical reasons why this should happen as soon as possible? These are factors that would influence my decision

40-50 lbs. Kind of depends on how I feel/look as I get close to my goal. No, there's no medical reason. My co-morbidity that put me in line to have the surgery is sleep apnea but I have a CPAP mask for that. It's just that in the province I live in it's considered elective surgery so there are very few operating rooms available and there's a long wait list, no matter how large one is. Even when/if I finish the program (I also have to take 10 health classes and I've taken 4) it's still 16-18 months after that for the surgery.

No way would I have elective surgery for 40-50 pounds, even considering the cpap. Keep it up and you could be at your goal weight in 16-18 months! But that's my choice for my body. Only you can decide for you.

I appreciate hearing your perspective. It's what I'm really starting to think too.

marelthu

lhadleyucf wrote: »

You should definitely try it without surgery if you even have a slight desire to try! But definitely get help, don't go it alone! Use myfitnesspal, nutritionists, psychologists, every weapon in your arsenal!

You're right. There's so much more help available now than there was even 8 years ago. Thanks.

marelthu

clicketykeys wrote: »

What would be the consequences if you said you did want the surgery but then reached your goal weight a month before it was supposed to happen?

That is something I could do, definitely. It just seems like lying and I would worry that I'm taking up space on the schedule for someone else who could have it.

byrnet18

I would say that if you only have 40-50 pounds to lose then you can definitely do it without gastric bypass. There are a lot of risks involved with the aftermath of surgery and I feel that that is not enough weight to lose to have surgery. You can do it with help of a dietitian and possibly a trainer at a gym or just watching workout videos on YouTube. If you had over 100 pounds to lose then I would say that you should possibly consider it. But you got this. And by the sounds of your post, I don't think you really want to do it either. Best luck to you!

marelthu

byrnet18 wrote: »

I would say that if you only have 40-50 pounds to lose then you can definitely do it without gastric bypass. There are a lot of risks involved with the aftermath of surgery and I feel that that is not enough weight to lose to have surgery. You can do it with help of a dietitian and possibly a trainer at a gym or just watching workout videos on YouTube. If you had over 100 pounds to lose then I would say that you should possibly consider it. But you got this. And by the sounds of your post, I don't think you really want to do it either. Best luck to you!

Thanks for your input, I really appreciate it. I do feel stronger and stronger about my decision to do this without surgery. And you're right, I really don't want to be operated on. Thanks for your support.