A Bad Thing Happened To My Friend

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Replies

  • SueInAz
    SueInAz Posts: 6,592 Member
    Jumping on what eyelikepie has said. I think he may be on to something and I'll tell you a story of a high school friend of mine. He was big. He'd always been big. He was funny, he was compassionate and he was outgoing and smart and awesome. And I wish I would have said something because two years ago, on the morning of his 45th birthday, he passed away in his brother's arms after suffering a massive coronary. By the time the paramedics arrived, it was too late. It wasn't hereditary. His older brother and father had to bury him and go on living without him. I'm betting they also wished they'd said something or tried to help him lose the weight he desperately needed to lose.

    Be the person your friend needs you to be and have a gentle conversation about that incident. Offer to help him be a healthier version of himself so he can go on being his wonderful self for many more years to come.
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
    I'm sorry this happened, it made me so sad to read. Some people are just jerks. Tell your friend to enjoy his egg rolls and potentially get extra so he can pitch them at people. Make sure to soak in soy sauce first. They make nice little sloppy missiles.
  • alphabetsoup2013
    alphabetsoup2013 Posts: 208 Member
    Your friend's terrible experience reminded me of this rather awesome video I watched the other day. In it, an obese man talks about the pain fat-shaming causes and "the endless cycle it creates." It's worth a watch. (Maybe your friend might like it, too.)

    "Fat Shaming and Making Fun of Fat People"
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54uSD67M-Zo

    Hugs to both of you.
  • Mythril
    Mythril Posts: 146 Member
    See, I knew if I cam on here and told you all you would rally behind us. That's what I needed to hear, that someone else out there cares and isn't okay with this. I feel better. And my friend will always have me.

    I understand people are judgmental by nature. I am guilty of this every day, I judge myself and everyone around me. Although I try not be in people's faces about my opinion and I try not to let it effect how I treat others if I can help it.

    When I say my friend doesn't want to lose weight what I mean is he isn't actively trying to lose weight. Of course he wants to have a nice body but he doesn't want to go through the hassle of losing the weight. And he never complains about his size, really. You can tell he feels self conscious sometimes because of it. I have spoken to him many times over the course of my friendship because I know he isn't healthy. He lives with his mom, and they have a huge enabling/co-dependency problem. She tries to get him to be more active, such as mowing the lawn and walking his dog. She screams at him about his diet but she isn't really authoritative enough with him. His mom is diabetic and requires insulin shots and all kinds of medicine for it and other things, and he sees that. He's borderline needing it himself. Yet he still buys cases of mountain dew and other pop, pastries and junk and the like. I keep telling him that I don't want to watch him die, it would break my heart in pieces to lose him. But I can't make him, all I can do is let him know that I want him to live and be healthy. I'm hoping that if I lose a bunch of weight he'll see it can be done and he'll follow me. He doesn't have a job, and he does pretty much nothing but the internet all day long. I keep inviting him to do things with me like light yoga or a water aerobics class but for now the answer is still no. I haven't given up on him, though.

    As for the people making fun of him, they seemed to be in their early to mid 20s. They were dressed kind of trashy, it was two guys wearing torn up shirts and a girl wearing a tanktop she was busting out of (and I don't mean her boobs, either.) I mean, I guess I'm judging them just by what I said just now but I didn't make fun of them.

    Also he was not acting flamboyant at the time. He doesn't do so in restaurants, and he's mellowed out since high school. Now he only acts this way every once in a while.
  • NaomiJFoster
    NaomiJFoster Posts: 1,450 Member
    I hate when people forget everything that Mr. Rogers taught them. There's such a huge anti-bullying movement aimed toward children. But somehow, bullying seems to be sanctioned when adults treat other adults poorly. Your story makes me angry and sad, but I'm glad you shared it.
  • sizzle74
    sizzle74 Posts: 858 Member
    I have a bad temper and a big heart, so that wouldn't have went well. People aren't called out enough for being cruel. It's immature and stupid. I don't understand the need or want that people feel to act like that.

    Me too. OP, I am so very sorry. SMH in disbelief.
  • sbetts2229
    sbetts2229 Posts: 78 Member
    You are truly an awesome person!
  • themedalist
    themedalist Posts: 3,211 Member
    I don't have anything to add to the above posters except that I wish that people who complain how mean and rude MFPers are would read this thread. The thoughtful, compassionate responses and suggestions for moving forward exemplify the very best of MFP.
  • Mythril
    Mythril Posts: 146 Member
    I don't have anything to add to the above posters except that I wish that people who complain how mean and rude MFPers are would read this thread. The thoughtful, compassionate responses and suggestions for moving forward exemplify the very best of MFP.

    I would have to agree.
  • scruffykaz
    scruffykaz Posts: 317 Member
    I feel for your friend and want to wrap him up in a big hug :-D I think it's awful that people do this kind of thing but unfortunately there are some ignorant asshats who behave this way because it is 'funny'.

    I used to hate to eat in public because I felt like people were looking at me and judging me on what they were eating. It is as if people like that expect fat people to be ashamed of what they eat.

    Well fk them. Your friend sounds awesome! I'm done with being ashamed and people like that making me feel bad. Idiots!!
  • sam308lbs
    sam308lbs Posts: 1,939 Member
    Some peole are d#cks and deserved to have their smug looks wiped off their face. The end.
    this
  • bernied262
    bernied262 Posts: 882 Member
    Some peole are d#cks and deserved to have their smug looks wiped off their face. The end.

    Spot on!
  • Phildog47
    Phildog47 Posts: 255 Member
    As a recovering Chinese Buffet addict, I can't resist that stuff and fill my plates to no end. I do mean addict... 20 years ago someone told me about this new Chinese buffet place and I would go everyday, sometimes twice a day for 5 years. After I gained a lot of weight, I realized it was a problem, yet I continued to go for the next 10 years. It's only been the last couple of years where I have resisted the urge to visit for lunch. I WISH someone would have laughed at me, then I would have stayed away. Yes, those people were immature (insert word here) jerks! Maybe your friend can look at this as a low point and an inspiration to turn himself around. NO ONE is healthy at 400 lbs.
  • Phildog47
    Phildog47 Posts: 255 Member
    Unfortunately we live in Ohio one of the meanest and cruelest states.. I'm sorry :-/

    Dammit, I'm nice to you :smile:
  • rebbylicious
    rebbylicious Posts: 621 Member
    hmm... I suppose the people who made the comment were there to eat healthy? When out to eat at a buffet, I think all gloves come off and everyone is there to over indulge! LOL
  • Mythril
    Mythril Posts: 146 Member
    hmm... I suppose the people who made the comment were there to eat healthy? When out to eat at a buffet, I think all gloves come off and everyone is there to over indulge! LOL

    I know! Seriously, there isn't anything healthy to be had at this place.

    He didn't eat a lot in my opinion, although he did have 1 plate of all the same thing. He's a very picky eater, he doesn't like condiments, sweet meats, rice, sushi, or anything with too much variety. He likes things plain so he had a plate full of some kind of bland meat. So I guess it looked bad but you have to put it into perspective.
  • Iron_Lotus
    Iron_Lotus Posts: 2,295 Member
    People suck.
  • welly5
    welly5 Posts: 293 Member
    Some peole are d#cks and deserved to have their smug looks wiped off their face. The end.

    Basically, this. My heart goes out to anyone who is publicly ridiculed like that.

    Mine too. A person's weight should never affect the basic respect that they deserve to get in public. Those guys were either immature and insensitive, or they NEED to make fun of others to make themselves feel good. I also like the advice of telling them to be respectful (although I probably wouldn't be brave enough)
  • br0hammer
    br0hammer Posts: 81 Member
    Well I've dealt with those type of people in this world since I was a child and as a child it is very impressionable and can distort thier perception into the future. I refuse to let any one ever try to shape my emotions like I'm some kind of piece of modeling clay based on thier ignorance . Sorry hat happened If anyone wants to friend me. I need some..Best regards and be encouraged.
  • JustAboutDelicious_wechanged
    JustAboutDelicious_wechanged Posts: 2,487 Member
    Some peole are d#cks and deserved to have their smug looks wiped off their face. The end.

    Basically, this. My heart goes out to anyone who is publicly ridiculed like that.

    Mine too. A person's weight should never affect the basic respect that they deserve to get in public. Those guys were either immature and insensitive, or they NEED to make fun of others to make themselves feel good. I also like the advice of telling them to be respectful (although I probably wouldn't be brave enough)
    Hang around me, I'll teach you to be that brave :happy:

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