Afraid To Be Too Attractive

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  • GenF32
    GenF32 Posts: 184 Member
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    Ok, commenting on this feels a little weird, but I understand you.

    I work in an environment where I want my physical appearance to be irrelevant. That used to be easier when I was fat. Now, I walk differently, I dress differently, and that glow, is apparently getting attention. Nothing overt or inappropriate, but enough to make me self-conscience, when I'm self-conscience enough trying to get used to this new body!!

    Plus I'm devoted to my bf, and who needs the extra temptation?
  • Mother_Superior
    Mother_Superior Posts: 1,624 Member
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    I feel ya op! After the first 50 lbs were gone, I could already start seeing the signs, so I had scars surgically placed in various areas of my face to offset the overall glory. Now when I start feeling all uppity, I just go outside. Nothing like people recoiling in horror to take an inflated ego down a peg or two. *nods* true story

    (Nah, I'm just playin with ya. :tongue: I understand what you're saying.)
  • What316
    What316 Posts: 563
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    No not me bring it on :)
  • BrotherBill913
    BrotherBill913 Posts: 661 Member
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    Yeah since I got my cast the ladies can't keep from checking me out..... lol..... :)
  • lisaabenjamin
    lisaabenjamin Posts: 665 Member
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    Huh, weird. A friend of mine has dropped 12 stone (168lbs) over the last two years and she told me recently that she's finding it weird NOT being noticed now that she is 'normal'.
  • egwene1977
    egwene1977 Posts: 69
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    I felt this way when I was single (yes, because of a traumatic experience). When I met my husband, he was totally supportive of my weight, no matter WHAT it was. When I started losing weight, at first he said "don't lose TOO much", and I worried that it would drive a wedge between us. Now, with almost 70 pounds gone, my confidence has increased tremendously. So much so, that my husband can't help but be excited for me too...and now he's encouraging me to go as far as I personally want to go.

    As for the attention I'm receiving, I have to admit that I really love it. I don't dress inappropriately, but I do like to show off this little figure that I have now :) It's amazing what stepping out of your comfort zone will do for a person.

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  • missdibs1
    missdibs1 Posts: 1,092 Member
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    Anyone else feel like they'd be on top of the world if only they were thin? I mean on top of the relationship aspects, career, networks, opportunities, abilities, energy, influence....etc..

    I have a feeling that since I have been overweight all my life, that I will not know how to deal with the added attention I'd get.

    I'm somewhat between very introverted and a slightly extroverted, so being center of attention already feels uncomfortable. I've been pretty even though I'm bigger, but not FINE...or what someone might call HOT. And I know it'd get like that. My confidence would soar. I'd walk taller and prouder.

    This fear is unconscious, of course.

    Anyone feeling similarily?

    I'm new to this site, wouldn't mind a couple buds on here. Send a pm if you want to talk a little bit.

    ---wendy

    Wendy

    Insecurity is eternal. It is an issue I deal with, every day. Making changes in your lifestyle/body will promote confidence. But believe me, if you let it happen, other reasons for insecurity will creep in.

    Learn to love yourself, as is. Make changes because you love yourself. Recognize these changes as helping you reach your goals.

    And most importantly, do no worry about other people, period.

    Many hugs.

    J
  • FourIsCompany
    FourIsCompany Posts: 269 Member
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    I think we attract people because of our attitude more than because of how we look. Even at my highest weight (80 lbs ago) I had people approach me and even flirt with me... I think because of my self-confidence and the way I "carry" myself. I think it matters less how much you weigh than your self-confidence. :smile:

    I do have a certain fear of attracting the wrong type of attention, and I let that guide me for too long! The fat was a protective layer, like a security blanket, covering my body and keeping me safe. But now, I feel more self-confident and I know I can handle any unwanted attention. If beautiful, thin women can do it, so can I. :happy:
  • KombuchaCat
    KombuchaCat Posts: 834 Member
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    I can relate, I've been super skinny and pretty darn fat and everything in between. Sometimes when I was pretty fat I noticed that part of me liked that people didn't pay attention to me. I've got a big personality and kind of got comfy as the jovial overweight friend. But another part of me missed the attention and I can say that when I was thin I definately got more. Currently I'm more mentally "fit" than I've ever been so while I notice the attention getting more positive as I drop lbs. it doesn't seem to affect me so much either way.
    Be patient with yourself, you'll get there. And if you need to take some time to get yourself mentally right do it. No matter how you look on the outside if the inside is not on board you will never be happy.
  • luckyyoung
    luckyyoung Posts: 9
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    really?...............
  • NadineSabbagh
    NadineSabbagh Posts: 142 Member
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    I know a lot of people will find what you've said strange, but I completely understand what you mean! I'm not a stranger to attention, good and bad, but either way, it's all unwanted attention!

    I keep to myself a lot nowadays. I used to be pretty outgoing, always wanted to be around people, always wanted to be in a relationship etc... But nowadays I prefer my own company, being my own person, and not having to be accountable to anyone. I guess my weight gain had a lot to do with that change in attitude, but as I get smaller, I still have no desire to return to the extroverted person I once was, the one who craved attention.

    So I guess in a way it does worry me that I might get more attention when I'm thin, as it will be uncomfortable for me - I don't take compliments well, I don't like my looks or my figure having attention drawn to them, I'd rather just be a bit of a wallflower haha. But I don't know how I will feel when I'm at my goal weight, my attitude may completely change... these worries that I have at the moment are probably just insecure-overweight-person worries!

    Who knows, I might get no attention whatsoever once I've lost weight and I'll get mad about it :P
  • Deebautista
    Deebautista Posts: 51 Member
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    THIS ^^^^^^^^ hah!
  • monjacq1964
    monjacq1964 Posts: 291 Member
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    yeah.. its sad.. i deal with this every day. It really isnt fair to the other women who have to hide behind my shadow.. sigh.
  • ukchic25
    ukchic25 Posts: 9 Member
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    I totally understand this! I know that part of me getting big and staying big was fear of getting hurt again, so my fat has been my shield. I'm fat it's unattractive and it keeps people away from me. I am so scared of people paying attention to me. I am so used to being invisible!

    It is so peculiar, but this is a legitimate fear of mine.

    The flip side of it is I fear that I will never see myself as attractive. I feel like "I'd be pretty if I just lost weight" but I worry that I will never gain the self esteem boost I so desperately need.

    I completely agree!! I think Wendy is brave for putting what she is feeling out there, because obviously a lot of us feel it, but are too afraid to "say it" outloud.
  • blossomnu
    blossomnu Posts: 65 Member
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    you wont notice it... if you don't put yourself out to get noticed they wont...

    ?!

    I want to live in your world!
  • BogQueen1
    BogQueen1 Posts: 320 Member
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    Just boggled, slightly. How do you know you will be so attractive men will just fall over themselves when they see you? Put your health concerns first. The rest is just vanity.
  • tmalikia
    tmalikia Posts: 22 Member
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    I do understand exactly what you mean, almost as if life won't start until I'm a certain size. Yes, I'm definitely in that mode, it's hard to be confident or less self conscious when one the thicker side. But that is why we are here to get the bodies we want.
  • Oishii
    Oishii Posts: 2,675 Member
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    Fat is a Feminist Issue is all about this. It may be a terrifying title and seem a bit out of date, but a quick read through really kick-started my weight loss.

    It's so cheap it's almost free on Amazon and I highly recommend it :flowerforyou:
  • luckyyoung
    luckyyoung Posts: 9
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    being lean can definitely give me confidence. it feels terrible if i can't fit it xs or 00/0.
    but this is a very personal choice.
  • mystiedragonfly
    mystiedragonfly Posts: 189 Member
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    I had an light bulb moment last month about my weight-loss journey...

    I went from "wait till every one sees how hot I am going to be" to "only the people that supported me will get to enjoy my success".

    I have already lost a lot of weight. I've had men who mocked me, made fun of me, stood me up for not being attractive enough, and were just plain mean to me crawling out of the wood work to tell me how hot I am looking. For a very long time I couldn't wait till I was hot enough that these men will find me worth their time.

    But wait a minute... these men are not willing to accept me for who I am now. They are waiting for me to look a certain way before they talk to me further. What??

    Why should I allow them a moment of enjoyment of my success when they didn't see ME worth sticking around to know me while I achieved that success??

    Only the people who know me and support me now will get the benefits of the victory.

    You are doing this for you. No one deserves the glory of your victory other than you and those who supported you. Do not stunt your growth (weight loss) because someone may abuse you for it later. They do not matter. Only YOU, your health, and your happiness matter.

    "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond imagination. It is our light more than our darkness which scares us. We ask ourselves – who are we to be brilliant, beautiful, talented, and fabulous. But honestly, who are you to not be so?"

    --- Marianne Williamson

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