Afraid To Be Too Attractive

BluejayNY

I didn't notice much difference in attention actually.

__delete

I didn't notice much difference in attention actually.

Hi.

sexymuffintop

IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD.....Good lord this site.....I think i've seen every type of stupid on here now....:grumble:

I assure you... you haven't. There will be more.

Sadly I know you are correct....

gailmelanie

Well, I can relate, but only from past experience. There was a time when I was young that I had a very nice body and was paid a LOT of attention by men who apparently thought that just by nature of my having a nice body I should be available to them for sex and they were hurt or angry when I wasn't. Thirty years have passed since then and I'm long married. I am about 40 lbs heavier than I was 30 years ago, but I think I still have a nice shape overall, and the attention I used to get is non-existent now, as far as I can tell. I went to a bar with some girlfriends recently and expressed dismay that the only man who seemed interested was an old drunk. My girlfriends told me that there were others "checking me out." I didn't notice. So I couldn't tell you if being much slimmer would get me, or you, more attention. I think your age and attitude have something to do with how much attention you would get, in addition to your appearance. I think if you have confidence in yourself, even if losing weight or getting in better shape will garner more attention, you should be able to handle it. Don't let fear of that kind of attention stop you from looking your best and working toward being your best.
From another perspective, there are studies that show that attractive people of both genders recieve more positive attention from other people of both genders in the way of different types of evaluation, such as for employment, requests for input or involvement in projects or activities. If it works that way for you, even if it seems unfair to the "unattractive" folks, that can still be a good thing.

Hi_Im_Jess

I plan on wearing a gold bikini wherever I go. Beach, supermarket, movie theater, church, I dont care! Bring it on! I cant wait to be attractive! :happy:

Will you complete the outfit with a steel collar and chain around your neck? Slave Leia right? That's going to be amazing in church.

LMFAO I thought I might only wear the collar on Saturdays, you know.. I cant be blowing minds every day of the week. :laugh:

ldrosophila

It's difficult when you dont expect it. It makes you angry. Both sexes do it too you'll be surprised that all the sudden you have new girlfriends.

I've come to the conclusion it's just the nature of humans arrogant, shallow, aholes. They cant help it. If you get uncomfortable you have every right to tell the person to back off.

It's good your are prepared for it so it wont derail you. Just expect it and blow it off as stupid humans.

FatOldBat

Uh, no. :sad:

paulieboy8390

Anyone else feel like they'd be on top of the world if only they were thin? I mean on top of the relationship aspects, career, networks, opportunities, abilities, energy, influence....etc..

I have a feeling that since I have been overweight all my life, that I will not know how to deal with the added attention I'd get.

I'm somewhat between very introverted and a slightly extroverted, so being center of attention already feels uncomfortable. I've been pretty even though I'm bigger, but not FINE...or what someone might call HOT. And I know it'd get like that. My confidence would soar. I'd walk taller and prouder.

This fear is unconscious, of course.

Anyone feeling similarily?

I'm new to this site, wouldn't mind a couple buds on here. Send a pm if you want to talk a little bit.

---wendy

amsipub

I know exactly how you feel. I didn't realize that I was using my weight as a shield until just recently when people are looking at me when before it wasn't happening. I was a size 16 for 5 years and I've been a size 6 since last fall. But it's the summer clothes that have really shown my new size. Now I'm getting people in trucks looking at me instead of the road and other strange notices that I didn't get before.

On one hand I would like to stay hidden, but on the other hand I want to wear clothes that fit are business casual. I don't wear anything that shows much (no short skirts or low necklines).

iTrainHARD

Wendy do you know who you remind me of?

I'll tell you...

I've been alone my entire ****ing life and after constant rejection I finally managed to date a girl for the first time in my life. We went out on a few dates, and we were friends for about a year before we started dating. She's still a virgin, but she does anal and oral so I was okay with it.

About 3 weeks after we started dating she became distant and wanted to be intimate less often. For the last 3 days she's been crying in the middle of the night and she got back in contact with her ex. She told me she couldn't be intimate with me without thinking about him. That she really loved me but she wished she was together with him.

Even though I was so ****ing afraid of being alone my pride couldn't handle it and I dropped her. Moral of the story? Don't ****ing date used wendy's. Don't date girls like "Wendy"

Um... that was a dude... lights off I bet too...

bwhahahahaha...nailed it!!!

you mean...nailed "him", right? lol

smantha32

Anyone else feel like they'd be on top of the world if only they were thin? I mean on top of the relationship aspects, career, networks, opportunities, abilities, energy, influence....etc..

I have a feeling that since I have been overweight all my life, that I will not know how to deal with the added attention I'd get.

Speaking from personal experience.... everyone feels that their weight is holding them back from the life they'd really be having if they were thin.

The reality is, yes, some things will change with confidence and improved looks, but in the end, you're still you, and you'll still have the same life.
Things won't magically fall into place by getting thin. In fact, now you'll have to deal with issues you were ignoring because you were so completely focused on weight, and you'll also develop new issues to deal with.

This is my personal experience.

anybeary

Believe me, you'll get over it. And another thing: being thin isn't the ONLY thing that makes someone attractive or the center of attention. You have to have something going on inside too, so continue to focus on that when you build an image of yourself in your mind. GOOD LOOKS ARE NOT EVERYTHING. Good looks are not the only reason men talk to women, or the only reason men date women or marry women or want to sleep with women. It's about how you carry yourself, fat, thin, or somewhere in between.

candacet36

I get it.....

You are still you on the outside and you deserve to be treated with respect and kindess no matter what you look like.

Unfortunately the society that we live in is very focused on the outward appearance. When have always been treated kindly but now that I have lost weight I can tell you there is a deffinate difference in how I am treated, good and bad. Men go out of there way to chat with me or get the door for me and some ladies give me the evil eye. I say embrace the new you....don't act any different that you ever have! Be confident and go after the things you want in life. The weight is not holding you back anymore! Best of luck and don't sweat it too much....nothing you can do to change others.

smantha32

I totally understand this! I know that part of me getting big and staying big was fear of getting hurt again, so my fat has been my shield. I'm fat it's unattractive and it keeps people away from me. I am so scared of people paying attention to me. I am so used to being invisible!

It is so peculiar, but this is a legitimate fear of mine.

It's not peculiar, it's pretty common actually. Especially if you've ever been through any kind of abuse.

LorinaLynn

Anyone else feel like they'd be on top of the world if only they were thin? I mean on top of the relationship aspects, career, networks, opportunities, abilities, energy, influence....etc..

I have a feeling that since I have been overweight all my life, that I will not know how to deal with the added attention I'd get.

Speaking from personal experience.... everyone feels that their weight is holding them back from the life they'd really be having if they were thin.

The reality is, yes, some things will change with confidence and improved looks, but in the end, you're still you, and you'll still have the same life.
Things won't magically fall into place by getting thin. In fact, now you'll have to deal with issues you were ignoring because you were so completely focused on weight, and you'll also develop new issues to deal with.

This is my personal experience.

All of this.

Sometimes I'm more insecure now because I'm so much more aware and critical of my body than I was when I was eating whatever, not exercising and not caring.

Juliejustsaying

Wendy do you know who you remind me of?

I'll tell you...

I've been alone my entire ****ing life and after constant rejection I finally managed to date a girl for the first time in my life. We went out on a few dates, and we were friends for about a year before we started dating. She's still a virgin, but she does anal and oral so I was okay with it.

About 3 weeks after we started dating she became distant and wanted to be intimate less often. For the last 3 days she's been crying in the middle of the night and she got back in contact with her ex. She told me she couldn't be intimate with me without thinking about him. That she really loved me but she wished she was together with him.

Even though I was so ****ing afraid of being alone my pride couldn't handle it and I dropped her. Moral of the story? Don't ****ing date used wendy's. Don't date girls like "Wendy"

Um... that was a dude... lights off I bet too...

bwhahahahaha...nailed it!!!

you mean...nailed "him", right? lol

yup! :laugh:

PetulantOne

I think I understand what you are saying... I have read stories (not on MFP) where women gain weight and unconsciously try to be unattractive so that they don't attract male attention due to some traumatic experience. Okay, that's an extreme example but, there are women who do fear that kind of attention.

The question is... why are you so afraid of it? What do you think will happen if people start viewing you in a different light?

this is legit...

I put on weight after I was raped....

i then proceeded to add more weight with every abusive patternistic relationship I got into...

funnily enough I lost all the weight (and did therapy) and am now in the healthiest relationship of my entire adult life.

who knew?

Hmmm, for some reason I never put those two things together but that actually makes a lot of sense.

OP- I understand what you're saying about not knowing how to handle the extra attention. It weirds me out, not that I get a ton, but any comment about my weight loss makes me feel uncomfortable. Almost like the extra fat I was carrying was my insulation from the world.

That being said, worry about it when/if you get to a point where it bothers you.

wendle81

Good point. Not letting it get in my way. It's just one of those things you notice, ya know.

wendle81

By the way.... wow. Nice array of responses here. I'm certainly seeing the variety of people on this site.

Many of you make a lot of sense and some of you like to joke around. That's quite alright.

Me... I post what I'm thinking by the moment sometimes.

I know very well that looks are not all that makes someone attractive.
And now that I'm up in my 30's I am noticing some health changes. Main motivator.
Trying, oh trying so hard, to be a good influence.

You know what I want more than to lose weight, right at this moment? To get at least 8 hours of sleep.