Afraid To Be Too Attractive

amyx593

The confidence that comes with being happy with your body is AMAZING. When I got into my best shape a few years ago, I stood so tall, got head turns everywhere I went and felt like I could accomplish anything!

Unfortunately, it shouldn't take confidence in my BODY to feel this way. Strange how that works.

Mr_Bad_Example

Don't worry - lots of people lose weight and don't get noticed any more frequently than they did before. You'll be fine.

Hi_Im_Jess

I plan on wearing a gold bikini wherever I go. Beach, supermarket, movie theater, church, I dont care! Bring it on! I cant wait to be attractive! :happy:

You're stunning already!

(edit - sorry, I appear to be in creep-mode tonight!)

Awww thanks. :flowerforyou:

neandermagnon

Anyone else feel like they'd be on top of the world if only they were thin? I mean on top of the relationship aspects, career, networks, opportunities, abilities, energy, influence....etc..

A lot of people think that being thin will make them be (add anything here... more successful, more confident, more dedicated, etc) but it doesn't work like that. Most people find that if they had self esteem issues when they were obese, they still had them when they reached goal weight. You have to learn to like yourself and be all those things now, before you lose all the weight, because they don't automatically come from being thinner. Yes, some things may change a bit, you may feel somewhat more confident, you may feel happier about how you look, you may feel relieved about having a lower risk of health problems, but you'll still be the same person, and you'll still have insecurities and fears, you'll still have days when you don't feel confident or capable. If you have a self esteem problem, you'll still have that after you lose weight.

It seems like you've visualised an ideal version of yourself, and she's thin, and you believe that when you become thin, you'll become this ideal version of yourself... firstly, you don't need to be thin to be a better version of yourself, you can still be fitter, stronger, more able, more successful, before you also become thinner. And secondly, you don't automatically become those things just because you're thin, you need to work on each aspect of your personality separately. And you shouldn't wait until you're thin to do that... do it now. There are lots of very confident, fit, able, successful people who are fat.... but being thin is about health (and for some also about how you look). Just recently I learned of the death of a famous British comedian... he was one of these fat, successful people... but he died of a heart attack at a relatively young age. So do strive to be all those things that you want to be, and also strive to be healthy and not end up dying young. But start now and don't wait until you're thin.

I have a feeling that since I have been overweight all my life, that I will not know how to deal with the added attention I'd get.

I'm at a healthy body fat percentage and I don't get tons of attention. It doesn't happen to everyone. You may get more attention from some people, but if you've also been working on your self confidence, you'll be able to deal with it.

I'm somewhat between very introverted and a slightly extroverted, so being center of attention already feels uncomfortable. I've been pretty even though I'm bigger, but not FINE...or what someone might call HOT. And I know it'd get like that. My confidence would soar. I'd walk taller and prouder.

This fear is unconscious, of course.

Do that now, let your confidence soar now and walk taller and prouder now. Being obese may cause health risks, but it doesn't make you a pariah or a bad person. There are lots of obese people who are successful, popular, confident, etc.... you can be all the things you want to be now. Don't wait (but do carry on losing weight for the health benefits).

dirty_dirty_eater

I'm already a greek god...how much worse could it get?


BTW...Bonjour!

j75j75

You shouldn't worry so much. Often times we worry about something, then in hindsight we realize that our worries were unfounded. A LOT of people spend so much time worrying and in fear that they actually hold themselves back a LOT. So stop worrying, throw caution to the wind, and soar as high as you can go.

_Waffle_

I plan on wearing a gold bikini wherever I go. Beach, supermarket, movie theater, church, I dont care! Bring it on! I cant wait to be attractive! :happy:

Will you complete the outfit with a steel collar and chain around your neck? Slave Leia right? That's going to be amazing in church.

Lone_Wolf70

Its easier to lose physical weight than emotional weight...and losing physical weight is hard.

Then there's the "MFP Sickness"....a craving for compliments, that you never quite believe.

JumpingDog

Well I get to feeling funny when I'm jogging, or just walking around in a store and dressed real nice, and some fat girl looks in my direction. I feel guilty and a pity for them. I used to be a fat girl and I know when I looked at skinner women I got insecure and all sorts of jealous, so I can only imagine what they're thinking. I dont flaunt in front of them. I'd help them if they wanted it. Go jogging, lift weights with them, or just a real good conversation on what it takes to lose, if they were willing to listen.

I understand this. I scared a fat girl away from the non-plus sized juniors clothes once on accident. She was looking at something cute in a size 2 and I felt terrible for her. As soon as she noticed me she shuffled away looking embarrassed.

I have never been her size but I had a close friend who was and I do understand what it's like. I felt even worse that it looked like she thought that I thought that she had no place in the "skinny girls" section.

As for OP, nope, I'm not afraid of being too attractive. I haven't got that much extra attention from people since losing weight. My boyfriend is overjoyed and my family is astonished but most strangers or acquaintances don't say anything, or have never seen me any other way and don't think about it.

odusgolp

Well I get to feeling funny when I'm jogging, or just walking around in a store and dressed real nice, and some fat girl looks in my direction. I feel guilty and a pity for them. I used to be a fat girl and I know when I looked at skinner women I got insecure and all sorts of jealous, so I can only imagine what they're thinking. I dont flaunt in front of them. I'd help them if they wanted it. Go jogging, lift weights with them, or just a real good conversation on what it takes to lose, if they were willing to listen.

Please don't "pity fat girls." It's ridiculous. I doubt many ask for or need your pity. Your assumption that "fat girls" are insecure or jealous is....

I'll stop myself there. Just... don't.

Alex_is_Hawks

I think I understand what you are saying... I have read stories (not on MFP) where women gain weight and unconsciously try to be unattractive so that they don't attract male attention due to some traumatic experience. Okay, that's an extreme example but, there are women who do fear that kind of attention.

The question is... why are you so afraid of it? What do you think will happen if people start viewing you in a different light?

this is legit...

I put on weight after I was raped....

i then proceeded to add more weight with every abusive patternistic relationship I got into...

funnily enough I lost all the weight (and did therapy) and am now in the healthiest relationship of my entire adult life.

who knew?

Kayden1986

i'll never be pretty, so.. this doesn't bother me, I was just curious about the title.

Im not insecure, im realistic. I do this (getting fit) only for my own benefit.

BioMechHeretic

I find it amusing that someone creating an entire thread about being just far too attractive for us mere mortals has zero pictures posted up of themselves.

_EightBravoBravo_

rml_16

I find it amusing that someone creating an entire thread about being just far too attractive for us mere mortals has zero pictures posted up of themselves.

That really isn't what she said.

__delete

Hats do wonders.

1princesswarrior

Well I get to feeling funny when I'm jogging, or just walking around in a store and dressed real nice, and some fat girl looks in my direction. I feel guilty and a pity for them. I used to be a fat girl and I know when I looked at skinner women I got insecure and all sorts of jealous, so I can only imagine what they're thinking. I dont flaunt in front of them. I'd help them if they wanted it. Go jogging, lift weights with them, or just a real good conversation on what it takes to lose, if they were willing to listen.

I'm not skinny yet but I'm getting a lot more comfortable in my skin and I feel the exact same way. Only right now I'm in the middle of the spectrum.

Iron_Lotus

Toot toot!

blondageh

You will learn to deal with it because it doesn't come off overnight. It comes off very gradually and gives you time to adjust to the new you and how others react to you. And no, your whole life is NOT going to change. Everything is not magically going to get better. A lot of things do, but it is not a fix all.

Don't be scared. Embrace the changes.

GorillaNJ

Wendy do you know who you remind me of?

I'll tell you...

I've been alone my entire ****ing life and after constant rejection I finally managed to date a girl for the first time in my life. We went out on a few dates, and we were friends for about a year before we started dating. She's still a virgin, but she does anal and oral so I was okay with it.

About 3 weeks after we started dating she became distant and wanted to be intimate less often. For the last 3 days she's been crying in the middle of the night and she got back in contact with her ex. She told me she couldn't be intimate with me without thinking about him. That she really loved me but she wished she was together with him.

Even though I was so ****ing afraid of being alone my pride couldn't handle it and I dropped her. Moral of the story? Don't ****ing date used wendy's. Don't date girls like "Wendy"

Um... that was a dude... lights off I bet too...