Am I being irrational?

cebreisch

I've always been very touchy about conversations about my weight because my family harassed me about it for YEARS (since I was 10, and I'm now 47). And I've been where you are in that when my husband would ask about what I was doing or anything, I'd jump down his throat telling him to quit being the "diet police".

Somehow that's changed now. Before I usually took offense to it because I wasn't actually doing anything that I said I wanted to do. When I first started seeing the nutritionist, about a month after our first appointment after looking at my food journal, she asked, "Do you want to lose weight?" I said, "well, yeah...." and this little voice in my head said, "Then act like it."

Let him know that you're very sensitive about the topic, and part of it is how he approaches it with you. You know he doesn't mean to be mean, that he's genuinely interested in your journey. The real question is: Is there a way that he can bring it up that won't upset you or make you feel like he's being critical? Let him know then how you prefer to be approached, or if you'd prefer to be the one bringing it up to him. It could just be a little bit of "setting parameters" to make the conversation go a little easier.

JoRocka

also, to those who say 'you know what you have to do so just do it' - if it was that easy, i wouldnt even be on MFP.

i'll definitly be having a proper think about how i can accept his help graciously from now on and your responses will help me do this so thanks again.

but you DO know how to do it- and that's what you need to do is just do it.

No one said it was EASY. But the steps themselves are quiet simple.

But no one said it was easy.

Just because it's EASY to type (meaning there are not many steps- it's a short list of things to do)... does not mean the work in and of itself is easy or challenge-less.

All that being said- people have been gaining/losing weight for years. Fortunately there are lots of people willing to help you- you just need to take ownership and make the first steps. You got this!

blossomnu

I'm a snacker, but when I started reducing my calories I just switched to making better snack choices...replaced chips/crisps with popcorn, started eating nuts, replaced ice cream with frozen yoghurt. Not saying it's a 'perfect' diet because it's not, but it means I get to snack.

Biggest things that helped me:

- giving myself specific snack times (morning, late afternoon) that my body could adjust to
- mindful eating
- avoiding eating in 'association' situations - e.g. I associated watching TV and going to the cinema with being hungry/snacking, even when it obviously wasn't the case
- buying things in individual portion sizes or weighing and dividing things up into portion sizes so I can manage the volume and calories better
- reading positive food blogs like snacktherapy.com.

My boyfriend is the opposite of yours - he's got one of the worst diets I've ever seen and our house is permanently stocked with crisps, chips, sweets, chocolate, and just about every temptation you could imagine, plus our kitchens at work are stocked with unlimited free snacks and the bosses buy takeout for everyone regularly. Definitely be glad you have your boyfriend being healthy and use it to inspire you!!! Because so many days are a battle of wills for me.

labeachgirl

This is such a typical guy/girl argument...

Guys want to fix things, which is why when you vent, he's going to try to fix it. If you want to just vent and not be held accountable, vent to your girlfriends.

littlelaura

yes you are but it comes with being a woman, it doesn't get better with age either just fyi.
you will figure out what you want, sometimes you want help but not in the way someone offers it, and
since it isn't your way, its the wrong way and annoys you and then you don't want it. LOL make sense?

jwdieter

If you want to just vent and not be held accountable, vent to your girlfriends.

This would save soooo many arguments and hurt feelings.

links_slayer

I think that I'm just upset at the fact that I feel like i have completely changed my lifestyle and apart from the snacking,

That's kinda like saying "I take excellent care of my car except I never change the oil."

CatAMcC

Sorry but I don't see why talking about a woman's weight is taboo. Some people are very open about their health and weight issues and I think people need to be more. Many people are putting on lots of weight before anyone has courage to say anything and maybe (in general NOT at you) we should point out to our nearest and dearest when its just a little on before waiting until its 5stone+ and saying - err you put on weight?? My bf and I share everything. As I helped my dad on sworld I talk to him about my weight all the time and vice versa. Means its not a forbidden subject and talking more openly about it helps anyone I know rather than keeping it a secret.

This wasn't a work colleague or a friend you don't know well. This was your loving partner and that should be the key in this. I just think he called on something you been thinking yourself and annoyed at him when the anger should be turned into motivation to change if you want.

If was your mum or a sister you would probs be annoyed but not as much. Don't hold this against your bf.

hzliiz

off topic, but darkguardian4, it took me a second, but once i got it, i laughed so hard at your profile pic that i think i peed a little

Hahahahahaha... dirty! Didn't notice till you pointed it out. Boys! :laugh:

To the OP yeah he actually sounds like he's trying to be supportive and helpful. Tell him how he can help, don't leave him to have to guess -- we can't read each others' minds. Best of luck to you, I know it's hard when you're feeling so discouraged. Feel free to add me for support.

Ladina1990

I know how your feel when it comes to the bad snacking, I have snacked since I was 10 years old and I still do it now so getting out of that bad habit is HARD but if you have a man that is willing to help you with something that will change your life then you need to take his help in stride, if you honestly don't want his help then tell him that you love him but you wanna do this journey alone with losing weight, irrational? yes, but don't let things get to awkward suck up your pride and go apologize cause honestly he did nothing wrong.

lpina2mi

You are in the midst of doing battle between Your Will v Your Desire. I suggest keeping the Boyfriend out of the line of fire. This time YOU start start the conversation, to say, "I need to figure this out on my own. I appreciate the things I have learned from you, and I will continue to learn from what you do for yourself, but I need to learn and assimilate new habits on my own learning curve. Please for the next 6 months say nothing about my health or weight during this time--even if I am making positive or negative comments about myself."

This will eliminate the power struggle you are manufacturing between the two of you and give your boyfriend clear boundaries Giving him the benefit of the doubt--perhaps he doesn't understand what role you want him to play. The less energy you are investing in this manufactured drama, the more energy and mental space you will have for your own greater health pursuit.

Ultimately, our health pursuits are ALL ON OUR LONESOME. No one can do it for us. MFP is GREAT to touch base with others on their SOLO paths. No one can do this for you or keep you on task. It's all on you.

Congratulations for taking up the reins (mistakes and all) and cutting everyone else free.

MelsAuntie

You're not going to like this, but...
Yes, you are being irrational. He sounds really sweet, supportive and patient. Shut up and listen to him. As for the resentment, can it, and if you WANT to lose weight instead of just *****ing about it, quit with the "bad snacks", rustle up some self control and determination and just do it. And if you can't do that, you're a self-indulgent whiner who has CHOSEN not to lose weight.