Lost
JBerg04
Posts: 6 Member
Alright, here we go.
My name is Jason, I'm 30 years old, I stand 5'9" tall, I weigh 229 pounds and I need help.
A little bit about me:
I am married with my first child on the way. I work a desk job that takes 45-50 hours a week out of my life and I have a 45 minute commute each way to/from work. When I was younger I was an avid weight room junkie and put on a significant amount of muscle through high school and college. When college progressed my time spent working out dropped but I kept eating like I was before. I graduated college and worked at a desk job. Things caught up with me. I ballooned up to 245 pounds. I decided I wasn't happy with myself and was finally going to face the music and do something about it. I joined MFP and I lost 45 pounds. I got down to 200. First time in my life that I had successfully lost weight. I've always had a decent build from all of the time I put in at the gym and at 200 I was incredibly happy with the scale but not with how I looked (mostly due to the fact that dropping the 45 pounds was a result of portion control and counting calories and not working out). I moved and took a new job and started working out regularly. I gained 9-10 pounds or so but was totally okay with this as my build and shape was much more in line with what I wanted. I was finally happy with how I looked.
Fast forward and I moved again and took a new job (my current job). I planned a wedding and got married. I stopped working out due to trying to focus on being home after work to have dinner and spend my evenings with my wife. I have gained 20 pounds to bring me to my current weight of 229 pounds. I want to lose this weight and keep it off for good. But I'm scared of failure, I don't really have a good support group and my situation for working out is in shambles. I want to lift at a gym but I don't know how to fit it into my schedule. I want to track my food but I keep losing motivation. How do I succeed? What am I missing? I would love, more than anything, to be less than 200 pounds again. I have my first child on the way. I want to be healthy so they will have a father figure who will always be around for them.
I'm at your mercy. Ask any questions you need. I'm desperate for a solution that works.
-Jason
My name is Jason, I'm 30 years old, I stand 5'9" tall, I weigh 229 pounds and I need help.
A little bit about me:
I am married with my first child on the way. I work a desk job that takes 45-50 hours a week out of my life and I have a 45 minute commute each way to/from work. When I was younger I was an avid weight room junkie and put on a significant amount of muscle through high school and college. When college progressed my time spent working out dropped but I kept eating like I was before. I graduated college and worked at a desk job. Things caught up with me. I ballooned up to 245 pounds. I decided I wasn't happy with myself and was finally going to face the music and do something about it. I joined MFP and I lost 45 pounds. I got down to 200. First time in my life that I had successfully lost weight. I've always had a decent build from all of the time I put in at the gym and at 200 I was incredibly happy with the scale but not with how I looked (mostly due to the fact that dropping the 45 pounds was a result of portion control and counting calories and not working out). I moved and took a new job and started working out regularly. I gained 9-10 pounds or so but was totally okay with this as my build and shape was much more in line with what I wanted. I was finally happy with how I looked.
Fast forward and I moved again and took a new job (my current job). I planned a wedding and got married. I stopped working out due to trying to focus on being home after work to have dinner and spend my evenings with my wife. I have gained 20 pounds to bring me to my current weight of 229 pounds. I want to lose this weight and keep it off for good. But I'm scared of failure, I don't really have a good support group and my situation for working out is in shambles. I want to lift at a gym but I don't know how to fit it into my schedule. I want to track my food but I keep losing motivation. How do I succeed? What am I missing? I would love, more than anything, to be less than 200 pounds again. I have my first child on the way. I want to be healthy so they will have a father figure who will always be around for them.
I'm at your mercy. Ask any questions you need. I'm desperate for a solution that works.
-Jason
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Replies
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Probably the best thing you can do is get your wife on board with your goals. Work together to menu plan items that meet your calorie and nutrition requirements and then spend some time together cooking. That will get you the family time you wanted. After that you can either go to the gym or look into getting a setup for yourself at home if you have the space (doorway pull-up bar, adjustable dumbbells, and a weight bench don't take up as much space as you are probably thinking). My hubs did P90X for a while and there are a lot of good things in that program - might work well for you with your schedule limitations. An additional benefit of that is she is going to want to drop the pregnancy weight in a few months so having a good setup for you both will be more successful in the long run and you can do it together. Talk to your wife and ask if she wants to join the gym with you. See if you can find one with a daycare and a pool (she will love water walking in the 8th and 9th month when everything hurts). After she is cleared for hard workouts see if she wants to lift with you - it sounds like you have a good knowledge base so you should be able to guide her.
The other option, and this is what I do, is wake up at the butt crack of dawn to get your workout in. Find a gym close enough to your house you will use it on weekends but on your way to work and use it and get ready there then head in to work. Focus on weights in the morning and then take even walks or bike rides with your wife in the evenings when weather permits. When the baby is born you can take him/her in a stroller for a walk or jog. I do a 45 minute workout on weekdays and then 1.5-2.5 hours each weekend day.
When you have a job, a commute, and a family it is hard. But if you want the results you have to do the work and sometimes that involves some sacrifice. I sacrificed an hour of sleep in the morning for a workout and now I sleep a lot better, have fewer food cravings, and my butt looks fantastic in jeans.12 -
I can totally identify with the difficulty of self-motivation. I knew for a while that I needed to get back on my weight loss plan, but couldn't actually make myself do it. It had to really take a hard look at myself and make that commitment. I was sick and tired of being unhealthy and the only person who could make it better was me. I am now 53 days on plan and I have lost 27 pounds so far. The hardest part was actually getting started. Once I started to see some progress, that was what really motivated me and it has gotten easier. All I can say is stick with it. I wish you the best and congratulations are in order for having a kid on the way. Being a father is awesome and has also been a big factor for me wanting to improve myself.3
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I too stopped going to have each evening with my boyfriend.
Now I get up at 4am to make it still possible (:
Edited to correct the plural "boyfriends". I...only have one.3 -
If you have the space, you could set up your own weight station at home. Try finding some used barbells and plates, and get started. Even if you don't have room for an entire setup, surely you could buy some weights or even kettle balls. There are also lots of body-weight exercises you could do at home, Google Convict Conditioning.
There's always a way. Walk with the wife, plan your meals together - get her on board.3 -
What about sacrificing a little sleep to get up earlier and hit the gym before work?
Motivation is a fickle beast, but powering through the first couple weeks and building the habit makes a world of difference.2 -
I'd think the best thing to lose weight at this point is to start with what you're eating. Your wife is pregnant and presumably trying to eat healthy-ish for the baby (not dieting, just eat healthy). You'll both want to be healthy to keep up with the baby when s/he arrives!! You could start by changing what you're cooking. When you cook, immediately put the leftovers in portion sized containers so that it's easy to grab and reheat. On Sundays, it helps me to plan for the week before I grocery shop...when I come home I immediately make containers of snacks and stuff for at least a few days.
Others have given some good suggestions about trying to fit workouts in! I'd echo the suggestion to get up early to try and fit in some activity or else maybe at lunch?2 -
Keep in mind that this is something you'll want to be able to sustain for FREAKING EVER. With that in mind, I find it helps me to make small, incremental changes, because it's easier to stick with them. It's really, really, REALLY hard for me to form habits.
Maybe start out by going for a 15-20 minute walk around the neighborhood with the wife in the evenings after dinner. Ask your wife if she'd be willing to count reps when you do body-weight exercises. I've found that having my husband cheer me on makes it slightly less of a chore for me
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We currently rent a townhouse and there is no basement, due to space constraints a home gym isn't an option. I've tried to get my wife to work out with me before but she doesn't have any desire to do so and if she does go with me (which we've tried before) she doesn't have the same drive for lifting and putting in that extra 10% that makes the difference with the weights. So we dropped the gym membership. I feel incredibly limited in my options. I was hoping to avoid the whole "wake up at 4am before 90% of the world is functioning in order to go work out" situation but that might be my only option...0
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You guys don't have to do the same workout, just walking in the door together gets you there.3
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My wife is not someone I can go to the gym with. I am content to spend an hour to an hour and a half lifting weights if I go. She wants to get in and get out and wants to leave after half an hour. I can't do what I want to do in half an hour. So I am forced to cut my workout short, even if we're not doing the same things. That doesn't help fix my problem unfortunately =(
I think I am going to try and look at waking up earlier and trying to get into a routine where I go work out before work. The gym I can use has showers so that won't be a problem. The biggest challenge I'm looking at if I do this is motivation and sticking with it. How do you guys/gals keep getting up at 4am?0 -
Alright, here we go.
My name is Jason, I'm 30 years old, I stand 5'9" tall, I weigh 229 pounds and I need help.
A little bit about me:
I am married with my first child on the way. I work a desk job that takes 45-50 hours a week out of my life and I have a 45 minute commute each way to/from work. When I was younger I was an avid weight room junkie and put on a significant amount of muscle through high school and college. When college progressed my time spent working out dropped but I kept eating like I was before. I graduated college and worked at a desk job. Things caught up with me. I ballooned up to 245 pounds. I decided I wasn't happy with myself and was finally going to face the music and do something about it. I joined MFP and I lost 45 pounds. I got down to 200. First time in my life that I had successfully lost weight. I've always had a decent build from all of the time I put in at the gym and at 200 I was incredibly happy with the scale but not with how I looked (mostly due to the fact that dropping the 45 pounds was a result of portion control and counting calories and not working out). I moved and took a new job and started working out regularly. I gained 9-10 pounds or so but was totally okay with this as my build and shape was much more in line with what I wanted. I was finally happy with how I looked.
Fast forward and I moved again and took a new job (my current job). I planned a wedding and got married. I stopped working out due to trying to focus on being home after work to have dinner and spend my evenings with my wife. I have gained 20 pounds to bring me to my current weight of 229 pounds. I want to lose this weight and keep it off for good. But I'm scared of failure, I don't really have a good support group and my situation for working out is in shambles. I want to lift at a gym but I don't know how to fit it into my schedule. I want to track my food but I keep losing motivation. How do I succeed? What am I missing? I would love, more than anything, to be less than 200 pounds again. I have my first child on the way. I want to be healthy so they will have a father figure who will always be around for them.
I'm at your mercy. Ask any questions you need. I'm desperate for a solution that works.
-Jason
What do you have around your work? What is your lunch schedule there? I work an office job as well 40+ hours a week as well. I know you and I are not looking for the same type of loss, but sitting at this DAMN DESK I have lost 30 lbs in 3 months.
I eat my lunch at my desk (if this is ok for you) and I take my 1 hour lunch and I go the gym. There happens to be one in the building I work at, so yes this works out nicely for me, but if there is one in the general area where you work I would suggest it then. One of my co-workers does that, he goes to a gym near by and lifts there (as the work gym only has dumbells and a bowflex machine).
You definitely need to get your wife on board. Or at least aware of your goals and that you really want to try. My husband isn't losing weight or even trying right now, but he knows I am busting my *kitten* to do so. He understands when I go outside, maybe, one day a week and I will walk/jog up and down my driveway just to get my cardio in if I miss it, or if I take 30 min to do a workout video. I know family life is VERY important, but you also need to take care of YOU. I have learned that recently (I am the caregiver, and take care of everyone else first) and I am happier for it.
There are 24 hours in a day. Do your math...even if you can only get 20 min in DO IT and MAKE IT COUNT! It is better than NOTHING AT ALL!
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I wake up at 4:20 AM to go to the gym before work. It's important to me, and I prefer to work out in the AM, versus trusting myself to still be motivated to go the gym after work and not go straight home. Different people have different preferences. I also drive 45 minutes to work. My gym is right around the corner from my work, which makes it convenient for me; maybe you could find a gym near your work?
You don't have to exercise to lose weight, but as you have mentioned in your original post, working out can improve your body composition and enable you to eat more calories while remaining in a deficit.
As far as motivation, I think that is something personal. We all have different goals and driving forces. I want to be fit and healthy throughout my life, and I like looking small yet strong.1 -
Motivation will not do it. You need to develop discipline.
Motivation only works for the short-term. That is what you are "missing".
Lamenting the lack of a "support group" is symptomatic of looking for motivation instead of being disciplined.
Find an exercise and diet routine you can live with and make yourself stick to it, no excuses.
That is discipline.
If you will not be consistent about something as trivial as being conscious of what you are eating and logging it properly then you do not want results bad enough.
That is all that is necessary. There are no other tricks needed to lose *weight*.
The MFP app can help you lose *weight* on diet alone, but I recommend you include a strength-focused weight lifting program (compound lifts: deadlift, squat, press, bench) to build some muscle mass and raise your BMR.
Starting Strength, Wendler's 5/3/1, and StrongLifts5x5 are popular choices.
There are other good lifting programs as well, but almost any form of *exercise* will help your state of mind and improve your quality of life.
Buy a $10 jump rope and skip rope for 15 minutes a day if you cannot manage anything else.
You could simply keep one with you and skip rope for 5 minutes before each of your 3 main meals.
Then log everything you consume.
Don't make an excuse that you cannot find 15 minutes in your day to do something.
How many TV shows did you watch this week? How much time did you spend surfing the web? On YouTube, Netflix, FB, etc.?
You have time. The same amount of time we all have. You have just gotten into the habit of wasting it and not accounting for it.
Life might get in the way and throw things off occasionally. Don't whine or whinge about it.
Just get back on track as soon as possible instead. That is discipline.
"Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans."9 -
My wife is not someone I can go to the gym with. I am content to spend an hour to an hour and a half lifting weights if I go. She wants to get in and get out and wants to leave after half an hour. I can't do what I want to do in half an hour. So I am forced to cut my workout short, even if we're not doing the same things. That doesn't help fix my problem unfortunately =(
I think I am going to try and look at waking up earlier and trying to get into a routine where I go work out before work. The gym I can use has showers so that won't be a problem. The biggest challenge I'm looking at if I do this is motivation and sticking with it. How do you guys/gals keep getting up at 4am?
Do you like sports and competition? Workout by self bores me to death. I pick up tennis and somehow all the drama and my competitiveness make all the intense playing feel easier than walking at the park, literally. I walk at the park for 45 minutes almost everyday for my daughter's exercise so I know.
As for the other side of the equation, ie eating, just pick a couple meals in the week where you eat much less. But be aware and don't make it up with other meals.
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Yanno, if I was married, I would do everything possible to allow my hubby to hit the gym. I say that, because I am a bit of a gym rat myself and I totally understand the desire to stay strong and healthy. How long until the baby is due? I would tell the wife that getting back in shape is a *must* for you, and if she can give you 3 nights a week, it would benefit you both. It's a shame she cannot get her mind into the fitness thing though. It would be very beneficial for her to get into that mindset now, before the baby is born. I belong to a gym that has a childcare center, and believe me I made use of it when my son was little. Does she have any friends that enjoy working out?0
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My wife is not someone I can go to the gym with. I am content to spend an hour to an hour and a half lifting weights if I go. She wants to get in and get out and wants to leave after half an hour. I can't do what I want to do in half an hour. So I am forced to cut my workout short, even if we're not doing the same things. That doesn't help fix my problem unfortunately =(
I think I am going to try and look at waking up earlier and trying to get into a routine where I go work out before work. The gym I can use has showers so that won't be a problem. The biggest challenge I'm looking at if I do this is motivation and sticking with it. How do you guys/gals keep getting up at 4am?
You honestly get used to it after awhile.
I'm far from a morning person and I wouldn't even say I'm a particularly disciplined person, but after a while it just becomes habit.0 -
My wife is not someone I can go to the gym with. I am content to spend an hour to an hour and a half lifting weights if I go. She wants to get in and get out and wants to leave after half an hour. I can't do what I want to do in half an hour. So I am forced to cut my workout short, even if we're not doing the same things. That doesn't help fix my problem unfortunately =(
I think I am going to try and look at waking up earlier and trying to get into a routine where I go work out before work. The gym I can use has showers so that won't be a problem. The biggest challenge I'm looking at if I do this is motivation and sticking with it. How do you guys/gals keep getting up at 4am?
I am NOT selling anything (I know there are a lot of trolls out there that will look for posts like this and try to force stuff down your throat) HOWEVER, that said....Beachbody has Body Beast. It is a workout program for lifting weights and bulking (AT HOME!!) and the workouts are 30 min, comes with a food plan to guide you and all that jazz.
Its a suggestion, you can even look into things like it. But 30 min out of your day instead of 1.5 hours is a HUGE difference.
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You honestly get used to it after awhile.
I'm far from a morning person and I wouldn't even say I'm a particularly disciplined person, but after a while it just becomes habit.
Same here. I don't like getting up early but I do it a few days out of the week because it's a great start to my day, and I have fitness goals. I love to walk, and I do walk a lot, but that alone won't help me reach the goals that I have. So I make a few small modifications to my life, such as waking up earlier to go to the gym before work.
That's not the only time to work out, and you don't have to go to the gym to exercise, but that's what I do.
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I've found that you have to find something you enjoy doing to keep doing it. I've tried early morning routines and while it's OK for every now and then, regularly doesn't do it for me. I'm not a morning person. I felt guilty when I used to go to the gym in the evenings as I wasn't spending time with my hubby, but he understood it was something I needed to do for me and was supportive. I now have kids and don't work full-time so can luckily fit the gym into the day.
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Try rebounding with ankle and arm weights while watching tv or listening to some tunes. Add intermittent fasting, eating clean when you do. After years of doing everything else and watching pounds creep back, this is what has kept pounds off, prediabetes, high triglycerides etc. A thing of the past.0
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Good advice above. including rebounding, small footprint in the house and good stuff. Also, have you consider things other than weights and gym. Things that maybe your wife would like. Maybe swimming? Hiking?
I have a radical suggestion, look for a long-term solution to help your schedule. Find a different job or move closer to the office. I know that sounds drastic but I'm serious. I know it's not always possible but I do my best to have a job (and build the skills and network that support it) that allows me to balance my other priorities, including my health. I live closer to work because for me a hour commute really impacts my quality of life.
Or maybe there are options within your current company. Can you consider working from home a couple times a week? That way you'd gain the commute time back.
I'm not saying don't take the advice above and definitely do what you can with that you have but also maybe consider a longer term strategy to build an environment that allows better balance.0 -
Welcome to the community. I wish you the best on your journey.
I'm a "get up early" person so that I can work out. When I get home from work, I want to spend time with my family and that's it. I sacrifice about an hour of sleep to allow for that morning workout, and for me it is worth every penny.
Someone else mentioned Body Beast and I too would recommend it. It takes up a small footprint in your home (stability ball and a few weights) and that's basically it. Mine is tucked away in a corner and I pull it out as needed.
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I think you need to focus more on diet and less on working out. I would try to accurately record what you are eating for a couple of days. Then find a way to cut out 500 calories a day.
For me I found I was having lots of goodies (a croissant here, a cookie there) - cut things like that out. Plus alcohol, instead of a glass or two every night I'm a cut back to about 3 times a week. Pizza - instead of ordering once a week, now its once a month.
Working out is great obviously, but the real calorie savings come from eating fewer calories.
Also do you a have a lunch hour? Could you go for a brisk walk?
Congratulations on the baby btw!1 -
Wow. There are a lot of comments and feedback here - more than I expected. I'll address a few of them. Also, thank you for the support!
As far as the distance from work - This is a newer job for me and the wife and I plan to purchase a house in a better location but it's a year or so away yet. That being said, I don't want to put off my health and wellness any longer than I have to.
My employer has a small corporate wellness gym in the building, however it's more geared towards beginners and those seeking out cardio. There is no free weight bench press, no squat rack, just a smith machine (yuck!) for bench and squat, etc. So as nice as it would be to work out at lunch, it just isn't viable with the current facilities they have. There is a LifeTime Fitness not far away which would give me everything I'm looking for and everything I need. The cost of a membership is not an issue.
I have the P90X discs at home, the issue with home is that's usually where I unwind and relax, rather than have a focused mindset, such as when I'm at the gym to lift and that is my whole intent of being there.
In reference to food and diet, this is the part that actually concerns me the least. I know what it takes to manage healthy food choices, we actually cook many meals at home during the week and eat good food options. The only issue here is portion control. I will take the advice of pre-portioning the meals we cook and apply that to the current meal as well as leftovers for lunches. (Thank you!)
To the individual who referenced discipline - I can appreciate the perspective and understand that you're giving a straight answer, no fluff. For that, I thank you. Every once in a while we all need a kick in the *kitten* to get moving again. That doesn't necessarily make us weak, it just means we lost sight of the bigger picture.
I am going to move forward with getting up earlier in the morning and seeing how that type of a routine will work with my schedule. This way I won't have to sacrifice my evenings with my family and when my child arrives I will still have that time at home with them.6 -
From everything you have described, my guess is your best option is going to be the early wake-up and a gym membership. I only live a half mile from work so drive time is not an issue, but my job does eat 45-50 hours a week of my time. I found that when I was home after work my family needed my attention, and that was usually to eat/cook dinner, grocery shop, deal with kid issues, spend time with wife, etc. etc. My wife as well does not work out so evenings were full of "are you done yet? We're hungry!" type of situations. I was rushed, or had to skip workouts all together. So, I started getting up at 4:45 in the morning and starting my 90 minute workout by 5:30 at the latest. I get it done and nobody bothers me. However, the drawback is I need to sleep by 10pm at the latest each night that I get up that early.
Since I work out 5 days a week, I made sure my rest days were during the week. That's two work days I don't have to get up that early and can catch up on an extra hour or so of sleep. The weekends are open for me usually so even if I don't get my workout done in the early morning, I can sleep in then do it, or do it any time during the day when time permits. I no longer have kids at home, but it seems like you're soon going to have a new baby. Trust me, work out early while you can, and be prepared to do shorter workouts because sleep is not going to be your friend once the baby arrives for at least a year. You can reach your weight goals with calorie restriction, and that you can do with sheer willpower. That's the good news. The bad news is that you're going to have to take every opportunity you can to work on building and maintaining muscle and there may not be much time for it in the near future.
Free weights are an option, and they don't take up much space. Bowflex, and others, make a free-weight set that takes up very little space, and the weight is selectable (Select-Tech). They also have a somewhat compact bench and I'm sure some others do as well. My free weights (standard ones) sit in the corner of a spare room because there's no room for my weight bench which is in the garage covered by a bunch of other crap. I grab them from time to time and will use them while watching TV. You do what you have to do. I do mostly bodyweight anyway, and that takes very little room as well. It may be a good idea to consider simple caloric restriction, some cardio early in the morning (running/jogging/walking), and body weight exercise to build/maintain muscle. You wouldn't even need a gym membership for that. I do Circuit Training that is 100% body weight exercise. I'll never look like Arnold Schwarzenegger but never wanted to anyway.1 -
If I had to get up at 4:45 that means I would have to be in bed by 8:30pm. Wouldn't work for me, but clearly some folks can get by on less sleep than others.1
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Didn't read this all so someone may have suggested it but get one of those door gyms. They are elastic ropes and have a decent amount of resistance, enough to get you by in between real gym visits. A friend have me a body by Jake one years ago and I love it. Takes up zero space and you can do it randomly at times.0
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Is there any space in your place to workout from home? Even if you break up your work outs..40 min morn, 30 min eve and possibly start meal prepping with your wife? Also, not sure how far the grocery store is from your house but if it's in walking distance, maybe you guys can walk to the store. Little things like that should help a little bit, at least to get started.
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llaurenmarie wrote: »I too stopped going to have each evening with my boyfriend.
Now I get up at 4am to make it still possible (:
Edited to correct the plural "boyfriends". I...only have one.
You're no fun.
OP, I applaud your ambition, but you already know what to do. Do it.
You've already received excellent recommendations of the stuff to consider buying and using. Do and do.0 -
If you are content on waking up early...Congrats! That will work...and Congrats on the new baby! My only advice (mom to 3) is to set up your routine NOW, before baby is here. That way when the sleep deprivation kicks in (and it will) you will have a set schedule/routine to lean on. My husband shared night time duties and would help with changing etc... I worked out on the days following my "off nights", I felt more refreshed haha. Overall when baby comes, go easy on yourself...being a parent is hard and amazing all at the same time
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