I want to stop feeling embarrassed of my weight
SunnyZain76
Posts: 20
I try to start these challenges, challenges to help get myself motivated to lose the weight & I will go strong for a week or two then fall off. I get these comments in regards to how much weight I've gained the past couples years & some of the comments are pretty hurtful and that still doesn't push me to lose the weight. I'm so unhappy with myself right now and more & more I'm finding myself withdrawing from everyone & party events that I'm invited to I always make excuses that I can't go. I know why it's because I don't like how I look, I already know people are talking about the weight I've put on & I just don't want to see or hear their reactions. Every week I say to myself that I'm go to check into my fitness pal & log into my diary, watch what I eat, & go to the gym but by time I get off work, pick up my son, & go home to cook dinner, all I want to do is sit down & relax. I can tell you sometimes I cry because I want this so bad, I want to love myself again, feel good & stop being embarrassed how I look. I just need to find a way to get me to stay committed. I've pretty much wasted my whole summer away, I have a weekend camp trip next week for my daughter's birthday and the only thing that crosses my mind is getting into a swim suit. I have a family trip in November to see family & friends that I haven't seen in a while and if I continue to look this way, I know that I will cancel that trip and that's not fair to my family. Why can't I just get to that motivation point. I'm just tired of feeling this way.
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Replies
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I feel the same way! It's tough when you gain 50 pounds in a year, and had always been skinny before, like me. People cant help but talk about it! Theres a lot of people who haven't seen me since the weight gain, and I'm avoiding them, hoping to get smaller before they see whats happened to me,,,,0
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I hate working out. I despise it, it's the worst thing ever. It hurts, and from the minute I start, I can't wait to stop. But I hate feeling bad about myself even more than I hate exercising.
That being said, for me, I just try not to think about it. I make myself go into robot mode, change into my workout clothes, put on my shoes and just do it. If you want it that bad, you need to let that fuel you to succeed and not get depressed about it.0 -
I used to have the same exact issue. However, instead of backing out, I would feel forced to be there so I would spend a long time trying to find something to wear that I thought I looked ok in. I think the longest it has ever taken me to get dressed was a hour and a half. I would cry, I would hate myself, I would think of just staying home. I felt worthless and fat.
What two horrible feelings those are! However, sometimes those feelings are your best motivators. My advice to you would be to find your worth. No thin person is worth more than someone who is not thin (and vice versa). You have worth because you are the only you on this planet. Find your worth. Find what it is about you that's worth fighting for. Once you have that, then you can tackle the "fat" feeling. Because if you don't see yourself as worth the fight, then you won't stick to any weight loss/ life style change. Do this for you. Because again, you are the only you there is.
You so got this! 0 -
I was that way for a while too. I pushed through it until I saw a little bit of progress. Once I saw that progress that was my inspiration. I'm still considered obese but I feel a ton better. Push through it these next few weeks even through you don't want to and I'm guessing your self esteem will begin to improve. Use the other people on here for support and motivation. Tell yourself, if they can do it I can do it. You got this girl!0
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People deserve to be happy regardless of their current weight, and any notions otherwise are the product of decades of marketing that has polluted our culture in the name of profit. You said there was a swimsuit (and I assume swimming) involved? Be active so you can swim a bunch without getting tired on that trip and play with your daughter, not for the sake of how you look in said swimsuit.
I am pretty far over the cutoff for being obese and I get into distance riding. People tend to space that I'm fat.0 -
One day I made a conscious decision that my weight was not going to stop me from anything. If I wanted to wear shorts or a swimsuit I was going to do it. It is funny but shortly after I committed to not feeling badly about my weight or how I looked, a few people came up to me and asked me if I had lost weight. I had not but I guess I was walking taller with more confidence.0
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What sticks out to me in your post is you stating "I try to start these *challenges*". It makes me wonder if you are trying to take on too much, too fast, and you burn out. Start small. Maybe make your first goal logging onto MFP and tracking your food for 7 days straight. Then up it to 14 days. Etc, etc. That way you are reaching milestones more frequently, without stressing yourself out. You can apply this to dietary changes, exercise routines, etc as well.
To start small with exercise, I'd recommend going to 30dayfitnesschallenges.com and picking out one 30-day challenge that looks doable to you, and stick with it. The challenges are basically fitness baby steps and they are great for people (like me) who have trouble staying on track.
The bottom line is start small, and slowly increase your goals. I used to burn out all the time because I'd set this HUGE goals for myself and get upset when I messed up.
Also, try not to let your weight/body size define your self worth. Easier said than done... I know. But tell yourself every day that your body doesn't define you- who you ARE defines you. Good luck, and feel free to add me if you need support.0 -
Greats thoughts & advice, I greatly appreciate this. I know reading or hearing about everyone's success stories or struggles does help motivate me and I don't feel alone when it comes to the struggles. My family & friends don't seem to understand that if I want to lose why why don't I just do it. It's just not easy like that.0
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i'm a little more bothered by the fact that you would cancel a trip for the whole family just because you don't like your aesthetic...
so...your whole family gets to suffer for your situation?
that's not right...
suck it up and change it or LIVE with it...
but whatever you do stop hiding and START LIVING LIFE....
just please.0 -
I used to have the same exact issue. However, instead of backing out, I would feel forced to be there so I would spend a long time trying to find something to wear that I thought I looked ok in. I think the longest it has ever taken me to get dressed was a hour and a half. I would cry, I would hate myself, I would think of just staying home. I felt worthless and fat.
What two horrible feelings those are! However, sometimes those feelings are your best motivators. My advice to you would be to find your worth. No thin person is worth more than someone who is not thin (and vice versa). You have worth because you are the only you on this planet. Find your worth. Find what it is about you that's worth fighting for. Once you have that, then you can tackle the "fat" feeling. Because if you don't see yourself as worth the fight, then you won't stick to any weight loss/ life style change. Do this for you. Because again, you are the only you there is. You so got this!
This right here and SO perfectly put. I would only add that you ARE worth it! You are a beautiful young woman and you CAN do this. It's time to get up and move. No more excuses, no more buts. Let's go! Now is the time my friend!
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i'm a little more bothered by the fact that you would cancel a trip for the whole family just because you don't like your aesthetic...
so...your whole family gets to suffer for your situation?
that's not right...
suck it up and change it or LIVE with it...
but whatever you do stop hiding and START LIVING LIFE....
just please.
sorry, but this.
only YOU can change the sources of these issues.
if YOU dont like the way you look and feel, YOU have to change it.
if YOU dont like the way people are making YOU feel with hurtful words, YOU can remove yourself from their presence.
if you cancel a trip because of your insecurities YOU are making others suffer with you.
step up, kick *kitten*, and take hold of the control that YOU alone possess.0 -
Such great advice & you're right my family shouldn't be punished with how I feel about myself, I did this to myself & I need to fix it. I love the advice starting with smaller goals so for 7 days, I will start with logging into Fitnesspal and tracking in my journal. I can do that.0
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Take every day one day at a time,set a daily goal instead of looking at the goal as a whole(which can be very daunting at times).maybe the goal for tomorow is to not eat chocolate or have a big salad for lunch, and the goal for the next day is to go for a 20 minute walk, all small thing, but they will all add up in the end..maybe try planing some meals ahead so you can log them in ahead.it can be intimidating to try and tackle somthing so big ,so start with small changes and progress daily..it will get better!!0
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Please don't quit!
I would never let anyone take my picture because they always made me look fat (LOL). I know I'm fat but when I see myself in a pic I could cry. I'm so embarrassed that I look like this. I hardly have any pictures of me with my kids while they were growing up because of the way I looked. I'm so mad at myself for that. They love me no matter what I look like. I've finally gotten to the point where I let my picture be taken. No one is a better person because they are thin. I am the same person whether I'm fat or not, and any of my friends and family that think less of me because of how I look don't deserve my friendship.
I HATE to exercise. I have to force myself...every time. I wish I could find something I loved to do but, so far, nothing is fun. I understand that after you come home from work and make dinner and take care of the kids you are worn out. You can do this but, you have to MAKE yourself do it. If you are exhausted, you must make yourself get up and do SOMETHING. It doesn't have to be a lot. It doesn't have to take an hour. Just try to do something...as often as you can.
Tell yourself that you WILL do this! If you need a goal other than your health or looking better FOR YOUSELF, think of how those people will look at you when you lose! My goal is to start horseback riding again. I haven't ridden in 20 yrs. I miss it so much. I got my daughter (20 yrs. old) a horse 7 yrs ago and I'm tired of living vicariously through her. I need to lose a LOT before I will get on our, or any other, horse. I love them too much to burden them with my tonnage. So, when I get down or don't want to stick to my new LifePlan, I think about riding and I'm determined to get there.
You are the only one that can do this for you. You choose to eat what you eat. You choose to move when you move. If this was easy, we'd all be super models. Take it one day at a time. If you have a bad day, don't beat yourself up or give up. Just start again the next day with the idea that you will do this.
Please don't quit.:flowerforyou:0 -
Such great advice & you're right my family shouldn't be punished with how I feel about myself, I did this to myself & I need to fix it. I love the advice starting with smaller goals so for 7 days, I will start with logging into Fitnesspal and tracking in my journal. I can do that.
Just don't quit. If the other people on this site can do it, so can you. Try not to get obsessed with the scale - that happens to people when they are first starting out, sometimes. The other thing that I have found works for me, is focussing on the health and fitness aspect of things, rather than just how I look.
You can do this.0 -
Such great advice & you're right my family shouldn't be punished with how I feel about myself, I did this to myself & I need to fix it. I love the advice starting with smaller goals so for 7 days, I will start with logging into Fitnesspal and tracking in my journal. I can do that.
Going to share some advice I picked up over at the great Captain Awkward some time ago.
(http://captainawkward.com/2013/07/06/little-things-that-people-say-that-totally-shift-your-perspective/)
Make the job smaller.Have the energy to do a little bit of something productive, but the tasks facing you are huge? Don’t even try to finish a whole task. Instead, consider that your assignment is simply Making the Job Smaller. Folding one item of clean laundry out of the pile and putting it away = success. Answering one email you’ve been putting off = success. And so forth. If I try to tackle the entire pile of whatever, it’s overwhelming and I feel like a failure. But Making the Job Smaller is not so hard! I can do that! And then I get to feel better about myself for accomplishing something, however tiny, plus now the job facing me is slightly less huge and scary.
The post is in the context of coming out of depression - when you're depressed, the smallest tasks seem insurmountable, so things pile up: paperwork, dishes, laundry, mail, recycling, empty shampoo bottles that never quite leave the edge of the tub. Then the depression starts to pass, and you start having the energy to deal with things again, only you now have 6 months of lapsed paperwork and chores staring you in the face, so you've got an overwhelming mountain of THINGS TO DO staring you in the face.
This is where you are. You have a lot to do - an overhaul of a lifestyle isn't an easy thing! and it can seem overwhelming at first.
So. Make the job smaller. Don't overwhelm yourself by starting off tracking AND restricting calories AND adding a brand new exercise regimen if you weren't already doing that. Instead, do what you're planning - track your meals - track EVERYTHING - for a week. That's no big deal, right?
From there you can keep making the job smaller - adding caloric/nutrition goals, adding exercise goals, but incrementally so you don't get overwhelmed. (But don't let yourself use the "oh it's so overwhelming!" as an excuse! Make sure you move forward on this! It can be a tricky line to walk, but you can do it.)
Congratulations on your first step
you can do this! 0 -
I try to start these challenges, challenges to help get myself motivated to lose the weight & I will go strong for a week or two then fall off. I get these comments in regards to how much weight I've gained the past couples years & some of the comments are pretty hurtful and that still doesn't push me to lose the weight. I'm so unhappy with myself right now and more & more I'm finding myself withdrawing from everyone & party events that I'm invited to I always make excuses that I can't go. I know why it's because I don't like how I look, I already know people are talking about the weight I've put on & I just don't want to see or hear their reactions. Every week I say to myself that I'm go to check into my fitness pal & log into my diary, watch what I eat, & go to the gym but by time I get off work, pick up my son, & go home to cook dinner, all I want to do is sit down & relax. I can tell you sometimes I cry because I want this so bad, I want to love myself again, feel good & stop being embarrassed how I look. I just need to find a way to get me to stay committed. I've pretty much wasted my whole summer away, I have a weekend camp trip next week for my daughter's birthday and the only thing that crosses my mind is getting into a swim suit. I have a family trip in November to see family & friends that I haven't seen in a while and if I continue to look this way, I know that I will cancel that trip and that's not fair to my family. Why can't I just get to that motivation point. I'm just tired of feeling this way.
This is going to sound mean. I promise you, it's not meant to be. Here's a flower to prove it.:flowerforyou:
You don't want it bad enough if you're finding it that hard to commit. There might be a ton of personal reasons that we don't know about, that are adding to the problem, but IMO, it all boils down to whether or not you want it enough.
I hate saying it because I HATED hearing it. When I first signed up for MFP and I'd see people replying with this same opinion, I'd get SO mad for the OP, because how the hell do they know if the OP wants it bad enough?? But they know because if you want it bad enough, you make it happen.
But the good news is that you can make that choice. Start talking to yourself. When you're sitting on the couch and just don't feel like logging or when you just want to crawl into bed instead of working out, say it out loud "I want this. Get up and DO IT." It might sound silly but it might work. You have to force yourself.0 -
you are a pretty women just remember this is a marathon not a sprint just stick with it and you will be fine make this your lifestyle take it day by day make a goal and stay focused on that0
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Why can't I just get to that motivation point. I'm just tired of feeling this way.
[/quote]
Perhaps you are just tired. If you are not sleeping well, try working on that if you can.
And B vitamin supplements, either in food or pill form, seems to help with energy levels.
Avoid if you can thinking about the weight and try to think about fitness activities. The weight will come
off if you do the work and manage the nutritional profile well. Good luck.0 -
Greats thoughts & advice, I greatly appreciate this. I know reading or hearing about everyone's success stories or struggles does help motivate me and I don't feel alone when it comes to the struggles. My family & friends don't seem to understand that if I want to lose why why don't I just do it. It's just not easy like that.
Yes! family never understands, my husband is obese and i am struggling to lose weight ever since I had my daughter, I am the same way.. I start with lots of energy and then just stop, but this time I know I am going to do it the right way, one day at a time, one step at a time.
I started my page today and have a friend telling me what to do as for workout and I am paying very close attention to everything I eat and putting here... I think you have to feel determined and tired of being fat. You will do it and working out will be something you enjoy, because you will see how much better you feel. Also I printed out lots of pictures and motivation quotes and taped them around my house, where I work out, right next to my bed so I can see fit people as soon as I wake up, in the bathroom.. lol.. everywhere! my kids and husband laugh but that only gives me more incentive
If you need some support message me and we can push each other.0 -
I think the best piece of advice I can give you is just to understand that this is a slow process.
It didn't take you 2 hamburgers to put on weight, the same way it won't take 2 salads to lose the weight.
90% of how you look will come down to your nutritional intake and calories in vs calories out.
Focus on this. Understand this.
Include light exercise like walking or anything to keep you active... And then as you get more comfortable with your eating habits you can adjust accordingly.
Message me if I can help in any way.0 -
This is true.. I didnt want it bad enough before.. NOW I DO !) 0
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I used to feel the exact same way, and sometimes I still do. I'm in the military and I'm 48 lbs over where the army wants me. I go there and I feel so so fat in my uniform! I feel like everyone is looking at me thinking how fat and stupid I am. But really, they're not. It's all in my head. In my civilian life I've realized that I don't want friends who will talk bad about my weight. I am more than my body and so are you. If people can't see past your size they're probably not worth having as friends.0
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I understand the falling off after 1-2 weeks. I've been there several times.
THIS time, I KNOW is different. I'm in a much better place mentally.
First, I'd look for something (physical) that you like/love to do. I recently found a love for walking. I started walking just to mix up my cardio schedule, but I enjoyed it more and more so I went from doing it once a week to everyday. It REALLY calms me and destresses me. My head feels so much clearer during/after my walk. And Physically, even though it's hard, I feel fantastic after I've finished my 3.5 mile walk (I started out at 2 miles and have since increased it).
Second, look at your calorie intake. Is it at the "typical" 1200 calories MFP likes to recommend? If so, consider increasing it to 1400-1500. You're still at a deficit, and you'll feel so much better.
For me, this time around things have really clicked into place. I'm feeling positive and happy every single day, because I know I'm eating the right amount of food (for me) and I'm physically active in an area that I've found true love for. It becomes SO easy when you have that kind of combination.
Good luck!0 -
I feel/felt the same way that you did. Truth be told, what happened for me was, I lost 10-20 pounds, felt great about it, then stopped and gained it all back (when I really have about 80-90 pounds to lose). What happened for me was this mindset that I didn't think I could do what I needed to do long-term. In my mind, the process would take too long and be too hard. It's true - I didn't put the weight on overnight and I'm not going to take it off overnight.
I just recently started counting calories again. I've made it a point to work in increments. Lose ten pounds with calorie counting. Then reward myself somehow - obviously not with food - but maybe something like a new outfit or a date with my husband. Then, I plan on changing up my routine for a bit - not just counting calories but exercising with a certain dvd a certain amount of times per week. Then the next 10 pounds, change it up again. When I look at it like that, and not this huge number, I stay motivated.
I know this sounds cheesy - but I've also found motivation in watching shows that are about dancing. I have always loved to dance (haven't been able to for about 6-7 years), but the show really keeps me motivated - because I think how awesome it will be to be able to do something I used to do all the time and loved!
Just don't stop! The worst thing you can do is think that you can't lose the weight. The truth and FACT is that you CAN lose the weight. The hardest part will be to create a plan and stick with it. Don't think that it's gonna be too hard. Making little changes here and there are going to be doable. You CAN do it - just one step, one day at a time. People say that all the time, but you really have to understand what exactly that means to you and how to many that "mantra" your own. Don't worry about the scale. Don't worry about the measurements. You ARE going to fluctuate. Be ok with that. But keep "working the plan" and it's gonna work. Trust me!0 -
I understand the falling off after 1-2 weeks. I've been there several times.
THIS time, I KNOW is different. I'm in a much better place mentally.
First, I'd look for something (physical) that you like/love to do. I recently found a love for walking. I started walking just to mix up my cardio schedule, but I enjoyed it more and more so I went from doing it once a week to everyday. It REALLY calms me and destresses me. My head feels so much clearer during/after my walk. And Physically, even though it's hard, I feel fantastic after I've finished my 3.5 mile walk (I started out at 2 miles and have since increased it).
Second, look at your calorie intake. Is it at the "typical" 1200 calories MFP likes to recommend? If so, consider increasing it to 1400-1500. You're still at a deficit, and you'll feel so much better.
For me, this time around things have really clicked into place. I'm feeling positive and happy every single day, because I know I'm eating the right amount of food (for me) and I'm physically active in an area that I've found true love for. It becomes SO easy when you have that kind of combination.
Good luck!
I agree - make sure your deficit is not unrealistic. I think before, I tried to stick to 1200 calories, but this time around, I'm at 1500. Losing weight the slow way, though it takes longer, will be easier to maintain because your body is used to the small changes and getting to the weight will take longer, making the changes more realistic to stick with. They say it takes 21 days to create a habit. So losing all of the weight in one week is not going to be good. (Of course, if you need to lose a larger amount of weight, it's going to take a lot longer than that!)0 -
i'm a little more bothered by the fact that you would cancel a trip for the whole family just because you don't like your aesthetic...
so...your whole family gets to suffer for your situation?
that's not right...
suck it up and change it or LIVE with it...
but whatever you do stop hiding and START LIVING LIFE....
just please.
I agree with this. All of it. Even the please.0 -
Don't think of it as challenges, think of it as choices. Each choice you make will add up over time (that's how the weight got there in the first place, right?) So take each choice as an opportunity for change. Each time you choose grilled over fried, berries over chips, a walk instead of a movie, know that you are making choices that will change your life! That good feeling of making good choices is addictive and gets easier over time.0
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I don't agree with all of the people that are just telling you to suck it up. That defeats the purpose. Your weight IS affecting people around you - but pointing that out and just telling you to fix it and suck it up is not going to help you, mentally. People like that just need to stop giving their opinion. Losing weight is more than just a formula. It's a mindset and a will to change your lifestyle.
People, seriously, stop making her feel guilty. I'm sure she's aware of what's going on. You don't need to pour salt on the wound. Come on!0 -
I don't agree with all of the people that are just telling you to suck it up. That defeats the purpose. Your weight IS affecting people around you - but pointing that out and just telling you to fix it and suck it up is not going to help you, mentally. People like that just need to stop giving their opinion. Losing weight is more than just a formula. It's a mindset and a will to change your lifestyle.
People, seriously, stop making her feel guilty. I'm sure she's aware of what's going on. You don't need to pour salt on the wound. Come on!
Nope. When you've allowed your body and your mental state to deteriorate to the point that it's negatively impacting your family, it's time for tough love. No one is being mean here or trying to make her feel guilty - they're trying to open her eyes and help her to see that it's unhealthy for her and her family.0
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