I want to stop feeling embarrassed of my weight

ozigal

I try to start these challenges, challenges to help get myself motivated to lose the weight & I will go strong for a week or two then fall off. I get these comments in regards to how much weight I've gained the past couples years & some of the comments are pretty hurtful and that still doesn't push me to lose the weight. I'm so unhappy with myself right now and more & more I'm finding myself withdrawing from everyone & party events that I'm invited to I always make excuses that I can't go. I know why it's because I don't like how I look, I already know people are talking about the weight I've put on & I just don't want to see or hear their reactions. Every week I say to myself that I'm go to check into my fitness pal & log into my diary, watch what I eat, & go to the gym but by time I get off work, pick up my son, & go home to cook dinner, all I want to do is sit down & relax. I can tell you sometimes I cry because I want this so bad, I want to love myself again, feel good & stop being embarrassed how I look. I just need to find a way to get me to stay committed. I've pretty much wasted my whole summer away, I have a weekend camp trip next week for my daughter's birthday and the only thing that crosses my mind is getting into a swim suit. I have a family trip in November to see family & friends that I haven't seen in a while and if I continue to look this way, I know that I will cancel that trip and that's not fair to my family. Why can't I just get to that motivation point. I'm just tired of feeling this way.

Strange... I felt like that for a long time. I knew I was horribly overweight. I hated ding things where my weight was obvious eg. I would avoid going to things like go-karting because you had to wear a karting suit and I didnt think theirs would fit me. I didnt want the embarrassment.

Nothing and no one can motivate you to lose weight. It's something that has to come from within. I've been obese my entire life and now at age 45 I'm not. I'm still overweight and I still have a way to go but I'm getting there. One day, when the time is right for you, you will do it.

Pixi_Rex

I don't agree with all of the people that are just telling you to suck it up. That defeats the purpose. Your weight IS affecting people around you - but pointing that out and just telling you to fix it and suck it up is not going to help you, mentally. People like that just need to stop giving their opinion. Losing weight is more than just a formula. It's a mindset and a will to change your lifestyle.

People, seriously, stop making her feel guilty. I'm sure she's aware of what's going on. You don't need to pour salt on the wound. Come on!

Really. I am 100 pounds overweight. I have been 100 pounds over weight for at least 3 years. I wear a swim suit. I take my niece swimming once a week. I get in to my tankini, I go to the pool and we play and have a great time. I even waterslide. Do I like how I look? NOPE. Not at all why do you think I am here? because its fun? no. Because i want to like what I look like. But would I ever cancel a trip to the pool or to see my family because I don't like my body? NEVER why would I punish them because of my issues? It is not fair.

I will NOT stop stating my opinion. Is weightloss hard? Yes - been here 3 years and am still struggling because I am lazy. Does it get boring? Of course it is. I hate exercising. I hate eating only a small portion of the foods i love. I hate it all. But for myself I am sucking it up.

It is a mental game, sometimes you have to fake it until you make it, or let it consume you and you inevitably ruin things for the people you love - because eventually cancelling family trips, or making excuses to not go somewhere WILL make your family and friends resent and even withdraw from you.

So Suck it up princess.. get moving, you may have peed this summer away but you always have next summer and by November if you get your ducks in a row you could surprise your family with a decent loss. Find something that motivates you and work toward that goal. Don't make it a weight, make it something like - run around the block or walks 3 miles in a certain amount of time, or jump over a building or swim 100 laps, or w/e just do it.

Kushy8

I can relate to so much of what you said in your post! I don't want to repeat much of what has already been said in response. I do think some people were unnecessarily harsh, and I agree with the people who said that was not beneficial. The big reason I wanted to post on your thread was because you said you get home from work and are exhausted and just want to relax. That's exactly how I am. Some people on here seem to LIKE to exercise in the evenings. NOT ME! I have found that if I exercise first thing in the morning, I get it out of the way before I'm exhausted and don't feel like I can anymore. I can't think about it too much. I have to just do it, no matter how much I don't feel like it. I briefly looked at your profile, and saw that you have 4 children. I don't have children and I do realize they complicate things like finding time for exercise. I'm assuming you have to help them get motivated and off to school in the morning. If this is the case, I strongly suggest getting up before they do and fitting in exercise then. Once the chaos of a regular day begins, it's hard to take time out to exercise.
As previous posters have said in this thread, start small! I started walking like 10 minutes, and now I can walk for hours. I don't run AT ALL. I barely go to the gym. I walk and swim as my main forms of exercise. I've lost 13 pounds since late May. That's not a huge loss, but it is STEADY loss. Once you start logging - consistently and meticulously - everything you eat, even the milk in your coffee or a bite of this or that, you will start to see the direct correlation between calories consumed and calories burned. One thing I love about MFP is that as you add exercise, your calorie allotment goes up. I LOVE to eat, so in order to be able to eat enough to not feel deprived, I exercise and the more the better. I find the extra calorie allowance IS my motivator to get up and MOVE!
I hope any or all of what I've said can help you in some way!
If you want support and motivation, feel free to add me. I log in every day barring major life complications. Also, if you want to reply to anything I've said, please do it by messaging me or writing on my wall. I don't always read what has been posted after I post on a thread.
Best wishes to you! You CAN do this!

erinpickering12

The point I was trying to make was this. If you read her first post closely - she acknowledges that she doesn't want to put her family through her cancelling it just because she feels bad about her weight. She's already aware of it. You all seem to be harping on that fact when the real issue at hand was how does she mentally get to a point where she's ready to change?

Sometimes, "Just do it" just doesn't cut it.

Read her last statement "Why can't I just get to that motivation point. I'm just tired of feeling this way."

It's a mental thing and I'm sure she's heard people tell her "if you want to change, just change!" before. Give her some advice - obviously, the type of advice she actually benefited from were suggestions of habit changes for her lifestyle - not "just please".... really?

Pangea250

I hate working out. I despise it, it's the worst thing ever. It hurts, and from the minute I start, I can't wait to stop. But I hate feeling bad about myself even more than I hate exercising.

^This.

Until the moment came that I hated hating myself more than I hated doing something about it, nothing got done.

iyoseph

I dont know if this has already been said, but the hatred for exercize might be a good thing. Use it to help you eat better. For example, I love ice cream, i mean, I LOVE ice cream. But when i figure out that its going to take me two hours of exercize to burn that off, suddenly the ic ecream can wait. I wish i was a great writer and had the patience to tell you how many times this has worked for me. I hope that helps!

calibriintx

The point I was trying to make was this. If you read her first post closely - she acknowledges that she doesn't want to put her family through her cancelling it just because she feels bad about her weight. She's already aware of it. You all seem to be harping on that fact when the real issue at hand was how does she mentally get to a point where she's ready to change?

Sometimes, "Just do it" just doesn't cut it.

Read her last statement "Why can't I just get to that motivation point. I'm just tired of feeling this way."

It's a mental thing and I'm sure she's heard people tell her "if you want to change, just change!" before. Give her some advice - obviously, the type of advice she actually benefited from were suggestions of habit changes for her lifestyle - not "just please".... really?

Pretty sure you're the only one harping on anything here. You know what's really cool about public forums? Everyone gets to post their own opinions and perspectives. The advice wasn't directed at you and it doesn't really matter if you think it's helpful. None of it was mean, and the OP can choose to ignore it if it doesn't help her. Personally, I think the advice hits a little too close to home and that's why you're getting bent out of shape about it.

drphyl13

It sounds cliche but it is so true - you have to love yourself to want more for yourself and to make sure you matter to you. No one can do this for you. What I have learned is when I love myself and I do not worry about my weight but instead, I focus on making sure I carry myself with gratitude and appreciation that I am alive, in good health, can walk, talk, am able to sleep peacefully at night, have my provisions met, etc, my confidence and contentment shows through and guess what? I hear tons of compliments about my smile, my beauty and my confidence - that I am super fun and pleasant to be around. Alot of times folks aren't even looking at the weight when they are drawn to your personality and inward beauty - especially your family.

Start living and appreciating who you are and that GOD made you a beautiful human being who is here to serve her purpose. Embrace who you are - love who you are and be grateful for an opportunity to enhance who you are. Weight is a stronghold, just as other issues like drug addiction, sex addiction, anger, alcoholism, depression. If you think about it, weight is the result of something much deeper that we are all dealing with. Its unfortunate that our society judges us on our looks but seem tolerant of folks with addictions because they are thin and in shape? How backward our society's thinking is. All I know is that I am happy to be alive and I thank GOD for the opportunity yet again to enhance my life, through improved health. I need to lose 50+ pounds but I would put my cute, fun, sports loving personality up against to any size 2 chick any day You are awesome... believe that you are and you deserve to be treated like you are.....:)

happieharpie

I'm a BIG (pun intended) fan of de-cosmeticizing obesity and putting it where it belongs, as a strictly health based issue.

There is not a single person here who has not been criticized for being too heavy, but would anyone make jokes about a friend with a seizure disorder? Or someone who had lost a limb? Or someone with disfiguring skin lesions?

I hope NOT. But, the criticizer responds, "The fat person need only exercise and stop eating junk, and they will be thin and gorgeous." Yeah, right, all the people who come hear and work hard to shed weight just do it because they're having so much fun. I've been looking for a solution to my weight problems for 50 year because I had to think of some other way to amuse myself until the internet came along.

So if you feel embarrassed by your size or weight or shape, do the mental work and decide whether you're feeling better and stronger and more empowered by what your doing. If you're focused on being a better you, not a fancier one, you're on the way to kicking your useless, non-productive embarrassment to the curb!

bhavnoor

What sticks out to me in your post is you stating "I try to start these *challenges*". It makes me wonder if you are trying to take on too much, too fast, and you burn out. Start small. Maybe make your first goal logging onto MFP and tracking your food for 7 days straight. Then up it to 14 days. Etc, etc. That way you are reaching milestones more frequently, without stressing yourself out. You can apply this to dietary changes, exercise routines, etc as well.

To start small with exercise, I'd recommend going to 30dayfitnesschallenges.com and picking out one 30-day challenge that looks doable to you, and stick with it. The challenges are basically fitness baby steps and they are great for people (like me) who have trouble staying on track.

The bottom line is start small, and slowly increase your goals. I used to burn out all the time because I'd set this HUGE goals for myself and get upset when I messed up.

Also, try not to let your weight/body size define your self worth. Easier said than done... I know. But tell yourself every day that your body doesn't define you- who you ARE defines you. Good luck, and feel free to add me if you need support.

^^^^^^^ this ^^^^^^^^

mpbartley

One thing you may want to try doing is not only logging everything you eat, but how you feel emotionally when you eat it. Many people self medicate with food, so by logging both what you are eating and your emotional state when eating it could helpful to you.
Second don't stop. so many of us will attend a party or go on vacation and eat poorly, then get down on ourselves for being failures. We only fail when we give up, not when we stumble. You are going to give in on occasion and have a piece of pie, or a burger and fries. You need to. If you say you will never eat anything unhealthy again you are setting your self up for failure right away by making an impossible statement. You can give yourself one day a week that you loosen up a little bit, and not fail.
Last thing is do it for you. If you are doing it for someone else you start with the pressure of failing them.

jenniferhayeshayes

You still should go and enjoy yourself. I don't know anyone who is really that pleased with their body.
I can't seem to lose pounds either.
I watch what I eat and refrain from eating sugary foods and high carb foods.
I believe that in time, I will see a reduction in my weight. It just takes a lot of time sometimes to get it off.
I have also learned to ask God to help me with my weight issues.
Trust in God. He will help you get motivated.
He is always the answer.
It's hard for me at times, esp. when I sit down and relax. I just ask God to help me find the strength to get up and get on my treadmill.
The only sugar I consume is via truvia, stevia and nustevia. I also eat fruit, but I have limited my fruit intake. I am also active. I believe that in time, I will see lots of progress.
Never give up on yourself. No one is perfect. Even if you were a ten, you still wouldn't be satisfied. We are our own worse enemy. We see flaws that other don't and that is because we look at ourselves too critically.
Don't make yourself miserable. Life is too short.
Please reply when you can.

J.

iowasweetie101

You can totally do it!

Scubanana7

Greats thoughts & advice, I greatly appreciate this. I know reading or hearing about everyone's success stories or struggles does help motivate me and I don't feel alone when it comes to the struggles. My family & friends don't seem to understand that if I want to lose why why don't I just do it. It's just not easy like that.

Repeat -- "It's just not easy like that." I have yet to find any thing, any relationship, any moment, any goal, any need, ANY PART of this short life we have on earth to be EASY. You are a mother of 4 children. Is that easy? I only had 2 and that was hard. You have a job. Is that easy? You have other family to deal with. Is that easy?

You are not giving yourself any credit. I am in AWE of a mother that can juggle a job and 4 children! YOU ARE AMAZING.!!!!

I understand that you are unhappy with your weight. Every single soul on this site has been there. That is why we are here. You have come to the right place. I believe you know what you need to do. Is it easy??? Heck no. Was it easy for any single one of us? Heck no. If it was, we wouldn't be here cheering each other on, inspiring others with our successes, being inspired by the success of another. We all fall off the diet/health wagon and our friend here encourage us to climb back on. You need to complete your profile (if you have not). This is YOUR SAFE PLACE. You can put on your profile what you cannot say to outside family or friends. You can just be you. You can list your fears, your goals, your doubts, and best of all---EACH SMALL SUCCESS. It feels good to see them all in print.

Start requesting friends. You like someone's thread or their response to a thread, send them a message and request their help. You see someone your age or with the same amount to lose or someone that makes you laugh, send a friend request.

I owe my success to the friends here. Yeah, I did the work--but I found the inspiration and strength in theirs. I will be your friend if you don't mind an old lady (tho I am raising a 6-year old too--my grandson). Your original post sounds depressed. I was very depressed when I began. I could not understand why I could not just eat better and get off my fat *kitten*. I joined here because I wanted to get myself healthy. I didn't want to diet or exercise, but I knew it was time to take charge of my health. Being on mfp got me to looking at my food choices when i began logging. I found friends. I saw what they ate, what exercise they did. I have friends in their 60's and 70's. I saw them losing and working out. That made it real for me. If they can, I CAN. and you, my friend with the gorgeous eyes---YOU CAN TOO. 'with a little help from your friends'

Nana_Anne

First...Scuba you rock! You have just been there and seen me through many life issues that effect my weight.

I started "Leslie Sansone Walking DVD's" This is a good place to start. Here is a free link to her one mile. I started here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=df2gn6-w0dE

There are many of us who come from where you are. I over came this struggle first with the Lord I forgave all of those who judged me. Then I learned from the success stories and my small group of supportive gal friends that I don't have to be embarrased about who I am. Hey, I even went swimming today!! I wore shorts but a tank top! Me in a tank top :-) Baby steps all the way.

One other thing, this seems long so thank you for reading. I am curious to your vitamin D levels. I was very tired and seemed depressed yet I wasn't if you know what I mean. The doctor ran a blood test and I only had a trace amount of vitamin D. That was serious!!! After high doses for months I was still too low. I was very happy with my blood test I just had. I am now in the normal range. I still take a vitamin D daily. Maybe write down any symptoms you may be having and look into it. Also a complete physical with complete blood test. With children, work, home and all that goes with it, you my friend sound exhausted!!! You need some self care too. Maybe a pedicure? Something nice just for you. I am wondering if you even get "me time".

Anyways, please check out the walking video. You will be in my prayers. Sending you hugs and love!

AleciaG724

I didn't read many of the replies so I'm sorry if I'm repeating...

Is there any way you can log in after every meal throughout the day? I log my breakfast while I'm eating it. Do you have the App for your phone - it's really helpful if you have a smart phone because you can scan items you eat that have a bar code...

Try to be positive & excited about logging...

jkdarby

I saw this on another message board, but I thought it might help you with the negative thoughts:

http://fitmamatraining.com/how-i-let-go-of-self-hate-and-discovered-my-beautiful/

kairsme

It seems like most points have been addressed, being a working mom myself, I'm betting you also have a heavy home keeping load?
"Work, pickup child, make dinner, clean up dinner , put child to bed etc."

To cut some steps out maybe try some crockpot meals you set up the night before, or making a few big dishes over the weekend to eat as leftovers? Are your children old enough to pick up some of the cooking, or cleaning responsibilities ? Could your laundry or bathroom go a few days or an extra week without cleaning?

I don't know what your situation is like, but I'm sure your plate is very full--I can definitely understand the overwhelm, and running out of steam to take care of yourself. Try to lesson your load, pat yourself on the back for EVERYTHING you are accomplishing, and try to make some room in that routine for yourself.

Hope that helps! Add me if you would like

luvtcuk

Like many other post, great advice. But I have some experience to add and hope it help.

Like you, I feel the same and I started to log in MFP and work out since 4/2013. I didn't lose much weight but feel good, confidence and strong. Even if on vacation, I try to log as much as I can, When I see the number of cals I eat, I got the motivation to make better choices and portion control. I just come back for 1 week vacation and I gain nothing. I am super motivate to get back on track.

So make work out part of your schedule, and log on MFP is your chore. When you make it part of your day, you will feel wierd to not do it.

The only time I could work out is early in the morning before my family got up. At first it is hard but now I am use to it.

YOU CAN DO IT. JUST DO IT.

Meng25

Thank you for recommending the 30dayfitnesschallenge website. I'm going to start the abs one today, and they have some good blogs posted on there.

SunnyZain76

Wow, thank you for all the sweet encouragements. If I could click on one button to have you all as my friends, life would be pretty good. You all sound like great people with great advice, I think Fitness Pal is going to start being my new hang out. HUgs! ♥

kyleekay10

Thank you for recommending the 30dayfitnesschallenge website. I'm going to start the abs one today, and they have some good blogs posted on there.

You're welcome. It's definitely an awesome site!