Husband not supportive

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Replies

  • Heather4448
    Heather4448 Posts: 908 Member
    Do what you do for yourself.
    That being said... your Husband is risking blindness, amputations, and *gasp* impotence by not properly managing his diabetes. Maybe visiting or volunteering at a medical facility would be the thing that gets him to change. Some people need to SEE the possible outcomes. If that doesn't work, I'd reiterate -impotence!! That tends to get a man's attention.
  • Bluebell2325
    Bluebell2325 Posts: 103 Member
    No excuse, but is he scared to face up to things? It's hard being a grown up at times, you're supposed to know what to do, more often then not we're all just winging it. He may have developed a security blanket (made of all the wrong things). Apart from the diabetes we could be married to the same man, I can often see mine crumbling towards crisps, lager, biscuits, etc. And if I don't buy them he stops on his way home for them (not milk, or veg, or anything useful for the rest of the family!?), ignoring the behaviour doesn't help, raising the issue sends him further into it / defensive / argumentative. So I'm following this thread to see if there's a magic solution!!!! Sending well wishes. xx
  • melodydee66
    melodydee66 Posts: 115 Member
    I think you have tried all you can by talking to him. I think you need to show and hopefully inspire him at this point. My husband wasn't at all interested in getting on board with me when I started this journey a year and a half ago. He flat out told me that he would not eat healthy or do the things I was doing. Once I started to really make a difference in myself, my health, my weight, my energy and my motivation increased, he started to become a little interested. He was impressed that what I was doing was actually working. What I was doing was making me happier, healthy, energetic and excited. He started to ask to come on walks. He started to offer to grill the chicken on the BBQ. He started to ask about changes that he could make. I let him see for himself the benefits and let him ask to come along for the ride. Now we go for walks together in the evenings, we go for weekend hikes, we plan on taking up biking, we eat healthy meals, we only have whole wheat bread in the house. He no longer buys brownies, chocolate bars and other things he did before. He is not losing at the rate I am yet, but he wants to now. I think you just work on yourself and feel great about what are doing and hope he catches the energy bug from you! Good luck and stay strong!
  • Locolady98
    Locolady98 Posts: 92 Member
    This may not be helpful, but here goes. Years back, I was in a bad marriage. He was not at all supportive of my health goals. In retrospect, he was actually jealous of my improvements, and felt competitive with me, and it actually depressed him to see me becoming vibrant and healthy. The healthier I got, the more depressed and downright mean he would get. It ended in divorce.

    But, what I did throughout was what was best for me. He wanted us to be Mr. and Mrs. Couch Potato Head. I did that for a time, but it didn't work for me. I packed on massive amounts of weight. So, when I started getting healthy, he felt abandoned, and seemed to resent what I was doing. He absolutely sabotaged me to the extent that he could. He was extremely insecure. It was very sad.

    And a very sad epilogue to the story... 11 years after the divorce, I received word that he died from one of his addictions. I went through a very strange set of emotions in the months after learning this. I had chosen the path of health and life. He chose the opposite path.

    Looking back, there really is nothing I could have done. He was tied to a few different addictions, including food, gambling, and I won't list others, but he had others. I don't think I could have inspired him to change. He saw me getting healthy, eliminating bad habits, and he flat-out told me that if I really loved him, I wouldn't be selfish by doing things without him (like going to the grocery store, going out for a run, mowing the lawn, basically anything active). So, he felt left behind and abandoned by my healthy choices. And now one of us is alive, and the other is not.

    So, as it turns out, this was very literally a life-and-death decision. And I'm happy to be alive and healthy.

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