I'm a piece of crap

tinkerbellang83

Joys of working in multiple languages - misunderstandings are easy to come by.

TavistockToad

tinkerbellang83 wrote: »

Joys of working in multiple languages - misunderstandings are easy to come by.

OPs first language is english...

Sunna_W

You have a beautiful face and your eyes show that you are also a beautiful soul. Just by being alive you have a spark and you have worth because you are alive.

It's important to realize also that there may be a biochemical component to your outlook and current weight gain.

Here is a website that explains the connection:
http://www.everydayhealth.com/hs/major-depression/weight-management-for-depression/

If you haven't reached out to a trusted older family member or friend, I encourage you to do so, just so that you have some "propping up" until you are feeling better.

Sometimes just talking to someone, including a medical professional, is helpful. Do you have the means to make an appointment to get checked out?

Do hang in there and keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.

ninka_polish

Travis I'm really sorry. I misread your message totally! Because I don't like myself much I assumed you don't like me too and it lead to this huge misunderstanding. Where you said that it's a spam I read that I'm a spam or I'm spamming and that was it. Let's just agree that I made a mistake. I regret and apologise and I so didn't meant to make you feel bad. I have learnt my lesson to read messages twice before I reply:)

kenyonhaff

It's amazing how body weight controls how we feel about ourselves. Sure, it's better to be slim but you are no less worthy if you're not. If I could I would give you a big old Yankee hug.

Reaching out is a positive action, and that's great. You could've given up or eaten a donut but instead you decided to take some action. Huzzah for you!

Keep on logging. Make some mistakes--you are supposed to! Ask for help. A lot of us are really having success here on MFP and there's every reason to think you will too.

CSARdiver

A great piece of advice I was taught early on is to identify and remove negative people from your life as much as possible. If that negative person is family you may not be able to remove them, but you can limit your time with them.

Unfortunately there are some people who do not want you to get better and see any sort of improvement as a threat. There is no reasoning, no rationale that they will ever accept. With every negative comment use this as reinforcement that you are doing something right and move on.

Stop saying you don't like yourself - this is false. You love yourself enough to improve behavior that you don't like. You are not your behavior. You can change behavior.

SoDamnHungry

At the risk of sounding cheesy, failure is just something that happens on the way to success. Keep trying, and don't berate yourself every time you fail.

OhMsDiva

I just want to add my two cents. I have never really felt like crap, but some days I beat myself up for allowing myself to get the the weight that I was before I started losing weight. I honestly do not like to look at my body. Although I have lost a lot of weight I still have parts of my body that I know I jacked up by gaining so much weight.
Then I stop myself and acknowledge myself for taking the initiative to lose weight.
I also remind myself that I cannot expect anybody else to love my body if I do not love it. I think very few people have a perfect body and even the people that we make think have a perfect body probably do not like something about themselves.
We all are beautiful, no matter what the scale says or what our brains or society tells us about our appearance. Loving yourself is the greatest love of all.

osowskip

I lost 100 pounds about 3 years ago and then gained it back and am doing it all over again (hopefully for the last time!). You have to be good with yourself for this to work. You can it. It isn't rocket science. More calories out than in. There are lots of good people here to help you with this.

bstewart39

I have felt the same way! This year I made a decision and it was to stop all of the crazy diets and just be kind to myself! The only thing I do now is to HONESTLY track every thing I eat and drink EVERY day good or BAD and try to make healthy choices for me. That is it. Just be kind to your self.

Kindness works and so does tracking what you eat I have lost weight and am feeling better about my self. It has not been easy but just remember you are not your weight.

bellabella1983

Girl add me .. ☺

birdtobe

I've been where you are (and I'm still there some days). Part of the struggle is beating yourself up for being fat, then feeling so bad that you turn to food to comfort yourself. It becomes a cycle. For me, I was only really able to begin to succeed when I allowed myself to make mistakes. One bad day was just one bad day--not some horrible crime that made me want to soothe my shameful feelings with a pint of ice cream.

You can start today by making small changes and then slowly begin to trust yourself to make more changes. And you'll fall down sometimes. Hell, right now I would break someone's arm for a square of dark chocolate because I am feeling really upset about some work drama. But I know that the food will only make me feel better for a fleeting moment, so I won't eat the candy. (But did I mention that I want to?)

You're NOT a piece of crap. You're human being--one who has, every day, the option to make a fresh start. You can do it!

cleo1701

Ninka, You have all the support on here, well done for reaching out. I am motivated just reading the thread. I went from 55kg to 88. I started going to the gym 3 days ago, happy to virtual buddy for training. Please feel free to add me. Anyone else willing to share tips on weight loss, please feel free. Thanks all

AskMorphis

"I'm a failure at weight loss."
Lots of people fail. Losing weight is not easy, changing your habits is not easy. You try, you fail, but you try to understand your mistakes and you keep going.

"I stopped visiting my family because I don't want them to see me fat and say "Jesus what have you done to yourself!""
Your family is your family. You're not reduced to your weight. They might worry about you, wonder if you're unhealthy, but it's because they care about you. If you call yourself a piece of crap, don't you think they're right to worry ?
They also care and love you for who you are, which is more than your weight.

"And limited my socialising to closest friends. I could be pretty but I sabotaged myself into fat cage I'm in."
You are the one who closed the gate, you have the keys. You're working against your own interests. Who should be working to improve your well being ? Who should be doing all they can to free you from this cage ? It's you. Your actions, your decisions.

Everyone feels like a piece of crap sometimes. But you have to realize that you have to do everything you can to improve your situation, to go wherever you want to go. You tried, you failed, now try to understand how and why you fail, and fight.

Let some people call you "piece of crap". Everyone is the piece of crap of someone. But be the best you you want to be.

tomscudero

Don't be so hard on yourself. You've taken a huge step just reaching out here

And look at how many people willing to help! Including me.

Well it does look like you have plenty of offers for assistance. But if you would like more. I do my workouts virtually with workout buddies. And we motivate each other through an online group on FB and/or a downloadable app. So if you'd like to join us to say the word.

ninka_polish

I love my parents and owe them my life. I would worship them if there was a need and I'd never speak nad of them out of love and respect. It's a fact though that I cannot meet them. That I miss them so much my heart breaks and they are one flight away:( and i haven't seen them for 2 years just because of weight. When I was 98 kg I wanted to go home so bad I booked a suddenly flight and it cost me 400 euro + astronomical money for my budget I so wanted to see them. But the fear the fear of upsetting them with my sight was unbearable:( i don't want to to hurt them.

ninka_polish

So I didn't fly that day. And on Skype i say the cam is broken so they can't see me. During chat I say I'm 91kg when in reality I'm 113.5kg.....the truth is my parents are kind and supportive in every way but they worry too much and they worry so much it affects them whether they want it or not. The only way to see them again for me is to lose weight.

KANGOOJUMPS

well you started that all wrong. do you want it? go get it... I will and can help you

ninka_polish

I did:) I completed my Day 3 today and stepped into Day 4:) thanks to this beautiful community of likeminded, struggling, inspiring people

nutmegoreo

They are probably more worried that they haven't seen you for so long. Reach out to them and just be honest. You will feel so much better once you do. Because right now, you have been carrying this around with you for far too long and it has become a heavy burden. Whether you want to realize it or not, they are sharing that burden with you, they just don't know why. Tell them how you feel.

ninka_polish

I did that before. Conversation helps but changes nothing in my case. Anyway it's just a matter of months now:) with proper weight loss I'll be very happy going home for Christmas )

Slimpossible007

from a mother (i have 4 kids) your parents love you regardless of your size, (or anything else for that matter) its in their DNA they simply can't help it ... If I thought my daughter wouldn't come and see me because she was overweight I would be devastated!

kenyonhaff

ninka_polish wrote: »

So I didn't fly that day. And on Skype i say the cam is broken so they can't see me. During chat I say I'm 91kg when in reality I'm 113.5kg.....the truth is my parents are kind and supportive in every way but they worry too much and they worry so much it affects them whether they want it or not. The only way to see them again for me is to lose weight.

Okay.... I see this as the classic depression spiral.

You worry that you will worry others so you isolate yourself from them. Which will make them worry more. So you withdraw more. This can end up cutting you off from a source of support.

Look you are overweight. Not a criminal. It may be a bit embarrassing but you are hardly unique. Chances are you are not even the fattest person in town.

So just come clean. It can be refreshing to just fess up to being heavy. You aren't saying you have cancer or a std or some weird tropical disease. You are .... Gasp! In need of a good weight loss plan! Oh wait you found one...

ninka_polish

Did it ever happen to you to write a lovely reply or thread and instead of "post reply" you click on "Done" and you lose it all.....grrrr lol

mandyneedtolose

Everyone struggles!!! Chin up and keep on going! If you give up then you fail .. Don't give up means you will never fail! Add me if you'd like

dianemcmurtrie

Every failure is just one step closer to your goal.
Our mind is the most powerful organ in our body. Once we can control the negativity we can work on us. Social media have so much to answer for in what we should lokk like. Act like. Wear. Eat and act.
No wonder we struggle with weight and self esteem issues.
You are beautiful. Unique and you've got this love.
Keep going.

dchellea74

This hurt my heart. I ABSOLUTELY feel your literal pain. You and I are the same cloth, sweetie.

You and me!!!!

Momepro

Maybe you should seriously consider working with a therapist for a while. Hating your body (and youself) so much, that you are ashamed of even letting your parents see (unless of course they've given you good reason to be wary) is so bad for your general wellbeing. You will never learn to partner with your body, if you hate it that much.

Momepro

Spam is not ok.

nutmegoreo

grmrsan wrote: »

Spam is not ok.

I take it someone dropped in a link to something unnecessary and asinine. Always someone trying to sell you the miracle answer to everything. :laugh: