The gym is all I have

Jonathanak6

After a year from when I moved from my old home that I lived in most my life, I still haven't made any friends or really talked to anyone my age. At first it made sense because I would stay home and play video games but I also was in community college and still am, I have been so damn lonely and no one that I was friends with in my old home town ever texts or call me so they just let me go and I have and still haven't had any friends since then. So I've been super sad and lonely everyday, it's summer so I am only doing an online class until fall then ill go back to the classrooms for college. I have been going to the gym everyday for the past month and a half and have been using MFP for calories and stuff because I'm sick of my weight. Since I'm technically an adult and 21 years old I feel like my life shouldn't be so boring, like the only things I do is go to the gym, do homework and then play some video games or watch Netflix then go to sleep. The gym is basically all I have, I spend as much time in the gym as I can just to be around other human beings, and then when I get home I am super lonely and sad because no one ever messages me or calls me. I just wish there was a way to be happier but I'm also too shy to approach people now, I used to be super nice and outgoing but being so isolated has made me socially awkward and I get anxiety when I try to hold a conversation. I feel like ever since I got a diploma my life has just gone downhill, I mean I'm still a virgin, I'm 220 pounds and I'm socially awkward. Not sure what to do anymore besides go to the gym more.

Motorsheen

So what's your favorite video game?

Poisonedpawn78

Jonathanak6 wrote: »

After a year from when I moved from my old home that I lived in most my life, I still haven't made any friends or really talked to anyone my age. At first it made sense because I would stay home and play video games but I also was in community college and still am, I have been so damn lonely and no one that I was friends with in my old home town ever texts or call me so they just let me go and I have and still haven't had any friends since then. So I've been super sad and lonely everyday, it's summer so I am only doing an online class until fall then ill go back to the classrooms for college. I have been going to the gym everyday for the past month and a half and have been using MFP for calories and stuff because I'm sick of my weight. Since I'm technically an adult and 21 years old I feel like my life shouldn't be so boring, like the only things I do is go to the gym, do homework and then play some video games or watch Netflix then go to sleep. The gym is basically all I have, I spend as much time in the gym as I can just to be around other human beings, and then when I get home I am super lonely and sad because no one ever messages me or calls me. I just wish there was a way to be happier but I'm also too shy to approach people now, I used to be super nice and outgoing but being so isolated has made me socially awkward and I get anxiety when I try to hold a conversation. I feel like ever since I got a diploma my life has just gone downhill, I mean I'm still a virgin, I'm 220 pounds and I'm socially awkward. Not sure what to do anymore besides go to the gym more.

You have identified the next area of your life you will need to work on. Nobody is perfect and I am practically in the same boat many years later (which makes it even that much harder to do). Every single one of my high school and university friends have literally moved to other countries and stopped replying to emails. every one.

I think a good approach is going to be two fold here.
1) Start going on some dates. meet some people this way. even if you dont find the "one" right away this will be GREAT practice to get some of that anxiety out and dealt with. If you happen to hit it off with a few girls along the way even just as friends, you are helping to solve the other problem.

2) Find a gathering of like minded people. If you like an activity see if there is a meet up or a group/club in your area. Even if you arent SUPER excited about the topic of the group or club, its a way to meet more people. I actually met one of my ex's at a chess club of all places. Look for things you are interesting in, board games, book club, running, biking, hiking, comic book stores, cooking lessons, any group or even a local sports league for baseball or whatever sport you might enjoy. just put yourself out there and be friendly. you will be bound to make a few friends.

Dont be scared to talk to people. 99.99% of the time they are going to be cool about it.

Poisonedpawn78

Motorsheen wrote: »

So what's your favorite video game?

This year so far its Horizon zero dawn. Should be in the running for game of the year. Destiny 2 is probably one of the only other big games left to come out this year so hopefully that is great as well.

livingleanlivingclean

Do you call or text other people? Sometimes putting in the effort to make contact first can be beneficial... Perhaps they're thinking the same about you?

Vikka_V

Jonathanak6 wrote: »

After a year from when I moved from my old home that I lived in most my life, I still haven't made any friends or really talked to anyone my age. At first it made sense because I would stay home and play video games but I also was in community college and still am, I have been so damn lonely and no one that I was friends with in my old home town ever texts or call me so they just let me go and I have and still haven't had any friends since then. So I've been super sad and lonely everyday, it's summer so I am only doing an online class until fall then ill go back to the classrooms for college. I have been going to the gym everyday for the past month and a half and have been using MFP for calories and stuff because I'm sick of my weight. Since I'm technically an adult and 21 years old I feel like my life shouldn't be so boring, like the only things I do is go to the gym, do homework and then play some video games or watch Netflix then go to sleep. The gym is basically all I have, I spend as much time in the gym as I can just to be around other human beings, and then when I get home I am super lonely and sad because no one ever messages me or calls me. I just wish there was a way to be happier but I'm also too shy to approach people now, I used to be super nice and outgoing but being so isolated has made me socially awkward and I get anxiety when I try to hold a conversation. I feel like ever since I got a diploma my life has just gone downhill, I mean I'm still a virgin, I'm 220 pounds and I'm socially awkward. Not sure what to do anymore besides go to the gym more.

Know that other people are in a similar situation...I don't have any advice tho, sorry!

captainfantastic94

Hi! I'm totally ready to be buds! Where are you from? Sometimes the best thing you can do is something you're uncomfortable with, ask someone at the gym for a spot, then make small talk and see if they want to go grab a beer if they seem interesting to you.

The most important thing is that you're 21, and though it seems like the rest of the twenty something's are having everything figured out already honestly everyone is kindof in the same boat. It's not a fact to make you feel better just a fact. I'm struggling hardcore with this, and I get my energy from people.

Worst comes to worst your MFP fam is here with yoh

RED_0N3

Poisonedpawn78 wrote: »

Motorsheen wrote: »

So what's your favorite video game?

This year so far its Horizon zero dawn. Should be in the running for game of the year. Destiny 2 is probably one of the only other big games left to come out this year so hopefully that is great as well.

OMG I'm so keen for Destiny 2! September can't come soon enough.

LittleHearseDriver

I know the gym can be an intimidating place. Do you see the same people every time you go workout? If so, simply start small talk like asking "How was your weekend?" Or "Hey man, I like your shoes." That will get the ball rolling.

ZodFit

RED_0N3 wrote: »

Poisonedpawn78 wrote: »

Motorsheen wrote: »

So what's your favorite video game?

This year so far its Horizon zero dawn. Should be in the running for game of the year. Destiny 2 is probably one of the only other big games left to come out this year so hopefully that is great as well.

OMG I'm so keen for Destiny 2! September can't come soon enough.

Destiny 2 looks good, but did you check out Anthem?

Poisonedpawn78

ZodFit wrote: »

RED_0N3 wrote: »

Poisonedpawn78 wrote: »

Motorsheen wrote: »

So what's your favorite video game?

This year so far its Horizon zero dawn. Should be in the running for game of the year. Destiny 2 is probably one of the only other big games left to come out this year so hopefully that is great as well.

OMG I'm so keen for Destiny 2! September can't come soon enough.

Destiny 2 looks good, but did you check out Anthem?

Anthem worries me because of bioware and EA. Biowares last few games have been sub par in my books. Plus their only mmo is pretty bad with the exception of the story line play through. EA cuz its EA. Very rarely are EA games worth the full value.

But i guess Anthem could always be different.

At least its not made by Ubisoft.

par001

Honestly, it's impressive that you shared your story. I often joke that "everyone has a story". Might point is that others, even people around you feel the same way or at least similarly. Keep at it up in the gym. Reaching a simple goal in the gym can and will promote confidence...it will happen. Every single day, regardless of whether it's a good day or not so good, try to keep things in perspective. You have a lot in your favor. Take a step back and see it. Abundantly Grateful...I feel that every day and so should you. Thank you for sharing your story!

cuckoo_jenibeth

Since you are spending so much time at the gym, have you considered joining any group classes or boot camps that will put you into smaller more intimate groupings or pairings?

namelesshere

The gym is all you have? Nope not really. Check your community for events that you can get involved in, find out who is in charge and volunteer. Like sports? Youth programs are always looking for a coach or coach's helper. Like animals? Volunteer at a humane society. Check out local churches to see what ministries are available for your age group. Maybe suggest they start some, or see if they will let you organize maybe a canoe trip for the under 30's. Food shelfs, Soup kitchens. Any foot races in your area? Usually takes an army of volunteers to run. A county fair coming up in your area? Find out how you can volunteer. Call the 4-H extension office for opportunities. Many times they need male chaperones and training is minimal. Maybe adventure canoe trips. Any horse shows? ditto. A side line: most of the competitors are women. A lot of times, the same people volunteer for the same types of activities. Be outgoing, and you will start to meet people. You will remain lonely all your life if you don't get out and start interacting with people. Volunteering is a good way to put yourself out there and have some fun.

ninerbuff

Sorry man, but you HAVE a choice to go out there and enjoy life. Waiting for things to just happen to you is wasted effort. There are so many things you can get involved in for free that have lots of other people participate in.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

BrettWithPKU

Jonathan: A couple comments:

Would you consider yourself an introvert?

Be sure you're not pressuring yourself to "need" to be around people, just because of the extrovert ideal that says you have to go out to bars, party, have a girlfriend, etc. You don't need these things, so don't force it!

People don't excite me as much as activities and ideas excite me. So I've thrived by joining groups based on activities. I love sports, so I've met many of my friends through sports leagues.

Gaming has never been a social activity for me, but if you like playing against other people you could easily build a friendly network of gamers. (BTW: some chicks are gamers too)

The gym is one among various ways to better yourself, which will improve your health and your self-confidence. Stick with it!

michael1976_ca

I know how you feel. but your never truly alone when you have friends on mfp. I come here to loss weight but I ended up making a few amazing friends. that and logging into the forums here helps to.. I don't seek out other people in life and I don't go to the gym. but i'm fine. after all this time you do get use to it. what does help try volunteering even at the retirement home. they love having people to come in and be there to spend time with people and you get lots of opportunity to practice speaking to others. or if your into volunteering for sports like Spartan race you can volunteer for all Saturday and get a chance to run it for free on Sunday. it's just a matter of looking into what available in your community. just don't give up

Jonathanak6

Motorsheen wrote: »

So what's your favorite video game?

League of legends

Poisonedpawn78

Jonathanak6 wrote: »

Motorsheen wrote: »

So what's your favorite video game?

League of legends

Hilariously, one of my buddies moved to CA to work at Riot.

Sharon_C

This sounds exactly like my daughter. She went to community college and all of her friends from high school went away to college and left her behind. All she did was attend classes, do homework and sit at home with me. She was so sad and it was heartbreaking to watch. She did work in the summer and would do things with her co-workers but they all went their separate ways in the winter. It wasn't until she transferred out of community college and into a university that she finally started meeting people. She's 23 now and has a small group of friends.

What about finding a job? Even if it's part time? At least that will get you out of the house and interacting with others.

People will tell you to just put yourself out there, but for introverts, especially those with social anxiety, that's easier said than done. Sometimes just the thought of being somewhat extroverted causes heart palpitations.

I feel for you and hope you find that one thing that will bring you out and into the world with others.