The gym is all I have

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  • rachelleahsmom
    rachelleahsmom Posts: 442 Member
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    Do you have meetup.com in your area? I know a ton of young people around here (middle of nowhere with not much to do) have found like minded people to do all sorts of things.

    I love the suggestion of going to group fitness classes. That's what I do and have made some great friends there.

    If your gym isn't welcoming, maybe find a different one. I love our YMCA because it doesn't matter what you look like, what the color of your skin is, nothing - everyone is welcome.
  • Geocitiesuser
    Geocitiesuser Posts: 1,429 Member
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    Jonathanak6 wrote: »
    After a year from when I moved from my old home that I lived in most my life, I still haven't made any friends or really talked to anyone my age. At first it made sense because I would stay home and play video games but I also was in community college and still am, I have been so damn lonely and no one that I was friends with in my old home town ever texts or call me so they just let me go and I have and still haven't had any friends since then. So I've been super sad and lonely everyday, it's summer so I am only doing an online class until fall then ill go back to the classrooms for college. I have been going to the gym everyday for the past month and a half and have been using MFP for calories and stuff because I'm sick of my weight. Since I'm technically an adult and 21 years old I feel like my life shouldn't be so boring, like the only things I do is go to the gym, do homework and then play some video games or watch Netflix then go to sleep. The gym is basically all I have, I spend as much time in the gym as I can just to be around other human beings, and then when I get home I am super lonely and sad because no one ever messages me or calls me. I just wish there was a way to be happier but I'm also too shy to approach people now, I used to be super nice and outgoing but being so isolated has made me socially awkward and I get anxiety when I try to hold a conversation. I feel like ever since I got a diploma my life has just gone downhill, I mean I'm still a virgin, I'm 220 pounds and I'm socially awkward. Not sure what to do anymore besides go to the gym more.

    Hello Friend, welcome to, erm, well... hell. You're not alone. I've moved around a lot. When I finally stabalized in an area and made friends, it was my friends who moved away (post college). I don't have "the answer" for you because it doesn't exist, it's all about pure luck, being at the right place at the right time and talking to the right people.

    The things that have "worked" for me to keep my sanity:

    - Like you, I spend a lot of time at the Gym lifting. This keeps me out of trouble, keeps my mind primed, etc.

    - I attend and run meetups on meetup.com that are related to my career.

    - I tend to focus a lot on my career and finances. With no real social expenses, perhaps its time to buy into a mutual fund?

    - I joined a fitness group that is somewhat social. I've been taking tae kwon do for 2.5 years and many of the people there have become my "friends" over time. It also gives me something else to focus on. I'm seriously considering orangetheory as well, or maybe some hiking meetups.

    Of course, none of this cures things. Society tends to throw people away, particularly men. You're going to get a wide variety of opinions on the topic but after so many years of social rejection my views are pretty pessimistic. All you can really do is try your hardest and work on being your best self. There's nothing wrong with being a loner, don't let society shame you for it. If you work hard on yourself, love yourself, and the heavens break just the right way, you can still recover. I'm still waiting for that break too. You're not alone. Really, don't let people shame you because you've been less fortunate socially. People tend to be cruel *kitten* towards men that are faced with loneliness.
  • ZodFit
    ZodFit Posts: 394 Member
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    You ever try streaming league of legends? Social + something you like doing.
  • michellebutler73345
    michellebutler73345 Posts: 44 Member
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    Hi ! Have you tried joining any meet up groups they can be a way to meet new people .... or start one yourself ! I did that when I emigrated and knew nobody in a new country
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    You have to put yourself out there to meet people and have human contact.
    Broaden your interests and potential points of contact.

    Go to the local library or church. Get involved in something there.
    Join a club at your school.
    Volunteer somewhere in your community.
    If you listen to podcasts see if they have a facebook group or message board. You can kind of get to know people. Some groups have regular meet ups. (Same with games, books, hobbies, authors). Your city or school may have online communities.
    Go to the local comic/game store. Try getting into roleplaying or miniature games.
    Join a cause. Lots of people working together on causes these days.
    Get a part time job.
    Take a class at the gym instead of working out solo.

    You are only 21. You are not doomed to be alone forever.
  • deputy_randolph
    deputy_randolph Posts: 940 Member
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    I volunteer at a cat shelter...I've met other crazy cat lady friends. It took me almost 4 years to make gym friends. Gym friends can be a slow process, b/c most people are busy and focused.

    My friend moved to Germany and started meeting people through a local meetup group...mostly young, non-Germans in her same situation.

    Sometimes you have to force yourself outside of your comfort zone.
  • CFPeterson
    CFPeterson Posts: 5 Member
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    Its okay to feel socially awkward. Whether you know it or not you are surrounded by like people. Besides being a gym rat is not a bad thing. But we are a social creature and need some interaction to feel satisfied...

    https://www.amazon.com/Fine-Art-Small-Talk-Conversation/dp/1401302262
  • BrettWithPKU
    BrettWithPKU Posts: 575 Member
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    CFPeterson wrote: »
    Its okay to feel socially awkward. Whether you know it or not you are surrounded by like people. Besides being a gym rat is not a bad thing. But we are a social creature and need some interaction to feel satisfied...

    https://www.amazon.com/Fine-Art-Small-Talk-Conversation/dp/1401302262

    I've always preferred to connect with people via common hobbies and activities. I've always defined small talk as being essentially (in the grand scheme) meaningless, or what some call bulls---ing. So I've never understood the idea of meaningless talk as a doorway to meaningFUL interaction, as the description of that book seems to advocate.

    But, with that said, I'll give that book a fair hearing. I mean reading. I added it to my reading list.
  • amtyrell
    amtyrell Posts: 1,449 Member
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    There are meet up groups for all sorts of activities. Could you consider joining a group sport or some other activity where you interact with the same people every week?
  • jillrybicki76
    jillrybicki76 Posts: 1 Member
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    Open the BIBLE...we are empty without God, and only God can fill our void
  • Savyna
    Savyna Posts: 789 Member
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    You play with no one on league of legends? Have you never watched twitch? League is one of the biggest games streamed on that service, from big pro players to a ton of small streamers from all elos. There's no way to not have any friends and play league. Although there's a chance of getting cancer, you will make contacts while playing. Or just add people after game and comment on their play style/how they made the match "fun".
  • JeromeBarry1
    JeromeBarry1 Posts: 10,182 Member
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    Some famous poet wrote about people living lives of desperate solitude. Just keep your keel even until you find your ballast. It's work, but you can do it.
  • newdawn1974
    newdawn1974 Posts: 18 Member
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    Is there a crossfit box in your vicinity? Go check it out, everyone does the same work out at the same time, limited group and you get to write scores at the end of the work-out with everyone's names on the board, so you end up knowing the people that usually go at the same time as you do, and some folks tag along for streching afterwards, so you have opportunities to socialize . Suffering in group creates at strong bond :-) Plus they usually host social events here and there. Just throwing this out as you mention the gym and seem to be into sports. All age groups are represented, but from my experience your age group is predominant. Just a thought.
  • Gibbygetsfit89
    Gibbygetsfit89 Posts: 28 Member
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    Totally feeling the same way and I'm 28. Moved to Cali from NY 2 years ago and the only friend I made is moving to Seattle in 2 days. I spent the first year here in a toxic relationship that sucked up all my time. Now I'm slowly getting out there making friends and what not. I totally agree with the advice of joining meet ups. They are definitely helpful. Also MFP fitfam are great too. I have a friend I made in here that I talk to everyday. I only talk to one or two friends from NY and that's not on a regular basis. It's rough but you can definitely get out there and start interacting with others. Try some of the suggestions you've received here. Best of luck!
  • RED_0N3
    RED_0N3 Posts: 22 Member
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    ZodFit wrote: »
    RED_0N3 wrote: »
    Poisonedpawn78 wrote: »
    Motorsheen wrote: »
    So what's your favorite video game?

    This year so far its Horizon zero dawn. Should be in the running for game of the year. Destiny 2 is probably one of the only other big games left to come out this year so hopefully that is great as well.

    OMG I'm so keen for Destiny 2! September can't come soon enough.

    Destiny 2 looks good, but did you check out Anthem?

    Yeah looks awesome. Not sure if I can fit another big game like that in though.
  • BrettWithPKU
    BrettWithPKU Posts: 575 Member
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    ninerbuff wrote: »
    jillrybicki76 wrote: »
    Open the BIBLE...we are empty without God, and only God can fill our void
    Not everyone NEEDS religion. There are lots of happy people who don't follow it at all..........like me.

    Most churches and church groups aren't good for meeting younger adults (20s/early 30s). I say this as a Christian (Catholic, specifically). Perhaps those contemporary mega-churches are different? Wouldn't know.

    I'd consider church (for those who believe) in the same category as the gym--a means of self-betterment.

    In other words, church will fulfill you spiritually, yes; likely not socially.
  • bigmuneymfp
    bigmuneymfp Posts: 2,235 Member
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    Stop playing video games
    It's the number one problem I see with young people
  • bigmuneymfp
    bigmuneymfp Posts: 2,235 Member
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    Poisonedpawn78 wrote: »
    bigmuneymfp wrote: »
    Stop playing video games
    It's the number one problem I see with young people

    any lawns you would like us to get off of? I bet it really chaps your butt that there are "young people" making millions of dollars playing video games for a living too.

    That's nice but then don't complain about having no social life when you're in the basement making your millions on video games

    Now get off my lawn!!!

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