What do you do when friends and family talk about weight?

workin_onit

I mean, talk about how much they weigh, what waist size they are...

Here's the story:

I lost it last week when I was out at some friends' house and the topic was median weight of men and women in USA. Okay so far, right? Then they started talking about how anyone who weighs more than 175lbs (!) should have to pay extra to fly on a plane.

Now, none of these people are in any way overweight. I'm workin on it (my moniker is my inspiration) but I keep getting the impression that some people believe it's easy to lose weight and anyone who is overweight--or in my case obese--is lazy.

How do you handle this? I wish I could have done something different but I don't know what that might have been. I felt like crying.

Thoughts?

My stats:

SW: 248.5
CW: 222.5
Goal: 175? LOL so I don't have to pay extra on these theoretical plane rides requiring 175 top weight..........

cmriverside

Ugh. People have no filter.

What happened to polite conversation? I mean, c'mon people.

And yeah, 175? That's probably three quarters of the adult population. I know this "pay more to fly" thing comes up in the forums every now and then.

I'm not touching it with any pole.

SnackHips

175lbs? What kind of men weigh that little? Haha

CynthiasChoice

What do you mean when you say you lost it? Did you get angry and yell or did you cry or walk out?

I think it's rude to talk about weight if someone in the group is noticeably overweight. I was at a party once where I was with a group of 8 ladies at a table. Some of us were meeting for the first time. One of the gals started in, "I just don't understand how people let themselves get so large. Don't they feel their pants getting tight? And no matter how much they spend on clothes, they're never going to look good."

Well, four of us at the table were large (but no tight pants! lol) and not one of us knew what to say at that moment. Later, I'm sure each of us figured out exactly what to say - why does that always happen??? What I would have liked to do is stand up, turn around like a fashion model and say to all the ladies, "Do you think my clothes look good on me? I'm large, but am I as repulsive as Wilma thinks?" That way, I'm not saying something rude to Wilma, but making her aware that she was incredibly rude, and hopefully embarrassing her. If said with a sarcastic smile and casual confidence it might have inspired others to get up and show off their clothes on their large frames too. Then I could have said, "Wilma, can I bring you a piece of pecan pie, or will that make your pants tight?"

It's fun to replay a bad moment and rewrite the outcome!

Do you think you would have been able to speak up at your party and cheerfully say, "Would any of you really be upset if you had to sit next to me on a plane?" Then change the subject to "you know what really bothers me on a plane is crying babies! Or people who snore, or stink or won't stop talking!

Whatever you do, don't let them know they hurt you. Keep it matter of fact and then quickly change the course of the conversation. Easier said than done, right?

Luna3386

I try to avoid all conversations about it. it also pisses me off when people says things like I am so fat- what does that indirectly say about anybody who is actually bigger?

SnackHips

Luna3386 wrote: »

I try to avoid all conversations about it. it also pisses me off when people says things like I am so fat- what does that indirectly say about anybody who is actually bigger?

I don't know. I do know that it is important to their mind. I use to think I was fat at 120lbs. I legitimately felt that way and I said it almost as a defense mechanism to say...I know you are thinking I'm fat and I want you to know that I know that you know. Lol in my defense I was skinny fat. I'm a lot bigger now but I also work out and have muscle but still legit fat.....the point is....I look at my 120lb picture and want to go back in time and punch myself but I truly felt fat then.

kimothy38

My mother in law visited (unfortunately) recently and said she didn't want to see her niece because she's so fat it grossed her out. Boy did I let her have it about how rude and judgmental that comment was how much it completely ticked me off.

I'm in the process of losing weight - does that mean I used to gross her out too? She's no oil painting let me tell you. So hypocritical. I just wanted to kick her out of my house right then and there. Grrrrrrr.

Momepro

Well for that particular subject I'd say that 175 is a really arbitrary number, and people should only pay extra if they need two seats!
In general though, it depends on the conversation. If it's an honest conversation, rather than a personal dig, I'd treat it as such and not worry about it. If it was intended to make the person bringing it up feel superior, I'd probably tell them to get over tnemselves and walk away.

workin_onit

CynthiasChoice wrote: »

What do you mean when you say you lost it? Did you get angry and yell or did you cry or walk out"

After the "let's pick a number and anyone over that number should have to pay more" comment I said "I am NOT taking part in this conversation" slammed my phone on the table and muttered "so f**ked up" and went inside to get a glass of water. When I got back the conversation had changed.

I think I made my point but it was definitely clear that I had been hurt. Just harshes my mellow....

Yes you're right about always having a comeback hours later haha!

Here is what I thought of; "If people who weigh more than 175 have to pay extra, how much more do *kitten* have to fork over?"

workin_onit

Hmm. MFP substituted *kitten* . Just so it's clear... two syllables rhymes with mass pole.

Machka9

What do you do when friends and family talk about weight?

I smile ... and if the opportunity presents itself during the course of the conversation, I suggest that they could sign up with MFP. After all, I dropped all my weight in two sets of 16 weeks each using MFP.

nevadavis1

So sorry, very insensitive.

I was at a party and a guy started talking about how disgusting it is that his sister regained weight after her weight loss surgery. I was like "excuse me?" and he repeated that it was "disgusting." I was just like "look who you're talking to." I haven't had WLS, but I'm overweight.

Chef_Barbell

SnackHips wrote: »

175lbs? What kind of men weigh that little? Haha

This isn't that nice either. Skinny shaming doesn't help the cause.

Poisonedpawn78

I would say your friends are ignorant and being ridiculous considering they are likely not medical or fitness professionals to decide on what a proper weight is for people. Especially when they are not considering height in that equation. 175 on a 5 foot woman would look a hell of a lot different than 175 on a 6'4 male.

They are being simple minded thinking they can reduce everything in life to something simple like a general weight for everyone.

I would have said this to them. Then depending on their reactions I would think about getting new friends.

animatorswearbras

Your friends were being massive d**ks did any of them say anything to you afterwards, did they apologise? Like "really sorry OP noone was thinking of you when we having that conversation we don't see you as overweight, we're truly sorry we were so insensitive and don't want you to think we're passive aggressive bullying mass-poles" I mean seriously they sound like a bunch of body shaming teenagers. Urgh, screw those guys xxx

workin_onit

Ahhh, thanks everyone for the kind words.

animatorswearbras wrote: »

Your friends were being massive d**ks did any of them say anything to you afterwards, did they apologise? Like "really sorry OP noone was thinking of you when we having that conversation we don't see you as overweight, we're truly sorry we were so insensitive and don't want you to think we're passive aggressive bullying mass-poles" I mean seriously they sound like a bunch of body shaming teenagers. Urgh, screw those guys xxx

So I did not get an apology to my face. Hubby said the mass-pole "felt really bad" and had struggled with weight in the past. What that means I'm not sure. Are we talking 20 pounds or more like me? Unclear. Anyhow, I calmed down and I think mass-pole didn't want to bring it up again, considering my reaction. Pretty strong (for me)...

The conversation came out of talking about being on planes and how the seats are getting smaller but Americans in general are not. Maybe I took it too personally but honestly there weren't any other fat people on the patio.

I feel a lot better about it now, having some perspective from all of you! So thanks for that!

Looking back on it I was pretty raw from the weekend (this happened Wednesday), visiting a very sick relative and I was just sad.

So! Onward and upward, or is that downward????

*still* Workin_onit

CynthiasChoice

Resiliency is a wonderful thing. Good for you! Don't let anyone steal your mojo.

gothchiq

What I do? Yawn and roll my eyes. People say the dumbest crap.

just8apple

Recently I said let's not fat shame each other and changed the subject

JeromeBarry1

They hardly ever do. My 21-yo daughter started working at Arby's 3 months ago and informed me that she'd lost 15 lb after 2 months of it. She wasn't obese to start with but now she's looking really nice and trim. It's not my interest to draw my wife's attention to her size. She's aware of it and she'll work on it when her mental state is appropriate for it.

The last time she tried to use the treadmill she got distracted with her drink and fell off. It might be a while before she tries again.

Goldstr324

I used to be upset by it, but now I welcome it since losing the majority of my weight and maintaining it for a year. The haters seem to have gotten quiet now lol. I am quite happy with their silence. I would love to share how I did it with my family but they don't want to hear it. You can get your power back too - just use their negativity as a motivation like I did!

erienneb66

I think, too, people have no concept of weight in general. Like, I weigh 318 and 328 a few weeks ago. I'm also 6' tall. So while I'm very clearly overweight, people are FLOORED when I Say the actual number. Even at my lightest when I was 17 I was 180 and only slightly pudgy in the stomach and people would make comments about women not being over 150lbs and I"d be like...excuse me?

I don't engage anymore. It just got frustrating. Whatever. Yeah it hurts my feelings but I honestly think it's ignorance rather than cruelty.

cwolfman13

175 seems like a pretty arbitrary cut-off...175 could be fat...could not be fat. I'm 182 and about 15%...at 175 I'm about 12% BF...pretty lean if you ask me...certainly am not taking up two seats.

Most fit guys who are around 5'10" are likely to be somewhere between 170-185...more if they're body building types.

xmusicloverr

That's pretty rude to say.. especially with you present. From another viewpoint, I'm on a weight loss journey and one of my friends is in the 300s and is working on losing weight. She likes to say that I was never "big" to begin with (my highest weight was 215) , and that it kinda hurts whenever I complain about my body in front of her, knowing her situation. I'd say to tell them that it's upsetting to hear them say things like that