My boyfriend and my conversation ? Did I say something wrong

dniania
dniania Posts: 251 Member
My boyfriend and I have been going through a rocky phase but we still managed to get through it and yesterday while on break at work he texted me and asked me "what day did I want to go out to eat?" I texted back
"it's up to you.doesnt matter" he texted back "why you say it like that" and I said " Like what? lol I'm trying to work with your schedule I'm free all week practically .. whatever day is good for you" and then he said "well any other time I would ask you'd tell me when you wanted to go out to eat with me" then I replied back "is Friday alright with you hun?" And he said "yeah that's cool with me ,do you feel different about me "
why is he being so sensitive , my feelings didn't change overnight

Replies

  • 4legsRbetterthan2
    4legsRbetterthan2 Posts: 19,590 MFP Moderator
    maybe the "it doesn't matter" part made him feel like he doesn't matter?

    maybe he just needed a nap...
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  • JeepHair77
    JeepHair77 Posts: 1,291 Member
    J_Surita3 wrote: »
    I'd pick up the phone and have a conversation. The texting thing can be so frustrating sometimes. Tone can be mis-read etc. He is your boyfriend. Can't you just talk to him?

    This. I think, particularly when people are going through a rough patch and are a little sensitive or on-edge, it's easy to mis-read tone in a text message.
  • Cerealsensei
    Cerealsensei Posts: 1,625 Member
    replying it doesnt matter seems like you dont care to have lunch with him or not. rhats how hes taking it

    Also this. If you're knowingly going through a rough patch its easy to read to deep into something or take it the wrong way.
  • arcornell09
    arcornell09 Posts: 41 Member
    dniania wrote: »
    My boyfriend and I have been going through a rocky phase but we still managed to get through it and yesterday while on break at work he texted me and asked me "what day did I want to go out to eat?" I texted back
    "it's up to you.doesnt matter" he texted back "why you say it like that" and I said " Like what? lol I'm trying to work with your schedule I'm free all week practically .. whatever day is good for you" and then he said "well any other time I would ask you'd tell me when you wanted to go out to eat with me" then I replied back "is Friday alright with you hun?" And he said "yeah that's cool with me ,do you feel different about me "
    why is he being so sensitive , my feelings didn't change overnight

    Well you said that you're going through a rough patch so I'm sure he's just overly sensitive at the moment.

    To him he's had enough and it must've taken a lot effort for him to even to initiate the offer for dinner and he was hoping you would've been more excited or involved. Things maybe worse than you think and you should take some time to evaluate where your relationship is at.
  • cuckoo_jenibeth
    cuckoo_jenibeth Posts: 1,434 Member
    I have no insight into his interpretation of your conversation, but I would venture to guess that he would not care to have that conversation put on blast on this site!

    I think that your intention was pure; truly wishing for better understanding. But if he is already feeling sensitive and y'all are already in a rough spot, this will probably go over like whale sh1t on a triscuit!
  • Caporegiem
    Caporegiem Posts: 4,297 Member
    Ask him if he know's a girl named Tiffany...that'll answer all your questions.
  • dniania
    dniania Posts: 251 Member
    Caporegiem wrote: »
    Ask him if he know's a girl named Tiffany...that'll answer all your questions.

    Lol okay I will
  • dniania
    dniania Posts: 251 Member
    Tone doesn't convey well in text messages and things get lost in translation.
    J_Surita3 wrote: »
    I'd pick up the phone and have a conversation. The texting thing can be so frustrating sometimes. Tone can be mis-read etc. He is your boyfriend. Can't you just talk to him?
    JeepHair77 wrote: »
    J_Surita3 wrote: »
    I'd pick up the phone and have a conversation. The texting thing can be so frustrating sometimes. Tone can be mis-read etc. He is your boyfriend. Can't you just talk to him?

    This. I think, particularly when people are going through a rough patch and are a little sensitive or on-edge, it's easy to mis-read tone in a text message.

    Thanks everyone I'll talk to him today
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  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,871 Member
    'It's up to you' followed by 'It doesn't matter' smacks of 'I don't really want to go out to eat with you at all but if you're going to insist then fine, whatever, you decide.' Now I'm sure that's not what you meant, from reading on, but tone doesn't convey well in text. He's probably, as everyone else has said, just feeling a bit sensitive at the moment and read more negativity into it than you meant.
  • sarraheclark
    sarraheclark Posts: 125 Member
    Screaming insecurity. A little reassurance, face-to-face, will likely go a long way.
  • SomebodyWakeUpHIcks
    SomebodyWakeUpHIcks Posts: 3,836 Member
    @dniania wrote: »
    My boyfriend and I have been going through a rocky phase but we still managed to get through it and yesterday while on break at work he texted me and asked me "what day did I want to go out to eat?" I texted back
    "it's up to you.doesnt matter" he texted back "why you say it like that" and I said " Like what? lol I'm trying to work with your schedule I'm free all week practically .. whatever day is good for you" and then he said "well any other time I would ask you'd tell me when you wanted to go out to eat with me" then I replied back "is Friday alright with you hun?" And he said "yeah that's cool with me ,do you feel different about me "
    why is he being so sensitive , my feelings didn't change overnight

    While you're blogging about this are you also creating a new social media site?
  • dniania
    dniania Posts: 251 Member
    Screaming insecurity. A little reassurance, face-to-face, will likely go a long way.
    pinuplove wrote: »
    'It's up to you' followed by 'It doesn't matter' smacks of 'I don't really want to go out to eat with you at all but if you're going to insist then fine, whatever, you decide.' Now I'm sure that's not what you meant, from reading on, but tone doesn't convey well in text. He's probably, as everyone else has said, just feeling a bit sensitive at the moment and read more negativity into it than you meant.
    Sounds like he's feeling a little sensitive. Maybe he's worried the rough patch isn't over? Agreed that you should just talk it out and reassure him everything is good with you.

    How can I reassure him and stop the insecurity?
  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,871 Member
    edited June 2017
    dniania wrote: »
    Screaming insecurity. A little reassurance, face-to-face, will likely go a long way.
    pinuplove wrote: »
    'It's up to you' followed by 'It doesn't matter' smacks of 'I don't really want to go out to eat with you at all but if you're going to insist then fine, whatever, you decide.' Now I'm sure that's not what you meant, from reading on, but tone doesn't convey well in text. He's probably, as everyone else has said, just feeling a bit sensitive at the moment and read more negativity into it than you meant.
    Sounds like he's feeling a little sensitive. Maybe he's worried the rough patch isn't over? Agreed that you should just talk it out and reassure him everything is good with you.

    How can I reassure him and stop the insecurity?

    Time. A little extra care in your interactions with him. Do you know his love language? If so, cater to that a bit.
  • Ironandwine69
    Ironandwine69 Posts: 2,432 Member
    Maybe he got butthurt because you didn't address him as "Sir". You should always do that with your man.
  • dniania
    dniania Posts: 251 Member
    Maybe he got butthurt because you didn't address him as "Sir". You should always do that with your man.

    lol I don't think so
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  • dniania
    dniania Posts: 251 Member
    pinuplove wrote: »
    dniania wrote: »
    Screaming insecurity. A little reassurance, face-to-face, will likely go a long way.
    pinuplove wrote: »
    'It's up to you' followed by 'It doesn't matter' smacks of 'I don't really want to go out to eat with you at all but if you're going to insist then fine, whatever, you decide.' Now I'm sure that's not what you meant, from reading on, but tone doesn't convey well in text. He's probably, as everyone else has said, just feeling a bit sensitive at the moment and read more negativity into it than you meant.
    Sounds like he's feeling a little sensitive. Maybe he's worried the rough patch isn't over? Agreed that you should just talk it out and reassure him everything is good with you.

    How can I reassure him and stop the insecurity?

    Time. A little extra care in your interactions with him. Do you know his love language? If so, cater to that a bit.

    Okay thankyou
  • Ironandwine69
    Ironandwine69 Posts: 2,432 Member
    pinuplove wrote: »
    dniania wrote: »
    Screaming insecurity. A little reassurance, face-to-face, will likely go a long way.
    pinuplove wrote: »
    'It's up to you' followed by 'It doesn't matter' smacks of 'I don't really want to go out to eat with you at all but if you're going to insist then fine, whatever, you decide.' Now I'm sure that's not what you meant, from reading on, but tone doesn't convey well in text. He's probably, as everyone else has said, just feeling a bit sensitive at the moment and read more negativity into it than you meant.
    Sounds like he's feeling a little sensitive. Maybe he's worried the rough patch isn't over? Agreed that you should just talk it out and reassure him everything is good with you.

    How can I reassure him and stop the insecurity?

    Time. A little extra care in your interactions with him. Do you know his love language? If so, cater to that a bit.

    Yep. Stroke his ego. Always works.
  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,871 Member
    pinuplove wrote: »
    dniania wrote: »
    Screaming insecurity. A little reassurance, face-to-face, will likely go a long way.
    pinuplove wrote: »
    'It's up to you' followed by 'It doesn't matter' smacks of 'I don't really want to go out to eat with you at all but if you're going to insist then fine, whatever, you decide.' Now I'm sure that's not what you meant, from reading on, but tone doesn't convey well in text. He's probably, as everyone else has said, just feeling a bit sensitive at the moment and read more negativity into it than you meant.
    Sounds like he's feeling a little sensitive. Maybe he's worried the rough patch isn't over? Agreed that you should just talk it out and reassure him everything is good with you.

    How can I reassure him and stop the insecurity?

    Time. A little extra care in your interactions with him. Do you know his love language? If so, cater to that a bit.

    Yep. Stroke his ego. Always works.

    As long as he's willing to stroke back! Fair's fair, after all.
  • Ironandwine69
    Ironandwine69 Posts: 2,432 Member
    pinuplove wrote: »
    pinuplove wrote: »
    dniania wrote: »
    Screaming insecurity. A little reassurance, face-to-face, will likely go a long way.
    pinuplove wrote: »
    'It's up to you' followed by 'It doesn't matter' smacks of 'I don't really want to go out to eat with you at all but if you're going to insist then fine, whatever, you decide.' Now I'm sure that's not what you meant, from reading on, but tone doesn't convey well in text. He's probably, as everyone else has said, just feeling a bit sensitive at the moment and read more negativity into it than you meant.
    Sounds like he's feeling a little sensitive. Maybe he's worried the rough patch isn't over? Agreed that you should just talk it out and reassure him everything is good with you.

    How can I reassure him and stop the insecurity?

    Time. A little extra care in your interactions with him. Do you know his love language? If so, cater to that a bit.

    Yep. Stroke his ego. Always works.

    As long as he's willing to stroke back! Fair's fair, after all.

    Tit per tat is King.
  • dniania
    dniania Posts: 251 Member
    pinuplove wrote: »
    pinuplove wrote: »
    dniania wrote: »
    Screaming insecurity. A little reassurance, face-to-face, will likely go a long way.
    pinuplove wrote: »
    'It's up to you' followed by 'It doesn't matter' smacks of 'I don't really want to go out to eat with you at all but if you're going to insist then fine, whatever, you decide.' Now I'm sure that's not what you meant, from reading on, but tone doesn't convey well in text. He's probably, as everyone else has said, just feeling a bit sensitive at the moment and read more negativity into it than you meant.
    Sounds like he's feeling a little sensitive. Maybe he's worried the rough patch isn't over? Agreed that you should just talk it out and reassure him everything is good with you.

    How can I reassure him and stop the insecurity?

    Time. A little extra care in your interactions with him. Do you know his love language? If so, cater to that a bit.

    Yep. Stroke his ego. Always works.

    As long as he's willing to stroke back! Fair's fair, after all.

    Tit per tat is King.
    pinuplove wrote: »
    pinuplove wrote: »
    dniania wrote: »
    Screaming insecurity. A little reassurance, face-to-face, will likely go a long way.
    pinuplove wrote: »
    'It's up to you' followed by 'It doesn't matter' smacks of 'I don't really want to go out to eat with you at all but if you're going to insist then fine, whatever, you decide.' Now I'm sure that's not what you meant, from reading on, but tone doesn't convey well in text. He's probably, as everyone else has said, just feeling a bit sensitive at the moment and read more negativity into it than you meant.
    Sounds like he's feeling a little sensitive. Maybe he's worried the rough patch isn't over? Agreed that you should just talk it out and reassure him everything is good with you.

    How can I reassure him and stop the insecurity?

    Time. A little extra care in your interactions with him. Do you know his love language? If so, cater to that a bit.

    Yep. Stroke his ego. Always works.

    As long as he's willing to stroke back! Fair's fair, after all.

    Thanks guys