My boyfriend and my conversation ? Did I say something wrong
My boyfriend and I have been going through a rocky phase but we still managed to get through it and yesterday while on break at work he texted me and asked me "what day did I want to go out to eat?" I texted back
"it's up to you.doesnt matter" he texted back "why you say it like that" and I said " Like what? lol I'm trying to work with your schedule I'm free all week practically .. whatever day is good for you" and then he said "well any other time I would ask you'd tell me when you wanted to go out to eat with me" then I replied back "is Friday alright with you hun?" And he said "yeah that's cool with me ,do you feel different about me "
why is he being so sensitive , my feelings didn't change overnight
"it's up to you.doesnt matter" he texted back "why you say it like that" and I said " Like what? lol I'm trying to work with your schedule I'm free all week practically .. whatever day is good for you" and then he said "well any other time I would ask you'd tell me when you wanted to go out to eat with me" then I replied back "is Friday alright with you hun?" And he said "yeah that's cool with me ,do you feel different about me "
why is he being so sensitive , my feelings didn't change overnight
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maybe the "it doesn't matter" part made him feel like he doesn't matter?
maybe he just needed a nap...2 -
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I'd pick up the phone and have a conversation. The texting thing can be so frustrating sometimes. Tone can be mis-read etc. He is your boyfriend. Can't you just talk to him?9
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Tone doesn't convey well in text messages and things get lost in translation.6
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I'd pick up the phone and have a conversation. The texting thing can be so frustrating sometimes. Tone can be mis-read etc. He is your boyfriend. Can't you just talk to him?
This. I think, particularly when people are going through a rough patch and are a little sensitive or on-edge, it's easy to mis-read tone in a text message.1 -
OutOfUserName wrote: »replying it doesnt matter seems like you dont care to have lunch with him or not. rhats how hes taking it
Also this. If you're knowingly going through a rough patch its easy to read to deep into something or take it the wrong way.2 -
I've alwayd been a tomboy so I have a lot of male friends, and honest to God men get just as insecure as women do, maybe even more.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years and he still asks me every other day or so "Do you still love me? I'm not getting boring am I? I'm sorry if you get tired of me."
I used to think he felt this way because of something I was doing wrong, and I realized it's not me, it's him. He's insecure with himself anf therefore becomes insecure with us.
I usually solve it by asking what exactly he's feeling. I listen to him. I ask if there's something that would make him feel better, something I could do or change, and then he's normally better almost instantly. The days after that happens I make it a point to do something sweet so he knows I'm thinking about him. I'll randomly send him a cute text I wouldn't normally send, slip a note in his lunch, order lunch to be delivered to him at work, get him a cute little card or gift, ask if he wants to do something he likes to do that day (play video games/go get chipotle/watch wrestling), and I try to be a little extra affectionate. I'll rub his back, play with his hair, etc. But most importantly COMMUNICATION got us through our rough patches. I make sure to listen, not get offended by his feelings, genuinely understand why he feels the way he does, apologize for any misunderstandings, and then reassure him about anything he's feeling insecure with. Anything to make him feel loved and secure in our relationship.
Men love attention and being pampered just as much as any female does. Don't you feel like the most amazing woman in the world after a day of luxuries and fun planned by your man? Or like he's so head over heels for you when he leaves you cute notes or gives you something sentimental? It can cure all insecurities and doubts in just moments.
Good luck hunny!
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TeacupsAndToning wrote: »My boyfriend and I have been going through a rocky phase but we still managed to get through it and yesterday while on break at work he texted me and asked me "what day did I want to go out to eat?" I texted back
"it's up to you.doesnt matter" he texted back "why you say it like that" and I said " Like what? lol I'm trying to work with your schedule I'm free all week practically .. whatever day is good for you" and then he said "well any other time I would ask you'd tell me when you wanted to go out to eat with me" then I replied back "is Friday alright with you hun?" And he said "yeah that's cool with me ,do you feel different about me "
why is he being so sensitive , my feelings didn't change overnight
Well you said that you're going through a rough patch so I'm sure he's just overly sensitive at the moment.
To him he's had enough and it must've taken a lot effort for him to even to initiate the offer for dinner and he was hoping you would've been more excited or involved. Things maybe worse than you think and you should take some time to evaluate where your relationship is at.2 -
I have no insight into his interpretation of your conversation, but I would venture to guess that he would not care to have that conversation put on blast on this site!
I think that your intention was pure; truly wishing for better understanding. But if he is already feeling sensitive and y'all are already in a rough spot, this will probably go over like whale sh1t on a triscuit!2 -
Ask him if he know's a girl named Tiffany...that'll answer all your questions.2
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Caporegiem wrote: »Ask him if he know's a girl named Tiffany...that'll answer all your questions.
Lol okay I will0 -
Cerealsensei wrote: »Tone doesn't convey well in text messages and things get lost in translation.I'd pick up the phone and have a conversation. The texting thing can be so frustrating sometimes. Tone can be mis-read etc. He is your boyfriend. Can't you just talk to him?JeepHair77 wrote: »I'd pick up the phone and have a conversation. The texting thing can be so frustrating sometimes. Tone can be mis-read etc. He is your boyfriend. Can't you just talk to him?
This. I think, particularly when people are going through a rough patch and are a little sensitive or on-edge, it's easy to mis-read tone in a text message.
Thanks everyone I'll talk to him today0 -
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'It's up to you' followed by 'It doesn't matter' smacks of 'I don't really want to go out to eat with you at all but if you're going to insist then fine, whatever, you decide.' Now I'm sure that's not what you meant, from reading on, but tone doesn't convey well in text. He's probably, as everyone else has said, just feeling a bit sensitive at the moment and read more negativity into it than you meant.2
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Screaming insecurity. A little reassurance, face-to-face, will likely go a long way.1
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My boyfriend and I have been going through a rocky phase but we still managed to get through it and yesterday while on break at work he texted me and asked me "what day did I want to go out to eat?" I texted back
"it's up to you.doesnt matter" he texted back "why you say it like that" and I said " Like what? lol I'm trying to work with your schedule I'm free all week practically .. whatever day is good for you" and then he said "well any other time I would ask you'd tell me when you wanted to go out to eat with me" then I replied back "is Friday alright with you hun?" And he said "yeah that's cool with me ,do you feel different about me "
why is he being so sensitive , my feelings didn't change overnight
While you're blogging about this are you also creating a new social media site?-2 -
sarraheclark wrote: »Screaming insecurity. A little reassurance, face-to-face, will likely go a long way.'It's up to you' followed by 'It doesn't matter' smacks of 'I don't really want to go out to eat with you at all but if you're going to insist then fine, whatever, you decide.' Now I'm sure that's not what you meant, from reading on, but tone doesn't convey well in text. He's probably, as everyone else has said, just feeling a bit sensitive at the moment and read more negativity into it than you meant.amandakesslers wrote: »Sounds like he's feeling a little sensitive. Maybe he's worried the rough patch isn't over? Agreed that you should just talk it out and reassure him everything is good with you.
How can I reassure him and stop the insecurity?0 -
sarraheclark wrote: »Screaming insecurity. A little reassurance, face-to-face, will likely go a long way.'It's up to you' followed by 'It doesn't matter' smacks of 'I don't really want to go out to eat with you at all but if you're going to insist then fine, whatever, you decide.' Now I'm sure that's not what you meant, from reading on, but tone doesn't convey well in text. He's probably, as everyone else has said, just feeling a bit sensitive at the moment and read more negativity into it than you meant.amandakesslers wrote: »Sounds like he's feeling a little sensitive. Maybe he's worried the rough patch isn't over? Agreed that you should just talk it out and reassure him everything is good with you.
How can I reassure him and stop the insecurity?
Time. A little extra care in your interactions with him. Do you know his love language? If so, cater to that a bit.0 -
Maybe he got butthurt because you didn't address him as "Sir". You should always do that with your man.3
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Ironandwine69 wrote: »Maybe he got butthurt because you didn't address him as "Sir". You should always do that with your man.
lol I don't think so0 -
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sarraheclark wrote: »Screaming insecurity. A little reassurance, face-to-face, will likely go a long way.'It's up to you' followed by 'It doesn't matter' smacks of 'I don't really want to go out to eat with you at all but if you're going to insist then fine, whatever, you decide.' Now I'm sure that's not what you meant, from reading on, but tone doesn't convey well in text. He's probably, as everyone else has said, just feeling a bit sensitive at the moment and read more negativity into it than you meant.amandakesslers wrote: »Sounds like he's feeling a little sensitive. Maybe he's worried the rough patch isn't over? Agreed that you should just talk it out and reassure him everything is good with you.
How can I reassure him and stop the insecurity?
Time. A little extra care in your interactions with him. Do you know his love language? If so, cater to that a bit.
Okay thankyou0 -
sarraheclark wrote: »Screaming insecurity. A little reassurance, face-to-face, will likely go a long way.'It's up to you' followed by 'It doesn't matter' smacks of 'I don't really want to go out to eat with you at all but if you're going to insist then fine, whatever, you decide.' Now I'm sure that's not what you meant, from reading on, but tone doesn't convey well in text. He's probably, as everyone else has said, just feeling a bit sensitive at the moment and read more negativity into it than you meant.amandakesslers wrote: »Sounds like he's feeling a little sensitive. Maybe he's worried the rough patch isn't over? Agreed that you should just talk it out and reassure him everything is good with you.
How can I reassure him and stop the insecurity?
Time. A little extra care in your interactions with him. Do you know his love language? If so, cater to that a bit.
Yep. Stroke his ego. Always works.0 -
Ironandwine69 wrote: »sarraheclark wrote: »Screaming insecurity. A little reassurance, face-to-face, will likely go a long way.'It's up to you' followed by 'It doesn't matter' smacks of 'I don't really want to go out to eat with you at all but if you're going to insist then fine, whatever, you decide.' Now I'm sure that's not what you meant, from reading on, but tone doesn't convey well in text. He's probably, as everyone else has said, just feeling a bit sensitive at the moment and read more negativity into it than you meant.amandakesslers wrote: »Sounds like he's feeling a little sensitive. Maybe he's worried the rough patch isn't over? Agreed that you should just talk it out and reassure him everything is good with you.
How can I reassure him and stop the insecurity?
Time. A little extra care in your interactions with him. Do you know his love language? If so, cater to that a bit.
Yep. Stroke his ego. Always works.
As long as he's willing to stroke back! Fair's fair, after all.0 -
Ironandwine69 wrote: »sarraheclark wrote: »Screaming insecurity. A little reassurance, face-to-face, will likely go a long way.'It's up to you' followed by 'It doesn't matter' smacks of 'I don't really want to go out to eat with you at all but if you're going to insist then fine, whatever, you decide.' Now I'm sure that's not what you meant, from reading on, but tone doesn't convey well in text. He's probably, as everyone else has said, just feeling a bit sensitive at the moment and read more negativity into it than you meant.amandakesslers wrote: »Sounds like he's feeling a little sensitive. Maybe he's worried the rough patch isn't over? Agreed that you should just talk it out and reassure him everything is good with you.
How can I reassure him and stop the insecurity?
Time. A little extra care in your interactions with him. Do you know his love language? If so, cater to that a bit.
Yep. Stroke his ego. Always works.
As long as he's willing to stroke back! Fair's fair, after all.
Tit per tat is King.0 -
Ironandwine69 wrote: »Ironandwine69 wrote: »sarraheclark wrote: »Screaming insecurity. A little reassurance, face-to-face, will likely go a long way.'It's up to you' followed by 'It doesn't matter' smacks of 'I don't really want to go out to eat with you at all but if you're going to insist then fine, whatever, you decide.' Now I'm sure that's not what you meant, from reading on, but tone doesn't convey well in text. He's probably, as everyone else has said, just feeling a bit sensitive at the moment and read more negativity into it than you meant.amandakesslers wrote: »Sounds like he's feeling a little sensitive. Maybe he's worried the rough patch isn't over? Agreed that you should just talk it out and reassure him everything is good with you.
How can I reassure him and stop the insecurity?
Time. A little extra care in your interactions with him. Do you know his love language? If so, cater to that a bit.
Yep. Stroke his ego. Always works.
As long as he's willing to stroke back! Fair's fair, after all.
Tit per tat is King.Ironandwine69 wrote: »sarraheclark wrote: »Screaming insecurity. A little reassurance, face-to-face, will likely go a long way.'It's up to you' followed by 'It doesn't matter' smacks of 'I don't really want to go out to eat with you at all but if you're going to insist then fine, whatever, you decide.' Now I'm sure that's not what you meant, from reading on, but tone doesn't convey well in text. He's probably, as everyone else has said, just feeling a bit sensitive at the moment and read more negativity into it than you meant.amandakesslers wrote: »Sounds like he's feeling a little sensitive. Maybe he's worried the rough patch isn't over? Agreed that you should just talk it out and reassure him everything is good with you.
How can I reassure him and stop the insecurity?
Time. A little extra care in your interactions with him. Do you know his love language? If so, cater to that a bit.
Yep. Stroke his ego. Always works.
As long as he's willing to stroke back! Fair's fair, after all.
Thanks guys0
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