Family is no help!
Replies
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Honestly, OP, I'm more concerned about your situation as a caregiver right now than your weight loss efforts. Dementia is so incredibly difficult on everyone. Hope your family has access to the resources you need. My heart goes out to you... just do the best you can with the circumstances you have right now. As others have mentioned, being careful with your portions of the higher calorie fare and rounding out with lower calorie veggies & fruits where possible. Maybe you can get out of the house & get some extra exercise. Wish you the best
I agree! OP, it sounds like you have a grip on how to handle the food choices. It's the dementia that's the real challenge, and I haven't met anyone who has an easy answer for that. I'm especially sad that she throws away your food.
it will be MUCH easier when you're out on your own. Congrats on finishing college, BTW. Great accomplishment!
Thanks! I'm applying everywhere in town but no offers yet. Hopefully something will come into place for me.0 -
My wife tried to care for her father in our home. His dementia was mild, but we were able to get him into a nursing home on Medicare. That was a procedural struggle far more daunting than anything I've had to face with weight loss, but worth it.2
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French_Peasant wrote: »French_Peasant wrote: »-When it comes to a sweet tooth, you just have to get it under control, and that can be hard when you have tasty things in the house.
This reminded me, I have a sweet tooth too and it's the main reason I don't meet my calorie goals. To the extent we can limit sweets, it leaves a lot more room for the other food you may not have as much control over.
It is definitely a struggle when the family has sweets in the house...I try to encourage them to just get things I don't like (nutty bars or entemann's donuts--yuck), but when they bring in things I like, it is hard to resist. I try to limit myself to one (or at the most two) servings a day until the pack of cookies or whatnot is gone. Still, it makes a huge difference to just eat 4 oreos instead of a sleeve and a half, as when I was blissfully ignoring the number of calories.
That's really weird... Nutty Bars & Entemann's donuts are two of the things I'm safe around too!
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I understand about the unhealthy food. My diet is simply everything in moderation. Eating less than you normally do is a common sense approach to eat less and therefore consuming less calories.
But, since most people eat too much on the weekend when eating out, I don't worry too much about it on saturday and sunday. Those days I'll be having a lot of mexican food. Low calories during the week and higher calories on the weekend and you'll still lose. I think ridding of a certain food is difficult for most people so just eating less of everything is reasonable.1 -
You can stick with portioning the main dish, and just request a different side (i.e. asparagus vs rice). But don't make your family do everything. If you're not working, then you can go grocery shopping with them (or go on your own), and pick/cook what you want to eat. Better yet, make "healthier" versions of their favorite meals. Coming from a similar situation (not working due to health), take this time to really learn how to cook. It will suck at first if you're not a cook to begin with, but keep it simple, and it will be fun to experiment!
I do all the cooking in the house, but we are from the south where everything is either smothered or fried and they refuse to eat it any other way lol
If you are doing the cooking, it's easier. Cook the fried and smothered junk for them, but cook your portion seperatly and don't smother it.
You can use a cookie cooler rack over a cookie or pie pan to bake most meats and veggies in about the same amount of time as the fried stuff. Expeeiment with using foil to wrap it for seasonings and to keep moist, and then broiling without foil for a minute or two to crisp and brown.1 -
I was in the same boat! My parents would only occasionally take my requests into account for healthy food that was sometimes slightly more expensive. But once I offered to cook and grocery shop for them (My mom HATES grocery stores) , as well as cleaning the kitchen (they also HATE that) , they gave me a budget and I am allowed to pick and choose most of my foods if it fit. I keep their favorite foods around as well. We all decide together on dinner, and keep it a combination of 'healthy' and regular foods so everyone is happy!1
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I was in the same boat! My parents would only occasionally take my requests into account for healthy food that was sometimes slightly more expensive. But once I offered to cook and grocery shop for them (My mom HATES grocery stores) , as well as cleaning the kitchen (they also HATE that) , they gave me a budget and I am allowed to pick and choose most of my foods if it fit. I keep their favorite foods around as well. We all decide together on dinner, and keep it a combination of 'healthy' and regular foods so everyone is happy!
If only my family were that simple lol0 -
You can stick with portioning the main dish, and just request a different side (i.e. asparagus vs rice). But don't make your family do everything. If you're not working, then you can go grocery shopping with them (or go on your own), and pick/cook what you want to eat. Better yet, make "healthier" versions of their favorite meals. Coming from a similar situation (not working due to health), take this time to really learn how to cook. It will suck at first if you're not a cook to begin with, but keep it simple, and it will be fun to experiment!
I do all the cooking in the house, but we are from the south where everything is either smothered or fried and they refuse to eat it any other way lol
If you are doing the cooking, it's easier. Cook the fried and smothered junk for them, but cook your portion seperatly and don't smother it.
You can use a cookie cooler rack over a cookie or pie pan to bake most meats and veggies in about the same amount of time as the fried stuff. Expeeiment with using foil to wrap it for seasonings and to keep moist, and then broiling without foil for a minute or two to crisp and brown.
Thanks I've never thought about a cookie cooler rack0 -
I understand about the unhealthy food. My diet is simply everything in moderation. Eating less than you normally do is a common sense approach to eat less and therefore consuming less calories.
But, since most people eat too much on the weekend when eating out, I don't worry too much about it on saturday and sunday. Those days I'll be having a lot of mexican food. Low calories during the week and higher calories on the weekend and you'll still lose. I think ridding of a certain food is difficult for most people so just eating less of everything is reasonable.
I completely understand, Mexican food is one of my absolute favorites. Especially with a good margarita and an extra shot!3 -
You can stick with portioning the main dish, and just request a different side (i.e. asparagus vs rice). But don't make your family do everything. If you're not working, then you can go grocery shopping with them (or go on your own), and pick/cook what you want to eat. Better yet, make "healthier" versions of their favorite meals. Coming from a similar situation (not working due to health), take this time to really learn how to cook. It will suck at first if you're not a cook to begin with, but keep it simple, and it will be fun to experiment!
I do all the cooking in the house, but we are from the south where everything is either smothered or fried and they refuse to eat it any other way lol
If you are doing the cooking, it's easier. Cook the fried and smothered junk for them, but cook your portion seperatly and don't smother it.
You can use a cookie cooler rack over a cookie or pie pan to bake most meats and veggies in about the same amount of time as the fried stuff. Expeeiment with using foil to wrap it for seasonings and to keep moist, and then broiling without foil for a minute or two to crisp and brown.
Thanks I've never thought about a cookie cooler rack
I didn't know they were for cooling things until several years after I was married! I heard them called "baking racks" so used them for baking meats and veggies. They work quite well1 -
Johnturner69 wrote: »chelseahatch24 wrote: »You can stick with portioning the main dish, and just request a different side (i.e. asparagus vs rice). But don't make your family do everything. If you're not working, then you can go grocery shopping with them (or go on your own), and pick/cook what you want to eat. Better yet, make "healthier" versions of their favorite meals. Coming from a similar situation (not working due to health), take this time to really learn how to cook. It will suck at first if you're not a cook to begin with, but keep it simple, and it will be fun to experiment!
I do all the cooking in the house, but we are from the south where everything is either smothered or fried and they refuse to eat it any other way lol
I live in the south and not EVERYTHING is smothered or fried. This is a false statement.
Are you southern or just live in the south? The south is KNOWN for its fatty fried food, no need for you to try and argue that.
BOTH.0 -
Now I want biscuits and gravy, fried chicken, hush puppies and a huge side of greens with fatback and fried okra.....1
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mom2kateRH wrote: »Now I want biscuits and gravy, fried chicken, hush puppies and a huge side of greens with fatback and fried okra.....
omg, yum0 -
I know what you mean about the violence because my father in law had lewy body disease which I think is very similar to alzheimers and he got very combative towards the end before he had to go to the nursing home. You are a dear to be taking on these challenges at such a young age and I wish you all the best!0
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God bless you... you are incredible for what you are doing for your family. Forget that one hater on your post. Not everyone will agree with you but just know you are on the right track!1
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Nmarine1996 wrote: »God bless you... you are incredible for what you are doing for your family. Forget that one hater on your post. Not everyone will agree with you but just know you are on the right track!
Thank you for your support!1 -
carterbrent wrote: »I know what you mean about the violence because my father in law had lewy body disease which I think is very similar to alzheimers and he got very combative towards the end before he had to go to the nursing home. You are a dear to be taking on these challenges at such a young age and I wish you all the best!
Thank you so much, I just hope we don't have to do that.0 -
Honestly, OP, I'm more concerned about your situation as a caregiver right now than your weight loss efforts. Dementia is so incredibly difficult on everyone. Hope your family has access to the resources you need. My heart goes out to you... just do the best you can with the circumstances you have right now. As others have mentioned, being careful with your portions of the higher calorie fare and rounding out with lower calorie veggies & fruits where possible. Maybe you can get out of the house & get some extra exercise. Wish you the best
This.
Having cared for a parent with dementia, my other concern is for the safety of everyone in the house. If grandma is doing things unsupervised at night, there is a real risk of her starting a fire by forgetting to turn off the stove. It only had to happen to us once to realize the inherent danger. I had to turn off the gas to the stove every night to make certain we were safe if she decided to use the kitchen.
Are you getting any outside help with your grandma?2 -
I have a neighbor with alzheimers I think it is and her hubby who is in his mid 80s had to turn the gas off to the stove because she was doing just that,cooking and leaving the gas/burner on.hes afraid she will blow them to bits.my grandma had dementia but my cousin took care of her.she would forget things but never made it to where she was a risk to herself.she was just combative and got abusive and that was not how she was normally. its an awful disease.
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snickerscharlie wrote: »Honestly, OP, I'm more concerned about your situation as a caregiver right now than your weight loss efforts. Dementia is so incredibly difficult on everyone. Hope your family has access to the resources you need. My heart goes out to you... just do the best you can with the circumstances you have right now. As others have mentioned, being careful with your portions of the higher calorie fare and rounding out with lower calorie veggies & fruits where possible. Maybe you can get out of the house & get some extra exercise. Wish you the best
This.
Having cared for a parent with dementia, my other concern is for the safety of everyone in the house. If grandma is doing things unsupervised at night, there is a real risk of her starting a fire by forgetting to turn off the stove. It only had to happen to us once to realize the inherent danger. I had to turn off the gas to the stove every night to make certain we were safe if she decided to use the kitchen.
Are you getting any outside help with your grandma?
Grandfather is not helping and he has the POA. He is still trying to adhere to her wishes0 -
carterbrent wrote: »I know what you mean about the violence because my father in law had lewy body disease which I think is very similar to alzheimers and he got very combative towards the end before he had to go to the nursing home. You are a dear to be taking on these challenges at such a young age and I wish you all the best!
Thank you so much, I just hope we don't have to do that.
Please be aware and be realistic because someday you will need to put your grandmother in a nursing home. When the dementia progresses to levels of un-controllable aggression, and the person loses the ability to take care of himself/herself or can’t recognize family members; when they start walking away from the house in the middle of the night or doing things that can harm themselves and the rest of the family, then it is the time and need for a 24/7/365 care giver, and that can only be achieved in a nursing facility.
I have my sister in law (brother's widow) in a nursing home for the last 7 months so I understand your situation. It was not easy but my niece couldn't take care of her anymore (she needed to work!) and the paramedics were visiting the house way too often and sometimes even calling the police for help.
I don't want to depress you but you need to face reality. We all think and want to take care of our love ones until the end of their days, but certain conditions, such as dementia/Alzheimer, don’t give us that luxury.
Kudos to you for all that you are doing and good luck!
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Sounds like you are in a tough situation. It is all about the food though so eat less of the fattening stuff and fill up on the low-cal veggies. Good luck in your job search1
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Hi everyone! I really need to know how you guys got started and we're able to stay on track when your family refuses to buy food that you could eat. I'm a recent college graduate and currently unemployed so I am taking this time to work on myself until God opens a door for me. Therefore, food in the house is totally up to my family. Any suggestions?
Here is what I do in my home.
#1 I do not tell anyone I am dieting. I even prefer to exercise when everyone is out of the house. The less I bring attention to my effort, the less resistance, doubt, questions I get. It works better if they notice when I am "suddenly" down 20 lbs!
#2 This is a new trick, intermittent fasting, that so far is speeding up my weight loss.
Dr Fung, nephrologist whose kidney patienta are often dealing with obesity and/or diabestes, calls it therapeutic fasting. You pick and can vary it-- the hours of the day you eat and the hours of the day you DO NOT EAT. Your hours of sleep count as fasting hours. For many, skipping breakfast and NOT eating (including no beverages) after dinner is all they have to do to achieve a 16h or 18h of fasting.
Dr Fung, recognizes the importance of staying hydrated. He has a preference for water but recognizes that some do broth or coffee fasts. Because of the insulin response, he does not favor juice fasts.
Dr. Fung recognizes that many doing keto or paleo diets are eating so that there macros are low carb and high fat. Fung favors low carb, because most carbs in SAD diet tend to spike insulin. Fung also credits the higher fat (high quality fats from whole foods) making fasting easier.
From the Salk Institute/Dr Satchidanada Panda, who is a scientist studying circadian rhythyms and bodily functions calls it time-restricted eating Dr Panda says weight benefits are achieved in as few as 9h of fasting, but increased muscle mass and other health benefits are achieved with 12h of fasting.
Dr. Panda also points out that ANYTHING EXCEPT WATER ends a fast, because the kidneys are kicked into action with beverages--even black coffee.
Dr. Panda's studies show many health benefits, including lean body mass, from intermittent fasting despite the kind of food that is being eaten during the window of "feeding hours". THIS LOOKS TO BE VERY ENCOURAGING INFO FOR YOU.
Fung is a quack. And Dr. Panda? "Dr. Panda also points out that ANYTHING EXCEPT WATER ends a fast, because the kidneys are kicked into action with beverages--even black coffee."
So, plain water magically by-passes the kidneys so they don't have to function? Hint: Your kidneys are always 'on.' They don't have to be "kicked into action." The truth would be that anything that contains calories ends a fast, because, by definition, you are no longer fasting. The kidneys have nothing to do with it.
Also, Intermittent Fasting isn't "a new trick," just a way of managing caloric intake that's been around for a long time. Just the name is new-ish. Nothing magic going on with that, either.
(Edited to remove quoted videos/graphics.)1
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