need advise

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  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    mjtaylor87 wrote: »
    now they are working things out. its a day by day thing with them. I am excited though because i have always wanted to meet his wife.

    Working things out.. because he couldn't come up with an alternative... nice! :laugh:
  • SomebodyWakeUpHIcks
    SomebodyWakeUpHIcks Posts: 3,836 Member
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    mjtaylor87 wrote: »
    he was a guard for a Juvenal center. but he told me the other day he was getting on with a delevery service. My husband is a jail deputy for the local county jail

    Let him know that I'm unemployed.
  • SomebodyWakeUpHIcks
    SomebodyWakeUpHIcks Posts: 3,836 Member
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    newmeadow wrote: »
    Um, wut just happened here?

    giphy.gif
  • manderson27
    manderson27 Posts: 3,510 Member
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    I have a friend like this and it can be very dangerous. There is a bit of history and still a spark so we both have to keep away from each other. We still chat and support each other but we cannot meet. That would probably end in disaster.

    His marriage is failing at the moment and I am one person that he can really rant to as I have no connection to his wife or his family or friends.

    I am happy to support, sympathise and give advice if he needs it but we both know we can't meet in person. The attraction is too strong.

    So be warned. Keep it distant just in case.
  • Savyna
    Savyna Posts: 789 Member
    edited July 2017
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    .
  • deteriminedAMY
    deteriminedAMY Posts: 22 Member
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    You need to not put yourself in a compromising position. You are opening a door for temptation to set in and unfortunately as much as you want to remain friends because you have a spark of a feeling, something will happen. Stay away!!! If you value you marriage and love your husband then do the right thing and delete. Sorry ;)
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,507 Member
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    SomebodyWakeUpHIcks wrote: »
    mjtaylor87 wrote: »
    he was a guard for a Juvenal center. but he told me the other day he was getting on with a delevery service. My husband is a jail deputy for the local county jail

    Let him know that I'm unemployed.

    don't worry; everyone already knows that you're unemployed.
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,507 Member
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    also.... it's been bugging me.

    * advice
  • mjtaylor87
    mjtaylor87 Posts: 242 Member
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    Caporegiem wrote: »
    Is this how swingers get started? I feel like that's going to be the next update on this post.

    Oh he'll no. I remember him well. He no where near measures up to my husband :wink:
  • mjtaylor87
    mjtaylor87 Posts: 242 Member
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    SomebodyWakeUpHIcks wrote: »
    mjtaylor87 wrote: »
    he was a guard for a Juvenal center. but he told me the other day he was getting on with a delevery service. My husband is a jail deputy for the local county jail

    Let him know that I'm unemployed.

    Will do buddy :)
  • LadyLilion
    LadyLilion Posts: 276 Member
    edited July 2017
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    Okay...I tend to stay away from these chit-chat threads, but I clicked on yours (truly - to see if anyone corrected "advise", sorry) but I can't believe that I have a very similar situation.

    I have a very old boyfriend - that is to say we met like 1987 or so...we dated on and off for quite a while. He would never settle down and be monogamous, so I'd stop seeing him, but then I'd break up with whoever I was seeing or need a date to some function or just want to go on vacation but not alone, so we'd hook back up again. He never missed sending me flowers for Valentine's day or my birthday - for years and years. (He can actually tell you the exact date we met. I haven't got a clue.) We are still friends. I have been thru a bad marriage and when it was over, he was there. He has actually been married and divorced too...but through it all, we never lost touch. So fast forward and I'm very happily married to the love of my life. Old BF is still in the picture. He still sends me birthday cards and he still calls ... but now the Xmas cards are addressed to my husband and me both. He's met my husband. He's been to our home and we've been to his. I've given hugs and quick peck-kisses on the cheek...in front of husband. I've said, "Love you!" as I hang up a phone call right in front of my husband and he's totally cool with it because he knows I DO love old BF...but not like I love him.

    But, old BF, he's a flirt. At first, the birthday cards he sent - to my office not my house - were risqué as were some of his phone calls. At some point, I had to make it clear that I'm happily married and I'm going to stay that way and if he didn't knock it off we were going to part ways. he toned it down. But, he's not been above trying to sneak a not-so-much-peck of a kiss if he had ANY chance...

    So I don't give him a chance.

    I did go to lunch once - broad daylight on a work day with a deadline. It was okay. But I wouldn't make any kind of habit of it. He's suggested getting together. I suggested dinner with husband and I. As the years have gone by...I've been married 16...he's gotten less flirty. He's a good guy and I love him. We stay good friends - from a respectable distance. It's possible but from what I've seen, very unusual.

    With your friend having relationship issues, and your gut feeing about him, I think a one-on-one meeting (no pun intended) is a bad idea. I'd keep it casual if I were you. Couples only. Go with your gut.
  • mjtaylor87
    mjtaylor87 Posts: 242 Member
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    LadyLilion wrote: »
    Okay...I tend to stay away from these chit-chat threads, but I clicked on yours (truly - to see if anyone corrected "advise", sorry) but I can't believe that I have a very similar situation.

    I have a very old boyfriend - that is to say we met like 1987 or so...we dated on and off for quite a while. He would never settle down and be monogamous, so I'd stop seeing him, but then I'd break up with whoever I was seeing or need a date to some function or just want to go on vacation but not alone, so we'd hook back up again. He never missed sending me flowers for Valentine's day or my birthday - for years and years. (He can actually tell you the exact date we met. I haven't got a clue.) We are still friends. I have been thru a bad marriage and when it was over, he was there. He has actually been married and divorced too...but through it all, we never lost touch. So fast forward and I'm very happily married to the love of my life. Old BF is still in the picture. He still sends me birthday cards and he still calls ... but now the Xmas cards are addressed to my husband and me both. He's met my husband. He's been to our home and we've been to his. I've given hugs and quick peck-kisses on the cheek...in front of husband. I've said, "Love you!" as I hang up a phone call right in front of my husband and he's totally cool with it because he knows I DO love old BF...but not like I love him.

    But, old BF, he's a flirt. At first, the birthday cards he sent - to my office not my house - were risqué as were some of his phone calls. At some point, I had to make it clear that I'm happily married and I'm going to stay that way and if he didn't knock it off we were going to part ways. he toned it down. But, he's not been above trying to sneak a not-so-much-peck of a kiss if he had ANY chance...

    So I don't give him a chance.

    I did go to lunch once - broad daylight on a work day with a deadline. It was okay. But I wouldn't make any kind of habit of it. He's suggested getting together. I suggested dinner with husband and I. As the years have gone by...I've been married 16...he's gotten less flirty. He's a good guy and I love him. We stay good friends - from a respectable distance. It's possible but from what I've seen, very unusual.

    With your friend having relationship issues, and your gut feeing about him, I think a one-on-one meeting (no pun intended) is a bad idea. I'd keep it casual if I were you. Couples only. Go with your gut.

    Thank you so much for coming in to the convo. This is so much what I want for us. Plus what I have failed to mention in previous posts is we live about an hour away from each other so it is not like the meet ups would be frequent and never alone. We don't flirt with each other when we talk. We have reminisced about the old days a few times but we don't flirt. For his birthday I sent a snack box to his house to be enjoyed by him and his whole family. I'm excited to get to meet his wife because she is still on the fence about me. My husband has zero worries about this. I have always made ever text and email available to him ( I'm not a phone call kind of peraon) . So you give me hope that this could work. But if it came down to him or my husband I will choose my husband every time
  • LadyLilion
    LadyLilion Posts: 276 Member
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    I'd say keep it couples and families and really if you remain friends will largely depend on the wife. If she can't get past the "old girlfriend" thing or has trust issues with her husband...there's not a lot of chance there. Better to cut all contact than to have their marriage made more rocky.
  • mjtaylor87
    mjtaylor87 Posts: 242 Member
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    LadyLilion wrote: »
    I'd say keep it couples and families and really if you remain friends will largely depend on the wife. If she can't get past the "old girlfriend" thing or has trust issues with her husband...there's not a lot of chance there. Better to cut all contact than to have their marriage made more rocky.

    Thank you that is good advice
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,507 Member
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    mjtaylor87 wrote: »
    LadyLilion wrote: »
    I'd say keep it couples and families and really if you remain friends will largely depend on the wife. If she can't get past the "old girlfriend" thing or has trust issues with her husband...there's not a lot of chance there. Better to cut all contact than to have their marriage made more rocky.

    Thank you that is good advice advise.





    (sorry)

  • dc8066
    dc8066 Posts: 1,439 Member
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    Motorsheen wrote: »
    also.... it's been bugging me.

    * advice

    Just this one word?
  • bigaussieguy71
    bigaussieguy71 Posts: 189 Member
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    So when the dream come true and he leaves his wife and you leave your husband and you have your "ideal" life together... What happens down the track when you both start realising that you have changed significantly from who you were when you experienced a "close friendship" all those years ago? Who does he, or who do you turn to then?

    (Hopefully it's ok for me to post here...I do sometimes frequent other boards in the community

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