Thoughts please... When is texting gone to far?

Bex953172

everher wrote: »

suzannesimmons3 wrote: »

Time to re evaluate priorities. You were told in the way the person sending out the message could probably only manage at the time. I told family members my mother had died by text because I didn't want to be arsed at that moment in time to deal with other people's grief and *kitten*. Tough if they didn't like it, it wasn't about pacifying them it was all about me and my sister and how we felt.

This.

I've seen this type of thing before though with others and myself. When my mother died some people were offended I didn't call them sooner. My mother had just died suddenly. My mother.

Newsflash: this is not even remotely about you. I know you may be upset, but you don't get to dictate how someone tells you upsetting news.

And for what it's worth, I've received my fair share of upsetting news over the phone and it does not make it any easier to take or process.

I disagree.
She may be your mother. But when my dad did it to me he was forgetting that she was my Nan! I loved her to bits, she meant more to me than anything and I got ignored. My feelings got brushed aside.
So saying this is even remotely about you is pretty goddamn rude as you're not the only one who cares about her.

However I agree how you receive the news shouldn't matter. But their feelings still do.

HOTTTAJ

Some people struggle with how to word things n may feel better with "ripping off the bandaid" through a text.

Alatariel75

Bex953172 wrote: »

everher wrote: »

suzannesimmons3 wrote: »

Time to re evaluate priorities. You were told in the way the person sending out the message could probably only manage at the time. I told family members my mother had died by text because I didn't want to be arsed at that moment in time to deal with other people's grief and *kitten*. Tough if they didn't like it, it wasn't about pacifying them it was all about me and my sister and how we felt.

This.

I've seen this type of thing before though with others and myself. When my mother died some people were offended I didn't call them sooner. My mother had just died suddenly. My mother.

Newsflash: this is not even remotely about you. I know you may be upset, but you don't get to dictate how someone tells you upsetting news.

And for what it's worth, I've received my fair share of upsetting news over the phone and it does not make it any easier to take or process.

I disagree.
She may be your mother. But when my dad did it to me he was forgetting that she was my Nan! I loved her to bits, she meant more to me than anything and I got ignored. My feelings got brushed aside.
So saying this is even remotely about you is pretty goddamn rude as you're not the only one who cares about her.

However I agree how you receive the news shouldn't matter. But their feelings still do.

Yeah, I think as adults, there are some things we need to be able to pull up our big kid pants on and do, regardless. Telling your kids that their grandparent is dead in a tactful manner is one of them. It sucks. It sucks so hard, but its got to be done and saying "well I'm hurting, so it makes it ok to cause more hurt to others" doesn't cut it. I had to sit here and make the calls to tell a whole bunch of people that my best friend in the world had died suddenly. It sucked. But I wouldn't have thought to text it, because my pain didn't mean I got to slap theirs down.

dutchandkiwi

Mixed feelings to be honest. If things to do with a close member of my family I prefer a call. My husband and I have a set up,

1. Generally we txt,
2. If need to discuss then we text we want to talk at a convenient time
3. Urgent; we call immediately.

That way I know if he calls out of the blue it is always urgent. Most of my relatives adhere to it as well, though some needed some guidance on what would be urgent. My MIL one time called me in the middle of the day, at work to ask about how I was hemming my pants as she was struck right that minute. She got the message that I could not even remotely consider that question urgent and I told her that she could ask those things in the evening too or send me a txt and I'd call her back on my break in future. But it shows how people have very different opinions on what is urgent enough to make a call.

That said if it is about a not very close relative the second one would apply IMO. Last year an uncle I had not seen voor years and was not close to died. Mum sent me a txt. I was fine with that. When my grandmother died, she called immediately though it was the middle of the night for me and far far from unexpected. he knew I would want to know.
Other stuff mum and I keep until the weekend when we have our weekly chat. I don't have a Zuckerberg account so at least I don't have that nuisance in my life, we do txt a lot though and I like that.

jgnatca

Nothing as traumatic as the bad news described here, but I had a problem with an employee who would use inappropriate methods of communication (and this was before IM and Text). She would send three minute voice mail messages and e-mail me to listen to my messages! It chained me to the phone as I replayed the message over to get to the meat of the matter. Because of her example, I read up on a few articles on appropriate communication and now I use this is my rule of thumb:

The more emotional the content, the more important it be in person. In person is best, phone or Skype is next, and e-mail/text is a distant last. Emoticons can't cover all the feels.