My New Weight Loss Causing Some Issues For Others?

Ed98043

Maybe you're talking a little too much about your diet, work outs, all the male attention you're getting, how you look 30 lbs smaller than her even though you're the same weight, maybe you're dressing or acting more provocatively...and you're just not so much fun to be around anymore?

My point is that sometimes people can get a little obnoxious without realizing it. I had a friend a long time ago who achieved a big goal (getting into law school) and from then on it's all she talked about. When we went out to eat or drink she would bring her books and lay them on the table (so she could get a little studying in, she said, but really she just wanted everyone possible to know she was in law school)) and would manage to work it into just about every sentence with just about everyone: "Waiter, I'll have the chicken burrito because I sure worked up a big appetite at law school today!". I understand that she was proud, but it got old quick. She alienated a lot of people including her family and neighbors because her constant bragging. Plus it's just boring to be around someone who only has one thing to talk about. And guess what she thought was the reason for everyone getting cool toward her? They were just jealous.

amaysngrace

I'm sorry that is happening to you. Sometimes people react so strangely when we make changes in our lives. I don't know if it's jealousy or insecurity or throwing off the social order or what.

I went out with a few acquaintances and that I've known for a while and we all get along really well. For some reason, the one woman kept saying things about overweight people and every time she did, she would look at me like I was going to start crying or go off about fat people's rights or something. The first time, I could let it go, the forth and fifth times, I wanted to ask her what her problem was. But I let it go. I have to work with her for the next year.

Ultimately, it's not about me. It's about her feelings about herself that something she sees in me is triggering. It used to be that if I were getting attention for something and could tell others were jealous, I would back off or down play my accomplishment to make them feel better. I can't worry about everyone else's issues and how I effect them anymore.

ETA: Not to say it's okay to go around being a jerk (not that you or I were jerky to these other women), but if you are just doing your thing like you've always done and they suddenly get weird, that's their issue.

Yeah, I have never mentioned my weight loss around her, except for in the beginning when I moaned and griped about how I looked and felt like a big fat pregnant whale. But, since losing the weight, I never make mention of it. However, she does though, if she sees me. But, I am still the same ole me, no different. So, she is definitely the one with the issues!

amaysngrace

I have not personally experienced it but I have seen both sides of this equation. At work, I had a lady feeling the same way as you. She started weight watchers and instantly became their poster child. OMG! She was having amazing success and her results showed right away. She was a kind person and did not mean any harm, but she was also the type to stand over someone’s lunch and point out how many points it was or even some low calorie substitutions for the crap they were eating. In that same scenario, I have overheard women bashing her and making comments on “how slutty she started to dress”. She didn’t dress slutty or revealing at all. She simply began wearing clothes that fit instead of trying to camouflage herself in clothes that were 2 sizes too big and traded in her mom jeans for fashionable ones. I can see how her actions would turn people off but on the other hand I saw people turning on her simply out of jealously. My point is, your neighbor/friend may simply be a jealous hag. But also take a moment to evaluate your own actions and make sure that you did not unintentionally push her away. When you two were still speaking, did every convo somehow shift towards your diet or weightloss? Did you unknowingly criticize her food choices? With all that being said, I’m sorry that you are going through this; hopefully, there are other support systems in your life that you can take advantage of.

No, I am a very humble person and I use to always beat myself up about my excessive weight gain in front of her. I never bragged about myself, and if anything, she was the one who was always pointing something out about food choices. We had a cookout one day, and I told her that I was on my way to the store to pick up some regular hot dog buns from Aldi's and she goes, "I don't want that kind, it has blah blah blah in it, I am going to get my ORGANIC, blah blah blah kind." I was like I don't have that kind of money, so I am just going to pick up some off brand buns for myself etc etc... Or, I offered her breakfast which was slow cooked oatmeal and she would ask, "Is this steel-cut oats?"

In the beginning, when I weighed like 233 pounds, I would ask her if she could tell if I was losing weight and she said that she couldn't see it yet, even though I could feel it myself. But, ever since then I have made no brags or mentions about my weight loss. If anything, she is the one to mention about how my DIET seems to be coming along real well whenever we do accidentally cross paths. That's when I simply just thank her, but I do not go into specifics or brag, when this occurs.

amaysngrace

Maybe you're talking a little too much about your diet, work outs, all the male attention you're getting, how you look 30 lbs smaller than her even though you're the same weight, maybe you're dressing or acting more provocatively...and you're just not so much fun to be around anymore?

My point is that sometimes people can get a little obnoxious without realizing it. I had a friend a long time ago who achieved a big goal (getting into law school) and from then on it's all she talked about. When we went out to eat or drink she would bring her books and lay them on the table (so she could get a little studying in, she said, but really she just wanted everyone possible to know she was in law school)) and would manage to work it into just about every sentence with just about everyone: "Waiter, I'll have the chicken burrito because I sure worked up a big appetite at law school today!". I understand that she was proud, but it got old quick. She alienated a lot of people including her family and neighbors because her constant bragging. Plus it's just boring to be around someone who only has one thing to talk about. And guess what she thought was the reason for everyone getting cool toward her? They were just jealous.

No, this is not the case, if you friended me and viewed my profile pics, that is about as provocative as I dress, which is a simple summer dress and some flip flops, or some bright leggings and a tank top with ballet flats. I have always dressed in good taste because I feel like I am somebody's mother, so I should dress accordingly. I never brag about male attention because I just now started realizing that I was receiving it, after being in denial about it. However, when I do date and if my date comes to my house, she can definitely see this for herself, but I don't mention it. I never said anything about my weight to her except for when I was still in the 200's and that was only to ask her if she could tell at all, if I was losing any kind of weight. I was still big at that time when I asked her this. One day, she asked me where I was on my way to, and I told her the gym, but other than this, I do not mention about what I am doing or how I am losing the weight unless she asks me what workouts or what foods I am eating, then I will tell her, but only if she asks me.

jdyg81

Well he cold hard truth is misery loves company ad that was never a friend in the first place see it was all ****s n giggles when she viewed you as on her level big etc but when people like you do something about the weight and when they seethe transformation the get jealous etc you are a attractive woman and you state that she is not etc all ta plays a factor ex: you too go out most the men who would approach would hit on you and not her and she knows it. so even though it sucks but hats how it is nowadays always have you just gotta keep it pushing etc an don't sweat the small stuff cause its only gonna drag you down. so my advice keep doing what you are doing ad focus n the positive I know it's lonely at times. but is it really worth it to keep someone who shuns you and would stab you in the back.

amaysngrace

Well he cold hard truth is misery loves company ad that was never a friend in the first place see it was all ****s n giggles when she viewed you as on her level big etc but when people like you do something about the weight and when they seethe transformation the get jealous etc you are a attractive woman and you state that she is not etc all ta plays a factor ex: you too go out most the men who would approach would hit on you and not her and she knows it. so even though it sucks but hats how it is nowadays always have you just gotta keep it pushing etc an don't sweat the small stuff cause its only gonna drag you down. so my advice keep doing what you are doing ad focus n the positive I know it's lonely at times. but is it really worth it to keep someone who shuns you and would stab you in the back.

I'm not saying Abby is not attractive, I was saying that my other next door neighbor that I see Abby talking to, even though Abby is still avoiding me, is skinnier than the both of us and unattractive. No, Abby has the potential to be very attractive, but she does not dress herself nicely, and she has some bad mannerisms that are a turn-off.

cwolfman13

It might very well be that it has nothing to do with you losing weight or whatever. Friendships and relationships are always evolving...I still talk occasionally to my high school best friend...but I couldn't call him my best friend now. We were really tight for a decade plus...but we have gone in different directions over the last 10-15 years. That doesn't mean we can't talk or hang out on occasion, but we don't make the same sacrifices for each other we used to. Relationships are always evolving....

43932452

Your new version of you might be frightening to her. It's possible
that she would benefit to do these activities with you but she is
just to afraid to. You should try and meet new friends at your gym
and continue your fantastic new healthy attitude. Great work on
your successes too!

Cp731

We tend to see ourselves in relation to each other in certain ways. When something in that equation changes (new job, new appearance, etc) some people don't like the new view. Whether envy, jealousy, insecurity, or something else, that is the way it is with a lot of people, right or wrong.

My suggestion is to make new friends (since you are going to the gym, that would be a great place to start) and just accept the reality with your neighbor. You can't change her views and it will likely not be worth the effort anyway.

true and I agree. here's what happened to me

I was thinking the same thing about my neighbor.
Our children play together, eat together, have sleepovers. We used to talk all the time. Her main issue was wanting to lose weight.
I started losing weight and running, she wasn't interested in going in with me.
I stopped eating her food and she was offended, I tried to explain I was on a different food path than her and kept trying to pull her into a healthier eating style, she would just compare herself to me all the time. I couldn't force her to eat what I was eating. She is a grown woman.
I finally went back to work, she is a stay at home mom, so I asked her to be my sitter, I paid her very well and provided food.
She started telling me last minute she couldn't sit and Id have to call into work.
Then I bought some workout equiptment and told her if she wanted to use it she could. She didn't care.
All the while she is complaining she wants to lose weight and do what Im doing, but not wanting to put in the effort.
Last week she told me she is having mental issues and can no longer watch my kid anymore. She didn't go into detail, I didn't ask
I work 3rd shift, so she knew Id have a hard time finding someone else.
Its been a week, I haven't heard from her, I did find a new sitter, I was able to keep my job after not being there for a week and Im continuing on with my healthy lifestyle. Personally she caused me and my child a lot of heartache, by being jealous. My child is without her best friend and doesn't understand and our lives have been completely disrupted. I will never speak to her again.

People can be so unpredictable and unreliable. If you learn now to count on yourself and be true to yourself YOU WILL BE THE ONE TO PREVAIL. Don't let anyone get in your way, ever.

Hope this story helps you a bit :flowerforyou:

alisonlynn1976

She is probably insecure about her own appearance and seeing you reminds her of that. Or, maybe she's freaked out that you're trying to contact her constantly! If someone called me and came over and knocked on my door (!) numerous times despite the fact that I was ignoring them, that would scare me. I suggest you back off. Be polite when you see her, but otherwise just leave it alone. If you end up losing a friend because that friend is insecure and jealous, that's too bad, but you're better off without a friend like that anyway.

The person who said that you might deserve this treatment for "dressing provocatively" is imposing sexist morality on you. Ignore that nonsense.

kimosabe1

haha...all my women friends are *****es to girl.... I started hanging out with guys more....:laugh:

FeleciaMiller

You never know what a person might be going through. I know you say you have done a lot of kind things for her which im sure she appreciates and that the 2 of you were close. You're probably thinking that even if she was going through something that as close as you all were she could still reach out to you or at the least answer your calls etc. Sometimes when a person is dealing with something heavy they just need some alone time to get themselves together. I would hope that she would be happy for you and not jealous. You seem like a great friend to her and good friends are hard to come by. I'd doubt she'd just throw that away. Give it sometime.
I'm a spiritual person so my advice is to keep her in prayer for whatever her reasons my be for avoiding you and at the same time you keep doing what you've been doing. I wouldn't take it personally. I've always believed that some folks are only in our lives for a season. Maybe her season is up or vice versa. If not then eventually she'll come around.