Have an adult son that still lives at home, refuses to get a job, has a very serious weight problem.
retro_gamer
Posts: 127 Member
in Chit-Chat
Hi, my name is Paul, my son Chris has always had behavioral problems since he was in high school. He is now a 37 year old man and he still behaves like a kid, he's been diagnosed with schizo affective disorder and bipolar disorder, he weighs over 400 pounds and had type two diabetes, all he seems to like to do is stay home and play video games, watch television, and go on the computer. I try to get him to exercise but he just doesn't want to, I'm worried about his health. Besides his weight problems his behavior is totally out of control, sometimes he will stay up all night drink beer and talk to his internet friends on skype, a few years ago he flooded our bathroom with water by clogging up the sink. I can't get him to get serious about anything, every time I make a suggestion and try to help him he says, shut up Dad, and laughs like everything is a joke. Me my wife and my other son are at our wits end with Chris. He just doesn't same to care about anything, I feel bad for him and worry about his future because he has a good heart and can be quite funny and entertaining, he's a good kid but I just can't get him to lose any weight or make any goals or anything.
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What a huge amount of pressure on your family. I commend you on the concern for your son, you are coming from a place of genuine love not anger or resentment. Are there support groups close by or online? Its a difficult situation because he needs support but while he's being enabled he's got no real incentive to change. Best of luck.6
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Sounds like a very serious dilemma. Serious enough to ask a professional, opposed to a community based in "who do you crush today" type fun.11
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Tough call.
The medical issues complicate the problem.
It might be time for some tough love.
Iron fist in a velvet glove.7 -
You need to get your son to a psychiatrist NOW, posting on public boards isn't going to get you appropriate information.7
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You need to get your son to a psychiatrist NOW, posting on public boards isn't going to get you appropriate information.
Going to add to this it sounds like you guys need family therapy as well. I'm assuming here, but I'm betting there's a high likelihood you guys have also enabled your 37 year old son into acting like a child.15 -
Ditto to MPH. Who buys his beer? You need to go too. Perhaps your whole family does. This isn't to demean but this is a family crisis. My heart and prayers are with you.9
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This is an issue to be handled by a professional who specializes in your son's symptoms and behavior.
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retro_gamer wrote: »
It's a difficult and common situation but this is not the place for advice, you need to have professional intervention. You need coping strategies as much as he needs support and treatment. None of us here can give you any of that.9 -
Does his psychiatrist know he won't take his meds?5
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If you are in the USA the organisation NAMI offers great resources and support for family and carers of people with mental illness.
In Australia you could try the Blackdog institute.
You can accesss some of their resources online from anywhere in the world.
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It's obviously best if a person accepts treatment by choice.
However it is possible (in extreme situations) - where a person is putting themselves or others at risk of harm - to have people put under involuntary treatment orders so that they can be made to take their medications, whether that be pills or depot injections.
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Perhaps you should talk to your son's care team and reach out for other support to help determine the best way to approach things as it sounds like you are not coping well.
You may find the help offered via some of the resources I mentioned more appropriate than what you will find here; your family's issue is more than a simple weight issue.
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You wrote in another post that you're 29 years old? Sooooo little confused here10
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You sound like an awesome dad. Can I move in with you? I promise that I won't clog the toilet.
The good thing is that he isn't on drugs (I hope), so you won't have to break him from that addiction. Start weening him off. Cut the internet, so he can get a job and pay for it. Stop buying beer, so he can get a job to pay for it, etc. it seems like there is a little bit of enabling going on. Is he threatening or abusive? If I was a jobless pos with no work ethic and had everything handed to me, I would do the same things.4 -
So tough. If he has psychological issues, get him to a doctor to make a plan for his health..
Video games may be a healthy coping strategy for him dealing with the scitzo disorder. I suggest taking him to a psychiatrist for pharmaceutical line of treatment, and getting him to refer him to a dietitian andan occupational therapist.1 -
His psychiatrist, and other medical persons involved, should have at least some additional resources for you to look into if they know what's going on.
If they don't have that info...then maybe find medical professionals who do. If I couldn't get the resources, (to help my loved one), then I would be cold calling and emailing hospitals, non-profits, recovery houses, and anyone else who might have the names and numbers in a dusty binder on a shelf.
Sometimes the most helpful sources are in the most unlikely of places.0 -
amandacalories wrote: »You wrote in another post that you're 29 years old? Sooooo little confused here
Yup...saw the same thing! Interesting!!5 -
The first step is to stop thinking of a 37 y/o man as a "kid." He's not a child; he's an adult regardless of his mental illness and you aren't doing him any favours by enabling him to live this way.
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retro_gamer wrote: »Hi, my name is Paul, my son Chris has always had behavioral problems since he was in high school. He is now a 37 year old man and he still behaves like a kid, he's been diagnosed with schizo affective disorder and bipolar disorder, he weighs over 400 pounds and had type two diabetes, all he seems to like to do is stay home and play video games, watch television, and go on the computer. I try to get him to exercise but he just doesn't want to, I'm worried about his health. Besides his weight problems his behavior is totally out of control, sometimes he will stay up all night drink beer and talk to his internet friends on skype, a few years ago he flooded our bathroom with water by clogging up the sink. I can't get him to get serious about anything, every time I make a suggestion and try to help him he says, shut up Dad, and laughs like everything is a joke. Me my wife and my other son are at our wits end with Chris. He just doesn't same to care about anything, I feel bad for him and worry about his future because he has a good heart and can be quite funny and entertaining, he's a good kid but I just can't get him to lose any weight or make any goals or anything.
He's 37, he's not a kid.2 -
I think it's past time to cut the umbilical cord. My favourite is the part about him clogging the sink. Seems like a minute little detail, but it must have really hit a nerve since you bring it up after all these years.1
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I think his health issues compound his inability to seek and find work. If he refuses to comply with his psychiatrist's treatment, I recommend you go to the courts and see if you can have him committed to an inpatient program, perhaps to a state mental health facility. It's a hard decision, but I think in the long run that would be best for your son. Refusing to take his medication is not a healthy decision.0
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Here's my advice bag up everything he owns along with the BS story. Drop him, the stuff & the BS story off under then nearest bridge full of homeless people & tell him to use his belongings to trade for food. Sink or swim.
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Renaissance_Turtle wrote: »Here's my advice bag up everything he owns along with the BS story. Drop him, the stuff & the BS story off under then nearest bridge full of homeless people & tell him to use his belongings to trade for food. Sink or swim.
Lol. "I don't even have a son named Chris. It was me!"2 -
Cut the internet and let him know he doesn't get it back until he takes his meds. Let him have his freakout moments, let him break stuff and get angry, but make it clear that there is only one way he gets his video games and skype friends back. Make him the alternative of paying for the internet himself if he wants to get a job. Either way you win. Boy needs his meds.1
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born_of_fire74 wrote: »The first step is to stop thinking of a 37 y/o man as a "kid." He's not a child; he's an adult regardless of his mental illness and you aren't doing him any favours by enabling him to live this way.
his mental age isn't 37.
OP made no mention of disability. As a 42 y/o woman with a very similar diagnosis (bipolar with severe depression), I can assure you that bipolar disorder does not impair your mental age or cognitive abilities. With proper care and medication, one can even lead a fairly normal life. It definitely doesn't mean that you should live in your parents' basement forever, never get a job, never take care of yourself and be hurtful to your loved ones.
OP seems to think getting his son into a group home where he can learn to live a productive life will be harming him somehow. They "could never do that to him." My point is that they need to consider what they are doing to him now by allowing him to live the life he currently is. It seems pretty harmful even though they aren't doing it maliciously.
Having difficult children is difficult. I know. I have my own issues and my son was quite a handful for his own reasons. I don't mean to be hurtful to OP. His intentions are obviously well-meaning but even he knows things aren't working out as is--that's why he's here exasperated and seeking advice. I wish him best of luck in a really tough situation.
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Joanna2012B wrote: »amandacalories wrote: »You wrote in another post that you're 29 years old? Sooooo little confused here
Yup...saw the same thing! Interesting!!
Yes. Your right. "Retro gamer." Do you think he's talking about his own issues? Intresting is right.
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Joanna2012B wrote: »amandacalories wrote: »You wrote in another post that you're 29 years old? Sooooo little confused here
Yup...saw the same thing! Interesting!!
Yes. Your right. "Retro gamer." Do you think he's talking about his own issues? Intresting is right.
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Does OP also have a daughter who's dating an older man who doesn't respect her dad?8
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