Losing Weight without Support
BrookeLynn18
Posts: 22 Member
When I was single I was doing great with losing weight and being active. Now that I'm in a relationship I have found that it has become harder and harder. My boyfriend hates veggies. Literally all he will eat is canned green beans and corn. He's willing to try new healthy foods, but rarely likes them. I've tried to incorporate them in with things (like stir fry) but he still ends up eating junk instead. I get frustrated because it seems like he doesn't like anything that I make, but I hate making two different things or not eating together. I want to eat healthier and be more active, but I'm really struggling without support. He knows that I want to be healthier, but the support ends there. I don't have a lot of friends that I'm close to that I can ask for support either.
What do you do for motivation in the face of so much temptation?
What do you do for motivation in the face of so much temptation?
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Replies
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It makes is harder when your significant other isn't supportive. I have found that if you really want to be healthy and fit you have to be kind of selfish but not in a bad way. You have to want it no matter what. Make foods that stick with your diet and if he doesn't like it or wont eat it make him cook his own meals. When I diet my wife and kids don't like what I eat so I make my own meals and my wife cooks for her and the kids. When I have a running or mountain bike race coming up I go training and ask my wife and kids if they want to join me. If they do great if not I am still going. It is hard but stay focused and best of luck!
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Make what you want for you, cooking enough for the two of you. If he won't eat it, you've got the leftovers for your lunch tomorrow. He was single sometime in his past so he's capable of taking care of himself. He can make his own frickin dinner and you can still eat at the same table. Good luck!21
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My husband also dislikes most vegetables. I make them, he eats two bites and the rest go to the dog. I still fix them every night. I have found he will usually eat them in things like chili, spaghetti, stew, etc. so I tend to stuff those with several at once. He isn't big on fruit either. He'll eat half of a peach or an apple, but will always refuse if I offer him a whole one. So I either split fruit, so he can eat more, or just eat on my own.
This guy is your boy friend, not your husband. You're still learning whether you have enough in common to counter the ways in which you are very different. Eating style and exercise are an important part of learning about each other. In a few months, you'll know whether his refusal to eat healthy or your refusal to eat in a way you consider unhealthy is enough to break your relationship. At the moment you're still working it out and seeing if there is compromise possible or not.3 -
He's an adult; you're an adult. Take charge of your own life.7
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My husband and I have very different tastes, so we usually cook for ourselves. If I like the sound of what he's having, I'll ask him and he will make enough for me (and vice versa). But otherwise, we're much happier eating what we enjoy.
A supportive partner doesn't necessarily have to build their diet around your personal preferences. Support can take many different forms.9 -
my husband doesn't like veggies either...unless they are in a soup.
Not a big deal. I cook the food including a veggie and i eat the veggie...he doesn't have to if he doesn't want to and I don't cook 2 things either...
Not sure why you say he is eating "junk" either...eating "healthy" does not guarantee weight loss...7 -
What she said. Also that eating healthy and losing weight are not synonymous, its all CICO. You will feel better if you eat a well-balanced diet and incorporate some exercise, but as long as you keep within your calories you can lose weight on fast food. You just won't be full up because you will only be able to have a tiny amount.DebLaBounty wrote: »Make what you want for you, cooking enough for the two of you. If he won't eat it, you've got the leftovers for your lunch tomorrow. He was single sometime in his past so he's capable of taking care of himself. He can make his own frickin dinner and you can still eat at the same table. Good luck!
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Cook's choice. Make the veg and protein that you want and a token processed junk carb or even simple bread and butter on the side for him. He can choose to eat any of what you've prepared or not. You eat the things you want.
Leftover veg is a great next day snack.
As a mom cooking for a family, there were times when I'd put bread and a jar of peanut butter next to my son's plate. He could eat the meal that was prepared or make himself a PB sandwich. No questions asked.
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If he does not eat what you make he can make his own food and as another poster said you have lunch for the next day. It is not a big deal he is not on this journey you are. You are both adults.1
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Your husband can support you without having to eat the same things or the same way you do. It's unfair to ask him to change his food habits when he doesn't want to/is not ready to. Take care of yourself and yourself only. If you rely on support from others to get through this you may not get very far. Good luck!1
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Stationagentjules wrote: »Cook's choice. Make the veg and protein that you want and a token processed junk carb or even simple bread and butter on the side for him. He can choose to eat any of what you've prepared or not. You eat the things you want.
Leftover veg is a great next day snack.
As a mom cooking for a family, there were times when I'd put bread and a jar of peanut butter next to my son's plate. He could eat the meal that was prepared or make himself a PB sandwich. No questions asked.
what is a "token junk carb" seriously?
you know veggies are carbs right?2 -
I was the one who was overweight, I was the one who had the consequential health problem, I was the one who had to be accountable for my weight gain, I was the one who had to take care of the problem. Not my husband, not my kids, not my friends, not my other family members.
I, myself, me.
I didn't need others support, I just needed to get real with myself. Did that, lost the extra weight, improved all my health markers, now in maintenance. Throughout this whole process, (5ish years now), my husband hasn't changed his eating habits at all. My kids haven't changed their eating habits at all. I did. Because this is about me.
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OliveGirl128 wrote: »I was the one who was overweight, I was the one who had the consequential health problem, I was the one who had to be accountable for my weight gain, I was the one who had to take care of the problem. Not my husband, not my kids, not my friends, not my other family members.
I, myself, me.
I didn't need others support, I just needed to get real with myself. Did that, lost the extra weight, improved all my health markers, now in maintenance. Throughout this whole process, (5ish years now), my husband hasn't changed his eating habits at all. My kids haven't changed their eating habits at all. I did. Because this is about me.
I could have written this.
My son and husband still eat what they used to...and I cook it for them...I made an awesome carrot cake over the weekend...2 -
You've received lots of good eating/cooking advice above.
As for the activity...it's healthy to sometimes do things without your partner, who may not always share your hobbies. I've always been an avid hiker. I married a man whose hobby is video games. He plays, I hike. Sometimes we go to the gym together, sometimes we don't. Feel free to be active on your own...you can invite BF along if you want, but if he doesn't want to go, go alone.0 -
You have to do this for you, don't jeopardize your goals trying to change someone who isn't ready.1
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I've never had support from anyone losing weight. Actually, I find more road blocks from others than support. You just have to find a way around it. You have to want it THAT bad.
In this instance, I'd be cooking for myself and making your SO cook for himself. You are both adults. You have your own goals.
In my house, I make what I want, if my BF don't want to eat it, he'll do without. Or go somewhere. Or make something else. 9 times out of 10 he'll eat what I make.1 -
I gained the weight I'm trying to lose after meeting my spouse - he loves to drink, eat out, and has a soft spot for fast food. For years I just went along with it, occasionally making noises about how I wanted us to be healthier, but eventually I had to realize that I needed to take care of myself. I started making lunches for myself - if he wants what I'm making, I'll make him one too, if not, he buys his own. I keep food in the house so that if he wants fast food or a frozen whatever for dinner, I can make myself something else. He's been cooking more (I don't cook), which is awesome - I eat what he prepares, but I just watch my portion size. It can be hard to separate oneself from one's spouse, but it is possible. You just have to let him be responsible for himself, and either follow your lead or not. I will admit, I am a bit baffled by how many people prepare two separate meals for themselves and their spouse - I get preparing meals for your children, and I understand having some compromise in what the person cooking prepares (my husband is kind enough not to cook things I'm allergic to, for example), but if spouses want totally different meals, I really think they need to be preparing it themselves.
ETA: Just because you prepare your meals separately doesn't mean you have to eat separately, though!3 -
MegaMooseEsq wrote: »I gained the weight I'm trying to lose after meeting my spouse - he loves to drink, eat out, and has a soft spot for fast food. For years I just went along with it, occasionally making noises about how I wanted us to be healthier, but eventually I had to realize that I needed to take care of myself. I started making lunches for myself - if he wants what I'm making, I'll make him one too, if not, he buys his own. I keep food in the house so that if he wants fast food or a frozen whatever for dinner, I can make myself something else. He's been cooking more (I don't cook), which is awesome - I eat what he prepares, but I just watch my portion size. It can be hard to separate oneself from one's spouse, but it is possible. You just have to let him be responsible for himself, and either follow your lead or not. I will admit, I am a bit baffled by how many people prepare two separate meals for themselves and their spouse - I get preparing meals for your children, and I understand having some compromise in what the person cooking prepares (my husband is kind enough not to cook things I'm allergic to, for example), but if spouses want totally different meals, I really think they need to be preparing it themselves.
ETA: Just because you prepare your meals separately doesn't mean you have to eat separately, though!
Yeah, even though we rarely eat the same dinner, my husband and I usually time it so that we're eating at the same time (unless work or a social activity gets in the way).0 -
Possibly you can make something that the two of you can share, eat a small portion of it, then round out the rest of your plate with veggies and salad?0
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I also find it harder to be at a healthy weight when in a relationship. My inclination is to make higher calorie food and to be less active. If your boyfriend unfortunately likes almost nothing you like, perhaps it would be better if you two prepared your food separately (but still eat together.)
We have lots of amicable negotiations about dinner. Here's what we end up with.- Sometimes we have an identical meal.
- Sometimes we have identical components, but I have more veggies and he has more starch.
- Sometimes I use his meal as the base and take some out for me to which I add more spice and other ingredients.
- Sometimes we have two completely different meals. I prep mine ahead of time so he's not in my way.
- Sometimes we have takeout. With pizza, we also get salad. With Chinese food, if there isn't broccoli, I make some. He does complain about the amount of dishes after takeout
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I have a similar model. My husband hates vegetables and anything that is considered healthy and eats horribly...and the kicker? He's not overweight! He tells me to cook what I want and he'll eat PB&J or cereal for dinner. It sounds great, but I have it stuck in my head that it's my job as the wife to prepare dinner for both of us, that we both enjoy. So I compromise my health and desire to lose weight. I'm still trying to master this...fortunately the only meal we eat together during the week is dinner. So I try to make that the meal I save the most calories for so that I can make something we both like but doesn't totally ruin my day (calorie-wise).0
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Stationagentjules wrote: »Cook's choice. Make the veg and protein that you want and a token processed junk carb or even simple bread and butter on the side for him. He can choose to eat any of what you've prepared or not. You eat the things you want.
Leftover veg is a great next day snack.
As a mom cooking for a family, there were times when I'd put bread and a jar of peanut butter next to my son's plate. He could eat the meal that was prepared or make himself a PB sandwich. No questions asked.
what is a "token junk carb" seriously?
you know veggies are carbs right?
I think most people understood the point of my post, but sometimes the forest gets lost, what with all the trees in the way. I'm happy to clarify my three word description that you held up in quotation for further scrutiny.
What I meant by token junk carb is the idea of serving one high calorie dense food on the dinner table to satisfy the person who wants it. - the kind of side dish that is often the first empty dish at the potluck. I hesitate to call it a comfort food, as I'd surely need to clarify that term as well.
Yes, you're right about me. I do know that vegetables contain carbohydrates, but perhaps someone else has benefited from your nutritional knowledge. I appreciate you're finding a teachable moment.
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Hi, I agree with some of the posts that this is about you and your commitment in making healthy choices. However, I could not share my life with someone who did not make the same commitment. This commitment does not mean my husband and I need to eat exactly the same foods, or always be active together, but a big part of my identity is about being healthy and I believe it is easier to be with someone who shares similar goals. Do you picture yourself in the long run with someone who makes unhealthy choices, thus compromises their health? I hope the advice is helpful to you - good luck in your health journey!0
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Personally it just took awhile for my husband to start eating healthier with me, I cut out most meat, he still ate meat, until recently we now only eat meat maybe once every two weeks? And I came home last night and he was making avocado and black bean mini tacos (he found the recipe himself, went to the store and made them) so maybe he will turn around?
At the same time dont expect him to change his ways because yours are different, Find a way to make it work and still eat dinner together, you can still eat smaller portions of whatever he is eating as well.0 -
I gained about 40# after getting into a relationship with my husband (now married 15 years). I started eating how he eats, rather than how I ate when single. Don't let that happen to you.
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nadinetrottier11 wrote: »Hi, I agree with some of the posts that this is about you and your commitment in making healthy choices. However, I could not share my life with someone who did not make the same commitment. This commitment does not mean my husband and I need to eat exactly the same foods, or always be active together, but a big part of my identity is about being healthy and I believe it is easier to be with someone who shares similar goals. Do you picture yourself in the long run with someone who makes unhealthy choices, thus compromises their health? I hope the advice is helpful to you - good luck in your health journey!
Well said. I was thinking something along these lines, and you articulated it beautifully.0 -
Stationagentjules wrote: »Stationagentjules wrote: »Cook's choice. Make the veg and protein that you want and a token processed junk carb or even simple bread and butter on the side for him. He can choose to eat any of what you've prepared or not. You eat the things you want.
Leftover veg is a great next day snack.
As a mom cooking for a family, there were times when I'd put bread and a jar of peanut butter next to my son's plate. He could eat the meal that was prepared or make himself a PB sandwich. No questions asked.
what is a "token junk carb" seriously?
you know veggies are carbs right?
I think most people understood the point of my post, but sometimes the forest gets lost, what with all the trees in the way. I'm happy to clarify my three word description that you held up in quotation for further scrutiny.
What I meant by token junk carb is the idea of serving one high calorie dense food on the dinner table to satisfy the person who wants it. - the kind of side dish that is often the first empty dish at the potluck. I hesitate to call it a comfort food, as I'd surely need to clarify that term as well.
Yes, you're right about me. I do know that vegetables contain carbohydrates, but perhaps someone else has benefited from your nutritional knowledge. I appreciate you're finding a teachable moment.
I wasn't sure if you meant something like a Knorr side dish (as it's quick easy and usually tasty) or maybe french fries (as most would call that junk) or things like rice or potato etc and I am still not totally sure and wouldn't want to assume...so thanks for the not so clear clarification....
and actually if you had said comfort food I would have thought along the lines of creamed potatoes...(so good)
as for the other comment you did make the distinction between veggie and carb in your post so I was just clarifying again...2
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