Losing Weight without Support

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BrookeLynn18
BrookeLynn18 Posts: 22 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
When I was single I was doing great with losing weight and being active. Now that I'm in a relationship I have found that it has become harder and harder. My boyfriend hates veggies. Literally all he will eat is canned green beans and corn. He's willing to try new healthy foods, but rarely likes them. I've tried to incorporate them in with things (like stir fry) but he still ends up eating junk instead. I get frustrated because it seems like he doesn't like anything that I make, but I hate making two different things or not eating together. I want to eat healthier and be more active, but I'm really struggling without support. He knows that I want to be healthier, but the support ends there. I don't have a lot of friends that I'm close to that I can ask for support either.
What do you do for motivation in the face of so much temptation?
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Replies

  • spiriteagle99
    spiriteagle99 Posts: 3,694 Member
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    My husband also dislikes most vegetables. I make them, he eats two bites and the rest go to the dog. I still fix them every night. I have found he will usually eat them in things like chili, spaghetti, stew, etc. so I tend to stuff those with several at once. He isn't big on fruit either. He'll eat half of a peach or an apple, but will always refuse if I offer him a whole one. So I either split fruit, so he can eat more, or just eat on my own.

    This guy is your boy friend, not your husband. You're still learning whether you have enough in common to counter the ways in which you are very different. Eating style and exercise are an important part of learning about each other. In a few months, you'll know whether his refusal to eat healthy or your refusal to eat in a way you consider unhealthy is enough to break your relationship. At the moment you're still working it out and seeing if there is compromise possible or not.
  • mazdauk
    mazdauk Posts: 1,380 Member
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    DebLaBounty wrote: »
    Make what you want for you, cooking enough for the two of you. If he won't eat it, you've got the leftovers for your lunch tomorrow. He was single sometime in his past so he's capable of taking care of himself. He can make his own frickin dinner and you can still eat at the same table. Good luck!
    What she said. Also that eating healthy and losing weight are not synonymous, its all CICO. You will feel better if you eat a well-balanced diet and incorporate some exercise, but as long as you keep within your calories you can lose weight on fast food. You just won't be full up because you will only be able to have a tiny amount.
  • Stationagentjules
    Stationagentjules Posts: 57 Member
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    Cook's choice. Make the veg and protein that you want and a token processed junk carb or even simple bread and butter on the side for him. He can choose to eat any of what you've prepared or not. You eat the things you want.
    Leftover veg is a great next day snack.

    As a mom cooking for a family, there were times when I'd put bread and a jar of peanut butter next to my son's plate. He could eat the meal that was prepared or make himself a PB sandwich. No questions asked.

  • Treece68
    Treece68 Posts: 780 Member
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    If he does not eat what you make he can make his own food and as another poster said you have lunch for the next day. It is not a big deal he is not on this journey you are. You are both adults.
  • alondrakayy
    alondrakayy Posts: 304 Member
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    Your husband can support you without having to eat the same things or the same way you do. It's unfair to ask him to change his food habits when he doesn't want to/is not ready to. Take care of yourself and yourself only. If you rely on support from others to get through this you may not get very far. Good luck!
  • SezxyStef
    SezxyStef Posts: 15,268 Member
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    Stationagentjules wrote: »
    Cook's choice. Make the veg and protein that you want and a token processed junk carb or even simple bread and butter on the side for him. He can choose to eat any of what you've prepared or not. You eat the things you want.
    Leftover veg is a great next day snack.

    As a mom cooking for a family, there were times when I'd put bread and a jar of peanut butter next to my son's plate. He could eat the meal that was prepared or make himself a PB sandwich. No questions asked.

    what is a "token junk carb" seriously?

    you know veggies are carbs right?
  • SezxyStef
    SezxyStef Posts: 15,268 Member
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    OliveGirl128 wrote: »
    I was the one who was overweight, I was the one who had the consequential health problem, I was the one who had to be accountable for my weight gain, I was the one who had to take care of the problem. Not my husband, not my kids, not my friends, not my other family members.

    I, myself, me.

    I didn't need others support, I just needed to get real with myself. Did that, lost the extra weight, improved all my health markers, now in maintenance. Throughout this whole process, (5ish years now), my husband hasn't changed his eating habits at all. My kids haven't changed their eating habits at all. I did. Because this is about me.



    I could have written this.

    My son and husband still eat what they used to...and I cook it for them...I made an awesome carrot cake over the weekend...
  • H_Ock12
    H_Ock12 Posts: 1,152 Member
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    You've received lots of good eating/cooking advice above.

    As for the activity...it's healthy to sometimes do things without your partner, who may not always share your hobbies. I've always been an avid hiker. I married a man whose hobby is video games. He plays, I hike. Sometimes we go to the gym together, sometimes we don't. Feel free to be active on your own...you can invite BF along if you want, but if he doesn't want to go, go alone.
  • ISweat4This
    ISweat4This Posts: 653 Member
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    You have to do this for you, don't jeopardize your goals trying to change someone who isn't ready.
  • kristen8000
    kristen8000 Posts: 747 Member
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    I've never had support from anyone losing weight. Actually, I find more road blocks from others than support. You just have to find a way around it. You have to want it THAT bad.

    In this instance, I'd be cooking for myself and making your SO cook for himself. You are both adults. You have your own goals.

    In my house, I make what I want, if my BF don't want to eat it, he'll do without. Or go somewhere. Or make something else. 9 times out of 10 he'll eat what I make.
  • MegaMooseEsq
    MegaMooseEsq Posts: 3,118 Member
    edited August 2017
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    I gained the weight I'm trying to lose after meeting my spouse - he loves to drink, eat out, and has a soft spot for fast food. For years I just went along with it, occasionally making noises about how I wanted us to be healthier, but eventually I had to realize that I needed to take care of myself. I started making lunches for myself - if he wants what I'm making, I'll make him one too, if not, he buys his own. I keep food in the house so that if he wants fast food or a frozen whatever for dinner, I can make myself something else. He's been cooking more (I don't cook), which is awesome - I eat what he prepares, but I just watch my portion size. It can be hard to separate oneself from one's spouse, but it is possible. You just have to let him be responsible for himself, and either follow your lead or not. I will admit, I am a bit baffled by how many people prepare two separate meals for themselves and their spouse - I get preparing meals for your children, and I understand having some compromise in what the person cooking prepares (my husband is kind enough not to cook things I'm allergic to, for example), but if spouses want totally different meals, I really think they need to be preparing it themselves.

    ETA: Just because you prepare your meals separately doesn't mean you have to eat separately, though!
  • janejellyroll
    janejellyroll Posts: 25,763 Member
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    MegaMooseEsq wrote: »
    I gained the weight I'm trying to lose after meeting my spouse - he loves to drink, eat out, and has a soft spot for fast food. For years I just went along with it, occasionally making noises about how I wanted us to be healthier, but eventually I had to realize that I needed to take care of myself. I started making lunches for myself - if he wants what I'm making, I'll make him one too, if not, he buys his own. I keep food in the house so that if he wants fast food or a frozen whatever for dinner, I can make myself something else. He's been cooking more (I don't cook), which is awesome - I eat what he prepares, but I just watch my portion size. It can be hard to separate oneself from one's spouse, but it is possible. You just have to let him be responsible for himself, and either follow your lead or not. I will admit, I am a bit baffled by how many people prepare two separate meals for themselves and their spouse - I get preparing meals for your children, and I understand having some compromise in what the person cooking prepares (my husband is kind enough not to cook things I'm allergic to, for example), but if spouses want totally different meals, I really think they need to be preparing it themselves.

    ETA: Just because you prepare your meals separately doesn't mean you have to eat separately, though!

    Yeah, even though we rarely eat the same dinner, my husband and I usually time it so that we're eating at the same time (unless work or a social activity gets in the way).
  • MommaGem2017
    MommaGem2017 Posts: 405 Member
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    Possibly you can make something that the two of you can share, eat a small portion of it, then round out the rest of your plate with veggies and salad?
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,996 Member
    edited August 2017
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    I also find it harder to be at a healthy weight when in a relationship. My inclination is to make higher calorie food and to be less active. If your boyfriend unfortunately likes almost nothing you like, perhaps it would be better if you two prepared your food separately (but still eat together.)

    We have lots of amicable negotiations about dinner. Here's what we end up with.
    • Sometimes we have an identical meal.
    • Sometimes we have identical components, but I have more veggies and he has more starch.
    • Sometimes I use his meal as the base and take some out for me to which I add more spice and other ingredients.
    • Sometimes we have two completely different meals. I prep mine ahead of time so he's not in my way.
    • Sometimes we have takeout. With pizza, we also get salad. With Chinese food, if there isn't broccoli, I make some. He does complain about the amount of dishes after takeout :lol:

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