Everything is Changing!!!
Rebirth08
Posts: 174 Member
I need some feedback!
The other side of the fit life: The pounds are coming off, your body is changing. You're finally in the groove (maybe for the umpteenth time) of regular healthy eating and exercise. Then it's Friday night. After the hustle and bustle of work, my husband wants to do something other than eat dinner at home and watch TV. Frankly, I do too, but I have NO desire to eat out because restaurant food is usually a disappointment.
I like buffets because of variety, but I often fail at keeping portions right.
Hubby offered for us to eat Souper Salad because there are many ways to create a salad, but who really wants to go out to eat, only to eat a salad??
So anyway, what do we do? Happy hour? Ok, fine....that would be fun - a little liquid courage is always cool sometimes, but alcohol has the WORST set of empty calories! Shoot, a decent glass of tequila and juice is 300 calories! And I need at least 3 to be right, LOL. So nevermind. Then when I drink, I want to eat - and it's usually chips and dip, chicken wings....you get the picture.
So, have you all found yourself in this position: you yourself are on a fitness track, and while your family is supportive, they desire to do things that go against your goals?
What do you do?
My husband is a gem. He understands, because I explained it to him. But I want us to enjoy ourselves, just not always involving food and drinks. He said perhaps we can go kayaking tomorrow. That will be different for me. We're creating a new life....We're so blessed, but sigh at the growing pains, LOL
The other side of the fit life: The pounds are coming off, your body is changing. You're finally in the groove (maybe for the umpteenth time) of regular healthy eating and exercise. Then it's Friday night. After the hustle and bustle of work, my husband wants to do something other than eat dinner at home and watch TV. Frankly, I do too, but I have NO desire to eat out because restaurant food is usually a disappointment.
I like buffets because of variety, but I often fail at keeping portions right.
Hubby offered for us to eat Souper Salad because there are many ways to create a salad, but who really wants to go out to eat, only to eat a salad??
So anyway, what do we do? Happy hour? Ok, fine....that would be fun - a little liquid courage is always cool sometimes, but alcohol has the WORST set of empty calories! Shoot, a decent glass of tequila and juice is 300 calories! And I need at least 3 to be right, LOL. So nevermind. Then when I drink, I want to eat - and it's usually chips and dip, chicken wings....you get the picture.
So, have you all found yourself in this position: you yourself are on a fitness track, and while your family is supportive, they desire to do things that go against your goals?
What do you do?
My husband is a gem. He understands, because I explained it to him. But I want us to enjoy ourselves, just not always involving food and drinks. He said perhaps we can go kayaking tomorrow. That will be different for me. We're creating a new life....We're so blessed, but sigh at the growing pains, LOL
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Replies
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Eating out is not that big of a challenge. If I'm trying to lose weight I favor places that allow for reasonable portions instead of buffet all-you-can-eat type establishments. Personally I never cared for happy hour type things, but a glass of wine with dinner is fine as well.
Keeping dining out simple makes it easier to log what you eat and arrive at a reasonable estimate. Your husband seems understanding, I'm sure he'd go along with that plan.0 -
Sounds like you are the one who is going against your goals, not your husband. He offered to take you somewhere where you could easily find a meal within your calorie goal. Then when you considered another option you couldn't imagine moderating your intake in order to stay within goal. Change your approach to dining out. It's not necessary to splurge every time. The point was supposed to be a night out with your husband, not the meal of the century.19
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Yeah I stopped caring. Many people know I've been here for awhile. I'm currently eating and drinking. I'm also happier though heavier.
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Honestly, I bank my calories throughout the week for date night, that way we can eat what we want without going over my calories for the week. I also try to workout the day of our date, so I can eat a few hundred more calories.
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I agree with jemhh. Instead of trying to figure out how you can make it work, you focus on why it might be difficult. You could have one drink instead of 3. Or wine instead of a mixed drink. You could have a healthy meal instead of wings and chips. You have control over what you eat and drink. You aren't helpless. If you want to enjoy a date with your husband, then figure out how to do it and not blow your diet.2
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How about a mixer other than juice for your drink. If you do a zero calorie mixer let's say diet ginger beer and rum AK a dark and stormy that would be delicious and also zero zero calorie in the mixer thus allowing more calories for the liquor. Also you can try going to a happy hour place and ordering Happy Hour appetizer portions these are generally smaller and you can log them in advance. Another good idea is why not due date night going dancing or bowling or some other activity that is physically active so that you guys are moving not just sitting there eating and drinking.5
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I do something like 'banking' my calories during the week ... not because I'll have a date night or a binge but because my calories vary from one day to the next. I do it by setting a low and high intake for the day and as long as I'm within that range I earn my silver star for staying within calorie limits. However, to keep it from getting top heavy, I have an additional goal that is the weekly average calorie to strive for. It's set at midway between the low and high range and if the weekly calorie average comes in within 50 calories either way of that number I get a gold star. Lots of simple math to do, but it gives me the leeway I need and the accountability to not let it creep.1
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Out if necessity, I've kind of figured this out. We have 3-4 places we go regularly and I have pre-planned menu options at each. I stick to 1 glass of red wine and stretch it through the meal.
You need to live life during weight loss and get some quality date time your SO.6 -
A bottle of red wine has about 500 calories. So half would be 250. Better bang for your calorie buck than than your tequila drink.
And as above, go for a diet mixer, that way you only have to worry about the tequila calories.
You could also plan ahead. Bank calories. If there is somewhere you like to eat that isn't disappointing or the temptation of a buffet then plan ahead and don't even open the menu when you get there.
It's not that hard. You're going to have to figure these things out in the long term too unless you plan on never going anywhere or doing anything that involves food or drink outside the home.2 -
Sounds like you are the one who is going against your goals, not your husband. He offered to take you somewhere where you could easily find a meal within your calorie goal. Then when you considered another option you couldn't imagine moderating your intake in order to stay within goal. Change your approach to dining out. It's not necessary to splurge every time. The point was supposed to be a night out with your husband, not the meal of the century.
I understand what you're you're saying.....You don't know me so you're judging my intentions based on one post. I don't want to limit us so severly (my husband and me), that's why I asked. The way you responded was unnecessary. But thanks for taking the time to say something.9 -
Eating out is not that big of a challenge. If I'm trying to lose weight I favor places that allow for reasonable portions instead of buffet all-you-can-eat type establishments. Personally I never cared for happy hour type things, but a glass of wine with dinner is fine as well.
Keeping dining out simple makes it easier to log what you eat and arrive at a reasonable estimate. Your husband seems understanding, I'm sure he'd go along with that plan.
He would....And that's a good option. He tried. I'm just questioning my own choices, that's all. It's time for me to let the buffet go and enjoy the time with him since he's flexible to my dietary needs.2 -
spiriteagle99 wrote: »I agree with jemhh. Instead of trying to figure out how you can make it work, you focus on why it might be difficult. You could have one drink instead of 3. Or wine instead of a mixed drink. You could have a healthy meal instead of wings and chips. You have control over what you eat and drink. You aren't helpless. If you want to enjoy a date with your husband, then figure out how to do it and not blow your diet.
I didn't say I was helpless! I wanted feedback because I often lack self control when I'm out but I know sabotaging time together due to my fear of food failure cannot become a norm. Maybe I should just talk with Jesus because the smart assness is unnecessary from you and that other poster. But thanks anyway.8 -
How about a mixer other than juice for your drink. If you do a zero calorie mixer let's say diet ginger beer and rum AK a dark and stormy that would be delicious and also zero zero calorie in the mixer thus allowing more calories for the liquor. Also you can try going to a happy hour place and ordering Happy Hour appetizer portions these are generally smaller and you can log them in advance. Another good idea is why not due date night going dancing or bowling or some other activity that is physically active so that you guys are moving not just sitting there eating and drinking.
Thank you! This is what I wanted...Advice and ideas....Not attacks (sorry, but rudeness is unnecessary)! Yes, those ideas are great and we will incorporate them. I have to keep allowing my mind to change on how I view food and social life. I don't have to eat bad Everytime I go out and I don't have to be afraid if going out. I'll find that balance. Thanks again4 -
Out if necessity, I've kind of figured this out. We have 3-4 places we go regularly and I have pre-planned menu options at each. I stick to 1 glass of red wine and stretch it through the meal.
You need to live life during weight loss and get some quality date time your SO.
Yeah yeah I know (smile)! That's why I asked. I felt bad (for declining hubby's request) but I'm so used to having control of my eating by cooking and prepping at home, so it was just easier to decline. That's why I reached out to mfp for ideas and encouragement because I don't want to stop 'living' just to be slim.0 -
VintageFeline wrote: »A bottle of red wine has about 500 calories. So half would be 250. Better bang for your calorie buck than than your tequila drink.
And as above, go for a diet mixer, that way you only have to worry about the tequila calories.
You could also plan ahead. Bank calories. If there is somewhere you like to eat that isn't disappointing or the temptation of a buffet then plan ahead and don't even open the menu when you get there.
It's not that hard. You're going to have to figure these things out in the long term too unless you plan on never going anywhere or doing anything that involves food or drink outside the home.
Um.... That's why I posted the question....To help figure it out. It may not be hard for you but it sure feels hard for me. But I will do it. My husband understands. I guess that's all that matters. Thanks for the advice though.0 -
Check out the web pages for menus. Find out the things that will fit in your calories and enjoy them. At least you CAN eat out, I'm allergic to milk and makes eating out VERY hard (Who knew there is milk in grilled chicken?)2
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ElizabethHanrahan wrote: »Check out the web pages for menus. Find out the things that will fit in your calories and enjoy them. At least you CAN eat out, I'm allergic to milk and makes eating out VERY hard (Who knew there is milk in grilled chicken?)
I will....Thank you.0 -
I bank calories too when I want to go out with my husband. Then I search the restaurant ahead of time to see what fits and tastes good because fits but makes me sad to eat simply won't do! I have banked this week and Sunday I'm having a chimichanga from our favorite Mexican place. 1000 calories without the sides! But be still my heart it's worth every one. Last Friday date night was painting pottery (very badly). And a much lower calorie dinner. Holding hands across the table and enjoying each other.
About the people who come across snarky I don't think they even know it's happening. My dad use to try to teach me math, and he is a genius (a beautiful mind sort of guy). But he couldn't get why I couldn't understand the "simple formula" he was trying to explain to me. So he just said the same thing louder and louder till we both were frustrated and I was still confused. I think some of these issues have become so simple to the long time people that they can't understand how it isn't simple to everyone. The intent is good, they want you to succeed, but the method on occasion comes across sharp.
And how blessed are you to have a man who supports and understands, that means in the end you two will figure it out together!5 -
maggibailey wrote: »I bank calories too when I want to go out with my husband. Then I search the restaurant ahead of time to see what fits and tastes good because fits but makes me sad to eat simply won't do! I have banked this week and Sunday I'm having a chimichanga from our favorite Mexican place. 1000 calories without the sides! But be still my heart it's worth every one. Last Friday date night was painting pottery (very badly). And a much lower calorie dinner. Holding hands across the table and enjoying each other.
About the people who come across snarky I don't think they even know it's happening. My dad use to try to teach me math, and he is a genius (a beautiful mind sort of guy). But he couldn't get why I couldn't understand the "simple formula" he was trying to explain to me. So he just said the same thing louder and louder till we both were frustrated and I was still confused. I think some of these issues have become so simple to the long time people that they can't understand how it isn't simple to everyone. The intent is good, they want you to succeed, but the method on occasion comes across sharp.
And how blessed are you to have a man who supports and understands, that means in the end you two will figure it out together!
Many hugs to you maggibailey!!! Thank you for your kind words. My feelings were a little hurt by some of the comments, but I saw the message in each one beyond the snarky-ness :-). I told my husband how I felt bad and that I came to MFP to get insight and we talked about different ideas and he said he totally understood why I didn't want to jump into temptation this evening. I told him that while I don't have much of a desire to eat out as much, whenever he DOES want to take me or our family out, I will not decline out of fear. I will be responsible, make a good choice, and keep it moving. We talked about other physical activity options on enjoying each other outside of work and home (we work together), and tomorrow, God willing, we are going kayaking! I've never done that before so I'm excited (I'm going to pack a healthy lunch, too, LOL)1 -
Then you will be just fine. Compromise is so very important. Side note we went on an Alaskan cruise this summer and the outing we did was kayaking. I loved it! If we didn't live in the middle of the desert I'd buy one to use often. So calm and relaxed out on the water. Bonus that I saw a whale a seal a bald eagle and held a giant starfish. I hope it is amazing for you both!1
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Most restaurants have the calorie counts on their website or menu (or this app). You can drink alcohol with a different mixer. You can exercise more to give yourself more calories for a night out. You can save calories through the week.
I don't think people are being rude to you, but this question is asked like 20 times a day, or some other variation. There are thousands of threads with good answers and in the sticky threads at the top of the page. People can be snarky because in the end it's all up to you. Nothing anyone says here can control your will power or choices and decide for you if a few drinks and some food are worth more then your weight loss goals.
On a side note, I drink still and eat out and have managed to lose about 20 pounds so it's not impossible.3 -
This time around with weight loss I really did not make changes I found it hard to live my normal life with. Some things changed but they weren't hard changes.
We are eating the same foods pretty much. I just watch portion sizes and eat more vegetables.
We eat out one meal a week (lunch). I look up nutritional info and find something that fits my goal. The appeal of eating out is spending time with my family and not cooking/cleaning for one meal a week.
I prelog my food for the day every morning. More thinking about my choices than I used to do.
I use a digital food scale at home to help get portion sizes right for me. It has made a difference.
If there is a special occasion or holiday I plan what I can, get more exercise that week or eat lighter for other meals. (The holiday posts will be starting pretty soon here.)
I decided that I don't feel very satisfied drinking my calories. I drink water or unsweetened iced tea mostly. Occasionally I get something with calories and it is fine once in awhile.
Sometimes I just have maintenance calorie days. This is enough extra calories for me to indulge a bit more. Not every day.
I choose one thing I really want to have. I don't try to have doughnuts, stuffed crust pizza, fried chicken, bacon cheeseburger and a peanut butter shake all in one day.
What you do once a week or once a month is probably less important than what you do every day.
I think trying new things to do together that don't involve food or alcohol is a great idea.
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I don't understand the mindset here. The goal is to establish habits that will allow us to enjoy whatever time each of us has left..
Being terrified of having a few drinks out on a date night or destroying a few street tacos while drunk is unsustainable in my view.
I say enjoy yourself in the moment and to hell w/ all the rest of it.2 -
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amandacalories wrote: »
I don't think people are being rude to you, but this question is asked like 20 times a day, or some other variation. There are thousands of threads with good answers and in the sticky threads at the top of the page. People can be snarky because in the end it's all up to you. Nothing anyone says here can control your will power or choices and decide for you if a few drinks and some food are worth more then your weight loss goals.
Thank you for replying, but let me quickly explain something: I haven't been on MFP in 4 years. It has been 10 days since I've been logged back on. And if a question has been asked 20 times in different variations, how am I supposed to know? Am I supposed to go and research the question before asking? I mean, if people have a problem with answering a question without an attitude, then DON'T ANSWER THE QUESTION!!!! It's really that simple. And yes, it's up to me Amanda, I just asked for advice, not attitude. I'm 70 pounds lighter since starting my weight loss process in Jan 2016, so obviously, I know it's up to me. I've got about 90 more pounds I want to release and I'm afraid that any thing will get me off track. Yes, it's that big of a fear. Sorry so many people are having trouble understanding that. But it's okay, I get it. We all operate differently. Peace.7 -
ProdigiousDigit wrote: »I don't understand the mindset here. The goal is to establish habits that will allow us to enjoy whatever time each of us has left..
Being terrified of having a few drinks out on a date night or destroying a few street tacos while drunk is unsustainable in my view.
I say enjoy yourself in the moment and to hell w/ all the rest of it.
Sorry you don't understand. But good thing is a lot of people do. I talked with my husband after reading several replies and I know what I need to do. I will enjoy myself, not in the same way that I used to (overeating, unhealthy options), but with no fear of sabotaging my efforts, either.5 -
Ericnutrition wrote: »ProdigiousDigit wrote: »I don't understand the mindset here. The goal is to establish habits that will allow us to enjoy whatever time each of us has left..
Being terrified of having a few drinks out on a date night or destroying a few street tacos while drunk is unsustainable in my view.
I say enjoy yourself in the moment and to hell w/ all the rest of it.
I agree.
It's Saturday night, you are out with friends and you have two choices - enjoy eating and drinking with them and go over your daily allotment (500 or 700 calories, who cares, it's only one night!), or explaining to them that you can't join them because you've hit your 1,775-calorie limit. So you sit there and watch them eat and drink, while they think you are crazy.
Nope, I just won't go! Good thing is right now my only friend that I go out with is hubby, and we don't go out often, so I guess I'm ok :-)2 -
ProdigiousDigit wrote: »I don't understand the mindset here. The goal is to establish habits that will allow us to enjoy whatever time each of us has left..
Being terrified of having a few drinks out on a date night or destroying a few street tacos while drunk is unsustainable in my view.
I say enjoy yourself in the moment and to hell w/ all the rest of it.
Sorry you don't understand. But good thing is a lot of people do. I talked with my husband after reading several replies and I know what I need to do. I will enjoy myself, not in the same way that I used to (overeating, unhealthy options), but with no fear of sabotaging my efforts, either.
Yeah. That's what I just said. You're welcome.4 -
This time around with weight loss I really did not make changes I found it hard to live my normal life with. Some things changed but they weren't hard changes.
We are eating the same foods pretty much. I just watch portion sizes and eat more vegetables.
We eat out one meal a week (lunch). I look up nutritional info and find something that fits my goal. The appeal of eating out is spending time with my family and not cooking/cleaning for one meal a week.
I prelog my food for the day every morning. More thinking about my choices than I used to do.
I use a digital food scale at home to help get portion sizes right for me. It has made a difference.
If there is a special occasion or holiday I plan what I can, get more exercise that week or eat lighter for other meals. (The holiday posts will be starting pretty soon here.)
I decided that I don't feel very satisfied drinking my calories. I drink water or unsweetened iced tea mostly. Occasionally I get something with calories and it is fine once in awhile.
Sometimes I just have maintenance calorie days. This is enough extra calories for me to indulge a bit more. Not every day.
I choose one thing I really want to have. I don't try to have doughnuts, stuffed crust pizza, fried chicken, bacon cheeseburger and a peanut butter shake all in one day.
What you do once a week or once a month is probably less important than what you do every day.
I think trying new things to do together that don't involve food or alcohol is a great idea.
Yup, that's what I've done too. I'm finding what works and what doesn't. But since I've been eating at home for the last couple of weeks. When he mentioned going out, I froze. Probably because the last time we went out, I pigged out. This is usually what I do....but I'm good now, and I will find my balance. Thanks for replying.0 -
It's hard to go to the same places and not do the same things you're used to doing. Kayaking is a great idea. Maybe you can plan ahead next time and figure out how many calories you burn while kayaking, and bank some of those for your night out.
As someone who used to enjoy buffets, I'm no longer a fan since I started watching my weight. The food quality is rarely the best, because they attract people based on volume. Consider trying a higher-end more expensive restaurant than you're used to, but eating less food so the cost is not higher. Less but more delicious food is what has kept me from feeling crazy.
Best of luck to you, and your husband deserves praise for being supportive!0
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