Quick tips on how NOT to sabotage your girlfriend

taunto
taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
in Chit-Chat
Men get confused easily so I decided to make a small list of things we can do to not sabotage our girlfriends diets

- Anytime she finds your secret stash of cheese or meat or cheetos or chocolate or anything that a human should be eating, smack her (and not in a fun way, feel free to go all Cris Brown on her or you're not being supportive) and tell her "NO!" And then grab some oatmeal and salad and shove it down her throat. You're marriage material if you make "Moo. Moooo!" sounds while feeding her salad

- Don't eat in front of her. Or drink. Or breath. Why are you even near her? Get the hell away from her man. What do you think she is... your girlfriend?

- Anytime she is on her diet kick, it is your responsibility to throw out all of your lifestyle, your own diet and workouts and devote all of your focus, energy and money towards her. She's worth it. You aren't. Remember that you worthless male species.

Feel free to add some more. I am a man after all and probably didn't get them all.
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Replies

  • Mainebikerchick
    Mainebikerchick Posts: 1,573 Member
    Nope, I think you got them all!!!












    Hi Taunto! :flowerforyou:
  • Iron_Lotus
    Iron_Lotus Posts: 2,295 Member
    Solid advice
  • InForBacon
    InForBacon Posts: 1,508 Member
    Will you marry me, taunto?
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
    are they allowed around us for the uh, play time?? Or, should we find a side piece for that?
  • Ophidion
    Ophidion Posts: 2,065 Member
    lmfao...
    hey-youre-awesome-1791-1232679844-0_zps8c807acb.jpg
  • miss_jessiejane
    miss_jessiejane Posts: 2,819 Member
    Finally! Somebody gets it!!
  • escloflowneCHANGED
    escloflowneCHANGED Posts: 3,038 Member
    chris-brown.jpg
  • etoiles_argentees
    etoiles_argentees Posts: 2,827 Member
    :heart: you taunto! lmao
  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,275 Member
    this pretty much covers it.....start at 1:28
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M902ZJHzaLE
    \m/
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    are they allowed around us for the uh, play time?? Or, should we find a side piece for that?

    Only after they refused to let you eat while calling you "Don't eat that twinkie, piggy. I love you piggy. Don't eat it!" That deserves some playing around I think.
  • Sonj1973
    Sonj1973 Posts: 188 Member
    are they allowed around us for the uh, play time?? Or, should we find a side piece for that?

    rofl...:)
  • PepperWorm
    PepperWorm Posts: 1,206
    10/10, would take advice.
  • cmurphy252
    cmurphy252 Posts: 279 Member
    LOL :laugh: !
  • MissJacquelineN
    MissJacquelineN Posts: 175 Member
    Perfect advise.
  • UnleashingLovely
    UnleashingLovely Posts: 205
    Don't forget to be fat and look as disgusting as possible so they don't feel bad about themselves.

    ETA: But dat betch still fat.... She gotta know it.
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
    I think you missed "reinforce her perception that she is FAT, regardless if its true or not"

    If you don't..you're sabotaging her 'journey' :laugh:
  • latenitelucy
    latenitelucy Posts: 1,314 Member
    Ummmmm...did you just acknowledge that there was another woman in the room/building/5 mile radius cause she might be prettier/skinnier/walking and breathing.
  • Mgregory723
    Mgregory723 Posts: 529 Member
    robert-downey-jr-gifs-16.gif
  • _Krys10_
    _Krys10_ Posts: 1,234 Member
    You really should address the age old question Do I look fat in this?
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,783 Member
    Be supportive by encouraging her to workout. Wake her up every morning @ 4:30am with her workout clothes and shoes in hand, saying "baby, "Buns of Steel" is already in the DVD player, and I have your 5-mile run route mapped out for you. Love you! You're the greatest."
  • MelMoly
    MelMoly Posts: 1,303 Member
    lmfao...
    hey-youre-awesome-1791-1232679844-0_zps8c807acb.jpg

    Great now I miss PBJ!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Men get confused easily so I decided to make a small list of things we can do to not sabotage our girlfriends diets

    - Anytime she finds your secret stash of cheese or meat or cheetos or chocolate or anything that a human should be eating, smack her (and not in a fun way, feel free to go all Cris Brown on her or you're not being supportive) and tell her "NO!" And then grab some oatmeal and salad and shove it down her throat. You're marriage material if you make "Moo. Moooo!" sounds while feeding her salad

    - Don't eat in front of her. Or drink. Or breath. Why are you even near her? Get the hell away from her man. What do you think she is... your girlfriend?

    - Anytime she is on her diet kick, it is your responsibility to throw out all of your lifestyle, your own diet and workouts and devote all of your focus, energy and money towards her. She's worth it. You aren't. Remember that you worthless male species.

    Feel free to add some more. I am a man after all and probably didn't get them all.
    FINALLY someone gets it!
  • Lindaspencer
    Lindaspencer Posts: 226 Member
    lmfao - almost spit out my coffee when i read the chris brown part - lol :)
  • Hexahedra
    Hexahedra Posts: 894 Member
    One more: you gotta maintain that balance between being too fat that you don't provide a good example, and being too fit that you make her look like a pregnant hippo in comparison. I think the ideal BF for this purpose is 22.3758%
  • DainaLC
    DainaLC Posts: 18,937 Member
    If you tell her she's looks thinner, get ready to hand over the credit card! She'll need a whole new wardrobe!!
  • LePetitCochon
    LePetitCochon Posts: 284
    Exactly!

    Oh and this....

    Just because it's HOT.

    tumblr_mh41ooZR1p1rxb258o2_500.gif
  • RachelX04
    RachelX04 Posts: 1,123 Member
    ROFLMAO.. great post
  • stumblinthrulife
    stumblinthrulife Posts: 2,558 Member
    You missed:

    Don't lose weight faster than her - it makes her feel bad.
    Don't lose weight slower than her - because it obviously means you are sneaking treats behind her back.
    Don't lose weight at the same rate as her - because all that lifting you do makes you look better for it than she does and that's just not fair, dammit.
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
    I have no idea what's going on in this thread...

    ...(probably because I'm a guy).



    I'm just here for advice on women...

    ...from Taunto.
  • maab_connor
    maab_connor Posts: 3,927 Member
    You really should address the age old question Do I look fat in this?

    answer: yes, eat a salad, fatty!
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