Was independent, now home with a sabotaging mum, help?

thrld

thanks so much for the suggestions! It's only a problem as i KNOW my mum will go in a mood with me and get peed off if i do my own thing.. not sure why but she will and that's another thing i'm worried about
thanks so much again

If she seems to be irritated with you making your own food, or makes snarky comments -- here's what you do:
Agree with her.

"I don't know why you bother, when I've made a perfectly good meal" "You are right mom, it looks fantastic . I bet you'll all enjoy that!
"Not another salad, that's just fancy rabbit food." "Exactly mom! I'm just your fancy rabbit!"

After a while she'll just realize that you eat the way you eat & it's not a rejection of her caretaking skills or criticism of her cooking/diet.

WillowWindow

Hi:

I live with my mom, I'm her caregiver now -- she has developed dementia, so there are ongoing struggles for control around food. I prepare the meals and she changes what she will and won't eat frequently, so I have to constantly accomodate that. As well, I'm a vegetarian and she's not. Then there's the fact that she has a personality disorder on top of that. We are in constant "negotiations" about food.

You've got some good advice here, but with all due respect , people are only able to offer opinions based on their own experiences. I don't think anyone has considered whether your mom might have a personality disorder or control issues. If she does, then you will simply have to find a way to accomodate her (by threatening her as little as possible) while maintaining your goals. I think someone mentioned making a big salad and filling up on that while taking very small portions of some of your mom's foods. If you cook, or want to learn, how about getting your mom to teach you a few of her dishes and then making them over to be lower fat and have healthier ingredients? If it's pasta,for example. make a classic tomato sauce and add plenty of veggies like onions, green pepper, zucchinni, olives etc. You'll find a function on MFP where you can enter all the ingredients, save the recipe, and discover what size portion you're allowed. Your mom can eat more.

And I do make room for the fact that your mom might be trying to sabotage you because your healthy changes threaten her in some way. Really, you are the one in the situation-- you know your mom best and you are the only one that can make that determination. Be strong, and the best of luck to you, and a hug to you as a caring daughter.

ninerbuff

Moms always think they know what's best. There's nothing wrong with turning down what she cooks. There's also nothing wrong with accepting some of what she cooks. You'll find the happy medium.

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

st0dad

So, as a person in this EXACT situation, I am reading some posts here and worry you're getting ignorant responses.

No. Buying your own food doesn't often help. Now you just have a surplus of food, and when mom offers to cook something unhealthy, and you say "I have my own food" you're gonna get the same upset response as if you didn't. I would definitely suggest against that.

What I did was sit my mom down (I moved in with her 'cuz she couldn't live on her own financially) and said "Mom, I'm going to start eating healthier," and she complained that she was going to now starve because of me. I said that wouldn't happen.

My best advice is to do portion control. Try to sway mom towards healthy food and subtlety is often the key here I've noticed, but if she does want to cook and it's unhealthy and fattening, just get a decent portion (not too small after all) and eat slowly, so your body registers when you're properly full. It's definitely helped me when I come home from work and mom has made something ridiculous with brownies.