WHY DO I STILL FEEL FAT!!!!
kimberley1975mfp
Posts: 36 Member
Hi. I started my journey April 28/17. I started at 222. Today I weigh 167. That’s 55lbs and only 17lbs to go until my goal. But I feel worse than I did. People say “you like ok great” or “you don’t need to lose anymore”. I’m not seeing what they are seeing. I know they see me in clothes which is basically a filter for life but when I go to get into the shower and see myself in the mirror I just want to cry. I say “oh my god you’re so fat and disgusting”. Why do I feel that way. I look at my before and after pics and intellectually I see the difference but I feel as fat as I always did. Does that feeling ever go away??
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Replies
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What you are describing sounds like body dysmorphia and I think you should perhaps consider seeking professional help? Many people think losing fat will make them happy, but until you develop a good relationship with yourself you will find it difficult to be happy no matter how much weight you lose. Obviously I am not a medical professional so that's only my opinion on the matter. You should feel proud of yourself and congratulate your body for the amazing things it does for you
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I'm constantly having to pull up my pants because of weight I lost during a cut and yet in my head, I have not lost anything and I look the same as I did before. Most of the time it's all mental.4
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Perception can take a while to change..."feeling fat" is almost a matter of habit if a person has been a lot overweight for a long period of time. But the judgment of "so disgusting" may take some intentional work on your part. One thing that seems to help a lot of women I know is strength training. The focus changes quite naturally from judgmental observer to participant, as lifting heavy stuff requires concentration, and noticing strength increases over time counters negative self-judgment. An additional benefit is that over time (months at least) body composition begins to change.10
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It can take ages to recognize yourself for the smaller person you are. Stay the course, thank people, and hopefully you will eventually see what they see. Also-- it can take a while for skin to bounce back. In the mean time, maybe add a fitness challenge to yourself-- something you can easily see and quantify, like working up to being able to do a 5K or working up to deadlifting your weight.7
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Yeah, you may want to talk to someone about how you feel about your new body. In the meantime, I suggest when you hear:
“you like ok great” or “you don’t need to lose anymore”
Say, "Thank you very much". Even if you don't feel it. Affirming it helps the mental space shift a bit.14 -
How long did you spend overweight with that perception being all you knew? It will take time to feel how you look.1
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Thanks to all who responded. Realized auto correct sucks. Should have said “you look great” not “you like ok great”. Sorry. Sounded educated there lol 5
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It definitely takes some time for the mind to catch up to the body. I wouldn't call it body dysmorphia or necessary to talk to a professional right now. Give yourself time to adjust. Take pictures, keep track of your measurements and enjoy your success!5
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I've had this conversation with some of my friends since I have had similar thoughts at times. For me, seeing myself in the mirror everyday, I couldn't see the change taking place and felt discouraged. It's true that "before and after" pictures can be helpful, but I have some "before and after" pics that, to me, seem like there was no change. Just remember that it's a process and being healthy isn't always about how you look in the mirror. It sounds like you have some very supportive people in your life, which is great! It took me a few months before I felt better about myself after losing a large chunk of weight. You have done an amazing job, and should be very proud! Don't worry girl, keep your head up and put a cute sticky note on your bathroom mirror;) "You're beautiful and you just keep getting better!"5
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Look at my profile pic, now I still regularly think of myself as the woman on the left. I find it really hard to accept that I'm actually half that woman and even find myself buying clothes 2 or more sizes too big. Deep down I know that I'm now pretty fit and if not skinny, strong, but it's taking time for my brain to catch up with my body.5
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kimberley1975mfp wrote: »Hi. I started my journey April 28/17. I started at 222. Today I weigh 167. That’s 55lbs and only 17lbs to go until my goal. But I feel worse than I did. People say “you like ok great” or “you don’t need to lose anymore”. I’m not seeing what they are seeing. I know they see me in clothes which is basically a filter for life but when I go to get into the shower and see myself in the mirror I just want to cry. I say “oh my god you’re so fat and disgusting”. Why do I feel that way. I look at my before and after pics and intellectually I see the difference but I feel as fat as I always did. Does that feeling ever go away??
I can't tell you whether your feeling will go away or not. But...what you can do is go to the success stories forum and let others know that you're 80% toward your goal and healthy. You'll inspire others. Do you know why you'll inspire others? Because losing 55 pounds from 222 is success and that's an objective fact. And if you don't feel it, then your feelings are lying to you. Trust the facts. They're more reliable than your feelings. Give your feelings and perceptions a chance to follow. They will over time. And in the meantime, stay the course and get healthier and healthier.
Congratulations on your progress!5 -
I agree with all of the above posters. It takes time, etc. But also maybe you thought that weight loss would change your life more drastically than it did? What were your expectations going in, and what are they now? Maybe during your journey you put off investing energy in other parts of your life, and they're still hard: getting up for work in the morning, dating, putting up with traffic... these things will always be difficult. I don't know, I don't have answers, I struggle with this too. You will always have fat, and that's a fact; another fact is that maybe it's not holding you back as much as you think it is.
Have you also considered taking a diet break and eating at maintenance for a week or two? It might help you regain some energy and enjoy a bit of freedom, focus on things other than dieting, and maybe help you recalibrate yourself.
There's also the reality that our society is hard on women (and men to some extent) even when they're non-obese. I'm in the normal weight range and I still feel fat, and I know I'm not alone. Losing weight won't make those messages go away.9 -
I lost 40 pounds and it never felt enough. I agree with the person that said that being overweight is a mentality and it doesn't go away that easy. It's separate to the physical change (obviously highly linked). I would do everyday positive affirmations of self confidence and feeling good the way you are, also challenging negative automatic thoughts with positive and reinforcing ones. And of course seeking help if it gets worse - you wouldn't want to develop an eating issue etc from this. You should be able to fee beautiful just the way you are -unique. My two cents..2
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In April I was 196. When I got down to 167 I still didn't feel as if I'd lost any weight (looked the same, still in the same size clothes).
When I recently hit 159 my mind caught up with my body and now I can SEE the weight loss and had to finally go down a size2 -
MinuitMinuet wrote: »How long did you spend overweight with that perception being all you knew? It will take time to feel how you look.
I’ve been overweight my whole life. Even as a child. I was called whaler. The whole school called me that. Then I married the man who I thought was the love of my life. He spent 20 years being physically and verbally abusive. A lot of name calling in front of my children. Fat and pathetic and worthless and die already etc. You get the point. We finally separated in June 2016 so I stuffed my face for 11 months and ate my feelings.
Then one day after discovering he met someone and was living with her and her kids I was at a real crossroads. Keep eating and suffering or start taking care of me so that my kids would have a mother long term. So that’s what I chose to do for me and for them.
Which has lead me to this place. And perhaps living 2 decades with a name calling husband and a decade of name calling in school is why I still feel so bad. I still feel what I’ve heard all my life. I still see what they all saw. And that’s not what I want. I am super proud of myself for sure. I did something I never thought I could do and I did it with ease to be honest. I never suffered or wanted to quit. I cheated once a week and stayed positive during the journey.
Maybe it’s just he thought of people looking at me or laughing or even thinking “what a cow”. And I’m sure they aren’t but they always did. So maybe in a bit more time I’ll get over that. I hope so because I do want to love again at some point but right now I’m so self conscious and guarded that I can’t allow that yet.
I thanks everyone for the words of encouragement and support. It truly means a lot ❤️
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You are a lovely woman, who has accomplished an incredible thing in losing weight and Deserve to feel good about how you look. You have earned it! The hard times in your past do not define you. They just demonstrate your strength. You can use that incredible strength to allow yourself to acknowledge how far you've come and to take pride in your appearance. You have the right to reflect on the hurtful things from your past, and when you are ready, you can begin to feel good about yourself because there are so many reasons to be happy with who you are.6
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That is amazing!!! After having kids and losing weight being naked in the mirror can sometimes be dissappointing but Remember your goal. Your kids have a healthier mom who will live longer. I am sure once your skin has a chance to recover and you lose your last pounds you will see a diiference. And of course if you have always been over weight it might take awhile for the head to catch up with the body.3
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You made it out - you survived school and an abusive husband and you are still here. That is a real victory.
You are not now and never were disgusting. You may have been obese, but you were not disgusting, and you didn't deserve to be called names, and you don't deserve to have that negativity stuck in your head today. Considering what you've been through, a therapist might be able to help you.
Also - this may or may not apply to you, but I think it's hard living in a modern media world, because instead of comparing yourself against the other people you know, everyone sees and compares themselves to the most beautiful people in the world. I know I do, anyway. I get on the forum and see someone's success story and think, after losing 100 lbs I still don't look like that - despite that person being thirty years younger than I am and a professional bikini competitor for the past two years! I am much harder on myself than I am on others. If someone online has a few wrinkles I think "she looks great for her age!" If I have one wrinkle, I think, "I look like my grandma!" If someone online has some loose skin, I think "Look how much better she looks." For myself, I think, "I am never going to have a normal looking stomach, why am I cursed with the worst looking stomach in the world." Well, it's not the worst looking stomach in the world. And even if it was, who cares? I have people who love me. And you have people who love you! Believe them when they say you look great.
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Self loathing is a bad habit. We all do it to a point, in the beginning the loathing and self criticism seems like a motivator. So, here now you are weighting less...but the habit of criticizing yourself continues. There is also the false perception that losing weight will give us a firm, fit body; the kind of body that lifting weights and resistance training bring.
Why not take time each day to be grateful for how much you've achieved.. celebrate your accomplishment .. look at yourself and say and think some kind words about yourself. Break the habit of self loathing to loving yourself. Good luck.3 -
Sounds like some level of body dysmorphia.
I’ve been 25% bodyfat for a period of my life and dieted down to sub 12%. Although in the grand scheme of things, I went from obese to athlete lean, I never felt happy with how I looked.2 -
I started at 165 where I looked very fat. So Just keep losing. It isn't body dismorphia or anything. 167 is a lot. That's it. For an average height women 167 is overweight bmi. Lower half of healthy weight where you might start to look slim is 135lbs for an average height. At 167 you just aren't slim, that's why you don't feel so. Maybe you thought 150lbs would look differently. On me 150 looks fat. I have before pics at 160lbs and fat is dangling from everywhere. Just gross. I've been 125 my whole life and 125 was slim. 167 is fat. I'm 5'7.3
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Well this before picture is after my 2nd child. I went on to have 2 more after that picture. The second picture is me today. So I do know intellectually I’m NOT fat. My abdomen is definitely out of shape from the 4 kids and the weight gain over all those years. So it’s not super helpful for someone to say 167 is fat. It’s not fat considering and I am 5’6 and I do know that to have a normal range BMI I need to hit 150 which is why I set that as my goal. Because I wanted to be able to say “I’m normal”. Would I prefer 140? Well of course I would but I will take 150 for sure. Gonna work on where I was compared to where I am and be thankful2
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Huge difference!! Way to go!1
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The thing is, when you lose the weight right at first, most of the time you're not going to look like you imagined you would. This is when you need to give your body time to adjust, get a little elasticity back in to your skin, and preferably incorporate strength training if you haven't already. You will look better after all of that. I was a bit devastated after finally losing my pregnancy weight but after starting a boot camp and giving my self some time, I'm as confident as ever!2
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Being significantly overweight can have some pretty big long term consequences, especially some of it pregnancy. But it's really nothing to keep hurting yourself over. It is in the past and there's nothing you can do to change that. Focus is where you tend to end up going in life, so try to not focus on feeling fat, even when you do. This should be a strong motivator not to focus on it, since I'm sure you don't want to be overweight again! Focus instead on what you want to get out of continued weight loss (or fitness goals if you're okay with your weight now) and be realistic with yourself. Set some more goals and just keep imagining you've already done them. Picture you're already there. And as often as possible, monitor your thoughts. When you find yourself beating yourself up, say to yourself "I reject that". If you're alone, or somewhere that you are safe to be a little crazy, say it out loud, as powerfully as possible! If you have to do it in your head, imagine you're saying it that way, too. These are some things that have helped me recently, not to hate my body so much, and it is working.1
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You look wonderful! Congratulations on all your hard work! You definitely don't look fat at all, but I suspect it will just take longer for your mind to lose the weight your body already has.3
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You've accomplished so much and have a lot to be proud of!! I recall reading that we add to our fat cells when we are teenagers and when we are pregnant. That being said, don't be overly hard on yourself -- you've had four children. Just keep going with strength training, cardio and calorie reduction. Isometrics are great and work with kettle bells and dual handled medicine balls have been life changing for me.
It is a great feeling when you notice your clothes are too big. They didn't stretch out -- you got smaller. Your mind will eventually catch up to the reality. Just be consistent and stick with it. The changes you've made will benefit your mind, body and soul - and your precious children. Good luck! 3 -
It doesn’t matter how good other people seem to think I look, I need to feel like I’m fit and in control of my body. I really have to have some regular workout, or I ‘feel’ fat. It’s not just in my mind. I get slightly achy, if I don’t work out, and my digestion is more sluggish.1
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