Wife says I need psychological help !!!!

bdeezy3396

I was out shopping with my wife the other day and she wanted to buy me some new pants as I only have one pair now that fits me decent. As I dropped down sizes fast I'm still wearing pants that are too big, but are not falling down so they work for me. To save money I told her lets wait because I still needed to lose about 20 more lbs, and the pants I have now would hold out until then.

My wife looked at me with this confused look and said if I thought that I needed to lose another 20lbs then I need to seek psychological help. At first I thought she was joking, so when I asked her if she was she said no and she truly thinks I need help. I explained to her that at 5'10" my BMI is currently at 27.8 which still has me in the medium-high range of being over weight, and that losing 20 lbs would put me just at the high range of a normal BMI. She didn't want to hear it, she thinks that I would look sickly, and is really angry with me.

Maybe me being big for so long she got used to being as the normal? Is the the BMI still a good measurement to go by? What are your thoughts?

kayemmgee5

I've wondered this, too. I don't know if psychological help is the right thing - is she thinking you have an eating disorder or body image issue? Because I was wondering it too, and I've lost around 23 lbs (I've never lost this much before!) I consulted my doctor and made an appointment to just go over everything and make sure I'm on track. It might be worth the small office fee to give you peace of mind knowing your body is indeed healthy.

ncmedic201

I would make a deal with her that you will follow your doctors recommendations and take her to the appointment.

BTW M GO BLUE....I'm originally from right down the road from you in GB.

Mia_RagazzaTosta

I wouldn't rely on BMI because it often doesn't tell the whole "story," so to speak. For example, my friend's husband is 9% body fat, normal weight, and is considered obese because of what his BMI is.

Have you looked into body recomposition?

ltgarrow

There are 2 issues to tackle here. The first is the BMI measurement. I disagree with the whole thing. I think if you are comfortable, athletic(to a degree) and not haveing any significant reason not to, go for the extra 20 lbs.
The second is the psychological help piece. You're married, if she doesn't think you need professional help, you're not doing it right.

Keep up the good work.

RHSheetz

Since you lost 100 lbs, I would Highly suggest you get a GOOD Body Comp done. That is the safest way instead of BMI. BMI is based on "average" build and is only on Height and Weight. It does not truly give you a good idea of where you are.

You could get yourself a set of Calipers and do a skin fold test for Body Comp if you do not have access to someone who can do it.

erickirb

BMI scale has never been a good measure. If you carry more muscle you would be seen as overweight even with low BF%. I would suggest you go by BF%, if you don't have a way to get that go by how cloths fit and how you look in the mirror.

Francl27

Well BMI doesn't mean much. If you are pretty muscular, there's a good chance your BMI will be over the normal range, for example.

I hear you though. I'm in the same boat, except it's my mom. She thinks I'm nuts for wanting to lose another 25 lbs. I'm around the same BMI as you are and definitely got a lot of fat to lose still. I'd definitely talk to your doctor about it to see what he/she has to say, just in case, but keep up the good work!

rml_16

In that fourth photo in your avatar, you look pretty skinny. But your T-shirt is baggy, so it's tough to tell if you're carrying some excess weight in your tummy. I can't really judge from your photos if your wife is right or wrong, but I do know most people have a very skewed idea of what healthy weight looks like, especially if they're used to seeing a particular person very overweight.

Why don't you go have a physical and ask the doctor. If he or she is on your side, that should be enough for your wife.

LINIA

There is not a way for me to put this nicely, so i have to ask " is your wife overweight" ? She may not be the best one to judge what you should weigh. Also if your clothes fit poorly, more than likely, you don't look your best.

I think now is a good time to strengthen your inner resolve, realize that a healthy weight for you may just not be up to your wife to judge and yes.....many of us see " overweight" as healthy because it is what is out there ....right in front of us....all the time.

Good Luck, you'll be fine wearing those new clothes and at a healthy BMI.

UsedToBeHusky

Well... if you lose another 20 lbs and its just fat, then you will probably be really cut. If you aren't interested in that fitness goal, however, you are probably just fine where you are.

I don't think you need to see a psychologist though.

Adirafox

The second is the psychological help piece. You're married, if she doesn't think you need professional help, you're not doing it right.

Hehe

The_Godwin_72

I think you have done an OUTSTANDING job. I don't know if you need help, I do agree that the BMI is not a great goal. If your numbers are good- blood pressure, cholesterol and so on you my be fine where you are. The scale don't take everything into account. I'm "over weight" so say the BMI but I'm 5'7" 168 pounds and in a size 8 to 10. Work on being the best fit you and let your wife get you two pair of pants.

Kaimana94

I wouldn't go off the BMI. I was trying to get there too. 150 for my height. As I got close to 160 everyone keep telling me I look sickly. I gained, muscle, back to 170 and now everyone tells me I look good. Need to find a healthy weight for you.

saxmaniac

Bluntly? It's none of her god damn business. This is your body, and she is wrong.

I think BMI is a useful rough tool, unless you are super-muscular when it's wrong. I'm 5'10, With a BMI of the low 20's, and about 19% BF. I still have plenty of abdominal fat I can lose., but I am at the point that I really can only do this coupled with strength training.

There is a kernel of truth here, if I got much below 160 without strength training then would lose a good deal of what little muscle I do have. I have decided that once I hit 160 I won't drop any further unless I am actively working out to preserve muscle mass. If you're still in the "overweight" category, it's a good idea, but not strictly necessary. People are just used to seeing you in a certain way and don't want you to change.

I would keep your plans to yourself and not tell her, if she's going to be controlling like that.

sunshinemouse34

Real question - Are YOU happy with how you look and feel?

That is what matters. As for your wife, was it an off-hand comment? A way to say she was already happy with the changes you made?

gsager

When I lost weight I didn't like the way my body looked so I started lifting weights more and doing less cardio. BMI will give you an idea, do you see a family Dr? What does he think?

K_Serz

I was out shopping with my wife the other day and she wanted to buy me some new pants as I only have one pair now that fits me decent. As I dropped down sizes fast I'm still wearing pants that are too big, but are not falling down so they work for me. To save money I told her lets wait because I still needed to lose about 20 more lbs, and the pants I have now would hold out until then.

My wife looked at me with this confused look and said if I thought that I needed to lose another 20lbs then I need to seek psychological help. At first I thought she was joking, so when I asked her if she was she said no and she truly thinks I need help. I explained to her that at 5'10" my BMI is currently at 27.8 which still has me in the medium-high range of being over weight, and that losing 20 lbs would put me just at the high range of a normal BMI. She didn't want to hear it, she thinks that I would look sickly, and is really angry with me.

Maybe me being big for so long she got used to being as the normal? Is the the BMI still a good measurement to go by? What are your thoughts?

I got the same reaction except instead of my wife telling me i need psychological help she said "You're obsessed." But shes not really angry with me like you stated. She just thinks I go a bit extreme with some workouts (which maybe thats true sometimes). Easy for her to say though. Shes 110lbs on a heavy day! Other than that she lets me do my thing.

Im 5'10 also and my BMI is 30 ( All I want to do is lose 20 more as well (which seems to get harder and harder). Hopefully your wife will stop thinking you are a psycho and be a bit more supportive of your goals and your happiness. :drinker:

bobf279

I have not considered BMI as the reason to set my target weight. The weight I get too when I feel comfortable is my target. I have moved from obese to overweight so I am now in the right ball park and quite frankly I don't think that the recommended weight for my size would suit me at all. I am currently 5'6" and 184 lbs, my notional target weight is 175 lbs. My physcial capabilities are more important to me and I have some running goals to achieve so fitness and body shape are mean more than weight for me.

summery79

There is not a way for me to put this nicely, so i have to ask " is your wife overweight" ? She may not be the best one to judge what you should weigh.

This was my first thought too. I'm not saying that this is your situation, but I may have said some slightly nasty/jealous things back when I was overweight, but my already in shape husband was working on toning up a little more. May have. I admit to nothing. lol

footiechick82

You need to do what makes YOU happy.

She will appreciate it when your stamina in the bedroom is increased

deedee303z

I would schedule a check up with your doctor just to give her peace of mind--and then follow the doctor's advice. In the meantime, buy a couple of pair of new pants in the correct size. It's not a huge investment and, trust me, you will look and feel much better once you actually have clothes that fit. This from the person who was actually wearing pants which were 2-3 sizes too big and would not stay up on their own because she was too cheap to buy new while still losing weight. Finally breaking down and buying some clothes that fit properly made a HUGE difference and, you know, if I size out of them in a few months, then that's ok. I'll donate them and buy something new as a reward for reaching goal.

spoiledpuppies

I think you're probably fine. About 10 years ago when I lost 50 pounds, my mom hadn't seen me for awhile and kept wondering if I had been sick. Then the other day, I mentioned something about going to WW or T.O.P.S. and she asked, "why do YOU need to go?"

I had to just look up my BMI for comparison's sake, and I'm at 27.1 Regardless of that number, I know I need to lose. As someone mentioned, people have a generally skewed idea of what healthy looks like; and the people close to us have an especially skewed view of what we look like.

fishgutzy

Forget BMI.
I don't have a BMI goal. I have a BFP/Weight goal. My wife, too, thinks my goal is too low. But at 6' I will be just fine at 180# and 10% BFP. Achieving that would mean I have the same lean mass that I currently have at 210.
I want to show my wife the six pack that is currently still covered. Though it is no longer covered by a pillow top mattress :bigsmile:

civilianindisguise

BMI isn't a good indicator, especially if you lift weights as muscle weighs more than fat. I am in the 28.8 range for my 6'1" height and I could easily lose 20-30 pounds of fat but would need to replace that with muscle and do it over the course of six months to a year. Never forget to consult a dietitian when considering weight. Additionally, if you have any health issues consult your primary physician for decisions such as this.

NoleGirl0918

First off - congrats on your HUGE weight loss! That took a lot of work & determination to lose over 100 lbs!!!

As far as the comment from your wife about not needing to lose 25 lbs more, i think it's up to you. In my opinion, i think it's hard for people around us to understand that we have lost a good amount of weight but still need to lose more. Personally, i am 5'2" & weigh 150 lbs, but i want to lose about 20 more lbs - when i said this to my Mama, she said i would look sickly if i lost more weight. To each their own, but i would suggest that you get to a place that you are comfortable with - whether that might be where you are now or losing a bit more. Blessings to you in your fitness journey :-)

Edited to add: since you don't want to invest a lot of $$ in new clothes that you probably won't wear very long, check out the thrift stores in your area. i've had great luck at the ones close to me & generally can find good name brand pants for about $3- just a suggestion.

chadraeder3

BMI was created in the 1800's for 1800's man, do you use anything else created in the 1800's? Most likely not. If you believe the BMI Matt Damon, Brad Pitt and George Cloney are all overweight. For some people the BMI weight does look healthy for others it does not, it depends on your body frame.

KyleB65

I know of what you say! :-)

I was so afraid of gaining back weight I kept wearing clothes waaayyyy beyond the time I should have retired them!

For months, I was folding my pants in the back and I added extra holes in my belt to keep them up!

Then once I did start buying new clothes, I kept the old clothes! Took me almost 6 months to bag them up and donate to charity.

As for my wife........

She has only ever known me overweight. As I lost weight she was very supportive. However, once I broke the 200 lbs mark (Down about 80 lbs). I started seeing that there was so much I could do! I got into running and it has become a bit of an obsession. In addition, I have slowly changed my diet over time and now eat no meat. The new quasi-vegetarian, running, weight lifting, biking me is a person my wife has never met in the past. Definitely not the same person she married! I know that she wants to be supportive and that she is happy for my success. But! She is having a hard time. We are both doing our best to support each other. It is a work in progress! We have been married for over 20 years and worked through more difficult situations than this!

I hope you and your wife find a way for you both to be happy!

sabified

There are 2 issues to tackle here. The first is the BMI measurement. I disagree with the whole thing. I think if you are comfortable, athletic(to a degree) and not haveing any significant reason not to, go for the extra 20 lbs.
The second is the psychological help piece. You're married, if she doesn't think you need professional help, you're not doing it right.

Keep up the good work.

lol at the second part....

I agree that BMI isn't the only thing to look at- how you feel and how your body shapes up are more important. If you get to within 10lbs of goal and your ribs start sticking out... yea, maybe time to stop. (Generally, I've noticed that isn't something that happens though, just an example.)
To give some piece of mind to your wife, I would suggest going to the doc with her and then she can hear for herself that you're not being unreasonable with your goals. And also, never hurts to have an expert opinion, right?

ETA: great job so far and best of luck with the rest!!

CollieFit

There is not a way for me to put this nicely, so i have to ask " is your wife overweight" ? She may not be the best one to judge what you should weigh.

This was my first thought too.

And mine...

bdeezy3396

Edited to add: since you don't want to invest a lot of $$ in new clothes that you probably won't wear very long, check out the thrift stores in your area. i've had great luck at the ones close to me & generally can find good name brand pants for about $3- just a suggestion.

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