Wife says I need psychological help !!!!

deedee303z

I would schedule a check up with your doctor just to give her peace of mind--and then follow the doctor's advice. In the meantime, buy a couple of pair of new pants in the correct size. It's not a huge investment and, trust me, you will look and feel much better once you actually have clothes that fit. This from the person who was actually wearing pants which were 2-3 sizes too big and would not stay up on their own because she was too cheap to buy new while still losing weight. Finally breaking down and buying some clothes that fit properly made a HUGE difference and, you know, if I size out of them in a few months, then that's ok. I'll donate them and buy something new as a reward for reaching goal.

spoiledpuppies

I think you're probably fine. About 10 years ago when I lost 50 pounds, my mom hadn't seen me for awhile and kept wondering if I had been sick. Then the other day, I mentioned something about going to WW or T.O.P.S. and she asked, "why do YOU need to go?"

I had to just look up my BMI for comparison's sake, and I'm at 27.1 Regardless of that number, I know I need to lose. As someone mentioned, people have a generally skewed idea of what healthy looks like; and the people close to us have an especially skewed view of what we look like.

fishgutzy

Forget BMI.
I don't have a BMI goal. I have a BFP/Weight goal. My wife, too, thinks my goal is too low. But at 6' I will be just fine at 180# and 10% BFP. Achieving that would mean I have the same lean mass that I currently have at 210.
I want to show my wife the six pack that is currently still covered. Though it is no longer covered by a pillow top mattress :bigsmile:

civilianindisguise

BMI isn't a good indicator, especially if you lift weights as muscle weighs more than fat. I am in the 28.8 range for my 6'1" height and I could easily lose 20-30 pounds of fat but would need to replace that with muscle and do it over the course of six months to a year. Never forget to consult a dietitian when considering weight. Additionally, if you have any health issues consult your primary physician for decisions such as this.

NoleGirl0918

First off - congrats on your HUGE weight loss! That took a lot of work & determination to lose over 100 lbs!!!

As far as the comment from your wife about not needing to lose 25 lbs more, i think it's up to you. In my opinion, i think it's hard for people around us to understand that we have lost a good amount of weight but still need to lose more. Personally, i am 5'2" & weigh 150 lbs, but i want to lose about 20 more lbs - when i said this to my Mama, she said i would look sickly if i lost more weight. To each their own, but i would suggest that you get to a place that you are comfortable with - whether that might be where you are now or losing a bit more. Blessings to you in your fitness journey :-)

Edited to add: since you don't want to invest a lot of $$ in new clothes that you probably won't wear very long, check out the thrift stores in your area. i've had great luck at the ones close to me & generally can find good name brand pants for about $3- just a suggestion.

chadraeder3

BMI was created in the 1800's for 1800's man, do you use anything else created in the 1800's? Most likely not. If you believe the BMI Matt Damon, Brad Pitt and George Cloney are all overweight. For some people the BMI weight does look healthy for others it does not, it depends on your body frame.

KyleB65

I know of what you say! :-)

I was so afraid of gaining back weight I kept wearing clothes waaayyyy beyond the time I should have retired them!

For months, I was folding my pants in the back and I added extra holes in my belt to keep them up!

Then once I did start buying new clothes, I kept the old clothes! Took me almost 6 months to bag them up and donate to charity.

As for my wife........

She has only ever known me overweight. As I lost weight she was very supportive. However, once I broke the 200 lbs mark (Down about 80 lbs). I started seeing that there was so much I could do! I got into running and it has become a bit of an obsession. In addition, I have slowly changed my diet over time and now eat no meat. The new quasi-vegetarian, running, weight lifting, biking me is a person my wife has never met in the past. Definitely not the same person she married! I know that she wants to be supportive and that she is happy for my success. But! She is having a hard time. We are both doing our best to support each other. It is a work in progress! We have been married for over 20 years and worked through more difficult situations than this!

I hope you and your wife find a way for you both to be happy!

sabified

There are 2 issues to tackle here. The first is the BMI measurement. I disagree with the whole thing. I think if you are comfortable, athletic(to a degree) and not haveing any significant reason not to, go for the extra 20 lbs.
The second is the psychological help piece. You're married, if she doesn't think you need professional help, you're not doing it right.

Keep up the good work.

lol at the second part....

I agree that BMI isn't the only thing to look at- how you feel and how your body shapes up are more important. If you get to within 10lbs of goal and your ribs start sticking out... yea, maybe time to stop. (Generally, I've noticed that isn't something that happens though, just an example.)
To give some piece of mind to your wife, I would suggest going to the doc with her and then she can hear for herself that you're not being unreasonable with your goals. And also, never hurts to have an expert opinion, right?

ETA: great job so far and best of luck with the rest!!

CollieFit

There is not a way for me to put this nicely, so i have to ask " is your wife overweight" ? She may not be the best one to judge what you should weigh.

This was my first thought too.

And mine...

bdeezy3396

Edited to add: since you don't want to invest a lot of $$ in new clothes that you probably won't wear very long, check out the thrift stores in your area. i've had great luck at the ones close to me & generally can find good name brand pants for about $3- just a suggestion.

love that song

bdeezy3396

Thanks everyone - I went ahead and setup an appointment with my Dr. to have a sit down and discuss my health, and what my goals should be going forward.

deksgrl

BMI is not the best measure. My bf at 6' tall according to the BMI chart should be about 190. He would look sick at 190 because of his muscle mass.

timkane46

BMI scale has never been a good measure. If you carry more muscle you would be seen as overweight even with low BF%. I would suggest you go by BF%, if you don't have a way to get that go by how cloths fit and how you look in the mirror.

THIS ^^

MY BF IS 12 % AND BMI SHOWS ME BORDERLINE OBESE

bnorris2013

Bluntly? It's none of her damn business. This is your body, and she is wrong.

I wanted to comment on this this is so far beyond WRONG - They are married which means EVERYTHING he does is HER business as is Everything she does is his business - Its a marriage a partnership and this is definantly a journey that his spouse should be supporting him with because its extremely hard to do this without the love and support of your spouse






To the OP I think your wife was just trying to help you - I myself have lost alot of weight and still have a closet full of 4x which some of it I still wear and people kept saying I should get new clothes and finally I broke down and got some stuff that fit and what a world of difference it made Now I am still losing weight so I only got a few things but it will hold me over for this level of weight loss

If money is tight then go to a thrift store you could get several pairs of jeans for what you would pay for 1 pair - If that is not your thing then perhaps just get 1 pair for this phase of you losing weight

BeachGingerOnTheRocks

Your profile page is pretty bare, so I don't know what sort of exercise program you're on, but if you haven't, please add strength training and body recomp as your goals.

I'm also in my 40s, and having high lean body mass and low fat will serve you well as you continue to age. It'll be better for bone strength and mobility.

You've lost a lot of weight and I understand the desire to hit that target you've set for yourself. You are not to skinny or emaciated at all. She's just become accustomed to you looking a certain way, and you don't anymore.

saxmaniac

I wanted to comment on this this is so far beyond WRONG - They are married which means EVERYTHING he does is HER business as is Everything she does is his business - Its a marriage a partnership and this is definantly a journey that his spouse should be supporting him with because its extremely hard to do this without the love and support of your spouse

You miss the point. When married you don't have authority over your partner's body. Imagine if your husband demanded that you not lose any weight at all. Or if you, can't get a tattoo. Or pierce your ear. Or cut your hair.

We consider their opinion and try to please them, of course, but they don't have the right to tell you what weight you should be.

I think the wife in this case is incorrect because she doesn't know what a healthy weight is. So she is wrong in that regard, and she's wrong for asserting authority over his body.

I agree with that she is trying to help, but sometimes people can mean well and be wrong.

itsanatalia

From the point of view of a girlfriend, I'm going to try and graciously side with your wife and give her the benefit of the doubt that she's not trying to hold you back.

You did say you're losing pant sizes fast (which can be normal, especially for a guy), but may be a bit shocking to someone else, such as your wife, especially if they're use to you being a certain size. I can say if my boyfriend was suddenly losing weight fast, and I wasn't too involved with how he was doing it, I might be concerned he's not staying healthy.

I think it's OK to sit down with her and say that you're staying healthy, eating right, exercising appropriately, and you want to get down to your goal weight. I also think it's OK for both of you to go to a doctor's appt, where the doctor can either confirm that you're on track to more weight loss or advise against.

You're married, you're a team. Yes, it's your body, but that doesn't mean she can't genuinely be worried. We're silly like that

CycleGuy9000

I was out shopping with my wife the other day and she wanted to buy me some new pants as I only have one pair now that fits me decent. As I dropped down sizes fast I'm still wearing pants that are too big, but are not falling down so they work for me. To save money I told her lets wait because I still needed to lose about 20 more lbs, and the pants I have now would hold out until then.

My wife looked at me with this confused look and said if I thought that I needed to lose another 20lbs then I need to seek psychological help. At first I thought she was joking, so when I asked her if she was she said no and she truly thinks I need help. I explained to her that at 5'10" my BMI is currently at 27.8 which still has me in the medium-high range of being over weight, and that losing 20 lbs would put me just at the high range of a normal BMI. She didn't want to hear it, she thinks that I would look sickly, and is really angry with me.

Maybe me being big for so long she got used to being as the normal? Is the the BMI still a good measurement to go by? What are your thoughts?

She might be feeling weight loss envy.

hep26000

Thanks everyone - I went ahead and setup an appointment with my Dr. to have a sit down and discuss my health, and what my goals should be going forward.

Great! I think this is the best thing to do so you can show your wife from a medical point of view that you are doing everything the right way.
And congrats on the amazing weight loss. Truly an inspiration.

lik_11

You're married, if she doesn't think you need professional help, you're not doing it right.

Sorry to not comment on the post- but this is the best line EVER!!!