"Accountability Buddies" - Do they work?

Orphia

We see an endless stream of people asking for an "Accountability Buddy". I'd never heard of this term till I joined MFP in April 2015.

I've been on these forums ever since I joined, but I've never seen anyone credit their buddy with being the number one help in reaching their weight loss goal.

Where do people get the idea they need one? Are they even any use at all?

Thought this might make a good debate.

Rosemary7391

I think it might work better if it's someone you know and respect in your day to day life?

I sort of have this... I put my weight daily onto a tracker. If I'm not meeting my weight loss target it'll shoot one of my friends an email, and also charge my credit card. Between them they're pretty decent incentives to stick at it! I put the target there as a little slower than what I'm aiming for so there is some leeway - but I still have to lose weight.

TavistockToad

i feel like that's what my pals on here are...

i think people like the accountability while they build habits like working out regularly etc... plus having other people with similar goals is nice.

tomaattikastike

I find that they do - I have not achieved my weight-loss goal yet (as I haven't really been concentrating on that), but since I responded to someone's request for a "daily workout" check-in, I have gone from almost no workouts to working out pretty much daily (I don't count my running here, but the kind of supporting exercises I always neglected).

I also appreciate the likes and occasional comments on my activities from my MFP friends, but having a more personal sense of accountability seems to work much better for me - the feed is quite crowded and noisy, and when everyone likes everything, it feels a bit less personal. And yes, somewhat similar goals and "respect" between the persons are essential.

SezxyStef

I don't know but my own brother admits he won't workout unless he has a workout partner...

I think it's about the individual and what drives them...competition maybe...or knowing someone else out there is counting on them too or will know they aren't doing well etc or they want a cheer squad.

I prefer to workout by myself...so much so I don't even go to the gym...I made one at home.

as well for the whole weight loss no...I compete with myself and do it for myself and don't need a cheer squad behind me like some do.

Tacklewasher

Just like most everything else, it's a personal preference and there is not a one-size-fits-all answer.

I'm losing weight for me. I'm not accountable to anyone but me. Not my wife, not my family, not my co-workers and not my dogs. Certainly not anyone on the internet I'll never meet in person.

cwolfman13

Orphia wrote: »

We see an endless stream of people asking for an "Accountability Buddy". I'd never heard of this term till I joined MFP in April 2015.

I've been on these forums ever since I joined, but I've never seen anyone credit their buddy with being the number one help in reaching their weight loss goal.

Where do people get the idea they need one? Are they even any use at all?

Thought this might make a good debate.

Random internet person? Probably not, 'cuz I don't really care what random internet person thinks. My buddy who also happens to be my coach/trainer...absolutely. Not so much with weight, but definitely with fitness.

I had a pretty rough October in regards to getting a nasty respiratory infection early on...then I broke my tow...and on top of that things have been crazy at work and my wife and I have been in the process of closing on a house. Needless to say, my regular exercise has been more hit or miss and a "do it when I can" kind of thing.

He checked in with me about a week ago just to make sure everything was ok as he hadn't really seen me at the gym all month and he wasn't seeing much on Strava in regards to riding. I just told him what was going on and that it was an off month...but thanks for checking in and I'm back on it now that the dust has settled...

He'll call me out when I'm straight slackin' too...in a joking, but not joking kinda way...

I've never called him my "accountability buddy" though...tequila drinking buddy, sure...workout buddy, yeah...

estherdragonbat

I have a walking buddy and maybe I'm her accountability buddy. (At least, she says she feels guilty if she turns me down without a valid reason!) But I don't need someone to keep me on-track. I do love the support I get here and the straight-talk when I've got questions about fitness (I'm pretty clear on dietary issues already, though always happy to learn more.) But to call my MFP pals 'accountability buddies' is a bit of a stretch.

lemurcat12

My kneejerk reaction was that I don't get the accountability buddy thing. But then I thought about the Gretchen Rubin 4 tendencies thing, which does make sense to me and apply to a lot of people I know, and it seems like something that would work if you are an obliger (I am pretty sure I am a questioner, so unsurprisingly it's not a thing for me).

https://gretchenrubin.com/2015/01/ta-da-the-launch-of-my-quiz-on-the-four-tendencies-learn-about-yourself/

ISweat4This

I have a few friends that tell me I help keep them motivated. If my habits help fuel them then that's great.

kgeyser

Every time I've stuck with exercise, it's been a situation where I've had connection with others. We may not be doing the same workout or have the same goals, but having people whom I see regularly and with whom I interact has been key to maintaining exercise as a regular activity. I've done accountability groups and challenges online, had "workout buddies" whom I would see regularly at the gym, and am now part of a local running club. Can't really bail on a run when you know someone else is waiting in the pre-dawn hours and can't do their run without you (safety, none of us run alone around here).

Conversely, I quit going to the gym despite having lots of success with a lifting program because there was no connection to anyone there. Life was starting to get in the way, and it was just too easy to push that aspect aside because it was only me who would be affected. The other patrons didn't acknowledge people even if they saw them regularly (don't need a big conversation, but exchanging pleasantries with someone you see three days a week wasn't even happening) and the staff basically only acknowledged people who were signed up for personal training sessions. There was one trainer who would go out on the floor between clients and chat with patrons, acknowledge progress, etc, but he left and after that it felt like all the staff saw when they looked at people was a monthly bank debit. I probably would have stuck with it if I had felt like I was part of a community.

It may not be the approach everyone prefers to use, but I don't see how something that helps someone achieve their goals could ever be deemed useless. I also don't necessarily believe that anyone ever actually does this completely on their own and is not receiving support from others to some degree. All over this site we see progress pics, updates on PRs or scale weight, likes and cheers for new milestones - it may not be an official accountability agreement, but I think there is a subconscious component at play where you don't want to let your friends and family down. I think sharing milestones and having others acknowledge your hard work is a form of accountability. It may not be the "check in each day kind," but it is still someone recognizing your hard work and cheering you on, which is the role of an accountability buddy.

Need2Exerc1se

I too had never heard the term before joining MFP. I don't really get the whole accountability thing, with or without a buddy.

ent3rsandman

Depends on you. I don't like to do these kinds of things with other people because I've met very few people that are willing to just commit to life changes. It's uncomfortable, and eventually it stops being the fun new thing that has their attention. When I've put an emphasis on community and everyone in that community slowly disappears, it makes me want to stop participating as well.

canadianlbs

Orphia wrote: »

Where do people get the idea they need one? Are they even any use at all?

i think it's pretty personal. for me the idea of being 'accountable' to someone else is a major turnoff, but i do know people who've said that it helped them a lot.

what's worked for me has been less overtly demanding than that word always implies to my mind. more just having various people i know - rl friends, mfp people, whoever - who i can report to and keep updated on what i'm up to if i feel like it. it's nice to have an audience that you know is receptive for when you do want to ruminate or celebrate or report.

but to me that's a very different kind of thing from the cheer squad or the gestapo approach. i'm very much not a fan of having random impersonal sunshine blown up my butt, either. unless a person actually knows me, being whoo-hoo'd and way-to-go'd and all that just annoys me. with a side order of social compunction to boot, because of course i do know they mean well.

CSARdiver

Holding yourself accountable takes a higher degree of self awareness. I'm thinking about the quality of any of my papers, research, experiments, etc. without the critical eye of peer review. Along those lines I think having someone help hold you to plan can be extremely valuable, but in all things it depends on the individual. Some people simply lack the emotional intelligence to communicate effectively, while others provide invaluable insight and advice.

lauracups

If one was in AA the protocol is to be able to contact their sponsor at any hour if they are feeling they might drink. In changing eating or exercising behaviors it would be nice to think, as my fat *kitten* is bent into the fridge at midnight, I could call someone to smack the cake out of my hand, but I don't know anyone who would appreciate that call. It's nice to have support it's nice to have a hiking buddy...but in the midnight hour it's just me and the fridge and my own accountability, and choices.

magster4isu

Like others have said, it's a personal preference. For me it was much more necessary in the beginning of my journey when it took more willpower to do the right things. Now that I have healthy habits, I don't really need a buddy to support me (as much).

rainbow198

I connected with someone on another site and we became great online friends. We would talk about our workout(s) of the day, meals, share recipes and the highs and lows of losing weight.

At the time I've never heard of an accountability partner, nor did I need the motivation. But it was great having and giving support to someone who was also losing weight at the same time.

However, I knew I had to depend on myself to make the right choices. For example, pushing myself to get out of my warm bed in the winter time to workout early in the mornings.

Fast forward 5 years later we are still friends and we are both nicely maintaining our big losses.

I could have done it alone (I wanted weight loss and to get fit BADLY and I knew it would happen eventually), but I have it say it was nice having indirect company. Especially on those off days or days when I wanted shout to the world about how many inches I lost over the past month. I'm not the type to broadcast things, so that one-on-one situation with someone who understood suited me perfectly.

In terms of working out I need to do that alone. I used to try to get people to workout early on, but they would always end up either slacking off, making excuses or slowing me down so I said no more.

ladyreva78

My "accountability buddy" is my lab results and by extension my doctor who's keeping a close eye on the results (former NAFLD sufferer, nearly diabetic with cholesterol levels beyond astronomic. Problematic divorce from gallbladder included).

I'm probably too egocentric to ever rely on a person for accountability unless my own health is directly impacted.

swebb1103

I love having a workout buddy. He sends me sad memes if I miss the gym and heckles me all day about it, and he pushes me really hard during our workouts (I swear I hear his voice yelling at me to get my butt down for the perfect plank in my sleep!). But he is super supportive as well and encourages me to challenge myself. My workouts and show rate are so much better due to him being there!

netbags18

I had a workout buddy about 4.5yrs ago. It was great, we talked food and exercised together with a couple of days break from each other. I ended up losing 14kgs in 1.5yrs. Then she had to go back to work (we were both stay at home mums) and it all went to *kitten* basically. I put back on 1/2 of what I had lost even though I was still working out but I found not having that buddy to push me hasn’t worked for me. I lose a little then put it back on. It’s kind of like a vicious cycle for me.
I really need to find another workout buddy

aniracace

It depends on who the buddies are. If it's only online, then some pretty intensive communication is likely to be required. If it's a real life buddy and the two of you are friends, then yeah it'll probably work.

super_who_fandom

The only way this works is if you find a like minded person. I've tried this with several people who didnt have drive, they were not like minded and lost interest in a healthy lifestyle after a week. This is NOT motivational to me

Stew501

The only way accountability buddies works; is if they are accountable. I tried to have one a few years ago but she had so many excuses of why she couldn’t go to the gym. I didn’t find this motivating, actually it was more contagious; I found myself making excuses. Then I decided to depend on the one person I knew I could..myself. 2 years later I’m still going & have met several moms. The one thing I noticed is the moms who are in great shape; dont have workout partners, they are self motivated

aeloine

I think that they work only if they put IN the work.

I have a weight loss buddy IRL and it was going really well until she started slacking back in October. It kind of became a "she's not losing so it's kind of okay that I'm not losing" kind of situation and it was very difficult to separate myself from her, because we'd been checking in daily. It took a long time to get to the "pre-buddy" mentality again, because I started losing and working out months before she approached me to help her.

So it's a double edged sword, I think. An accountability buddy could be really great, not unlike a person running on the treadmill next to you could really push you to work harder; they could also allow you to kind of coast, if they're coasting.

4legsRbetterthan2

real life ones do sometimes, but mostly nope.

LivingtheLeanDream

I think some people can find it a help to have accountability whilst for other it would put them off.
When I was in my losing phase I enjoyed having MFP friends to share the highs and lows with but ultimately I was only accountable for myself.

mph323

I find that outside accountability tends to make me resentful, and I'll find myself "cheating" and hiding the evidence. At one point when I was trying to lose weight years ago I tried making my husband my "accountability buddy", and that went about as expected (and was really unfair to him). I learned I can hide overeating from other people, but if I'm accountable only to myself, there's no where to go

AnvilHead

I think it depends on how you ("you" in the general sense) are wired. Some people want/need lots of support, hand-holding and cheerleading (extrinsic motivation), others prefer to make it their own thing and are accountable to their own processes, goals and rewards (intrinsic motivation). For the former, "accountability buddies" can be essential to their success; for the latter, they're entirely unnecessary and can be more of an annoyance than anything else.

Not saying either way is right or wrong - it just is what it is. I'm the intrinsic type, and if anybody other than me was as hard on me as I am, I'd probably punch them in the throat, lol.

ccruz985

No.

iamunicoon

I think it can definitely help but you need to put in work to find the right partner.

People just keep adding people randomly and then say it didn't work for them. But I think what you gotta do is be upfront about what you would like to be held accountable for and in which way. Do you want them to check your diary and bring it up to your attention when you've been slacking too much at logging? Do you want them to make helpful comments about the kind of food you put in your mouth? Do you want someone to kick your butt when you haven't logged any exercises x days a week?

And also what kind of attention do you need? The kick in the butt kind? The gentle approach of asking what's up? And you gotta be prepared to give back, too.