Loved ones are tired of hearing about my progress and process.

PDXShannon
PDXShannon Posts: 20 Member
edited November 2017 in Motivation and Support
Hi there. I’ve lost 74 pounds in a slow, healthy way over 3 years. I have 31 more to go until I’m no longer considered medically overweight. My friends and loved ones seem pretty tired of hearing about my accomplishments and my fitness and nutrition. I just want someone to be happy for me or encourage me, but they seem to think I’m lecturing or judging them. They often try to discourage or sabotage me. It’s very frustrating. Life is not like The Oprah Show or The Biggest Loser, is it? There’s no standing ovation or confetti, it seems. Thank goodness for my increasing health and energy as my prizes! If you have the same struggles, or if you’re just getting started and would like some support, please add me as a friend. I would love to trade support, encouragement, frustrations, and tips with you. Let’s be happy for each other and keep going!

-S
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Replies

  • SLLeask
    SLLeask Posts: 489 Member
    wabuss wrote: »
    Hey folks. I get that they’re tired of it. Thank you for addressing it. I’m just here for the support they aren’t able to give. I’m not the one who brings it up. When someone asks about my day or asks why I’m looking so good, I just answer. I don’t want to go on about it to them.

    I’m just here looking for people on the same journey. I’m not complaining or trying to change my loved ones. I have just realized I need the support of those with the same goals.


    But, but, if they are asking you about it, then how are they not supporting you?? And I'm afraid to say, your first post definitely came across at complaining your family and friends were not supportive enough. If you are simply answering questions about your day, I am not sure why they would think you are lecturing or judging them. Maybe when they ask, just give shorter answers that cannot be misconstrued.
  • cherys
    cherys Posts: 387 Member
    Isn't this why we're all here? Come on here and shout it out. Everyone here will give virtual standing ovations and throw virtual (less messy) confetti!
  • RuNaRoUnDaFiEld
    RuNaRoUnDaFiEld Posts: 5,864 Member
    There's a monthly plank challenge group on the challenge board.
    You should join it.

    Congratulations on your weight loss
  • PDXShannon
    PDXShannon Posts: 20 Member
    Haha awesome cherys. I will totally throw confetti back at you! This stuff is hard work!
  • PDXShannon
    PDXShannon Posts: 20 Member
    RuNaRoUnDaFiEld wrote: »
    There's a monthly plank challenge group on the challenge board.
    You should join it.

    Congratulations on your weight loss

    Thank you sooo much!
  • RuNaRoUnDaFiEld
    RuNaRoUnDaFiEld Posts: 5,864 Member
    http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10611664/60-minutes-per-month-plank-challenge-november-2017#latest

    Here's the link.

  • PDXShannon
    PDXShannon Posts: 20 Member
    RuNaRoUnDaFiEld wrote: »
    http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10611664/60-minutes-per-month-plank-challenge-november-2017#latest

    Here's the link.

    Thanks again! I went and checked it out. There’s so much to aspire to there!
  • Vonny198334
    Vonny198334 Posts: 178 Member
    Congrats, that's a great achievement!

    Totally understand your point of view, even though my circumstances are different. I only talk to my husband about my progress/goals & one co-worker as they are the only folk I know who are trying to improve their physical shape & are delighted to have discussions about it all.

    I've only been at this since 28th July this year, but for the first maybe.. 6 weeks? All I was doing was researching weightloss, putting it into action & then doing the same for fitness. I felt like I had nothing interesting to say to anyone else because I'd been down this rabbit hole! Slowly emerging out now & like you, I answer only if I'm asked. But I made some fab pals on here & it's nice to chat about these things together :)

    Sounds like your planking is a huge success! You should definitely be proud of yourself, especially as your abdomen has been through such a lot with operations.
  • PDXShannon
    PDXShannon Posts: 20 Member
    Vonny198334 wrote: »
    Congrats, that's a great achievement!

    Totally understand your point of view, even though my circumstances are different. I only talk to my husband about my progress/goals & one co-worker as they are the only folk I know who are trying to improve their physical shape & are delighted to have discussions about it all.

    I've only been at this since 28th July this year, but for the first maybe.. 6 weeks? All I was doing was researching weightloss, putting it into action & then doing the same for fitness. I felt like I had nothing interesting to say to anyone else because I'd been down this rabbit hole! Slowly emerging out now & like you, I answer only if I'm asked. But I made some fab pals on here & it's nice to chat about these things together :)

    Sounds like your planking is a huge success! You should definitely be proud of yourself, especially as your abdomen has been through such a lot with operations.

    Thank you so much, Vonny! These have been exciting years in my life. I’m getting ready to move to a city to a neighborhood that is a hub of nutritious food and fitness. If that doesn’t take off the last 30 pounds, I don’t know what will! I’m hoping I’ll make some new friends with similar healthy interests to share my triumphs with, then maybe it’ll be easier to just focus on shared interests with old friends at their comfort level.

    It’s encouraging that you’ve found balance in knowing who to share your journey with. For now, I’m excited for the support of good people like you on mfp.

    I need to work on an answer to give people when they ask how I’m losing the weight that doesn’t upset them. Maybe I’ll just tell them I eat my spinach like Popeye.

    Congrats to you on sticking with it since July!
  • ladyhusker39
    ladyhusker39 Posts: 1,406 Member
    edited November 2017
    I get what you're saying. You're proud and excited at what you've accomplished and you want to celebrate it with people you care about. That's completely natural. Your family however, doesn't see it that way and it's grating on your relationship.

    I've never been able to talk about my weight loss with my sister. I have a college degree, a successful marriage and a happy home, but I've always struggled with my weight. She has an unhappy home life, but she's always been tall and thin.

    Now that I've lost weight I somehow feel like I'm stepping on her toes and throwing off the balance in our relationship. It's weird. I just want help figuring out how to buy clothes in the regular sized section which is much different and 10 times larger than the "big girls" department. I just gave up trying and don't talk about it anymore.

    This is a very supportive community. You might need to do some searching to find the little corner of it that meets your needs. There are tons of groups that can be great for that. The general forums are more helpful in identifying where you might be struggling and providing helpful answers to problems. When a post like this comes up people go into problem solving mode and sometimes it can come off the wrong way to newbies. But you're completely welcome here and will get tons of support and help.

    We'll also give you a kick in *kitten* when/if you need it :wink:

    Congratulations on your accomplishment!
  • 88olds
    88olds Posts: 4,530 Member
    I never discuss diet or fitness outside the club.

    There's too much noise already.
  • PDXShannon
    PDXShannon Posts: 20 Member
    ladyhusker39 wrote: »
    I get what you're saying. You're proud and excited at what you've accomplished and you want to celebrate it with people you care about. That's completely natural. Your family however, doesn't see it that way and it's grating on your relationship.

    I've never been able to talk about my weight loss with my sister. I have a college degree, a successful marriage and a happy home, but I've always struggled with my weight. She has an unhappy home life, but she's always been tall and thin.

    Now that I've lost weight I somehow feel like I'm stepping on her toes and throwing off the balance in our relationship. It's weird. I just want help figuring out how to buy clothes in the regular sized section which is much different and 10 times larger than the "big girls" department. I just gave up trying and don't talk about it anymore.

    This is a very supportive community. You might need to do some searching to find the little corner of it that meets your needs. There are tons of groups that can be great for that. The general forums are more helpful in identifying where you might be struggling and providing helpful answers to problems. When a post like this comes up people go into problem solving mode and sometimes it can come off the wrong way to newbies. But you're completely welcome here and will get tons of support and help.

    We'll also give you a kick in *kitten* when/if you need it :wink:

    Congratulations on your accomplishment!

    Thank you. Yes. I do feel like things have been thrown off balance in my relationships. I appreciate your understanding.

    I also appreciate people trying to give advice here. I just think they misunderstood my metaphorical post and seemed really hung up on my literally wanting applause and confetti. I don’t. I just meant I’m surprised by how much negativity can come out of my positive actions for my health. Like...my best friends literally waving bacon under my nose or sending me articles about how I’ll starve to death if I eat a plant-based diet.

    I’m just lookin for people to be happy with. Thought mfp might be a good resource for that. I’ve already been friended by tons of great people because of my post. That’s what I was looking for. I’m not worried about the ones who misunderstood me. Their wanting to help was still appreciated.

    Congrats on your accomplishments too! And ugh...at 180 pounds, transitioning from the plus size section to the regular section is tough! I’m the size of regular girls, I guess, but it sure doesn’t feel like I’m quite the right shape yet! My plus-sized clothes fall off now though. Clothes shopping is awful. Thank goodness for shoes!
  • RachelElser
    RachelElser Posts: 1,049 Member
    First off- Congrats on your weight loss and healthier lifestyle!!

    However, if you've been talking about it for three years, then I get where they are coming from. I don't want to hear about ANYTHING for three years straight! Be it the same complaints about a job/kid or progress in a video game or someone's weight loss!

    Personally I don't discuss my weight loss with anyone other than my mom- we are losing weight together. If I don't discuss it with them then they won't be sending me articles about how I will "starve to death if I eat a plant-based diet" (Do they really not know any vegetarians??)

    I am glad you found some good friends on here and hopefully with this outlet your relationships can balance out.
  • PDXShannon
    PDXShannon Posts: 20 Member
    rsclause wrote: »
    I found when I was logging that you know you are doing MFP right when you irritate everyone around you.

    Haha thanks! I’m accomplishing my goals and quite happy about it. I plan to continue doing just that.

  • Robertus
    Robertus Posts: 558 Member
    wabuss wrote: »
    Hi there. I’ve lost 74 pounds in a slow, healthy way over 3 years. I have 31 more to go until I’m no longer considered medically overweight. My friends and loved ones seem pretty tired of hearing about my accomplishments and my fitness and nutrition. I just want someone to be happy for me or encourage me, but they seem to think I’m lecturing or judging them. They often try to discourage or sabotage me. It’s very frustrating. Life is not like The Oprah Show or The Biggest Loser, is it? There’s no standing ovation or confetti, it seems. Thank goodness for my increasing health and energy as my prizes! If you have the same struggles, or if you’re just getting started and would like some support, please add me as a friend. I would love to trade support, encouragement, frustrations, and tips with you. Let’s be happy for each other and keep going!

    -S
    I'm happy for you as is everyone else here. We all know how hard it is as well as the desire/need for support and encouragement from those closest to you. Keep at it with the next 31 lbs. Do you have some active hobbies? Might be fun to join a biking club or something like that to find some social support for your new lifestyle. Or maybe you could provide support to others, and for yourself, in an over-aters anonymous group of some kind. Good luck!

  • PDXShannon
    PDXShannon Posts: 20 Member
    edited November 2017
    [/quote]I'm happy for you as is everyone else here. We all know how hard it is as well as the desire/need for support and encouragement from those closest to you. Keep at it with the next 31 lbs. Do you have some active hobbies? Might be fun to join a biking club or something like that to find some social support for your new lifestyle. Or maybe you could provide support to others, and for yourself, in an over-aters anonymous group of some kind. Good luck!

    [/quote]

    Thank you very much! That is great advice and something I’m pursuing. I’m going to be moving from somewhere very isolated and rural to a bustling, healthy community surrounded by fitness opportunities. My husband and I have managed to learn to jog. We’ve been looking into the running clubs who run from pub to pub. Drinking isn’t required, but they seem fun because they don’t take it seriously. I’m not very fast. I think they’ll like my company better than a serious running club.

    I appreciate your encouragement!
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  • maryannprt
    maryannprt Posts: 152 Member
    ladyhusker39 wrote: »
    I get what you're saying. You're proud and excited at what you've accomplished and you want to celebrate it with people you care about. That's completely natural. Your family however, doesn't see it that way and it's grating on your relationship.

    I've never been able to talk about my weight loss with my sister. I have a college degree, a successful marriage and a happy home, but I've always struggled with my weight. She has an unhappy home life, but she's always been tall and thin.

    Now that I've lost weight I somehow feel like I'm stepping on her toes and throwing off the balance in our relationship. It's weird. I just want help figuring out how to buy clothes in the regular sized section which is much different and 10 times larger than the "big girls" department. I just gave up trying and don't talk about it anymore.

    This is a very supportive community. You might need to do some searching to find the little corner of it that meets your needs. There are tons of groups that can be great for that. The general forums are more helpful in identifying where you might be struggling and providing helpful answers to problems. When a post like this comes up people go into problem solving mode and sometimes it can come off the wrong way to newbies. But you're completely welcome here and will get tons of support and help.

    We'll also give you a kick in *kitten* when/if you need it :wink:

    Congratulations on your accomplishment!

    I'm sorry your sister isn't able to be supportive, but of course it throws off the balance in your relationship. It's hard work to have adult relationships with the people we grew up with. Whenever we get together as a family (6 of us) my younger sister and I (now 57 and 56 years old) somehow become "the little girls", like we're still inseparable, and still 4 and 5 years old. If you can talk to your family members about what you need from them to be supportive, great. If not, you do what works for you and get that support elsewhere, like here.
  • dsromp
    dsromp Posts: 14 Member
    Misery loves company, birds of a feather and all that...you have gone from being a part of that to becoming an eagle, soaring away from the lifestyle that was unhealthy for you but that your family and friends still embrace. They may be tired of hearing about your successes, but if even one of them (maybe the bacon-waver) starts thinking and doing healthier things because of your excitement, progress and transformation then that is cause for celebration! I am excited for anyone who is excited about feeling better, being healthier and a little less fluffy and a little more streamlined. Doing this is hard, holding yourself accountable, staying disciplined, walking away from the waving bacon and every other temptation...(I hate you, Sara Lee!!! ) is hard. You got this! And know that someone (me) is doing a happy dance (that is exercise, right?!?) in your honor!!!! Keep up the good, hard work!!!❤️
  • Oma827
    Oma827 Posts: 114 Member
    Dear Wabuss, you are on the right track. We are here to cheer, throw confetti, and work this program with you. It's tough! Even without a bacon-waver (and that's just inexcusably mean, IMHO).

    I have two short answers for work: "yes, I am losing. Workin' on it still. Thank you!" And, "high protein, watching carbs, walk walk walk, drink drink drink." Both are lighthearted enough to show appreciation for their interest but that's it. Food intake is personal, to me.

    My friends get almost the same, then a question about their lives, happy events, etc. If they come back for more info, I might discuss a little more.

    Since I expect this lifestyle to last 40+ more years, I want it to be routine!
  • ladyhusker39
    ladyhusker39 Posts: 1,406 Member
    edited November 2017
    maryannprt wrote: »
    ladyhusker39 wrote: »
    I get what you're saying. You're proud and excited at what you've accomplished and you want to celebrate it with people you care about. That's completely natural. Your family however, doesn't see it that way and it's grating on your relationship.

    I've never been able to talk about my weight loss with my sister. I have a college degree, a successful marriage and a happy home, but I've always struggled with my weight. She has an unhappy home life, but she's always been tall and thin.

    Now that I've lost weight I somehow feel like I'm stepping on her toes and throwing off the balance in our relationship. It's weird. I just want help figuring out how to buy clothes in the regular sized section which is much different and 10 times larger than the "big girls" department. I just gave up trying and don't talk about it anymore.

    This is a very supportive community. You might need to do some searching to find the little corner of it that meets your needs. There are tons of groups that can be great for that. The general forums are more helpful in identifying where you might be struggling and providing helpful answers to problems. When a post like this comes up people go into problem solving mode and sometimes it can come off the wrong way to newbies. But you're completely welcome here and will get tons of support and help.

    We'll also give you a kick in *kitten* when/if you need it :wink:

    Congratulations on your accomplishment!

    I'm sorry your sister isn't able to be supportive, but of course it throws off the balance in your relationship. It's hard work to have adult relationships with the people we grew up with. Whenever we get together as a family (6 of us) my younger sister and I (now 57 and 56 years old) somehow become "the little girls", like we're still inseparable, and still 4 and 5 years old. If you can talk to your family members about what you need from them to be supportive, great. If not, you do what works for you and get that support elsewhere, like here.

    Thanks for the kind words, but I'm not the OP. I was just relaying my story to her to show that I can relate and that many of us here have been or are now in her shoes. I appreciate it tough.

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