Women with husbands.

JeepHair77 · November 2017

JeromeBarry1 wrote: »

Everybody's a little bit different. If he doesn't beat on you or hide drinking or gambling debts, you are on the "winning" side.

You can improve things by realizing that "to love" is a verb, but for now it's possible that you need only enumerate the blessings you do have.

This makes me sad. When my first marriage was ending, my X said pretty much that same thing. "I don't beat you up or cheat on you, so what's the problem?" Obviously, we had different standards and expectations, and neither of us were bad people or even bad spouses, really, but we never could figure out how to meet each others' needs. That quote, the moment it came out of his mouth, was sort of the last nail in the coffin of our relationship. It seemed, at the time, like he summed up all of our problems in one smartass comment. He was stubbornly unwilling to do anything different or make any changes, and I was this unreasonable woman who expected him to be a Disney Prince Charming for all of our years. Neither of those characterizations was exactly true, but that's how we saw one another, and it was toxic and it was unfixable.

Anyway, less about me... it is true that everyone is different and every relationship is different, but if you're feeling disconnected, you should try to reconnect. I agree - talk to him, but try not to approach it as a "complaint" so much as a jumping off point to make a change. "I feel like we're not really connecting, and I miss when we were best friends. Can we plan to [whatever you used to most enjoy doing together] more often, just the two of us?"

Something like that. Discuss how you're feeling, but also offer real, practical suggestions to improve the relationship, so that you're not just putting this unhappiness on his lap and expecting him to just fix it.

toxikon · November 2017

Hmm... well, it's tricky. I think most people have a "friend" persona that's slightly different than their regular personality. More jokey, outgoing, more laughs, etc. Then when you're just around your SO, you don't feel the need to be "ON" (constantly cracking jokes and making conversation) because the silence feels comfortable and you can relax more.

Obviously if there's a HUGE difference between your husband's "friend personality" and the personality that you experience, there might be an issue there.

My SO (been together for almost 10 years) and I are quite goofy with each-other and still make each-other laugh and play around a lot, but he's definitely a lot more outgoing and loud when we're around friends.

PastChief04 · November 2017

I have been through what you are, and frankly, if you can't talk about it, maybe you can try having date nights, or even just making a romantic special dinner and see if he notices it or appreciates it. I tried those things for my wife and you end up finding allot of things out.