Can I back out of being a bridesmaid?

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Jackibrazil
Jackibrazil Posts: 124 Member
in Chit-Chat
My friend asked me to be a bridesmaid and I was so happy and said yes. She had a date and a venue. My other good friend asked me to be maid of honor and her wedding is 5 weeks after. Perfect right? Wrong. First friend wants to not only change her date to dangerously close to friend number two, but the wedding evolved to a destination wedding and now I'm expected to come up with $600 to pay for my hotel stay for TWO NIGHTS at this resort. She's buying the plane tickets, but I wasn't expecting to have to do this in addition to buying my dress, contributing to showers and bachelorette parties and such. What do you guys think?
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  • Jackibrazil
    Jackibrazil Posts: 124 Member
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    Helltoupee7 wrote: »
    I didn’t even read that and I say yes. Back out now. Brides are the worst.

    Source: me

    Read it. I'm in shock honestly.
  • rileysowner
    rileysowner Posts: 8,234 Member
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    Jackibrazil wrote: »
    My friend asked me to be a bridesmaid and I was so happy and said yes. She had a date and a venue. My other good friend asked me to be maid of honor and her wedding is 5 weeks after. Perfect right? Wrong. First friend wants to not only change her date to dangerously close to friend number two, but the wedding evolved to a destination wedding and now I'm expected to come up with $600 to pay for my hotel stay for TWO NIGHTS at this resort. She's buying the plane tickets, but I wasn't expecting to have to do this in addition to buying my dress, contributing to showers and bachelorette parties and such. What do you guys think?

    As I guy I hesitate to respond, but seeing the $600 for a destination wedding, I would say backing out is completely reasonable, especially since it was not a destination wedding in the first place. I would never expect a groomsman to pay to go to a destination wedding. If we had gone that route, the cost for them would have been on me.
  • Jackibrazil
    Jackibrazil Posts: 124 Member
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    lstrat115 wrote: »
    Jackibrazil wrote: »
    _barefoot_ wrote: »
    I think you are over youre head trying to do both pick one .
    The first one should be you're pick .
    As for having to pay money ... yeah that kind of comes with the deal .

    Yes, money comes with it, but when you change plans from a local wedding where the expectations are paying for your dress and shoes and contributing to showers and the bachelorette to a destination wedding and paying for a resort and taking several days off work it's not really what "comes with the deal." The date and venue were previously set when she asked us.

    Back out now. Don't feel bad. Just do it immediately so you can both move on. It is very inconsiderate of her to do that and expect everyone to be okay with it.

    I think the hard part is everyone else is on board and excited.
  • sw33tp3a1
    sw33tp3a1 Posts: 5,065 Member
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    Of course you can back out. If she's a good friend she'll understand that this will affect you financially. More than likely she'll be upset but will get over it.
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,507 Member
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    A destination wedding?

    Like to Garden Grove or Seal Beach ?
  • Jackibrazil
    Jackibrazil Posts: 124 Member
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    Motorsheen wrote: »
    A destination wedding?

    Like to Garden Grove or Seal Beach ?

    Like to the Dominican republic. I don't think three miles down the road is destination...
  • Jackibrazil
    Jackibrazil Posts: 124 Member
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    _barefoot_ wrote: »
    Did she already buy you a plane ticket ?

    Nope. She started throwing these plans out today
  • TonyB0588
    TonyB0588 Posts: 9,520 Member
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    @Jackibrazil I think it's perfectly reasonable to back out due to financial considerations, BUT the fact that you'll be attending another friend's wedding could look like you're choosing one friend over against the other. This is really awkward and the kind of stuff that women get upset about. You'll have to be aware of how your friend thinks as you make your final decision.
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,507 Member
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    Jackibrazil wrote: »
    Motorsheen wrote: »
    A destination wedding?

    Like to Garden Grove or Seal Beach ?

    Like to the Dominican republic. I don't think three miles down the road is destination...

    Dominican Republic? Yeah, all things being equal, I'd rather stay in SoCal too.

    However, I would consider Garden Grove a destination wedding, albeit a convenient & nearby destination; I suppose 'destination' is a relative term.

    My wife and I were married in Palos Verdes. That was destination enough.


  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,507 Member
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    Jackibrazil wrote: »
    _barefoot_ wrote: »
    Did she already buy you a plane ticket ?

    Nope. She started throwing these plans out today


    Oh, okay.... then your'e good on this.

    Today? No worries. Just let her know as soon as you can, like tomorrow.

    Preface it with: "I feel terrible about this........"

  • kakaovanilya
    kakaovanilya Posts: 647 Member
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    I'm going to Canada from Turkey for a close friend's wedding. I actually don't want to go because of the 10 hour flight, I was just going to ship her wedding gift but I couldn't say no when she insisted because she knows that I am free at the time of the wedding and that I can afford the plane ticket etc. So if you can't really afford it and if she knows it, it is okay to back out but if you are very close and could actually pay for it, you should go.
  • kakaovanilya
    kakaovanilya Posts: 647 Member
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    _barefoot_ wrote: »
    kakaovanilya wrote: »
    I'm going to Canada from Turkey for a close friend's wedding. I actually don't want to go because of the 10 hour flight, I was just going to ship her wedding gift but I couldn't say no when she insisted because she knows that I am free at the time of the wedding and that I can afford the plane ticket etc. So if you can't really afford it and if she knows it, it is okay to back out but if you are very close and could actually pay for it, you should go.

    I'll be more then happy to take care of you're dog when you are away ... :D

    You wouldn't say that if you knew her. She has a habit of stealing and destroying stuff if you don't share your food or pet her anytime she wants :D
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    Jackibrazil wrote: »
    My friend asked me to be a bridesmaid and I was so happy and said yes. She had a date and a venue. My other good friend asked me to be maid of honor and her wedding is 5 weeks after. Perfect right? Wrong. First friend wants to not only change her date to dangerously close to friend number two, but the wedding evolved to a destination wedding and now I'm expected to come up with $600 to pay for my hotel stay for TWO NIGHTS at this resort. She's buying the plane tickets, but I wasn't expecting to have to do this in addition to buying my dress, contributing to showers and bachelorette parties and such. What do you guys think?

    Tell your friend that you regret that you can no longer be in her wedding party with the change in plans. Tell her that you have other obligations during that time and can not afford the additional time and cost of a destination wedding. That is the risk she takes with changing plans.

    I think it is ridiculous to expect a bridesmaid to pay for anything other than their dress.

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