How to turn down food?
amandaeve
Posts: 723 Member
I have a hard time turning down food that's handed to me, especially if the giver is trying to be extra nice and I am in their home. I tend to eat it even if I don't want it, am full, and it doesn't even taste very good. I felt like I beat this issue recently, but in reality, it hasn't come up all that much. I was handed food last night that I didn't really want. I tried turning it down and even suggested a lighter alternative. Then I absentmindedly ate it anyway. 900 calories later, I got a stomach ache, had to take an antacid, and had to lay down until I digested. I got angry, I mean, really angry; full of self-loathing. I had a lot to do that didn't get done because of my self-induced pains. I felt gross. I wanted to blame the giver, but I know only I can take responsibility for what goes in my body. Today, I don't feel so sick, but I don't trust myself to handle these next couple of weeks very well. Surely this situation is going to come up again and again with holiday events, and I am only going to have so much "rejection" energy in me. Struggling to turn down food is not new, but this newly following self-loathing isn't productive or helpful. It seems I've made the problem worse. I am not sure how to prepare myself for these next couple of weeks 
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Replies
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Say, 'oh thank you, but I just ate'.10
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"No thank you, I'm not hungry" or "I just ate but thanks for the offer" goes a really long way. If they are insistent, be just as insistent. In reality they are being much more rude then you if you've politely declined twice and they keep asking.13
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I don't. I eat it all and drink it all5
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If a simple "No thanks" won't suffice, I usually follow up with "I had a really big breakfast/lunch/dinner and I'm still stuffed." (depending on the time of day).7
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Say no im on a diet.
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I'm pretty good on the words, it's the brain to mouth part I struggle with. It's SO ingrained in me to accept anything I'm given. If I can starts with the words, the correct thoughts are sure to follow.1
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"I'm counting calories and that won't fit in my calories for the day"3
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"No thank you" is usually enough. If the giver needs more a "It looks great but I can't" should do it.2
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holycrosser wrote: »Say no im on a diet.
NEVER say that unless you want someone to then critique everything you eat until the end of time...39 -
No, thank you.
If you must follow it up with some explanation:
- Everything is delicious and I’ve already eaten SO much!
- I couldn’t possibly eat another bite.
- May I take it with me for later? (Of course, whether you actually eat it later is entirely up to you.)
It’s nice when people offer you food, but when people pressure you to eat food you don’t want, then it stops being nice.12 -
holycrosser wrote: »Say no im on a diet.
Noooo....never say that. You will get a ton of unwanted advice. That's nobody's business.10 -
Iwantahealthierme30 wrote: »"I'm counting calories and that won't fit in my calories for the day"
Again, this is giving people way too much information. No one needs to know that and really, no one cares.10 -
People do care. It's better than saying you're on a diet, it starts a conversation. It has for everyone I've told.
I've lost 11 pounds.3 -
Pop some gum in your mouth. Mint gum helps me not to eat when I do not want to.
"No thanks."
"I'm not hungry"
Move away from the food. Get your mind and hands involved in something.2 -
Prelog your food the day before so your diary is complete. Any extra food from others requires you to move out some of the other food you already planned.2
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Iwantahealthierme30 wrote: »People do care. It's better than saying you're on a diet, it starts a conversation. It has for everyone I've told.
I've lost 11 pounds.
I'm glad you've had a positive experience sharing this information with people, but the vast majority of times, this just leads to unwanted advice. And really, most people do not care about your eating habits, they are just being polite.9 -
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Not if you explain it correctly. Unless, they are also restricting.
Mind you some people hear this and say - It's Christmas, you're on a diet, that's terrible!
But whatever, I don't need that negativity in my life. I just say it's NOT a diet.0 -
"no thanks. Just getting over a stomach bug and I'd like to enjoy the rest of the party"8
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I guess I'm just more of a private person, but to each their own. For me, a simple "no thank you" is best. No explanations, excuses, or lies are necessary.8
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This makes me think you have such a tender heart
It’s probably such a sweet aspect of your personality.
Apparently I don’t have the same problem haha. I’m always so blunt and firm when it comes to my body and time.
“Omg thank you, but No thanks. Seriously”
but then I smile and prevent any awkwardness by changing the subject to something funny and relaxed.3 -
HappyCampr1 wrote: »I have the opposite problem, lol. Everyone at work knows how much weight I’ve lost and how well I normally eat. (It’s been kind of an obvious change.) Sometimes they’ll start passing things around and then say “Oh, I’m sorry. Of course, YOU don’t want one of these.” And then it’s like a challenge to make whatever it is fit into my day. I will accept whatever it is and eat it right there, just to prove that it’s possible to lose weight and still have treats sometimes. :grumble: Grrr... nothing riles me up more than other people deciding for me, what they think I can or can’t eat. So, consequences be darned, I’m accepting that snack! :laugh:
As far as turning down things, I like the suggestions above. And remember that forcing food on people who have declined it is rude. Just remember that...they’re at fault there. You just keep saying, “No, thanks” as many times as necessary. Or take it home for later if you can’t get out of it.
My co-workers do that to me sometimes -- "Oh, Jane doesn't want any candy, I'm sure."
The hell I don't!9 -
While no thanks may work for many situations, I have family that doesn't accept a no. Also, some cultures take no thanks as just part of the polite banter before you eventually accept the offer (my Vietnamese friends are big on that).
If I dont plan on eating anymore, I just say my stomach is acting up. Otherwise, I practice being uncomfortable. Some people don't like being told no, but what you realize is that the moment passes and no one cares (except coworkers... beware of office ladies). Being socially uncomfortable for a moment isn't so bad, and I think it's good to learn that I don't always have to please people.2 -
While no thanks may work for many situations, I have family that doesn't accept a no. Also, some cultures take no thanks as just part of the polite banter before you eventually accept the offer (my Vietnamese friends are big on that).
If I dont plan on eating anymore, I just say my stomach is acting up. Otherwise, I practice being uncomfortable. Some people don't like being told no, but what you realize is that the moment passes and no one cares (except coworkers... beware of office ladies). Being socially uncomfortable for a moment isn't so bad, and I think it's good to learn that I don't always have to please people.
Your family doesn’t accept no? What do they do? Sounds intense and a little scary.
Unless I’m in Lebanon (my ex was Lebanese) in their gracious home, I will not subject myself to anything unwillingly. But in that case, I would be willing anyway.0 -
While no thanks may work for many situations, I have family that doesn't accept a no. Also, some cultures take no thanks as just part of the polite banter before you eventually accept the offer (my Vietnamese friends are big on that).
It's common in many cultures for an initial offer of food to be declined as a matter of etiquette. But I know of no culture where you're obliged to accept all of what's offered. Typically you need to decline multiple times, or claim a very recent meal or mild illness, to be understood that you're actually declining. At the very least, if someone will be offended by you declining an offer of food, you can eat just a token amount.5 -
Always remember that you’re 100% in control of what goes into YOUR body. If you don’t want it, that’s enough of a reason to politely decline and steer the conversation elsewhere. You got this.4
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Your family doesn’t accept no? What do they do? Sounds intense and a little scary.
Unless I’m in Lebanon (my ex was Lebanese) in their gracious home, I will not subject myself to anything unwillingly. But in that case, I would be willing anyway.
They keep asking until i leave. Seriously. It's not scary, just annoying and incredibly obnoxious
That's why I only subject myself to extended family one day a year. I mean, they thought I was a lesbian because no straight women would pass the age of 21 unmarried (not joking) and that my father being Puerto Rican is the reason I prefer city life (didn't understand the train of logic but I'm sure it's racist) so the continuous food harassment is actually one of my least problems.
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It's common in many cultures for an initial offer of food to be declined as a matter of etiquette. But I know of no culture where you're obliged to accept all of what's offered. Typically you need to decline multiple times, or claim a very recent meal or mild illness, to be understood that you're actually declining. At the very least, if someone will be offended by you declining an offer of food, you can eat just a token amount.
Very true, I didn't mean to imply otherwise. That's why I said I often say my stomach is acting up. My friends are far from insistent, they just don't always realize my "no, thank you" actually means no lol.
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It's common in many cultures for an initial offer of food to be declined as a matter of etiquette. But I know of no culture where you're obliged to accept all of what's offered. Typically you need to decline multiple times, or claim a very recent meal or mild illness, to be understood that you're actually declining. At the very least, if someone will be offended by you declining an offer of food, you can eat just a token amount.
Very true, I didn't mean to imply otherwise. That's why I said I often say my stomach is acting up. My friends are far from insistent, they just don't always realize my "no, thank you" actually means no lol.
With your friends that's to be expected, particularly if they're not living at home. But for anyone who's still immersed in a traditional culture, food and visiting/hospitality are intimately linked. Whenever you're visiting, food will therefore always be offered. Usually you can satisfy the demands of hospitality by eating just a little, though.
Family can be a different dynamic altogether.1 -
Offering food is nice. The host should aim to make his/her guest feel comfortable, but there's also an element of pride - it feels good to see that people like what you have made; and you'd make something you like, and want others to take part the enjoyment. But pushing, really pushing, food, is rude. White lies shouldn't be necessary, a simple "no thanks", maybe followed by "I'm good, thank you", should be enough. But you must be firm. You have to stand your grounds.
Rejecting a gift can feel like rejecting the giver, and we don't want that when we like the giver. We often seem to project our own emotions and insecurities into other people. Is your fear of rejecting someone really a fear of being rejected yourself? You don't have to answer, just think about it.4
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