How to turn down food?
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This makes me think you have such a tender heart
It’s probably such a sweet aspect of your personality.
Apparently I don’t have the same problem haha. I’m always so blunt and firm when it comes to my body and time.
“Omg thank you, but No thanks. Seriously”
but then I smile and prevent any awkwardness by changing the subject to something funny and relaxed.3 -
HappyCampr1 wrote: »I have the opposite problem, lol. Everyone at work knows how much weight I’ve lost and how well I normally eat. (It’s been kind of an obvious change.) Sometimes they’ll start passing things around and then say “Oh, I’m sorry. Of course, YOU don’t want one of these.” And then it’s like a challenge to make whatever it is fit into my day. I will accept whatever it is and eat it right there, just to prove that it’s possible to lose weight and still have treats sometimes. :grumble: Grrr... nothing riles me up more than other people deciding for me, what they think I can or can’t eat. So, consequences be darned, I’m accepting that snack! :laugh:
As far as turning down things, I like the suggestions above. And remember that forcing food on people who have declined it is rude. Just remember that...they’re at fault there. You just keep saying, “No, thanks” as many times as necessary. Or take it home for later if you can’t get out of it.
My co-workers do that to me sometimes -- "Oh, Jane doesn't want any candy, I'm sure."
The hell I don't!9 -
While no thanks may work for many situations, I have family that doesn't accept a no. Also, some cultures take no thanks as just part of the polite banter before you eventually accept the offer (my Vietnamese friends are big on that).
If I dont plan on eating anymore, I just say my stomach is acting up. Otherwise, I practice being uncomfortable. Some people don't like being told no, but what you realize is that the moment passes and no one cares (except coworkers... beware of office ladies). Being socially uncomfortable for a moment isn't so bad, and I think it's good to learn that I don't always have to please people.2 -
While no thanks may work for many situations, I have family that doesn't accept a no. Also, some cultures take no thanks as just part of the polite banter before you eventually accept the offer (my Vietnamese friends are big on that).
If I dont plan on eating anymore, I just say my stomach is acting up. Otherwise, I practice being uncomfortable. Some people don't like being told no, but what you realize is that the moment passes and no one cares (except coworkers... beware of office ladies). Being socially uncomfortable for a moment isn't so bad, and I think it's good to learn that I don't always have to please people.
Your family doesn’t accept no? What do they do? Sounds intense and a little scary.
Unless I’m in Lebanon (my ex was Lebanese) in their gracious home, I will not subject myself to anything unwillingly. But in that case, I would be willing anyway.0 -
While no thanks may work for many situations, I have family that doesn't accept a no. Also, some cultures take no thanks as just part of the polite banter before you eventually accept the offer (my Vietnamese friends are big on that).
It's common in many cultures for an initial offer of food to be declined as a matter of etiquette. But I know of no culture where you're obliged to accept all of what's offered. Typically you need to decline multiple times, or claim a very recent meal or mild illness, to be understood that you're actually declining. At the very least, if someone will be offended by you declining an offer of food, you can eat just a token amount.5 -
Always remember that you’re 100% in control of what goes into YOUR body. If you don’t want it, that’s enough of a reason to politely decline and steer the conversation elsewhere. You got this.4
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Your family doesn’t accept no? What do they do? Sounds intense and a little scary.
Unless I’m in Lebanon (my ex was Lebanese) in their gracious home, I will not subject myself to anything unwillingly. But in that case, I would be willing anyway.
They keep asking until i leave. Seriously. It's not scary, just annoying and incredibly obnoxious
That's why I only subject myself to extended family one day a year. I mean, they thought I was a lesbian because no straight women would pass the age of 21 unmarried (not joking) and that my father being Puerto Rican is the reason I prefer city life (didn't understand the train of logic but I'm sure it's racist) so the continuous food harassment is actually one of my least problems.
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It's common in many cultures for an initial offer of food to be declined as a matter of etiquette. But I know of no culture where you're obliged to accept all of what's offered. Typically you need to decline multiple times, or claim a very recent meal or mild illness, to be understood that you're actually declining. At the very least, if someone will be offended by you declining an offer of food, you can eat just a token amount.
Very true, I didn't mean to imply otherwise. That's why I said I often say my stomach is acting up. My friends are far from insistent, they just don't always realize my "no, thank you" actually means no lol.
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It's common in many cultures for an initial offer of food to be declined as a matter of etiquette. But I know of no culture where you're obliged to accept all of what's offered. Typically you need to decline multiple times, or claim a very recent meal or mild illness, to be understood that you're actually declining. At the very least, if someone will be offended by you declining an offer of food, you can eat just a token amount.
Very true, I didn't mean to imply otherwise. That's why I said I often say my stomach is acting up. My friends are far from insistent, they just don't always realize my "no, thank you" actually means no lol.
With your friends that's to be expected, particularly if they're not living at home. But for anyone who's still immersed in a traditional culture, food and visiting/hospitality are intimately linked. Whenever you're visiting, food will therefore always be offered. Usually you can satisfy the demands of hospitality by eating just a little, though.
Family can be a different dynamic altogether.1 -
Offering food is nice. The host should aim to make his/her guest feel comfortable, but there's also an element of pride - it feels good to see that people like what you have made; and you'd make something you like, and want others to take part the enjoyment. But pushing, really pushing, food, is rude. White lies shouldn't be necessary, a simple "no thanks", maybe followed by "I'm good, thank you", should be enough. But you must be firm. You have to stand your grounds.
Rejecting a gift can feel like rejecting the giver, and we don't want that when we like the giver. We often seem to project our own emotions and insecurities into other people. Is your fear of rejecting someone really a fear of being rejected yourself? You don't have to answer, just think about it.4 -
Nobody offers me anything anymore, as I always refuse, politely of course. The most I'm ever offered is a cup of tea or some water, thank god. You just have to be firm.1
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I think use your upset stomach as an excuse - I can’t eat X because of heartburn, or, my doctor told me to avoid X for my heath. The only problem is you have to shift around the food X for every plate. Unless you commit to a food group or ingredients you want to avoid- I can’t eat added fat right now because my doctor advised me not to, or because of whatever.
Sometimes I do eat a small amount, after repeated pushing attempts, if it’s not a trigger food and I have calories for it.0 -
The worst thing about saying you’re on a diet - even if you don’t get unsolicited advice - is “oh we have cantaloupe and broccoli for you!” ...and having to decide if you wanna be the weirdo who explains it’s not weighed out and you don’t particularly like those things, so they’re not even worth the minimal calories they contain. Like I’m sick of people gleefully informing me there’s a fruit tray. Like suckas, that’s not even good fruit.4
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My co workers always order out lunch, like big stuff- chinese, jimmy johns, chick fil a, cheeseburgers, mexican, they ask everyone if they want something but me. They know I will say no I assume but it does suck that they dont even ask me. Most of the time I have to work through lunch working my butt off. It makes me mad that they think i wouldnt want any food so they just over look me. I just feel like if i was ordering out food i would ask everyone if they wanted something- but thats me- Im not a rude person.1
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HappyCampr1 wrote: »Even Miss Manners and the Emily Post guide say that no explanations are ever necessary. It gives people a chance to judge whether they think your excuse is valid or “important” enough.
This so much is why I dislike the white lie or whatever isn't a polite "no." I have no interest in opening up a dialog about my choices in such situations. If "because I don't want to" isn't accepted, the other person is being rude imo. And that goes for a lot of areas in life.3 -
I was recently at a family birthday where we ate out at a restaurant and then the host brought out an expensive bakery cake and precut everyone slices. I asked if I could get a box to take it home since I was still full and I wanted to enjoy it. Surprisingly, half the group followed suit and asked for boxes too lol. I fit it into calories the next day.4
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I had to learn that it's okay to say no and that it's my choice on what I eat. Not the other way around.
With a genuine smile I say no thank you. No excuses needed.
If they keep asking, I keep repeating myself.3 -
Since others have answered how to reply so well, I'll address the other part of the Q. OP said he ate 900 cal. unconsciously and felt self loathing after. Been there. Consider addressing the unconscious part. Once you take control and own what you do (like recognizing you have accepted cake into your hands now you will either lay it aside, eat it and enjoy it or eat a nite and toss it) then I think the self loathing will diminish. If you think you cannot do that just yet and don't trust yourself and your will, fill a plate with healthy food and carry it or fill it with dessert that you dislike. There will be no wolfing down of dessert you don't like. Once the food time has passed, into the garbage it goes. Don't feel guilty. It was a useful prop and eventually it will end up in the garbage anyway : )3
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Sorry, I'm not hungry.
No, thank you I just ate..
I'm changing my food habits and this isn't on it..
Thanks, but no thanks
I'm surrounded by food pushers here too and I have to really get FIRM sometimes!...
But it's my body I'm trying to change and it got this way from taking ALL THE FOOD.. so.. time to change that.
Good luck!
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