Why Can't I Just Do This

inquilter01

This is a question that I ask myself every time I give up on losing weight. I know that I can do this, but I just don't, at least not longer than a few weeks. Prior to my divorce I did a great job at losing weight, losing 50 pounds and was quite comfortable with myself (despite being emotionally miserable in my marriage). A couple years after the divorce I got remarried and am extremely happy in my marriage. I couldn't ask for a better husband. I have tried to improve my health several times in our five years of marriage, but can not keep motivated. I am nearly back to the weight before the pre-50 pound loss. Thankfully, my husband loves me regardless. I just wish I could get back that motivation I had years ago when I was miserable. You would think that the happiness I have emotionally would make it easier to lose weight again. So I just don't understand why I can't just do it and stick with it?

rach3116

“Love weight” is common- you get happy and comfortable and nothing matters but being in love.
Sorry- I meant to add more here!
You need to find what you enjoy about the struggle of losing weight/being healthier. Such as, some like the numbers and data of their nutrition and workout logs, some like the restriction, some enjoy the satisfaction of how they feel, etc....
If you don’t enjoy the struggle, then you won’t reap the benefits.

lucerorojo

Are you tracking and logging your food on mfp?

Dootzy1

For me? I know I am ABLE to lose it, but that works against me......My internal dialogue goes something like, "Well, I know how to lose it, but I have a very difficult time keeping it off." Since this has been the story of my adult life in the weight loss world, I lose my motivation to make the sacrifice. About every 3 years, I get my weight down...and it slowly comes back on... Then I get uncomfortable with the extra fat and try again. So, the thing is to always be in that watchful calorie counting mode, I guess. I have yet to make peace with that. One saying that comes to mind is- "Weight loss is hard, maintenance is hard, being fat is hard. Pick your hard."

inquilter01

I hadn’t heard that before but that does make sense. Sometimes when I think about losing weight I think about how it will effect ‘us’. Not in our relationship but what do I make for dinner, etc. He is the first man that has told me I am a good cook. I don’t want things to change.

inquilter01

I was tracking on MFP but got away from it as part of the on/off again times. I do okay if I stick with it. I will say though that at 5 foot, there is not a lot of calories available

Knoxvilla5

I'm with you, Inquilter--at 5'0" we have to eat like birds to maintain a "normal" weight. Kinda makes life miserable when everyone around you can eat 2,000 calories and just *live*.

Good luck on your renewed journey!

lucerorojo

I think you may need to face the possibility that you will need to track in order to maintain your weight loss. I haven't reached goal yet but when I do I will continue logging. It's worth it to me to not regain. You can still cook the same food just eat LESS of it. I think you are complicating it but looking for reasons outside yourself. Track your calories. If you do that and stick to it what difference does it make who you are married to?

ninerbuff

It's possible that you relate that maintainable weight loss with a "miserable" marriage. Possibly it could be that if you subconsciously get back to that 50lbs loss, you'll be back in a miserable marriage again. I'm thinking here beyond what may be just lack of motivation.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

kommodevaran

I think you are asking yourself the wrong question. You are motivated for the result, not for the behavior that leads to the result. If you diet unhappily, you want to stop that. You are happy anyway, when you just stop dieting, so there is no compelling reason to continue. To lose weight, and then maintain, you have to eat less, and that takes discipline, but you can do it in a happy way, or an unhappy way. A happy life is no guarantee for a healthy weight. Happy people and unhappy people come in all shapes and sizes.

inquilter01

Ninerbuff, when I read your post, it brings tears to my eyes. Does that mean you hit the nail on the head? If so, any thoughts on how to get past it?

lucerorojo

inquilter01 wrote: »

I was tracking on MFP but got away from it as part of the on/off again times. I do okay if I stick with it. I will say though that at 5 foot, there is not a lot of calories available

True, but whether you log or not doesn't change that.

juliegilburd

I wish I had an answer for you, but I find myself in the same boat. I'm just going to keep trying again and again until I can make it stick. Hang in there!

lucerorojo

Have you shared any of this with your husband? Is he supportive of your dieting efforts?

DaisyCynthia

kommodevaran wrote: »

A happy life is no guarantee for a healthy weight. Happy people and unhappy people come in all shapes and sizes.

This is the truth! As a society, I think we program ourselves to believe that to be truly happy you have to be a certain weight. But that’s not true! It’s okay to be overweight and happy! It’s also okay to love yourself just the way you are and to seek to develop healthier habits (that may or may not lead to weight loss).

I would recommend focusing on developing the healthier habits. E.g. want to be more active - go for walks or bike rides with your hubby. Take a fun dance class. Join an intramural league if you have the time.

You are already happy. Don’t allow society to make you question your happiness. Overweight people can be happy too. Focus on eating right and being active - not the number on the scale.

inquilter01

Lucerorojo, I have talked to him about wanting to lose weight and that I was able to do it in the past. He tells me that if I want to then to go for it. He doesn’t want to be the reason I don’t. He said once that just because he loves me no matter what it shouldn’t give me the leeway to let myself go. I know he’s right.

DebLaBounty

There's that old phrase about being in love "now she's fat and happy." Your husband loves you just the way you are, so you're telling yourself there's no reason to make a change. But your excess weight bugs you. Lose the weight and maintain your new habits. You may end up happier with yourself for developing the discipline. My husband and I have started taking longer walks and hikes together. We cook together, and that's fun.

dwrightlaw

Don't ask why you can't do something, instead tell yourself all the reasons you can & will

JeromeBarry1

Back when your life was miserable your ability to control your weight was the ONE thing you could control.
Now that your life is happy you don't need that relationship with your weight anymore. It's a mental thing. Your happiness arises from something other than controlling your weight. You'll need to find another reason. It may just have to be plain old cold reason. You'll live and enjoy happiness longer.

kenyonhaff

Well hey this isn't easy to do. Changing habits is hard especially if it's not fun.

But you have only failed if you give up trying...which you haven't. Yeah you!

Maybe your wonderful supportive hubby can help you? Maybe set some phone reminders to log? Set some reminders?

clicketykeys

inquilter01 wrote: »

I hadn’t heard that before but that does make sense. Sometimes when I think about losing weight I think about how it will effect ‘us’. Not in our relationship but what do I make for dinner, etc. He is the first man that has told me I am a good cook. I don’t want things to change.

This is your issue. I think what you really mean is that you want to continue to have a happy relationship, but somehow what's gotten into your head is that you're finally at a good point and you don't want to make any changes because that might put your happiness at risk.

I would suggest seeing if you can figure out some activities that you and your husband could do together. Not to get him to lose weight or anything, but to make your loss part of that happiness.

inquilter01

Thank you all for your comments. They really have given me something to think about. Right now I am thinking about making some small changes, one step at a time.

kenyonhaff

You know that you can be a great cook and that doesn't mean you have to cook unhealthily?

Love means doing what's right for someone, including yourself. Cooking overly fatty, over-portioned foods can be meant lovingly, but that's not doing a loving act.

What's truely healthy love is making food that keeps you both in good spirits and good health.

Change is also a healthy part of a relationship. It's inevitable. I understand you don't want things to change, but change is part of life. It doesn't have to be bad. And change is necessary.

If changing your weight is a healthy thing for you, a good man will support you. It sounds like you have one next to you.

It also doesn't mean you have to ditch all yummy things. It's just eating in a way you aren't eating too much or too little of the wrong stuff fo you. Don't be afraid of changes that are only healthy.

melodys_attic

Weight loss is not easy. It does require us to change. If your hubby loves your cooking perhaps you can find yummy things you both love that are healthier? I’ve finally got my darling on board with that. Today’s special was a detox broccoli veggie soup. It has red lentils in it which make it creamy and great for the innards. Active dates are fun too. I have a long weight loss road ahead of me but it took a long time to get the weight on! We can all do this! Just do something every day. Anything! Walk, eat a vegetable, drink some water. We will get there!