thoughts about the children of overweight parents

laura11248

Wow! Thanks so much for all of your insight. It seems like education is the common thread through the post. I am really walking away feeling much better about decisions I have recently made and have some new ideas to further my families journey to a more healthful lifestyle!

Thanks!

LainMac

Wow! I am in such a different position from most of you. I grew up with fresh veggie (from the grandmother who lived up stairs) and lots whole grain breads (rye and wheat). Very little processed foods. Most of my "you're fat" crap came from my father and my mother's mother, who were now that I am looking back at it with an adult's perspective, were saying that nasty stuff because I was built "womanly" at 12/13 and they didn't now how to handle it.

Now, in my adult life, I have 3 very active kids and 1 not so active who I have to work hard to keep properly feed. One of whom has a broken appetite (ie she really doesn't have one ~ while it sounds great, it is super pain in the behind to deal with). I have one who is a coach potato who rather skip vegetables even as he calls himself a vegetarian. I spend all of my time playing nutritionist, making sure that every child has a balanced diet. I'm finally paying attention to my diet.

We close the kitchen at 8pm because I don't want my teenagers to make big mess or often my youngest will eat a light supper in hopes of scamming more the rare "snacks" that sometime happen after supper. When that doesn't happen, he gets "hungry" two seconds before bedtime. We say "Good, we'll make you an extra large breakfast then." And we do.

My "skinny" husband married me with a pretty bad diet that gave him indigestion. Over the years, he has gotten better and now acts like he has always be a great eater.

Cytherea

Really interesting post and a lot of interesting responses.

I think a huge issue that nobody has yet dealt with is what you, as a parent, CAN'T control- your child's friend's eating habits.

In my house, we never had "brand-name" snacks. We always had fresh fruits and veggies (my dad worked for a wholesale produce company and brought stuff home) but I never really wanted to eat that stuff because it was always there. Having things around all the time makes it really easy to take advantage of it and not want to eat it anymore. For "bad" snacks, we had fake chips and fake cookies and fake everything. So let me tell you, when I went over my next door neighbor's house, I would easily eat an entire bag of Doritos in one sitting with my best friend. I LOVED the real stuff and couldn't get enough of it, so when I was in a situation where I could eat it, I would gorge myself.

For me, my parents weren't teaching me about eating healthy and why it mattered, so that wasn't the issue. The reason we didn't have the "good" stuff was because we couldn't afford it. But I think that your child has to have some sort of understanding of these things, otherwise they will do what I did and eat everything you don't have in the house when they are at a friends. I think education is key.

I'd also be wary of what you do to try and get a child to eat their veggies. For example, my dad would put tons of butter on veggies so we'd eat it, or he'd put velveeta on broccoli, things like that. Sure, we ate the veggies, but at what cost? With all the other added crap, we probably would have been better off not eating it at all!

Another issue with kids today is their level of activity, in many cases, the lack thereof. I babysit a lot, and all these kids want to do is sit in front of the tv or the computer or play video games. When I was a kid, we asked "can I go outside and play?" not "can I watch tv?" We never had a gaming console and didn't have a computer for a long time, and once we had one, the internet was slow and not really very useful and we very rarely were allowed to buy games for it (and when we did, they were educational, like Oregon Trail and Titanic!). I don't really know how to go back to that time where going outside was the best thing in the world, but it needs to be done. I practically have to force the kids I babysit to come outside and play. One of them has a beautiful in-ground pool that they never want to swim in and both families I sit for have big yards (which is unheard of in LA!) and yet they don't want to use them. I try to convince them to come play volleyball or basketball or go on the swing-set, and it is like I am pulling teeth!

In the past, we didn't have to worry so much about what kids ate because they were so active it didn't matter. Now, everything is an issue. I think getting the kids outside to play would be even more helpful in controlling their weight than eating, even though they do still need to learn how to eat right so they don't fall into the problems that many of us did.

tammyschmidt9430

Hi,I would love some recipe ideas for the kids and myself. I was never over wieght as a child but kitchen was closed. We only had pizza when the sitter came as well as pop. I have 6 kids ages 21,19,19,18,7 and 4. I'm 42. I'm finding that my younger 2 are a little heavier then they should be as well as myself. I also keep plenty of fruit and veggies on hand. I had a hysterectomy in November, I can't seem to get the weight off. This is my second marriage, and when he wanted kids I thought there goes the scale again. I'm the heaviest I have ever been. 5ft 7 and 240. I have only bee over weight after having children. I recently sw a pic of myself and cried myself to sleep last night.

sabrinafaith

I have a 20 month old and he's actually a little underweight for his height already. He is in the picky stage, where he likes fish sticks and cheese. Thank g-d he also LOVES vegetables and fruit.

I never have desserts or junk in the house. I never bake. They are outside treats, and also, my son is allergic to eggs, so he can't have most baked goods.

I have trained him since he started solids, not to like sugary things by not giving them to him. If I open a bar of 72% dark chocolate, that' a different story.

My rule- Big breakfast of oatmeal made with milk and pureed fruit, lunch must include a vegetable and dairy and whole wheat, snack is either dry cereal or apple sauce and a few rice cracker or a brown rice cake, and dinner is a protein, pureed vegetable and a whole grain. Dessert is either fresh fruit or raisins. If he gets an additional cookie, he's still not doing too bad!

I just wanted to add-

I really believe that if a child has a healthy balanced diet, then there is no reason to restrict them. I was always heavy because of the desserts, not the junk. I never ate twizzlers even, but when my mom had a chocolate cake I would be out of control. Also, I think the more you make an 'issue' out of food, the more problems there will be in the future. Food is something to enjoy, but also sustenance and it shouldn't be stressed over. If you have a lot of produce, whole grains, dairy, fish and poultry, I really don't see any reason why a normal active child should be restricted when it comes to food.

leavinglasvegas

I just wanted to add-

I really believe that if a child has a healthy balanced diet, then there is no reason to restrict them. I was always heavy because of the desserts, not the junk. I never ate twizzlers even, but when my mom had a chocolate cake I would be out of control. Also, I think the more you make an 'issue' out of food, the more problems there will be in the future. Food is something to enjoy, but also sustenance and it shouldn't be stressed over. If you have a lot of produce, whole grains, dairy, fish and poultry, I really don't see any reason why a normal active child should be restricted when it comes to food.

Brilliantly said!!:drinker: I think thats where I was going, but in so many more words:laugh:

bennettv

QUOTE: "Actually eggs are grouped in with the Meat and Alternatives group (or Meat and Beans in the USA), not dairy."

I remember seeing pictures of the dairy with eggs -- maybe that's an old picture, maybe it wasn't the food pyramid. You'd be surprised at how many Americans thinks that eggs are part of the dairy group. We constantly have wait staff trying to sort out what our child could have off the menu and make sure to tell us that eggs are or are not in a certain dish. We gently remind them that dairy and eggs come from different animals. They are usually quite surprised. Maybe it's not because of anything the food pyramid has done, maybe it's just the fact that most people have absolutely no connection to where their food comes from. I've had parents get upset that my kids have told their kids what animal a certain kind of meat comes from. I believe if your going to eat meat you need to come to terms that the animal lost its life for your sustenance. Reverence and respect should follow. I know not everyone agrees, but that's what I teach my kids.

sbilyeu75

I do not buy junk food to bring into the house. If we're out and my daughter gets some junk then it's a treat. That being said, she never ever gets soda pop. She had it once and the caffine in it made her mean acting. I take her grocery shopping with me so she knows what we get and she doesn't even ask for junk. I guess I should add, when my daughter wants to eat or snack, I give her a choice of about 2-3 things. However, at dinner she gets what I make for dinner. It's the only meal that we all get to sit down together and eat and I'm not making everyone thier own individual meal.

SayRah

Both of my parents are overweight. I don't remember much of my eating habits as a kid but I do recall it was unhealthy....lots of cheeseburgers, mac and cheese, ice cream, pizza etc., not a whole lot of fruits, vegetables, or whole grains. My mom NEVER said 'no' to me when I asked for food. My dad wasn't around too much but when he was, he was eating and sitting on the couch. I never learned healthy habits, however, I knew that my lifestyle was wrong and I was overweight. I remember being really ashamed in the 6th grade when I found out that in order to be on the football team you had to be a minimum of 150 lbs. I very clearly remembered that I was about 160 lbs at the time and I was SO embarrased about how I was able to be on the football team, even though I was a girl in middle school. Also, I was really badly teased for most of my childhood because of my weight.

Though I find it interesting, my parents did not teach me or tell me that I should be active and eat well -- I had to find that out myself and it's something I'm going to stick with. Meanwhile, I have friends whose parents strictly limited their food and made them be active when they were younger....they were VERY skinny and then when they got to college, they were the ones who gained the freshman fifteen! Meanwhile I have lost about 10 lbs from the beginning of my freshman year.

leavinglasvegas

QUOTE: "Actually eggs are grouped in with the Meat and Alternatives group (or Meat and Beans in the USA), not dairy."

I remember seeing pictures of the dairy with eggs -- maybe that's an old picture, maybe it wasn't the food pyramid. You'd be surprised at how many Americans thinks that eggs are part of the dairy group. We constantly have wait staff trying to sort out what our child could have off the menu and make sure to tell us that eggs are or are not in a certain dish. We gently remind them that dairy and eggs come from different animals. They are usually quite surprised. Maybe it's not because of anything the food pyramid has done, maybe it's just the fact that most people have absolutely no connection to where their food comes from. I've had parents get upset that my kids have told their kids what animal a certain kind of meat comes from. I believe if your going to eat meat you need to come to terms that the animal lost its life for your sustenance. Reverence and respect should follow. I know not everyone agrees, but that's what I teach my kids.

I think people confuse eggs as dairy because they are sold in the dairy section and not the meat section. They also don't look like like meat, if you think about it, but they are yellow and white like milk and cheese. I also honestly remember eggs being in the dairy pictures back in my school days. I'm thinking of before the food pyramid, back when fruits and veggies were one group too..... Wow, that was a while ago....:glasses:

mrsyac2

Me personally- My kids eat as they wish but aren't allowed to go buck wild they have full access to the kitchen and our "junk food" cabinet. However my girls also eat vegetables, play sports, are always outside playing.

I didn't have an issue with my weight until I got older and loss myself for 3 years. I was an active kid.

My kids are ridiculously active I always send them outside to play. In my opinion kids don't play anymore all they do is sit in front of the tv, computer, and video games that's why I feel obesity rate is high.

As a child myself I played outside until the street lights came on. Drive around now and you don't see many kids outside that to me is sad. Years ago there was a few overweight children in a class and the majority was kids in healthy range- now the tables have turned more overweight less healthy range. People like to blame the schools but it's not there fault it's parents fault children only have lunch at school and sometimes breakfast and it's not a buffet. Too much processed food. I cook for my kids every night. Being too busy is just an excuse to me They have crock pots and it takes 30 minutes to make a meal if that. My kids teachers always commend me and my husband that we still sit down at the table to have dinner. I am very busy and we make it work. Fast Food isn't an all the time thing and is limited to Chik-Fil-a. Don't get me wrong we eat pizza and go out to restaurants for our Date night with the kids.

It's all about moderation I tell my kids too much of something isn't a good thing. Again this is just us!

melodyg

My little boy is only 4 so we are still very much on the breakfast/lunch/snack/dinner plan. I struggle with him not eating at all rather than eating too much, so about the only rules we have are that he has to eat his meal before he can have snack food (snacks are usually fruits/yogurt/etc.) and that he has to try everything on his plate. Our kitchen is never "closed" but I do not let him eat right before a meal time. If dinner is running late, I'll let him have a healthy additional snack though (sometimes I need one too!) I also limit drinks because he'd fill up on milk and other drinks if I let him. He gets milk/tea/lemonade/etc. with his meal and water besides that.

I am *trying* to teach all things in moderation. We buy frozen yogurt, sometimes chips or mac & cheese but it is not an every day thing. I am just starting to confront the issue of friends with different "food values". Spent today at a friend's house I havent' been at since starting this journey whose kids live on mac& cheese, hot dogs, Totinos pizza, ramen noodles for lunch. I don't like those options any more (though admittedly, our standard PB on whole wheat probably isn't *that* much better). I've got to start thinking through how to deal with that.

We also go out for "ice cream" (usually TCBY) and have "dessert" at home sometimes too (usually frozen yogurt or fruit, trying to limit cakes/pies/etc. to holidays and special occasions!). We limit candy for Halloween, etc. to a piece or two a day right now (which means it is NEVER gone) but I am sure I'll start letting him make more decisions on that as he gets older. (LOVE the Love and Logic ideas from an earlier poster and agree it is a good book!).


To the original poster: 10 is an age that many, many girls are a little heavier as they have that pre-puberty pudge. That could even be so for the 8 year old. I know that, for me, that weight gain during that time (and earlier than my peers) translated into such a negative body image until... now. Even during the years I was not overweight (girls usually have a growth spurt and grow into that bit of added weight). Please be extra careful in monitoring food or talking about weight with your girls. Somehow I think that if I had a little girl I'd be even more worried about the messages I am sending about food. That in itself bothers me... though I guess I'm lucky for now that I have a little guy who takes after his daddy with a super-fast metabolism (lucky guys!)

bennettv

Since this thread is about kids and eating I want to share something that happened at my house last night. My husband was at his golf league and the kids and I were on our own for dinner. I decided to have a plate of healthy whole food and not cook. So, we had blueberries, cherries, cheese, flax meal bread, avacados and smoked salmon. This past spring one of my uncles smoked a salmon for a family event. My youngest LOVED it. I hadn't thought about that in a while, but decided last weekend to buy some when I was grocery shopping. My oldest, who doesn't try new food -- ever, was taken in by how excited the little one was to again have smoked salmon. He was even willing to try some avacado to get a chance to eat some of that smoked salmon.

After Dad got home and they played outside for a while they wanted a snack. The only thing they were willing to have is smoked salmon. They finished what was left. My husband just shook his head, I think we have the only kids in the neighborhood with such a palate. Sometimes eating healthy can be really easy with kids.

laura11248

I think that is why I am so nervous for them. Unfortunately food has become an issue already and not by my doing! My oldest daughter and some friends were having cupcake wars. She was supposed to be the judge. She came to me in private and asked if someone else could be the judge because she did not want to eat all those cupcakes. She said, "I do not want to get fat MOM!" It broke my heart. When I said you can just have a taste of each...she said she still did not want to do that!
Body image is such an issue as she realizes that she is bigger than some of her friends. She has also been teased by a boy that used to live in the neighborhood. The boy happens to be larger too...I guess he was just doing to her what others have done to him! Kids can be cruel! I will continue to reassure her that she is beautiful make sure to have healthy food in the house and plenty of outdoor time!

Thanks again for helping out!

recipe4success

QUOTE: "Actually eggs are grouped in with the Meat and Alternatives group (or Meat and Beans in the USA), not dairy."

I remember seeing pictures of the dairy with eggs -- maybe that's an old picture, maybe it wasn't the food pyramid. You'd be surprised at how many Americans thinks that eggs are part of the dairy group. We constantly have wait staff trying to sort out what our child could have off the menu and make sure to tell us that eggs are or are not in a certain dish. We gently remind them that dairy and eggs come from different animals. They are usually quite surprised. Maybe it's not because of anything the food pyramid has done, maybe it's just the fact that most people have absolutely no connection to where their food comes from. I've had parents get upset that my kids have told their kids what animal a certain kind of meat comes from. I believe if your going to eat meat you need to come to terms that the animal lost its life for your sustenance. Reverence and respect should follow. I know not everyone agrees, but that's what I teach my kids.

Yeah I believe (but could be wrong) that eggs used to be with dairy products, but now they are with meat. In other countries, they have different named food groups, and eggs and legumes are some of the things that get moved around the most