thoughts about the children of overweight parents

laura11248

OK...so I have been struggling with this one for quite sometime. Do you limit what your kids eat...setting out meals/snacks for them for the day...or do you let them take as they wish?
I guess my struggle comes from my childhood when my parents "closed the kitchen" so to speak and limited my access to food. I think this is why I overeat...never knowing when the kitchen will be open again.

Do you also not bring sweets...cookies...ice cream into the house? Does this make them crave it more? Do they ever learn how to deal with temptation?

Please realize I am not blaming my parents because they struggled with these issues as well...I just want to do right by my kids!
BTW...My oldest daughter(10) has always been a bit on the heigher end of the scale as my youngest(8) has always... up until recently...been within her scale.

RedneckWmn

I will say that I was allowed to pretty much have anything I wanted and whenever. My parents didn't buy much junk food such as sweets and what not. I was always a little overweight as a kid. I think unfortunately you have to find a happy balance in between the two. You don't want to restrict them too much but then again don't let them have anything and everything they Want. I don't have any kids so I really can't say. It's probably a lot easier said then done. I know my niece has access to just about anything she wants but just doesn't care for sweets. She would much rather be eating green beans then a candy bar. But I definitely agree if you cut it off completely it just makes them want it more.

jrich1

Trust me, my wife and I this runs through our head all the time, we try to get them to eat the best we can, but they are kids, they are both very active and currently not overweight. What we do stress is eduction. My 6yo knows what a calorie is and will constantly ask us how many cals is in this or that and if its too many. I dont think a lot of kids understand this, but we decided to make them eat the best they can, buy heathier snacks, but educate them on exercise (mine go to the gym with us and see us exercising several times a week, although they go into a day care which is highly active). I think going forward, them seeing us losing weight and understanding that if you eat you do get fat is the best we can do

stormieweather

We do not close the kitchen.

We also do not have HFCS, MSG, artificial coloring, flavoring or preservatives. It really limits the amount of 'junk' food my children can get into.

There is, however, plenty of fruit, raw veggies, milk, cheese, peanut butter, popcorn, hummus, and occasionally, whole grain crackers. I keep juice pops (homemade-just frozen all-natural, no added sugar, juice) and Newman's Fig Newtons, whole grain, for desserts. Once in a while, I'll make cookies or bake a pie or make ice cream. Usually, this is for a special occasion, like a holiday. One thing my family loves is homemade fruit salad with a small organic whipped cream on top. Delish!

Personally, I don't eat anything my children can't have nor do I serve them anything I should not eat. I simply monitor my calorie intake. My children are all very healthy...good weight, never sick.

4lafz

I do not have kids - but come from the closed kitchen too! My niece does this really well with her kids. Pack the house with lots of healthy alternatives. Get the kids involved with making healthy snacks, cookies, homemade popcicles, sorbets and DINNER! I think the parents job is to teach healthy choices - not be the food police. Hope this helps!

Koshie

I don’t have any children and never will have children but I am not going to be all up on my high horse about how people raise their kids. But I will say this. My Grandmother let me eat whatever I wanted when I was a child. I was rather thin until that summer I went from a 4t to a 6X and I was only 5 yrs old. Since then I struggled with food and why I eat what I do (I am an emotional eater) All I can say is that Your the parent You have to control what they cannot. They have not been taught what healthy food limit is and the consequences of grazing can be. Your child should not have access to the fridge 24 hrs but if you know they need a snack before a certain time (8:30pm) then by all means let them have it. Don’t feel guilty

I don’t bring sweets that often into our house because I act like a rat and eat them all in one setting. when I do I try to bring in a healthier version of the sweets such as Nana’s chocolaty Chippy Bars. I ate 4.5 bars in three days! But it wasn’t that bad due to the way they were made.

Please if your daughter is 10 and on the hefty side make sure she is eating the right foods she is at a delicate time and may need the extra calories for growth ect. But by all means don’t be the food Police Just be a parent who wants healthy habits for their kids.

kittytrix

Wed don't close the kitchen but we do monitor.

If my kids want a late snack, I make sure it's a bowl of fruit or some cereal.

We don't keep many sweet in the house and if you do we don't keep them within the children's reach.

All three of my kids eat healthy foods, but they all have different body types. My two oldest are thin as rails and our youngest is built like a little tank. He's 2 and wears 5-year-old clothes! He doesn't eat any differently from the other two and not any more.

I personally don't talk about calories to the kids, but I do tell them what is healthier for them and what isn't. They're kids and they're going to want a Happy Meal, but I let them know that's a treat for once in a while and not once a week and definitely not everyday.

It's for sure a balance.

cskalaj

A lady I used to babysit for had, what I thought, was a really good approach to handling her kids' eating. They couldn't have anything without asking, but when they did ask, instead of immediately saying "no" she asked them if they were REALLY feeling hungry. (It had to do with a common sense "diet" plan that she was in where they taught you to listen to your body for signs of hunger as opposed to eating when you THOUGHT you were hungry or bored or whatever and to really evaluate what goes into your body.) If they insisted that they really wanted/needed this thing, they could have some, but there were obviously portion limitations. I think it really helped them to start thinking about the things that they ate and it didn't deprive them AND taught them portion control from an early age.

Precious_Nissa

I can say that I, in the beginning, did not focus on my kids and what they ate....i pretty much still would go through the mcdonalds drive thru etc allowing them to just eat.....but as a parent, i love my kids....i know how I got where I am today and I do not want my kids to have that same struggle; therefore, I have been more cautious of their food intake....

No

I have not taken mcdonalds and candy away; however, I have moderated it.....i allow my kids to eat at mcdonalds once a week and they can have an unhealthy snack, once a week, but for the most of it, my oldest daughter has now been told to work out every day for a few minutes a day....and my 2 year old is very active....lol

CFAITH_WARD

I son needs to be outside as much as possible.....I was allowed most anything as a kid but we did have a garden and we ate alot out of it....I wasn't big as a kid i guess I wasn't super skinny either...I think the real difference is video games and the lack of gym for the kids....My son only has gym 2-3 a week and they don't take them outside enough at school...They have to push our kids too much...exercise isn't important to our schools now....They say they are trying to help with the children being overweight by cutting back what they can take to school for parties but they still serve them crap in the school. This is a major pet pev of mine...I am willing to pay more for them offer healthy food. I pack my son luch as often as possble but it is hard sometimes.

simona1972

My nieces and my nephew live with me. I do the grocery shopping and share the cooking with their mom/dad. I make sure the fridge is always stocked with fresh fruits and veggies that they like. My nephew loves apricot and strawberries and string cheese. All good stuff.

I do buy "treats" like granola bars and every once in a while I'll buy chips or cookies. I try not to do it every week because I dont want that to be a regular part of their diets. Plus, it's expensive.

We dont have a locked kitchen policy in my home - my mom let us eat whatever whenever we wanted. I think as long as I buy healthy foods, they'll be better at making healthier choices.

Now...that's MY take on it. My brother's is different. He gives them an allowance and they immediately go to the store to buy junk....usually candy, chips and chocolates. This drives me nuts but I tell him, not them. I try to be careful with that because while we didnt have a locked kitchen, I was constantly criticized for eating [I was the only fat one in the family] so I never want them to feel self concious about food or eating.

h_eloise86

I think this is difficult. I grew up in a house with a very restricted kitchen. There were no snacks. There was breakfast, lunch, and dinner. If we didn't like it, there were no other options. Twice a month we would go out to a restaurant or fast food. I had to clear my food choices with my mother and she set a limit on soda. We never had soda in the house, unless it was a birthday.
My problem was that my parents bought themselves treats to eat. My dad always had big bags of chips that he would gorge on in one sitting on the couch. My mother would sneak a bag of candies when she thought me and my sisters were in bed. It made me constantly question why I couldn't eat what they ate. Why was I being "singled out". Because as a child that is how I felt. I think a parent has to not only set a standard for a child but follow it themselves. How can we expect our children to make healthier choices if we do not?

I now have a son, thank goodness he is only 5 1/2 months. I tell my hubby all the time that he needs to work on his eating habits or we are going to have a problem. I eat pretty well now. My hubby is a junk food junkie. I know I won't tell my son he can never have McDonald's but I don't want him having it everyday (like my hubby would want, lol). It really is finding a medium. If you restrict it could end up with a child going wild at the first chance (I got my first job at a fast food place and went bonkers spending my money on fast food) but if you do not set up rules and help them .... well I just see a future with potential health problems.

CoachFoland

I'm sorry, I didn't have time to read all of these responses, so if I'm saying the same things as others...

I don't like the idea of having "bad" food around children. I also don't like a closed kitchen. Having better food is the key, and I don't think not having sweets around will make a kid (as an adult) go crazy with these foods. Using that mindset, you could apply that to cigarettes/drugs/alcohol, and that just doesn't fly. Children are a product of thier environment. If the parent(s) struggle with weight and food choices, more than likely the kid will too (use abusive parents as an example). If the parents are active, and healthy, the children will feel that that is how a normal family/person should act.

Laceylala

I wasn't overweight until the summer between 7th & 8th grade. I stopped moving around that summer and basically sat on my butt in the house and ate. I've been overweight since.

In our house my 3 1/2 year old can eat when she wants but she has to have a piece of fruit or a veggie or cheese stick first. She is hungry all the time, but at the same time, she never stops moving. I hope this continues and am making my best efforts to keep her going and setting a good example by going to the gym and going on walks, etc. with her so she see's her parents being physical as well.

I grew up pretty poor and while my mom did her best to make sure we ate healthy, we were never encouraged to do sports or anything like that because they couldn't afford the cost of it. We ate alot of canned veggies and hamburger helper growing up. It was what we could afford.

Now I am lucky enough to be able to afford to buy fresh groceries and I am truly thankful for that. It also helps in way that my daughter seems to have a wheat allergy and a mild dairy allergy as well. It helps because I have to pack her lunches and we are limited at home in what kinds of foods we bring in as well. Make it much healthier.

SO, no locked kitchen. She eats at least one to three snacks after dinner. And I also make sure she eats her dinner...no not eating it and then expect to get a snack later on. To me that is important.

bennettv

We have a child with food allergies so we talk about food all the time. Our kids know the difference between good and "bad" food. We don't have banned food---our terminology is "sometimes" food. There are a lot of foods that are sometimes food. In our pantry healthy food is at their level and sometimes food is high up. We use the ask rule. We don't close the kitchen, but they have to ask if they want something to eat - this helps us monitor and guide them if they aren't making good choices. We only say no if we're making a meal. We keep a drawer full of fruit and there is no limit on the fruit they eat in a day. Be warned, this can get expensive!

Because of the food allergies we have several teaching aids that we keep around as toys. We got them at teacher stores - things like cards with foods on them and nutrition information on back and felt food that the kids like to put into food groups. These have helped the kids build trading skills. For instance, one of them does not like broccoli. Because he knows his food groups he can trade the brocoli at dinner for carrot sticks. We won't make a separate meal, but if they have the skill to trade within the same food group they can get something out of the fridge / cupboard themselves. Our food groups are a little different. We use Protein, Fruits and Veggies, Carbs, and Sometimes Food. We did this because my son with food allergies is not able to have soy, dairy or gluten. It didn't seem right to have 5 food groups and one completely off limits. Also, it didn't make senese to me that eggs (a protein) are in the dairy group. Our grouping method helps them create well balanced meals for themselves.

We also watch movies about food with them. They found Food, Inc. very intersting and we had to stop the movie several times to discuss what the movie was talking about. Supersize Me helped explain why we don't eat fast food. Our kids are 4 and 6 - both of them are on the thin side. The older one frequently will say things like, I wish McDonalds would stop using toys to sell junk food. I have to say, those are proud mama moments!

Good luck!

lobster888

I don't know if this will help. I always cooked dinner for my family. I always tried to have healthy balanced meals. I had healthy snacks in the house, fruit, cheese, yogurt and nuts etc. I tried to watch my son's intake of sugar and artificial foods because he tended to be a little active. So, we didn't keep alot of junk food in the house. We would have treats - homemade oatmeal cookies, jello with fruit desserts and real ice cream (no sugar added). He could always have his dessert if he eat all his dinner. He is 19 now and is tall and lean - maybe it helped or maybe he was just born that way.... I don't think I would have a locked kitchen policy.. but eating late is not a good habit and my mother wouldn't let us eat after 9:00. But we knew that and if were hungry we eat before that!!!!

Laceylala

We have a child with food allergies so we talk about food all the time. Our kids know the difference between good and "bad" food. We don't have banned food---our terminology is "sometimes" food. There are a lot of foods that are sometimes food. In our pantry healthy food is at their level and sometimes food is high up. We use the ask rule. We don't close the kitchen, but they have to ask if they want something to eat - this helps us monitor and guide them if they aren't making good choices. We only say no if we're making a meal. We keep a drawer full of fruit and there is no limit on the fruit they eat in a day. Be warned, this can get expensive!

Because of the food allergies we have several teaching aids that we keep around as toys. We got them at teacher stores - things like cards with foods on them and nutrition information on back and felt food that the kids like to put into food groups. These have helped the kids build trading skills. For instance, one of them does not like broccoli. Because he knows his food groups he can trade the brocoli at dinner for carrot sticks. We won't make a separate meal, but if they have the skill to trade within the same food group they can get something out of the fridge / cupboard themselves. Our food groups are a little different. We use Protein, Fruits and Veggies, Carbs, and Sometimes Food. We did this because my son with food allergies is not able to have soy, dairy or gluten. It didn't seem right to have 5 food groups and one completely off limits. Also, it didn't make senese to me that eggs (a protein) are in the dairy group. Our grouping method helps them create well balanced meals for themselves.

We also watch movies about food with them. They found Food, Inc. very intersting and we had to stop the movie several times to discuss what the movie was talking about. Supersize Me helped explain why we don't eat fast food. Our kids are 4 and 6 - both of them are on the thin side. The older one frequently will say things like, I wish McDonalds would stop using toys to sell junk food. I have to say, those are proud mama moments!

Good luck!

I like this idea of sometimes foods! We let our daughter have icecream once a week or so and it is hard to explain to her that she can't have dairy every day...so the sometimes food is a good way to go with that. Simplifies it to their way of thinking.

autumn130

WOW! There are a lot of interesting points of view on this post.
I do not have kids...yet, but I was raised in military household. My dad was a marine and my mom an ex-marine. I have ALWAYS struggled with my weight. My mom has had eating disorders but even at her biggest has still been tiny. She is a perfect example showing weight is not always a physical thing... it is also very mental!
My parents educated me at a very young age and I think that hurt my chances of just making better lifestyle choices. I always thought about what I ate and if I did enough physical activity. That brought on depression because I never felt like i did enough. And it didn't help that my sister was a bean pole... and still is! She can eat whatever she wants and never work out and she looks like a model....with sexy curves.
Looking back, I wish my parents would have kept certain things from me... like the exact amount of calories in foods and the "quick" diet "fixes".
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my parents and I am very well educated on health... I just wish I was able to control it more.

recipe4success

Actually eggs are grouped in with the Meat and Alternatives group (or Meat and Beans in the USA), not dairy.

mamaDaisyJ

My kids get snacks when they ask for em, as long as they ate at mealtime and I'm not cooking when they ask.... I don't require clean plates, but everything should be tasted and ate until full. I do try to offer fruit or celery sticks or something healthy before they ask for sweets, but if they want some candy, thats fine too. Long as they know the healthy stuff is around. My daughter has started stealing my hard boiled eggs as snacks, and I think thats cool.
My kids are still young enough I think that if I can manage my moderation, they still have a chance to naturally learn control. (If Daddy will stop breaking out the giant hershey's chocolate bar!)

jheller

I have two kids - a boy 12 and a girl who is almost 9. Being female and overweight in my family is not unusual. My mom struggled with it all her life, my sister has issues, even my eldest brother is starting to pack on the pounds. On my dad's side, the men seem to be lean and the aunts more pleasantly plump. In the last few years my husband and I have made an effort to limit snacking - especially after dinner. Ice cream is usually saved for a weekend treat and evening snack time usually consists of popcorn, yogurt, fruit, and the like.

My son was chubby up until last year when he suddenly grew 6 inches and gained no weight. 128 lbs on a boy who is 5.9" instead of 5.5" is a big difference. Now I can't keep his jeans up when before I had to trim 6 inches off the leg because of having to buy sizes for taller boys. My daughter is in the upper range of a healthy weight and is the one I worry about the most especially looking back at my childhood. Wearing a Junior size 14 when I was 12 - not fun. I watch what she snacks on more closely now then my too skinny son. She can eat a good dinner and be wanting a snack 90 minutes later. Its something we are working on. Reminding her she just ate and encouraging her to wait. Sometimes she even forgets to get her snack. I have to say that after dinner snacks is the worse thing I've allowed as a parent.

But we don't harp on food. I now buy more fruits and vegies, organic snacks and less processed foods. Both my kids are active and they participated in triathlons this summer. We go on family walks, hikes and bike rides. We talk openly about the struggles we both have had with weight and emphasize activity. I hope that we aren't creating issues instead of solving them.