My Size is Hazardous to OTHERS' Health
ssurvivor
Posts: 142 Member
Nothing annoys me more than the "good for you"s I get after a class or when I'm commuting to or from the gym. But today, I got a little laugh. I got to my regular Yoga class a little late. There were a bunch of new people so the only spot available was in the front near the instructor. I had to change my mat position to see her so I sometimes ended up kind of facing the class. Too many times, I looked up to see someone struggle with an asana, glance at me, and then practically hurt themselves in an effort to "top" me.
What people don't know (or care about) is that, until I got sick a few years ago, I was a nationally ranked swimmer and 40 hours away from being a certified Yoga instructor. While I gained quite a bit of weight (mostly due to one of my medications) initially, I went back to my old (very healthy) eating habits as soon as I was able to sit long enough to make a sandwich, and started working out regularly as soon as I graduated from rehab.
To me, exercising is like riding a...bike. You may fumble and wobble when you first get back to it, but after a few times, it's like you never stopped. I'm still getting used to the new body, but my basic abilities are still there. Anyone who really knows me shouldn't be surprised by my strength, flexibility or dedication.
In other words, you never know another person's story, so it's best to reserve judgement until you know all the facts.
What people don't know (or care about) is that, until I got sick a few years ago, I was a nationally ranked swimmer and 40 hours away from being a certified Yoga instructor. While I gained quite a bit of weight (mostly due to one of my medications) initially, I went back to my old (very healthy) eating habits as soon as I was able to sit long enough to make a sandwich, and started working out regularly as soon as I graduated from rehab.
To me, exercising is like riding a...bike. You may fumble and wobble when you first get back to it, but after a few times, it's like you never stopped. I'm still getting used to the new body, but my basic abilities are still there. Anyone who really knows me shouldn't be surprised by my strength, flexibility or dedication.
In other words, you never know another person's story, so it's best to reserve judgement until you know all the facts.
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Replies
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True. Perhaps you should take your own words about not judging to heart.
I would not be annoyed by the people who are only trying to encourage you. Perhaps for some of them, they are stepping out of THEIR comfort zone to try and encourage a stranger. It is no secret that quite a few overweight people are shy about going to the gym, and are afraid of being laughed at or judged by others - so I wouldn't take offence that they don't know you and I wouldn't judge them for it.
I would smile, and say "And the same to you for being here too! We've got this!!!"42 -
True. Perhaps you should take your own words about not judging to heart.
... Perhaps for some of them, they are stepping out of THEIR comfort zone to try and encourage a stranger. "
You have a very interesting perspective! I guess I feel like people are only seeing me as a "big girl" instead of just me. I usually feel more encouraged when people mention something real (like my attitude, energy, dedication, tenacity, unexpected strength or flexibility).
Plus most (but not all) of the "good for you" people I've talked to were really condescending. One woman went on a five minute rant about how I was the only disabled person she's seen at the gym so all other disabled people are just lazy. Another actually said "well, you need the class more than I do" after I responded with encouragement of my own.
You're right that I shouldn't assume that everyone is as condescending as the others.14 -
i tend to be the class clown and poke fun of myself. when i did zumba regularly, id try to make nice with new people who looked nervous and scared ( i know, its shocking that i can be nice lol). i think it helped a lot of them seeing someone who wasnt (at that point) fit by any visible distinction, and who even though i was in a regular in the class, could never master some of the moves or keep up. but i had fun, and let that show
the only time anyone ever said anything that hurt was the bratty crotch fruit of one of the ladies told me i was fat. I told her she had a nasty mean attitude and id rather be fat than have that.
ironically, when i stopped the class about a year later (due to a move), I was thinner than her mom. suck it, kid.
im only nice sometimes. im blunt and to the point, but not mean.12 -
True. Perhaps you should take your own words about not judging to heart.
... Perhaps for some of them, they are stepping out of THEIR comfort zone to try and encourage a stranger. "
You have a very interesting perspective! I guess I feel like people are only seeing me as a "big girl" instead of just me. I usually feel more encouraged when people mention something real (like my attitude, energy, dedication, tenacity, unexpected strength or flexibility).
Plus most (but not all) of the "good for you" people I've talked to were really condescending. One woman went on a five minute rant about how I was the only disabled person she's seen at the gym so all other disabled people are just lazy. Another actually said "well, you need the class more than I do" after I responded with encouragement of my own.
You're right that I shouldn't assume that everyone is as condescending as the others.
Wow it seems like you lost the odds and encountered all the rudest people at one time. That's too bad.
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callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »the bratty crotch fruit
as an aside this is my new favourite phrase EVER!! Thank you!!
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callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »i tend to be the class clown and poke fun of myself. when i did zumba regularly, id try to make nice with new people who looked nervous and scared ( i know, its shocking that i can be nice lol). i think it helped a lot of them seeing someone who wasnt (at that point) fit by any visible distinction, and who even though i was in a regular in the class, could never master some of the moves or keep up. but i had fun, and let that show
the only time anyone ever said anything that hurt was the bratty crotch fruit of one of the ladies told me i was fat. I told her she had a nasty mean attitude and id rather be fat than have that.
ironically, when i stopped the class about a year later (due to a move), I was thinner than her mom. suck it, kid.
im only nice sometimes. im blunt and to the point, but not mean.
You're exactly the way you need to be. I'm sure the newbies really appreciated you.2 -
Where do you fin all these rude condescending people?
I have encountered very very few in my whole life time.7 -
People say "good for you" all the time to me and I consider it to be positive and encouraging. I've worked dang hard for my success and I'll take all the feedback anyone wants to give and will choose to interpret it in a positive way. Sometimes it's in the eye of the beholder. If someone feels rude and condescending towards me (although I've met few who are), I don't give a *kitten*. It's their loss.
Quite frankly, I am amazed by everyone with good strength, flexibility, and fitness.3 -
Most people only say "hi" to me at the gym, if they say anything at all.1
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Personally, I get hypersensitive when I am aware of being overweight. So comments that I would think nothing of when I'm a healthy weight become a criticism or comment directed solely at my weight. But that is my perception not the reality.
When I'm fat (as I am now), when someone says 'you're doing really well' if they see me do my squats or deadlifts I hear it with an addendum of 'for someone of your size'. Whereas when I am a healthy weight I hear it as 'I'm impressed by the amount you lift'.
But the comment is the same. I just notice my own weight so I think other people are too.
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RuNaRoUnDaFiEld wrote: »Where do you fin all these rude condescending people?
I have encountered very very few in my whole life time.
Do you live in the Southern US? I'm from LA, but I get around. When I lived in the South, no one ever said anything rude to me about anything (even when I deserved it). It was like that in Canada too.
But in the cities where I spend most of my time (LA, NY, Boston, DC) people aren't shy about expressing their opinions.4 -
For the record, the point of my post was not the condescending remarks I get. I just wanted to share the funny story of people failing in their attempts to obviously one up me. The condescension was just the build up...9
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But aren’t you not following your own advice by assuming that the others in the class where “obviously” trying to top or one up you simply because they looked at you?13
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You can pretty much put a positive or negative spin on most anything people say or do. You really don't know their intentions anymore than you do a comment on the internet.
This sounds like it was spawned from being uncomfortable being visible in front of the class. Being in the front and semi-facing the class, then people were likely trying to copy your example of the pose, not necessarily to "top" you. Especially if you were doing it well. I've personally been to lots of yoga classes and I do try to emulate the top performers TO BETTER MYSELF, not to prove I'm better than them.
If going to the gym requires resting "B" face, then maybe you should work out at home where you can smile to yourself all day long!6 -
I'm confused.
It is ok for you to be condescending, belittle, and purposefully make a post in a public forum to make fun of people, but when someone gives you the generic 'well done' or 'go you' your perception, not their intent in many cases, is that they are being condescending.
If you are having problems with interpreting if a comment is encouraging or condescending stop and chat to the person who made it.
If you want to do an honest brag post, go ahead and do one, without putting others down.
And well done you for still rocking the yoga despite illness and weight gain.
Cheers, h.25 -
RaeBeeBaby wrote: »You can pretty much put a positive or negative spin on most anything people say or do...
This sounds like it was spawned from being uncomfortable being visible in front of the class... I've personally been to lots of yoga classes and I do try to emulate the top performers TO BETTER MYSELF, not to prove I'm better than them.
Honestly, I didn't care about them seeing me, I was worried about them distracting me from my practice. I had to close my eyes half the time But I'm honestly curious. Why look at a classmate when the instructor provides a perfectly good example? And why adjust position only after looking at the classmate - especially when you're already struggling with the basic pose? Doesn't comparing yourself to others defeat the purpose of the practice?RaeBeeBaby wrote: »If going to the gym requires resting "B" face, then maybe you should work out at home where you can smile to yourself all day long!
Haha! Only because I'm two shades from Howard Hughes, I need the classes to get out of the house.
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Maybe it was the presentation or choice of words but this came to mind:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHonkaaLf48 1 -
It has absolutely nothing to do with a resting *kitten* face and everything to do with people being focused on their own workout. I rarely make eye contact with anybody and other people rarely make eye contact with anybody else because we're all busy attending to our own business. Nothing about bitchiness about it. I think if you look deep within yourself you'll find you or the source of your angst.6 -
RaeBeeBaby wrote: »Being in the front and semi-facing the class, then people were likely trying to copy your example of the pose, not necessarily to "top" you. Especially if you were doing it well. I've personally been to lots of yoga classes and I do try to emulate the top performers TO BETTER MYSELF, not to prove I'm better than them.
I do this too in other classes. Sometimes I can't see the instructor very well, or I don't fully understand how she's doing what she's doing so I look to one of the regulars in the class to see how they do it. Nothing else meant.9 -
Why do people in general either seek approval or think others are judging them constantly? I really didn't care when I when I started and I don't care now. I would rather put my energy towards worrying about stuff I can change. Not stuff I can't change like a slight (imagined or real) or another person's thoughts.
A good book on this is "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a *kitten*: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life" by Mark Manson. Some of it is crap but a decent amount of it has a direct application if you find yourself concerned too much about others opinions.4 -
RaeBeeBaby wrote: »You can pretty much put a positive or negative spin on most anything people say or do...
This sounds like it was spawned from being uncomfortable being visible in front of the class... I've personally been to lots of yoga classes and I do try to emulate the top performers TO BETTER MYSELF, not to prove I'm better than them.
Honestly, I didn't care about them seeing me, I was worried about them distracting me from my practice. I had to close my eyes half the time But I'm honestly curious. Why look at a classmate when the instructor provides a perfectly good example? And why adjust position only after looking at the classmate - especially when you're already struggling with the basic pose? Doesn't comparing yourself to others defeat the purpose of the practice?RaeBeeBaby wrote: »If going to the gym requires resting "B" face, then maybe you should work out at home where you can smile to yourself all day long!
Haha! Only because I'm two shades from Howard Hughes, I need the classes to get out of the house.
So your inability to devote yourself to your workout is everyone else's problem?
I don't do yoga, but I often check out other people's positions during barre, *in addition* to the instructor. Why? Because sometimes I am absolutely clueless about what we're supposed to be doing. And since the instructor moves around correcting people, seeing what a peer is doing is helpful.
And yes, sometimes other people check me out. I take it as a compliment, instead of a threat. Perhaps you should do the same.4 -
callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »i tend to be the class clown and poke fun of myself. when i did zumba regularly, id try to make nice with new people who looked nervous and scared ( i know, its shocking that i can be nice lol). i think it helped a lot of them seeing someone who wasnt (at that point) fit by any visible distinction, and who even though i was in a regular in the class, could never master some of the moves or keep up. but i had fun, and let that show
the only time anyone ever said anything that hurt was the bratty crotch fruit of one of the ladies told me i was fat. I told her she had a nasty mean attitude and id rather be fat than have that.
ironically, when i stopped the class about a year later (due to a move), I was thinner than her mom. suck it, kid.
im only nice sometimes. im blunt and to the point, but not mean.
Bratty crotch fruit!!
OMG, I now love you and plan on trying to fit that in a sentence this weekend!! 2 -
OK so this thread has turned into something ridiculous. All I wanted was to share an SMH moment, have a quick laugh with others who may (or may not) have been in the same boat, and move on. Yet, somehow, the discussion has morphed into a debate about rude people at the gym, real v. perceived insults, self esteem, etc. etc.
Secondly, you people don't know me to know that there are many things that annoy me (like guys who continue to hit on you even after you tell them you are not available, people who let their kids treat the grocery store like a playground, people who use your and you're interchangeably, etc.) but I don't dwell. Acknowledging my annoyance doesn't effect me in the least, but dwelling on that feeling drains my energy. This thread is pushing me in the dwelling zone and I don't like it.
Since trying to be diplomatic opened this can of worms, I'll tell you exactly what happened. After I settled into Vrksasana (tree pose), I noticed that the girl in my line of sight had her foot on her knee. The instructor noticed the same thing and announced that the foot should be above or below the knee (while demonstrating the appropriate positions). After some struggling, the girl settled on a position with her foot close to her ankle, which is perfectly OK. However, she decides to look around the room to see where everyone else settled. She finally looks at me, makes a (quite unattractive) face, and then tries with all her might to pull her foot up to the top of her thigh (where mine was resting) before falling flat on her *kitten*. It took everything I have inside of me not to laugh at her because she got what she deserved.11 -
Your further explanation really help any.8
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There is not much I can add after that recount.
Yoga is inward reflection.
Cheers, h.
I should add, a 'shake my head' moment so one can laugh at others trying their very best, whether emulating you or the instructor, is not a quick laugh, it is demeaning.OK so this thread has turned into something ridiculous. All I wanted was to share an SMH moment, have a quick laugh with others who may (or may not) have been in the same boat, and move on. Yet, somehow, the discussion has morphed into a debate about rude people at the gym, real v. perceived insults, self esteem, etc. etc.
Secondly, you people don't know me to know that there are many things that annoy me (like guys who continue to hit on you even after you tell them you are not available, people who let their kids treat the grocery store like a playground, people who use your and you're interchangeably, etc.) but I don't dwell. Acknowledging my annoyance doesn't effect me in the least, but dwelling on that feeling drains my energy. This thread is pushing me in the dwelling zone and I don't like it.
Since trying to be diplomatic opened this can of worms, I'll tell you exactly what happened. After I settled into Vrksasana (tree pose), I noticed that the girl in my line of sight had her foot on her knee. The instructor noticed the same thing and announced that the foot should be above or below the knee (while demonstrating the appropriate positions). After some struggling, the girl settled on a position with her foot close to her ankle, which is perfectly OK. However, she decides to look around the room to see where everyone else settled. She finally looks at me, makes a (quite unattractive) face, and then tries with all her might to pull her foot up to the top of her thigh (where mine was resting) before falling flat on her *kitten*. It took everything I have inside of me not to laugh at her because she got what she deserved.
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RaeBeeBaby wrote: »You can pretty much put a positive or negative spin on most anything people say or do...
This sounds like it was spawned from being uncomfortable being visible in front of the class... I've personally been to lots of yoga classes and I do try to emulate the top performers TO BETTER MYSELF, not to prove I'm better than them.
Honestly, I didn't care about them seeing me, I was worried about them distracting me from my practice. I had to close my eyes half the time But I'm honestly curious. Why look at a classmate when the instructor provides a perfectly good example? And why adjust position only after looking at the classmate - especially when you're already struggling with the basic pose? Doesn't comparing yourself to others defeat the purpose of the practice?RaeBeeBaby wrote: »If going to the gym requires resting "B" face, then maybe you should work out at home where you can smile to yourself all day long!
Haha! Only because I'm two shades from Howard Hughes, I need the classes to get out of the house.
Maybe they can see you better, or get a better angle on part of the move. Maybe they are trying to learn from you because of your advanced skills. There are lots of reasons I've looked at a classmate, but Never to one-up them.6 -
OK so this thread has turned into something ridiculous. All I wanted was to share an SMH moment, have a quick laugh with others who may (or may not) have been in the same boat, and move on. Yet, somehow, the discussion has morphed into a debate about rude people at the gym, real v. perceived insults, self esteem, etc. etc.
Secondly, you people don't know me to know that there are many things that annoy me (like guys who continue to hit on you even after you tell them you are not available, people who let their kids treat the grocery store like a playground, people who use your and you're interchangeably, etc.) but I don't dwell. Acknowledging my annoyance doesn't effect me in the least, but dwelling on that feeling drains my energy. This thread is pushing me in the dwelling zone and I don't like it.
Since trying to be diplomatic opened this can of worms, I'll tell you exactly what happened. After I settled into Vrksasana (tree pose), I noticed that the girl in my line of sight had her foot on her knee. The instructor noticed the same thing and announced that the foot should be above or below the knee (while demonstrating the appropriate positions). After some struggling, the girl settled on a position with her foot close to her ankle, which is perfectly OK. However, she decides to look around the room to see where everyone else settled. She finally looks at me, makes a (quite unattractive) face, and then tries with all her might to pull her foot up to the top of her thigh (where mine was resting) before falling flat on her *kitten*. It took everything I have inside of me not to laugh at her because she got what she deserved.
I don't see problems with what happened with *her* behavior. I see that you've never been in that situation where *you* accidentally toss a "oh crap I don't wanna do this but I need to try" face at a stranger. Good for you.
Perhaps it's time for you to re-reflect on the purpose of yoga if you are doing it for meditative purposes. Because you seem to think it's fine to judge other people's behavior, while completely avoiding your own.
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There's a little bit of a problem here, I think - it seems to me that you are offended because the commenters are lumping you in with those other fat people, the ones who deserve to be fat, unlike you, who became fat due to circumstances outside your control. But the truth is no one sets out to become fat, and everyone deserves compassion and encouragement. People who have never been fit and became fat through overeating and failing to exercise deserve compassion and encouragement, and so do ex-athletes who were once on medications which tend to cause weight gain. You have no idea, never having walked in another person's shoes, whether the fattie fat lady who was raised by fat parents eating fried food and using the little cart to get around the grocery store, has worked harder than you have to lose weight. Maybe compared to you, given what she had to overcome, she's an Olympian of self control and personal insight. You just don't know another person's circumstances, and therefore shouldn't condescend. That sword cuts both ways.30
This discussion has been closed.
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