My Size is Hazardous to OTHERS' Health
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RaeBeeBaby wrote: »Being in the front and semi-facing the class, then people were likely trying to copy your example of the pose, not necessarily to "top" you. Especially if you were doing it well. I've personally been to lots of yoga classes and I do try to emulate the top performers TO BETTER MYSELF, not to prove I'm better than them.
I do this too in other classes. Sometimes I can't see the instructor very well, or I don't fully understand how she's doing what she's doing so I look to one of the regulars in the class to see how they do it. Nothing else meant.9 -
Why do people in general either seek approval or think others are judging them constantly? I really didn't care when I when I started and I don't care now. I would rather put my energy towards worrying about stuff I can change. Not stuff I can't change like a slight (imagined or real) or another person's thoughts.
A good book on this is "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a *kitten*: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life" by Mark Manson. Some of it is crap but a decent amount of it has a direct application if you find yourself concerned too much about others opinions.4 -
RaeBeeBaby wrote: »You can pretty much put a positive or negative spin on most anything people say or do...
This sounds like it was spawned from being uncomfortable being visible in front of the class... I've personally been to lots of yoga classes and I do try to emulate the top performers TO BETTER MYSELF, not to prove I'm better than them.
Honestly, I didn't care about them seeing me, I was worried about them distracting me from my practice. I had to close my eyes half the time But I'm honestly curious. Why look at a classmate when the instructor provides a perfectly good example? And why adjust position only after looking at the classmate - especially when you're already struggling with the basic pose? Doesn't comparing yourself to others defeat the purpose of the practice?RaeBeeBaby wrote: »If going to the gym requires resting "B" face, then maybe you should work out at home where you can smile to yourself all day long!
Haha! Only because I'm two shades from Howard Hughes, I need the classes to get out of the house.
So your inability to devote yourself to your workout is everyone else's problem?
I don't do yoga, but I often check out other people's positions during barre, *in addition* to the instructor. Why? Because sometimes I am absolutely clueless about what we're supposed to be doing. And since the instructor moves around correcting people, seeing what a peer is doing is helpful.
And yes, sometimes other people check me out. I take it as a compliment, instead of a threat. Perhaps you should do the same.4 -
callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »i tend to be the class clown and poke fun of myself. when i did zumba regularly, id try to make nice with new people who looked nervous and scared ( i know, its shocking that i can be nice lol). i think it helped a lot of them seeing someone who wasnt (at that point) fit by any visible distinction, and who even though i was in a regular in the class, could never master some of the moves or keep up. but i had fun, and let that show
the only time anyone ever said anything that hurt was the bratty crotch fruit of one of the ladies told me i was fat. I told her she had a nasty mean attitude and id rather be fat than have that.
ironically, when i stopped the class about a year later (due to a move), I was thinner than her mom. suck it, kid.
im only nice sometimes. im blunt and to the point, but not mean.
Bratty crotch fruit!!
OMG, I now love you and plan on trying to fit that in a sentence this weekend!! 2 -
OK so this thread has turned into something ridiculous. All I wanted was to share an SMH moment, have a quick laugh with others who may (or may not) have been in the same boat, and move on. Yet, somehow, the discussion has morphed into a debate about rude people at the gym, real v. perceived insults, self esteem, etc. etc.
Secondly, you people don't know me to know that there are many things that annoy me (like guys who continue to hit on you even after you tell them you are not available, people who let their kids treat the grocery store like a playground, people who use your and you're interchangeably, etc.) but I don't dwell. Acknowledging my annoyance doesn't effect me in the least, but dwelling on that feeling drains my energy. This thread is pushing me in the dwelling zone and I don't like it.
Since trying to be diplomatic opened this can of worms, I'll tell you exactly what happened. After I settled into Vrksasana (tree pose), I noticed that the girl in my line of sight had her foot on her knee. The instructor noticed the same thing and announced that the foot should be above or below the knee (while demonstrating the appropriate positions). After some struggling, the girl settled on a position with her foot close to her ankle, which is perfectly OK. However, she decides to look around the room to see where everyone else settled. She finally looks at me, makes a (quite unattractive) face, and then tries with all her might to pull her foot up to the top of her thigh (where mine was resting) before falling flat on her *kitten*. It took everything I have inside of me not to laugh at her because she got what she deserved.11 -
Your further explanation really help any.8
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There is not much I can add after that recount.
Yoga is inward reflection.
Cheers, h.
I should add, a 'shake my head' moment so one can laugh at others trying their very best, whether emulating you or the instructor, is not a quick laugh, it is demeaning.OK so this thread has turned into something ridiculous. All I wanted was to share an SMH moment, have a quick laugh with others who may (or may not) have been in the same boat, and move on. Yet, somehow, the discussion has morphed into a debate about rude people at the gym, real v. perceived insults, self esteem, etc. etc.
Secondly, you people don't know me to know that there are many things that annoy me (like guys who continue to hit on you even after you tell them you are not available, people who let their kids treat the grocery store like a playground, people who use your and you're interchangeably, etc.) but I don't dwell. Acknowledging my annoyance doesn't effect me in the least, but dwelling on that feeling drains my energy. This thread is pushing me in the dwelling zone and I don't like it.
Since trying to be diplomatic opened this can of worms, I'll tell you exactly what happened. After I settled into Vrksasana (tree pose), I noticed that the girl in my line of sight had her foot on her knee. The instructor noticed the same thing and announced that the foot should be above or below the knee (while demonstrating the appropriate positions). After some struggling, the girl settled on a position with her foot close to her ankle, which is perfectly OK. However, she decides to look around the room to see where everyone else settled. She finally looks at me, makes a (quite unattractive) face, and then tries with all her might to pull her foot up to the top of her thigh (where mine was resting) before falling flat on her *kitten*. It took everything I have inside of me not to laugh at her because she got what she deserved.
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RaeBeeBaby wrote: »You can pretty much put a positive or negative spin on most anything people say or do...
This sounds like it was spawned from being uncomfortable being visible in front of the class... I've personally been to lots of yoga classes and I do try to emulate the top performers TO BETTER MYSELF, not to prove I'm better than them.
Honestly, I didn't care about them seeing me, I was worried about them distracting me from my practice. I had to close my eyes half the time But I'm honestly curious. Why look at a classmate when the instructor provides a perfectly good example? And why adjust position only after looking at the classmate - especially when you're already struggling with the basic pose? Doesn't comparing yourself to others defeat the purpose of the practice?RaeBeeBaby wrote: »If going to the gym requires resting "B" face, then maybe you should work out at home where you can smile to yourself all day long!
Haha! Only because I'm two shades from Howard Hughes, I need the classes to get out of the house.
Maybe they can see you better, or get a better angle on part of the move. Maybe they are trying to learn from you because of your advanced skills. There are lots of reasons I've looked at a classmate, but Never to one-up them.6 -
OK so this thread has turned into something ridiculous. All I wanted was to share an SMH moment, have a quick laugh with others who may (or may not) have been in the same boat, and move on. Yet, somehow, the discussion has morphed into a debate about rude people at the gym, real v. perceived insults, self esteem, etc. etc.
Secondly, you people don't know me to know that there are many things that annoy me (like guys who continue to hit on you even after you tell them you are not available, people who let their kids treat the grocery store like a playground, people who use your and you're interchangeably, etc.) but I don't dwell. Acknowledging my annoyance doesn't effect me in the least, but dwelling on that feeling drains my energy. This thread is pushing me in the dwelling zone and I don't like it.
Since trying to be diplomatic opened this can of worms, I'll tell you exactly what happened. After I settled into Vrksasana (tree pose), I noticed that the girl in my line of sight had her foot on her knee. The instructor noticed the same thing and announced that the foot should be above or below the knee (while demonstrating the appropriate positions). After some struggling, the girl settled on a position with her foot close to her ankle, which is perfectly OK. However, she decides to look around the room to see where everyone else settled. She finally looks at me, makes a (quite unattractive) face, and then tries with all her might to pull her foot up to the top of her thigh (where mine was resting) before falling flat on her *kitten*. It took everything I have inside of me not to laugh at her because she got what she deserved.
I don't see problems with what happened with *her* behavior. I see that you've never been in that situation where *you* accidentally toss a "oh crap I don't wanna do this but I need to try" face at a stranger. Good for you.
Perhaps it's time for you to re-reflect on the purpose of yoga if you are doing it for meditative purposes. Because you seem to think it's fine to judge other people's behavior, while completely avoiding your own.
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There's a little bit of a problem here, I think - it seems to me that you are offended because the commenters are lumping you in with those other fat people, the ones who deserve to be fat, unlike you, who became fat due to circumstances outside your control. But the truth is no one sets out to become fat, and everyone deserves compassion and encouragement. People who have never been fit and became fat through overeating and failing to exercise deserve compassion and encouragement, and so do ex-athletes who were once on medications which tend to cause weight gain. You have no idea, never having walked in another person's shoes, whether the fattie fat lady who was raised by fat parents eating fried food and using the little cart to get around the grocery store, has worked harder than you have to lose weight. Maybe compared to you, given what she had to overcome, she's an Olympian of self control and personal insight. You just don't know another person's circumstances, and therefore shouldn't condescend. That sword cuts both ways.30
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You're not coming across well, OP. It's true I don't know you, but based on your posts, well, not a flattering picture of *you*.12
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rheddmobile wrote: »There's a little bit of a problem here, I think - it seems to me that you are offended because the commenters are lumping you in with those other fat people, the ones who deserve to be fat, unlike you, who became fat due to circumstances outside your control. But the truth is no one sets out to become fat, and everyone deserves compassion and encouragement. People who have never been fit and became fat through overeating and failing to exercise deserve compassion and encouragement, and so do ex-athletes who were once on medications which tend to cause weight gain. You have no idea, never having walked in another person's shoes, whether the fattie fat lady who was raised by fat parents eating fried food and using the little cart to get around the grocery store, has worked harder than you have to lose weight. Maybe compared to you, given what she had to overcome, she's an Olympian of self control and personal insight. You just don't know another person's circumstances, and therefore shouldn't condescend. That sword cuts both ways.
WTF? How can you possibly come to that conclusion? I explicitly stated that I just want to be judged on things that are real and not because of my exterior. Saying that is akin to not wanting to be lumped with "those other fat people" is tantamount to saying that a black person's desire not to be profiled is motivated by a desire not to be lumped in with "those other" black people. Ugh.
You're right that I don't know anyone's backstory. As such, I have NEVER judged anyone for being less accomplished than myself. Quite frankly, I resent the implication that I have. Moreover, it is quite unfair of you and anyone else to vilify me because I notice when others are doing just that to me.
The only reason I bothered responding to the silly accusations in this thread was because I didn't want any misconceptions to be held against me if I wanted to join one of the various groups here. But it seems like it's too late for that...9 -
That was actually my point.middlehaitch wrote: »There is not much I can add after that recount.
Yoga is inward reflection.
Cheers, h.middlehaitch wrote: »I should add, a 'shake my head' moment so one can laugh at others trying their very best, whether emulating you or the instructor, is not a quick laugh, it is demeaning.
Had she truly been trying her best, she wouldn't have tried to compare and contrast her workout to my workout. If she needed to self correct, she would have done so after looking at the instructor's demonstration (who was less than five feet in front of her) or, at the very least, my friend who was right next to her and is very good.8 -
rheddmobile wrote: »There's a little bit of a problem here, I think - it seems to me that you are offended because the commenters are lumping you in with those other fat people, the ones who deserve to be fat, unlike you, who became fat due to circumstances outside your control. But the truth is no one sets out to become fat, and everyone deserves compassion and encouragement. People who have never been fit and became fat through overeating and failing to exercise deserve compassion and encouragement, and so do ex-athletes who were once on medications which tend to cause weight gain. You have no idea, never having walked in another person's shoes, whether the fattie fat lady who was raised by fat parents eating fried food and using the little cart to get around the grocery store, has worked harder than you have to lose weight. Maybe compared to you, given what she had to overcome, she's an Olympian of self control and personal insight. You just don't know another person's circumstances, and therefore shouldn't condescend. That sword cuts both ways.
You are a wonderful person.7 -
As such, I have NEVER judged anyone for being less accomplished than myself. .
Maybe not but that's not the vibe you're giving off here. Perhaps it is a communication thing - but you are coming off as quite condescending esp. to that woman in yoga.ssurvivor wrote:
Had she truly been trying her best...
It took everything I have inside of me not to laugh at her because she got what she deserved.
Case: rested
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She finally looks at me, makes a (quite unattractive) face, and then tries with all her might to pull her foot up to the top of her thigh (where mine was resting) before falling flat on her *kitten*. It took everything I have inside of me not to laugh at her because she got what she deserved.
This comment is one example of why I was intimidated to try yoga until very recently. My cousin encouraged me to go with her and I felt awkward because I had just had a baby and my ligaments and flexibility were less than ideal. Thank you for making us newbies feel welcome in yoga class. In case you missed it, {sarcasm.}
How does someone who is trying to get the form right "getting what [they] deserved" by falling down? There IS an issue here, and it's not with the person who was trying to follow the right form and struggling to keep up with the class.As such, I have NEVER judged anyone for being less accomplished than myself. Quite frankly, I resent the implication that I have. Moreover, it is quite unfair of you and anyone else to vilify me because I notice when others are doing just that to me.
Except you DID judge--and felt that you should laugh at someone for falling! Did you ever stop to think that perhaps she made an "unattractive face" because she was disappointed/frustrated in HERSELF for not "getting it right?" I am very athletic, but I find yoga intimidating--and in part, it's because of the fear I have that people like you are judging those of us who are just trying to follow along and do our best.
I've been a member of MFP for years now and have never written a post like this. Your proud condescending attitude toward those who are learning the ropes is really off-putting.
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MistressSara wrote: »These are the things rubbing me the wrong way.
The first bolded is you making assumptions about other people's intentions.
The second sounds like you think you are better than everyone else, especially "those other fat people." Maybe you just meant that you are fit in spite of being overweight and that you don't like people making that assumption? In that case, you should give the same as you wish to get.
I had planned to leave this thread an never look back, because it is really draining my energy. But I'm glad that I'd forgotten to close the tab and read your post because you're the first person to explain your ire instead of going straight to attack mode and/or twisting my words into something sinister.
You're right about the miscommunication.
In the first case, maybe it's one of those situations where you need to be there. Their actions were so obvious that (1) the instructor said something each time and (2) three regulars came up to me after class wondering why "that girl and her friend (another random girl who was being petty) hate [me] so much." We talked about it for a while and the consensus was that those girls were trying to intimidate me (they didn't know I was a regular). Because I was trying to give them the benefit of the doubt, I settled on the thought that if they could do better than me, they were doing a good job.
In the second case, I meant the latter. I clarified this point in a few replies, but of course, it led to being called varying shades of insecure and/or paranoid.
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To everyone else(particularly those who have misrepresented my words): You've made up your mind so there is no f-ing point in trying to get you to understand what really happened in that room.8
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