My Size is Hazardous to OTHERS' Health
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You're not coming across well, OP. It's true I don't know you, but based on your posts, well, not a flattering picture of *you*.12
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rheddmobile wrote: »There's a little bit of a problem here, I think - it seems to me that you are offended because the commenters are lumping you in with those other fat people, the ones who deserve to be fat, unlike you, who became fat due to circumstances outside your control. But the truth is no one sets out to become fat, and everyone deserves compassion and encouragement. People who have never been fit and became fat through overeating and failing to exercise deserve compassion and encouragement, and so do ex-athletes who were once on medications which tend to cause weight gain. You have no idea, never having walked in another person's shoes, whether the fattie fat lady who was raised by fat parents eating fried food and using the little cart to get around the grocery store, has worked harder than you have to lose weight. Maybe compared to you, given what she had to overcome, she's an Olympian of self control and personal insight. You just don't know another person's circumstances, and therefore shouldn't condescend. That sword cuts both ways.
WTF? How can you possibly come to that conclusion? I explicitly stated that I just want to be judged on things that are real and not because of my exterior. Saying that is akin to not wanting to be lumped with "those other fat people" is tantamount to saying that a black person's desire not to be profiled is motivated by a desire not to be lumped in with "those other" black people. Ugh.
You're right that I don't know anyone's backstory. As such, I have NEVER judged anyone for being less accomplished than myself. Quite frankly, I resent the implication that I have. Moreover, it is quite unfair of you and anyone else to vilify me because I notice when others are doing just that to me.
The only reason I bothered responding to the silly accusations in this thread was because I didn't want any misconceptions to be held against me if I wanted to join one of the various groups here. But it seems like it's too late for that...9 -
That was actually my point.middlehaitch wrote: »There is not much I can add after that recount.
Yoga is inward reflection.
Cheers, h.middlehaitch wrote: »I should add, a 'shake my head' moment so one can laugh at others trying their very best, whether emulating you or the instructor, is not a quick laugh, it is demeaning.
Had she truly been trying her best, she wouldn't have tried to compare and contrast her workout to my workout. If she needed to self correct, she would have done so after looking at the instructor's demonstration (who was less than five feet in front of her) or, at the very least, my friend who was right next to her and is very good.8 -
rheddmobile wrote: »There's a little bit of a problem here, I think - it seems to me that you are offended because the commenters are lumping you in with those other fat people, the ones who deserve to be fat, unlike you, who became fat due to circumstances outside your control. But the truth is no one sets out to become fat, and everyone deserves compassion and encouragement. People who have never been fit and became fat through overeating and failing to exercise deserve compassion and encouragement, and so do ex-athletes who were once on medications which tend to cause weight gain. You have no idea, never having walked in another person's shoes, whether the fattie fat lady who was raised by fat parents eating fried food and using the little cart to get around the grocery store, has worked harder than you have to lose weight. Maybe compared to you, given what she had to overcome, she's an Olympian of self control and personal insight. You just don't know another person's circumstances, and therefore shouldn't condescend. That sword cuts both ways.
You are a wonderful person.7 -
As such, I have NEVER judged anyone for being less accomplished than myself. .
Maybe not but that's not the vibe you're giving off here. Perhaps it is a communication thing - but you are coming off as quite condescending esp. to that woman in yoga.ssurvivor wrote:
Had she truly been trying her best...
It took everything I have inside of me not to laugh at her because she got what she deserved.
Case: rested
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She finally looks at me, makes a (quite unattractive) face, and then tries with all her might to pull her foot up to the top of her thigh (where mine was resting) before falling flat on her *kitten*. It took everything I have inside of me not to laugh at her because she got what she deserved.
This comment is one example of why I was intimidated to try yoga until very recently. My cousin encouraged me to go with her and I felt awkward because I had just had a baby and my ligaments and flexibility were less than ideal. Thank you for making us newbies feel welcome in yoga class. In case you missed it, {sarcasm.}
How does someone who is trying to get the form right "getting what [they] deserved" by falling down? There IS an issue here, and it's not with the person who was trying to follow the right form and struggling to keep up with the class.As such, I have NEVER judged anyone for being less accomplished than myself. Quite frankly, I resent the implication that I have. Moreover, it is quite unfair of you and anyone else to vilify me because I notice when others are doing just that to me.
Except you DID judge--and felt that you should laugh at someone for falling! Did you ever stop to think that perhaps she made an "unattractive face" because she was disappointed/frustrated in HERSELF for not "getting it right?" I am very athletic, but I find yoga intimidating--and in part, it's because of the fear I have that people like you are judging those of us who are just trying to follow along and do our best.
I've been a member of MFP for years now and have never written a post like this. Your proud condescending attitude toward those who are learning the ropes is really off-putting.
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MistressSara wrote: »These are the things rubbing me the wrong way.
The first bolded is you making assumptions about other people's intentions.
The second sounds like you think you are better than everyone else, especially "those other fat people." Maybe you just meant that you are fit in spite of being overweight and that you don't like people making that assumption? In that case, you should give the same as you wish to get.
I had planned to leave this thread an never look back, because it is really draining my energy. But I'm glad that I'd forgotten to close the tab and read your post because you're the first person to explain your ire instead of going straight to attack mode and/or twisting my words into something sinister.
You're right about the miscommunication.
In the first case, maybe it's one of those situations where you need to be there. Their actions were so obvious that (1) the instructor said something each time and (2) three regulars came up to me after class wondering why "that girl and her friend (another random girl who was being petty) hate [me] so much." We talked about it for a while and the consensus was that those girls were trying to intimidate me (they didn't know I was a regular). Because I was trying to give them the benefit of the doubt, I settled on the thought that if they could do better than me, they were doing a good job.
In the second case, I meant the latter. I clarified this point in a few replies, but of course, it led to being called varying shades of insecure and/or paranoid.
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To everyone else(particularly those who have misrepresented my words): You've made up your mind so there is no f-ing point in trying to get you to understand what really happened in that room.8
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Well, I posted on your thread earlier and I didn't feel my post was an attack in any way. Just a comment or two about misinterpretations and how you can't know what others are thinking or feeling in real life or on the internet. I agree there's likely no further point for you to try and get people to understand where you were coming from, so time to let go of this and move on.
Best of luck to you, @ssurvivor as you continue working towards your fitness goals!
Nothing sinister here, just good wishes.
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so i'm maybe poking the sleeping dog by this point, but i just came across this thread and took a while for my set of thoughts to come through.I settled on the thought that if they could do better than me, they were doing a good job.
okay, first thought: i don't think there's a lot of people i'd believe right off the bat if they told me they had never appointed someone else to play that 'litmus test' role in their lives. whether it's in the gym or on the track or in any other aspect of life. that's among the people i know personally, of course. i just think it's a human-nature type thing.
second thought: if you have appointed someone else into that role, then i don't think it's surprising to be a little rocked when they up and outdo you. nor do i think it's especially strange if your first impulse is to try and 'match' them when it happens. we're social creatures. we just do 'use' each other as our own reality checks about where we are.
third thought: i think it's normal to resent not being taken seriously. also think it's normal to rejoice at anything that vindicates you in that situation. getting invested in how the person who's dissing you 'needs' to become the one who has to wear the buffoon hat though . . . idk. i think it's a bit of a dead end in the long run.
fourth thought: i'm not sure i'd want to stay in a class run by an instructor who notes pettiness but chooses to continue the talking-in-corners vibe rather than doing something proactive to knock the whole thing on the head.
fifth thought: op, i don't see how it's such a slam-dunk that this is about your size. you said yourself that there's a 'new body' factor involved and you were rusty or unfamiliar with how to use it, so to me that suggests that like it or not, the impression of your beginnerness might have been legitimate for the information available, no matter how mistaken it might have been.
tl;dr: seems to me like almost all the players in this story have something that is both relatable and also something that they perhaps need to own. on the other hand, after you've been doing anything physical for a while (imo), you kind of lose that mindset anyway. because anybody is going to have one thing they can make you look 'stupid' with, and there's always someone you could probably make to look 'stupid' yourself. but why bother? it's not the most useful thing to be gotten out of whatever activity you're engaged on.5 -
I almost never read the forums. I've never posted before. I pretty much just use MFP to log my eating and help me focus on some fitness goals.
This thread makes me want to never come back. Even if I take the most charitable possible interpretation of the original poster's views and attitudes, it's still such a downer.
This thread is bad for innocent bystanders. Just so you know.11 -
LOL I was at the office the other day and one of my colleagues, who is not an ounce overweight, came in to ask me something and I told her I couldn't do it because I was on my way to the gym (I'm obese BTW) and she said "Oh good for you!!!!" and I immediately thought of this thread. LOL.
Whether she was actually being patronizing, encouraging, or truly-disinterested-but-making-small-talk-because-she-had-her-own-agenda-on-her-mind, I do not know, nor do I care. I said "See ya later, have a good day!" and went to the gym and did my thing.
One of my other not-overweight-coworkers was coming in to the gym as I was leaving and gave me a hug because she was happy to see me (we had just been chatting about not seeing each other at the gym anymore.)
I choose to assume the best in others. It really does make my day much more pleasant.10 -
siobhanaoife wrote: »I almost never read the forums. I've never posted before. I pretty much just use MFP to log my eating and help me focus on some fitness goals.
This thread makes me want to never come back. Even if I take the most charitable possible interpretation of the original poster's views and attitudes, it's still such a downer.
This thread is bad for innocent bystanders. Just so you know.
Don't let this woman get you down. The forums certainly do attract a wide variety of people - all human beans after all - with our faults and issues. I perceive that this lady is actually not very happy and that makes me sad.
I've learned a lot of good things here at the forums. While I haven't made chummy friends like others have, I know many have built relationships with other users that span years - (and I've done that in OTHER forums - have friendships that outlasted the forum platforms, lol). There are always positive and negative people here...but in general the good outweigh the bad.7 -
TBH, it is people like the OP that give me anxiety at the gym. I look at people in a class all the time for help. The instructor is generally an expert and makes a lot of moves look easy. I look around for someone who more closely matches my body type (fat) so I can see how they are doing it because it will look more like I will doing it properly. No disrespect or one-upmanship in the mix at all....any furthermore, why is someone trying that extra bit harder because they see you rocking it a bad thing?? That means you are killing it and they want to be more like you! Do yourself a favour and get some chill. Jeez.
Also: Someone's opinion of you is none of your business. I repeat that to myself at the gym on the regular.11 -
Someone posted this today on a Facebook group about weight loss. I asked her if I could post it here because it is relevant.This girl at the gym is always mean mugging me. Today she stops me to talk. Long story short I chatted with her workout buddy the other day who has lost over 200 lbs and he apparently told her that I had lost over 150. She told me that she felt like I was judging her because of her weight but now that she realizes I had been bigger that she knew that wasn't the case.
That wasn't at all the deal... we were looking at her because one day she was leg pressing 400 lbs. Savage!
Made me feel like you can't win for losing people judge me when I was bigger now people are still judging me.
I would never judge anybody based on their weight... I may look at someone and admire them for what they're doing at the gym but I wasn't judging. I'm glad she came up to me8 -
MistressSara wrote: »These are the things rubbing me the wrong way.
The first bolded is you making assumptions about other people's intentions.
The second sounds like you think you are better than everyone else, especially "those other fat people." Maybe you just meant that you are fit in spite of being overweight and that you don't like people making that assumption? In that case, you should give the same as you wish to get.
I had planned to leave this thread an never look back, because it is really draining my energy. But I'm glad that I'd forgotten to close the tab and read your post because you're the first person to explain your ire instead of going straight to attack mode and/or twisting my words into something sinister.
You're right about the miscommunication.
In the first case, maybe it's one of those situations where you need to be there. Their actions were so obvious that (1) the instructor said something each time and (2) three regulars came up to me after class wondering why "that girl and her friend (another random girl who was being petty) hate [me] so much." We talked about it for a while and the consensus was that those girls were trying to intimidate me (they didn't know I was a regular). Because I was trying to give them the benefit of the doubt, I settled on the thought that if they could do better than me, they were doing a good job.
In the second case, I meant the latter. I clarified this point in a few replies, but of course, it led to being called varying shades of insecure and/or paranoid.
This sounds like a very toxic place, and I'm sorry for everyone there. There's you, the two who supposedly were pulling faces and trying to intimidate you, the instructor getting involved in the drama, and three mean girls coming up to backbite and gossip after class. How about everyone just concentrate on their asanas? Sheesh, it sounds worse than the dojo from The Karate Kid!10 -
After following this thread for the past week, the thought that keeps coming back is: Someone started a thread because she was uncomfortable watching someone look in her direction and the "looking person" threatened her yoga practice. Why was OP looking at others if she does not want them looking at her? How do you participate in a class without seeing other people?7
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I'm vision impaired and people sometimes think I'm looking at them or pulling a face at them (I know this because they usually approach me like adults and ask.). I'm not. There's 2 of everyone and everything, so I'm trying to discern the data that my eyes are throwing at me and figure out what to look at, where to go, how not to fall down or walk into something. I hate constantly explaining to people that I'm vision impaired, but at least they ask me what's up instead of just assuming what I'm thinking.9
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I don't understand why people are making me out to be this horrible Sad Lady because I did nothing wrong (except share my private thoughts anonymously). I suppose the situation triggered some personal insecurities, making it easier to identify with the bullies instead of me. If you take the fitness class context out of my situation, my reaction is completely justifiable. Anyone would delight in Karma biting an aggressor where it counts.
Those brats were bullies. They weren't in class yesterday (thank goodness), but they were in my Vinyasa class today trying to bully a chubby girl before class (this time using words instead of passive aggressive actions). They didn't see me, but I was close enough to hear the horrid things they were saying to the girl. Last time, I merely observed their actions. Today, I reported them like I should have done in the first place. I hope the studio bans them.rheddmobile wrote: »This sounds like a very toxic place, and I'm sorry for everyone there. There's you, the two who supposedly were pulling faces and trying to intimidate you, the instructor getting involved in the drama, and three mean girls coming up to backbite and gossip after class. How about everyone just concentrate on their asanas? Sheesh, it sounds worse than the dojo from The Karate Kid!
@rheddmobile : To be fair, the instructor was trying to stop their behavior, not stir any drama. She did the absolute best she could under the circumstances. It's not her fault that the girls didn't stop being hateful. Also, the "three mean girls" were only checking to make sure I was OK after noticing the girls' egregious behavior. A Hatha class is slow enough to easily notice when someone is being extra. The room was toxic that day - brought entirely by Sour Face and her friend.0
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