Joined MFP 5 years ago... burn out

Francl27

I joined MFP 5 years ago... Lost 80 lbs, gained back 15ish in the last 2 years.

I just feel so burned out of the 'lifestyle' sometimes. I force myself to get 10,000 steps a day, feel guilty when I don't because it leaves my calories to a pathetic number (I haven't even managed to maintain with a 2300 calorie TDEE, not happening with 1700). My legs are in constant pain, I HATE strength training but still make myself do 3 sets of push ups 3x a week (I'd must rather do laundry or brush my teeth, frankly. Dishes are a close call).

It's just depressing. I like walking but it's just not fun when you feel that you have to do it (especially in the Winter). I typically do it on the treadmill while watching Netflix, but still. And I walk my dog, but she can be a pain in the *kitten* so it's not exactly relaxing either (still make myself do it because she's a terror if she doesn't get her walks).

Food... I've always been a foodie but I have to be in the right mood to cook and frankly it hasn't happened much lately (and I'm not such a good cook to begin with). It doesn't help that my 'lean meat and frozen veggies' meals started getting extremely boring 2 years ago and I'd rather be hungry that eat that now... Counting calories ruined eating out for me too so now when I go out, I just don't stress out too much and eat what I want (well, still the 'lighter' option as long as it sounds good). And we eat with friends more often too with less control on the menu, so I end up eating more calories (I'm still hungry and 'eating less' typically doesn't cut it for me).

I still follow my hunger queues. Still try to make better choices. But still. Always counting calories and wishing I could eat more (especially during PMS - I still feel horrible until I'm eating way too much). Always thinking about food and second guessing whether I should eat that treat or not because I don't know if I'll be hungry later or not... And even with that my clothes have got tighter.

I'm guessing I'm not alone because most people end up gaining the weight back, but has it happened to anyone else and how did you deal with it? I've obviously had too many 'whatever I don't want to deal with that right now' days that have contributed to the weight gain... and then I just feel worse about myself, so it's not really the solution either.

inertiastrength

I'm 5 years deep, a 15lb slide, and a lot of exhaustion in too. Could have written this myself. No advice but I feel ya xx

shotzie30

I don't know about you... but only 15lbs you gained back over 2 years, that you originally loss 80lbs. That's only about 18% you gained back. That's something to motivate yourself. Good luck!

Timshel_

Similar story, but a bit longer. What I see...everyone comes in with spit and fire, ready to "GO BEAST MODE", eat clean, and do EVERYTHING all at once to change their LIFESTYLE. Yeah, that lasts for the first round, but for most the internal intensity and focus just cannot be kept up. So we regress, then come back with still spit but a little less fire, we hit it hard but forego beast more, and try to moderate and eat clean'er', but give ourselves a little leeway. So we do better and the pounds come off, but eventually we regress again and start wondering what-in-the-heck is going on. We have small epiphanies about our weight, this whole 'lifestyle' BS and all the information and misinformation around it all. So we go back at it again....

What we sometimes don't realize is (in most cases), that each iteration of trying we either don't end up gaining as much back as when we first started, or we start taking less time to recover from slips. Maybe a bit of both even. So we are improving incrementally, and also helping change the big thing, which is the mental habits.

My take away from being around so long is, it isn't so much a new lifestyle or complete change, but realizing ways to modify your one and only life with things that help you exercise as regularly as possible and more often than not make better, moderated caloric intake food choices. And then doing them consistently as possible year over year. The issue becomes seeing an end point or goal, where the goal is really just to live your life better.

But yeah, I feel ya. Some people, the one's we see in the success threads, many of them had a quick and linear path to fitness. We celebrate their success, but we judge ourselves against what worked for them and their time frame. Meh...



Just do you.
Do you better as often as you can.
Stop stressing and worrying.
Make the choice.

You will fluctuate even when maintaining, but you learn to fluctuate less and less often over time.

boehle

I have felt like this.
I had lost over 100 lbs and in a little over a yr, put back 20 on
It can be a constant struggle if you over analyze every thing.
Just focus on one day at a time

W8WarI

You're able to consume more calories, due to your body doing extra work; during your TOM! Prior to premature menopause I'd increase my calories by 100, once I began becoming excessively thirsty; that was my cue to it's upcoming arrival besides the calendar & throughout it also! Currently though, I just wait; until I actually've it because I don't have any, reliable clues/schedule and/or duration/amount!

WinoGelato

Francl27 wrote: »

I joined MFP 5 years ago... Lost 80 lbs, gained back 15ish in the last 2 years.

I just feel so burned out of the 'lifestyle' sometimes. I force myself to get 10,000 steps a day, feel guilty when I don't because it leaves my calories to a pathetic number (I haven't even managed to maintain with a 2300 calorie TDEE, not happening with 1700). My legs are in constant pain, I HATE strength training but still make myself do 3 sets of push ups 3x a week (I'd must rather do laundry or brush my teeth, frankly. Dishes are a close call).

It's just depressing. I like walking but it's just not fun when you feel that you have to do it (especially in the Winter). I typically do it on the treadmill while watching Netflix, but still. And I walk my dog, but she can be a pain in the *kitten* so it's not exactly relaxing either (still make myself do it because she's a terror if she doesn't get her walks).

Food... I've always been a foodie but I have to be in the right mood to cook and frankly it hasn't happened much lately (and I'm not such a good cook to begin with). It doesn't help that my 'lean meat and frozen veggies' meals started getting extremely boring 2 years ago and I'd rather be hungry that eat that now... Counting calories ruined eating out for me too so now when I go out, I just don't stress out too much and eat what I want (well, still the 'lighter' option as long as it sounds good). And we eat with friends more often too with less control on the menu, so I end up eating more calories (I'm still hungry and 'eating less' typically doesn't cut it for me).

I still follow my hunger queues. Still try to make better choices. But still. Always counting calories and wishing I could eat more (especially during PMS - I still feel horrible until I'm eating way too much). Always thinking about food and second guessing whether I should eat that treat or not because I don't know if I'll be hungry later or not... And even with that my clothes have got tighter.

I'm guessing I'm not alone because most people end up gaining the weight back, but has it happened to anyone else and how did you deal with it? I've obviously had too many 'whatever I don't want to deal with that right now' days that have contributed to the weight gain... and then I just feel worse about myself, so it's not really the solution either.

Sounds like you're trying to do the minimum amount of work to maintain your weight - instead of challenging yourself to find new goals to strive for. A new exercise/fitness goal, or learning to cook a new type of cuisine might make this more interesting, but just focusing on how boring and mundane your "lifestyle" is will naturally lead to burnout.

kommodevaran

Yeah, it sounds depressing. Maybe you're putting too much pressure on yourself? I'm 3 years in maintenance, and I'm fiding it quite easy, much easier than I expected. I never force myself to walk anymore, but I still walk almost every day, and I "dance" or do some halfarsed pushups or similar, I recently started doing "yoga" before I get up in the morning. I plan and cook simple but delicious meals and never go for lean or light. I'm not sure about how important sensations of hunger is in all this, at best, it's a slow and blunt gauge, so I portion out and just tell myself "I'm finished". I often want more and other things, and sometimes I follow my cravings, but I also have to say "no, not now" at least once per day. I aim for "good parenting", lol. It's difficult sometimes, but overall, more than tolerable. So I suspect you may be imposing too many rules that you neither can nor will stick to?

psychod787

I can say my path so far has not been linear. I started out the gate with lots of "ideas" and fire. I am still new to maintenance, but I have spent a lot of time learning about nutrition and weight gain and loss. I have come to believe that maintenance as some one once said is, losing and gaining the same 10lbs over and over. It took me 2 1/2 years to get where I am at. I am kind of depressed because I actually have to gain some weight back. Long story, but I was/am a prediabetic, when in lost all the weight, my blood sugars started dropping out. My endo says I need 30 lbs back. Crazy stuff. I will leave you with a quote from Professor James Hill. "Exercise is hard. Being obese is hard. Pick your hard." Franc, if there is anything I can do to help, just let me know.

French_Peasant

Oh, I can definitely sympathize...and with just 1.5 years in maintenance, heh. I just took off and did what I am calling my "Christmas Cookie Bulk" (ha ha) and now I am back to logging at maintenance, and in a month or so will begin a serious cut. Coincidentally, it will start at Lent.

Why are your legs in constant pain?

To what extent have you really tired to shake things up? I really hate push-ups too but love me some deadlifts. Have you tried more intensive workouts to replace the walking? I was originally thinking jump-squats or j-jacks, but if your legs are in pain, those might not be the greatest choice. What about something with a metabolic component, but you can still do it in front of the TV, like medicine ball squats, tosses, and Russian Twists? Or assorted crunches combined with kettlebell swings? Anything to shake up your usual routine.

Our new dog (pointer mix) is nutbags too so when the streets aren't entirely covered with ice and the weather is a balmy 20* or above, I will take her out and walk-jog her.

I definitely hear you on the cooking. I am a very slow cook, and do great when I have all day to prepare and cook things, which I enjoy doing on a cold afternoon. But I really need to get better at making fast things, and also freezing them (or to put more of a fine point on it, not to be grossed out by foods that have been frozen). I just made a sheet pan chicken recipe, but after having it 6 days in a row I am heartily sick of it.

I think a lot of it is just the weather for me, which has completely sucked since Christmas--I can't get out on my bike or into the garden. We did join the Y which has provided a lot of entertainment with rock wall climbing, racquetball, and the terrors of walking into a new weight room with a lot of strangers.

Nony_Mouse

If your legs are hurting from walking, you need to stretch more. Really stretch. Before and after. Ten thousand steps a day should not be resulting in constantly sore legs.

try2again

I don't want to be presumptuous, but am just throwing this out there. I constantly struggle with low-moderate levels of depression that make it challenging to make good choices consistently and to feel very put-upon about having to do so. Your post resonates with me, and I wonder if it's a possibility that, rather than your diet & lifestyle causing you to have negative feelings, your low mood might be affecting your feelings about your diet & lifestyle?

psychod787

try2again wrote: »

I don't want to be presumptuous, but am just throwing this out there. I constantly struggle with low-moderate levels of depression that make it challenging to make good choices consistently and to feel very put-upon about having to do so. Your post resonates with me, and I wonder if it's a possibility that, rather than your diet & lifestyle causing you to have negative feelings, your low mood might be affecting your feelings about your diet & lifestyle?

I have to agree. I have some trouble with slight depression. I am convinced it's my brain trying to make me eat more. I am a recovering binge eater, so I used to run to food when I was sad. I am also wondering what exactly clean eating means. I follow iifym honestly, and if I want something I have it. Maybe I am just lucky. Idk.

WinoGelato

Also, it sounds like you do everything as a means to an end. You walk so you can have more calories to eat. You strength train because you feel like you have to. Your appetite and your attitude about your hunger shapes how you feel about food, cooking, eating in restaurants and socializing with friends. Your PMS drives your moods, and all of the choices you make around this entire process leads to feelings of guilt and apathy.

I don't really have advice for you other than I can't imagine being that miserable all the time. I would find a new hobby to give me something to look forward to, something to challenge myself, something to fulfill my life - so that I wasn't constantly feeling like my life was awful because I couldn't eat enough calories.

And scrap what I said earlier about finding new exercise, fitness, or culinary goals. I think you need to focus on something completely separate in your life to break this Eeyore pattern that you're in related to food and weight.

kristen8000

I feel ya. I reached goal in 2011 after losing 50lbs. I was eating right, exercising, blah blah blah, all the right stuff. But life got away with me, my social life changed, I got lazy, and I gained 15-20lbs back. I lose said 15-20lbs again a year later. But a year or two after that, I'm back up those same 15-20lbs. Then I lose it again in August 2017. So presently, I'm at my goal weight (again).

I like being one weight. My body likes being another. My activities (or lack there of) and my "normal eating" level makes it so I adjust to that 15-20lbs heavier weight again.

I told myself that this time if I do this cycle again, I just stay at the higher weight. Because obviously, I'm not meant to be thinner. The 20lbs up and the 20lbs down are still in "healthy BMI range" so it's not like I'm doing myself an unhealthy injustice. For me, it's vanity pounds. I like being thinner, but maybe I'm not meant to be?

I think my advise to you is to ask yourself if you really need to lose those 15lbs? Can you enjoy your life the way you want and be happier with them on? Do those 15lbs make you unhealthy? Or would you be happier if they were off? What are you willing to do without to get them off and keep them off? If that answer is nothing, then I think you have your answer.

BZAH10

WinoGelato wrote: »

Also, it sounds like you do everything as a means to an end. You walk so you can have more calories to eat. You strength train because you feel like you have to. Your appetite and your attitude about your hunger shapes how you feel about food, cooking, eating in restaurants and socializing with friends. Your PMS drives your moods, and all of the choices you make around this entire process leads to feelings of guilt and apathy.

I don't really have advice for you other than I can't imagine being that miserable all the time. I would find a new hobby to give me something to look forward to, something to challenge myself, something to fulfill my life - so that I wasn't constantly feeling like my life was awful because I couldn't eat enough calories.

And scrap what I said earlier about finding new exercise, fitness, or culinary goals. I think you need to focus on something completely separate in your life to break this Eeyore pattern that you're in related to food and weight.

This is exactly what I was thinking as well. Stated much better than I had started typing. Sometimes when we focus on something too much it has the opposite effect of what we intended.

I understand the monotony and feeling of "meh" occasionally, but I try to change things in my life NOT related to food or exercise and inevitably that change will positively affect all aspects of my life. It really boils down to how much you want to be successful at maintenance AND happy. It starts with the mindset.

thiswillhappen

I hear ya!! In 2014 I was over 190 pounds, then through 2014-2015 I lost over 30 pounds, and at my lowest weight I was at about 156 pounds. In fall 2015 I met my fiance, fell in love, was happy with my body and with my weight at the time, and I stopped counting and logging. In fall 2017 I weighed myself again, and surprise surprise, I had gained back almost 20 of those 35 pounds.

This time, my weight is not coming off as fast or as well, despite my efforts, and to be honest I am feeling a bit tired. My motivation is my wedding in August 2018.

I think the only thing you can do is to not think of it as a struggle, but rather, as an act of love for yourself. I know that when I eat a lot of junk food, I physically feel sick. I love exercise anyway, and it makes me feel better, but with food I am just trying to eat intuitively and not eat the junk foods that I crave that then make me sick later.

I'm right there with you! It's also true what everyone else is saying that you have kept the vast majority of the weight off, so now it's just a bit about correction, you are really not so far away from your original goal weight.

psychod787

I also have to believe, the hypothalamus remembers. Body fat set point is not a theory IMHO. It is real. Our bodies and brains are always pushing us back to the way we used to be. The adaptations our hormones and brains go through is proof enough for me. Our bmr lowers, leptin drops, grehlin goes up, our muscles become more calorically efficient, our brain becomes more attuned to high calorie foods. Add to that our junk food society and lack of exercise, we tend to regain.

PAV8888

There might be a shoe or orthopedic type issue there that you might want to look into.

Admittedly when I was first ramping up and going from less than 3000 steps a day on average with several days below 2000 to a higher than 10000 average, I did have almost continuous blisters and the need to manage shoes carefully.

But muscle wise given that I was coming down dramatically in weight I don't think I felt more than the occasional tinge. And afterwards it has become a customary level of activity, so again it shouldn't be generating pain to perform.

Given that 10K steps is doable normally in less then a couple of hours of non sitting activity a day, I would really look into what may be causing you discomfort.

I do find that walking a dog involves way more stopping than I enjoy unless i take her to isolated locations where we can each do our thing

hroderick

I wish I was in the met goal and grow club. I am starting again and my problem has been food boredom. I like exciting meals and dieting gets really routine. This time I'm using platejoy.com to plan a variety of menus I like that fit into my calorie goals.

justlog

WinoGelato wrote: »

Also, it sounds like you do everything as a means to an end. You walk so you can have more calories to eat. You strength train because you feel like you have to. Your appetite and your attitude about your hunger shapes how you feel about food, cooking, eating in restaurants and socializing with friends. Your PMS drives your moods, and all of the choices you make around this entire process leads to feelings of guilt and apathy.

I don't really have advice for you other than I can't imagine being that miserable all the time. I would find a new hobby to give me something to look forward to, something to challenge myself, something to fulfill my life - so that I wasn't constantly feeling like my life was awful because I couldn't eat enough calories.

And scrap what I said earlier about finding new exercise, fitness, or culinary goals. I think you need to focus on something completely separate in your life to break this Eeyore pattern that you're in related to food and weight.

Perfectly stated.

OP - I think you have developed an unhealthy relationship with food and what may be behind the true meaning of exercise.