Joined MFP 5 years ago... burn out
Options
Replies
-
kommodevaran wrote: »Yeah, you're bitter and resentful and have the habits and mindset of a yoyo-dieter: Forcing exercise, eating boring food, expecting to feel full all the time. This will eventually lead to yoyo-weight gain. You won't get anywhere (nice) unless you challenge your beliefs and revamp your routines. More fat and variety, more enjoyment and freedom in cooking, more play and fun in exercising, embrace hunger as part of your body's healthy feedback system. I lived like you do now, last time I lost weight and tried to maintain. Notice I said last time and tried. I regained more than I had lost, and I really struggled and fought. This time I started to eat, move, think and feel like a normal weight person, and I have no trouble maintaining a healthy weight.
ETA: of course my post is negative. Doh. I have depression and I have some challenges in my life that have left me unhappy with my life for years. The thing that's always made me keep going is food. Taking that off... just makes it much harder.
I thought so. Let me say, I totally and completely get it. When I joined MFP, I was literally grumbling out loud, because I was already unhappy with my life and I thought taking away food, the only thing I seemed to still be able to enjoy, was just adding insult to injury. I weigh much less than I did 5-10 years ago, so I consider my weight management moderately successful. But my main problem is, and always will be, the depression. There are steps we can take to cope with it, but when it can take all of your energy to handle day-to-day living, suggestions like those mentioned (which are excellent) feel virtually impossible.
Like you, I hold back from getting professional help over the years. Partly due to expense & hassle, but also mine tends to wax & wane a bit, and inevitably, when I feel my lowest and think I have no choice but to get help, I will experience a sudden upturn where things feel manageable and I fall for the "I should be able to handle this on my own" line again. It's a bad plan, that's all I'll say. I imagine you know this too.
So since I know the instinctive resistance inherent to the situation, I will just share a few things that have gotten me by.
1) Fish oil. At least 3000 mg. I started taking it when I read about it in a book from our insurance company. I don't feel amazing on it or anything, but when I don't take it, things get really ugly really fast.
2) Vitamin D, as has been mentioned. I've also read excellent things about SAM-e and niacin, but haven't tried them yet.
3) Exercise. I have a recumbent exercise bike and walk when possible. I used Leslie Sansone walking dvds a lot (which have the added benefit of some positive mental messaging), but have since developed a problem with jarring exercise. I think the real benefit in using the bike & walking is that I put on my favorite fast, upbuilding music with it and it gets me out of my own head for a while.
4) Getting out. I can't always bring myself to do it, and when I do, sometimes it takes almost everything I have. Isolating yourself is the single worst thing people like us can do. Even when I go to the grocery store and have to chit-chat with the check-out girl, it helps. A commitment is a good thing- somewhere you are obliged to go/attend. Whether it be a class, school, congregation, or community activity or some pitiful part-time job. It's not the activity, it's that it requires you to interact with others instead of living (and complaining) in your own head. Often you have an opportunity to listen to someone else's problems, or do something kind for someone, which is a *huge* boost. Even though sometimes I'd rather have a tooth pulled than go somewhere, I never come home regretting it.
5) A balanced diet with less fast carbs/sugar (dramatic energy swings).
That's all. I wish you the best
23 -
@try2again Very spot on post!2
-
Per your post above: " I walk because it's what I mind the least (I do enjoy hiking but it's a 6 hour ordeal and we got a new puppy that apparently nobody in my family is responsible enough to keep an eye on". I remember your posts when you were looking for a puppy. Now is the time to teach your children to be responsible for the puppy and make sure your spouse chips in as well. Discuss responsibilities for each of you regarding the puppy or else you're just going to be resentful (not blaming you for that) and that's another negativity you don't need.
And this: "I have some challenges in my life that have left me unhappy with my life for years." Any way of changing these situations? Sometimes we feel like there's no solution, but there is ALWAYS an option. If you are willing to share, then maybe some of us here can help with ideas.7 -
You've done a great job losing & maintaining the past 5 years. I'm sorry to read about the depression & challenges. Depression is really its own beast, isn't it? Losing weight doesn't cure it, gaining weight doesn't cure it. Eating more might feel comforting in the moment but doesn't cure it, either. When I had major depression, I could gauge how I was doing by how much energy it took to mount tasks. Trivial tasks could take a mountain of energy. So starting new hobbies or interests? That would not have helped me when I had it. I also didn't tolerate antidepressant side effects well. Actually, I think my doc was inept and it was poorly managed transitions between drugs, not necessarily the drugs themselves, that caused problems. I gave up on drugs, which probably would have helped me at the time if I had given it another chance with a better doctor.
What helped: sleep. I took temazepan/"Restoril" for a year, and it really, really helped me. Prevented the depression from spiraling with sleeplessness. I had no problem stopping it when the depression abated. I'm not suggesting what will help you, certainly not prescribing from afar, just saying what helped me. There's a big diversity in how people experience depression and what helps. Also, as I'm sure you know, adequate nutrition and exercise can have big impacts on outlook, so it's worth going through the motions even when you're not in the mood.
tl;dr-- it sounds like this is not so much a diet/exercise/maintenance challenge as a depression challenge. Addressing that could help everything, including the maintenance fatigue. I appreciate your contributions on the boards and truly wish you the best to find a way through it. It makes everything harder to handle. :flowerforyou:
9 -
Conflicted.
Agree that depression seems to be more of a problem than anything else.
Not happy that a new (by the sounds of it not particularly interacted with due to time and health constraints) puppy is in the middle of the situation.
Challenges happen in life and neither puppies nor dogs are necessary or appropriate for every family.
I had a similar conversation with a family that rented my basement about them adopting out their puppy while it was still cute and trainable.
I then had a similar conversation with them when their puppy was 7 months old and at that time gave them a list of no-kill shelters in the area.
They managed to get an extra good recommendation from me when they were moving out when their dog was 14 months old because well, without a good recommendation no-one would accept Vinny. Should have realised something was up when their youngest daughter told me that they were going to get a smaller puppy soon.
They drove Vinny to the kill shelter in their new neighbourhood the same night they moved out and dropped him off as a lost and found dog.
Since he was basically a neglected dog (not socialised, not well trained, not interacted with, not walked sufficiently or regularly), he was, un-surprisingly, aggressive with the shelter workers. He was destroyed within 48 hours.
If you can't care properly for a new puppy, something which I fully realise can be a great challenge when it comes on top of dealing with your own health problems and taking care of your existing family, then please arrange for it to be adopted out before it is too late to do so.
Thank you.
ETA: this is not dump on you day, just... evaluate for real whether a puppy is something you can CURRENTLY handle in your life and whether, AT THIS TIME, you and your family have the time, the emotional and the financial resources to commit to having an extra dependent. And if the answer is no, please do the right thing, and do so soon, as opposed to waiting until it is too late!17 -
This makes me sad. I'm coming up on year 7 in a couple of months and I still really enjoy this fit and healthy lifestyle. It's still fun for me - but that probably has a lot to do with attitude. I don't see this as a struggle. I see it as living my best life - and that feels really good. But everybody needs a break now and then...
I've had a few short periods where I wasn't quite as enthusiastic (fall months get me down) but I always bounce back before any real damage is done. I'm just so grateful for the foundation that I've built and I don't take it for granted. It's so much easier for me to maintain (or repair small backslides) than it would be to start from scratch - especially as I get older. I see my peers literally falling apart around me and it motivates me even more.
OP, you haven't gained back that much yet. You still have that foundation! Hopefully, you'll perk up and get back into the right mindset. Because that's the key to this: keeping your head in the game. Health and fitness should be a source of joy in your life.
4 -
I forgot something on my list that I came to realize recently and am working to implement:
6) Get off the computer, phone, whatever. I'm pretty sure my mood is proportionate to the amount of time I spend (waste) on social media, looking at news headlines (boy is *that* depressing), etc. So ironically, even though at times I feel I benefit by reaching out and trying to help others in forums like this, I'm generally happier when I'm up busy doing something productive for myself, my family, or other people in my real life. So I think I'll go ride the exercise bike for a while & do a load of laundry
10 -
Alatariel75 wrote: »Are you being treated for the depression?
Do you work, out of curiosity?
I tried therapy years ago but that's another expense that's hard to justify right now. And I felt horrible when I tried anti depressants too.
I don't work. I wish I did, but for what I'd make it wouldn't make any sense to pay for daycare for 2 kids. That's if I could find a job, can't say I've ever had any luck getting a call back the few times I tried anyway.
Well, if you keep doing the same, things stay the same. I seem to recall your kids are in school? While part-time work might be hard to come by at first, volunteer positions are always available and as well as getting you out of the house and giving you purpose, it also looks good on a resume. And there's no point in just trying a couple times and giving up, if you actually want a job. Persistence is key, as in anything in life.
Fact is - You can either keep going the way you're going, or you can make a change. Depression makes it hard to make a change, but thems the options.10 -
kommodevaran wrote: »Yeah, you're bitter and resentful and have the habits and mindset of a yoyo-dieter: Forcing exercise, eating boring food, expecting to feel full all the time. This will eventually lead to yoyo-weight gain. You won't get anywhere (nice) unless you challenge your beliefs and revamp your routines. More fat and variety, more enjoyment and freedom in cooking, more play and fun in exercising, embrace hunger as part of your body's healthy feedback system. I lived like you do now, last time I lost weight and tried to maintain. Notice I said last time and tried. I regained more than I had lost, and I really struggled and fought. This time I started to eat, move, think and feel like a normal weight person, and I have no trouble maintaining a healthy weight.
Actually no, I avoid boring foods completely - as I said, I'd rather not eat. I'm just not a good cook, don't really enjoy it, and I admit that depression doesn't really make me want to spend hours in the kitchen to try either. Also I guess I don't have the same notion of 'boring' foods - for example I saw somewhere on the boards that 'frozen veggies with your favorite seasoning are delicious', and yeah but no. Doesn't really matter how I season my chicken breast, it's still boring chicken breast, and it leaves me unsatisfied. And I'm not a chef and learned to cook 5 years ago actually, so just coming up with new recipes is not easy for me (I google a lot, but really don't always have 2 hours to spend in the kitchen at night). I like roasted veggies but I admit I'm often too lazy to prep them and they just don't taste that good as leftovers, so it seems like a waste anyway (plus fresh veggies are too expensive most of the time).
I was fine with that stuff 5 years ago, now I just feel deprived when I eat that way. And another example is that omelets make me gag and the idea of savory foods for breakfast totally turns me off as well, so it's hard for me to find low calorie/filling breakfasts nowadays (oatmeal keeps me full 1 hour if I'm lucky). But I do eat what I want in moderation, it's just that I also have a big appetite and always flavored higher calorie foods, which are harder to fit in (and the more 'freedom in cooking' I do, the higher the calories, it seems).
Finding fun exercises is kinda tough too after 5 years of trying so many different things and not finding anything that I actually want to stick to (and not really having the money right now to spend on specific classes). I walk because it's what I mind the least (I do enjoy hiking but it's a 6 hour ordeal and we got a new puppy that apparently nobody in my family is responsible enough to keep an eye on, and it's been COLD this Winter anyway so that hasn't happened in a while).
The hunger thing... I don't mind being hungry. I just get hormonal hunger where I feel extremely sick until I eat about 10 days a month.
Anyway, thanks for the advice and it's nice to see that some people get it. I know people are going to say that I'm shutting down every advice, but I'm used to it by now.. not exactly new to this and typically when I write a post it's because I'm feeling stuck after trying a lot of things in the first place, and just really want some support (or some advice from people who have been there, and I haven't seen much of that). I'm not really in a good place right now where I can try new things and find a new hobby either, I suppose if it was that easy I would probably have found one years ago (used to be video games, which I stopped when I started losing weight because I wanted to be more active).
ETA: of course my post is negative. Doh. I have depression and I have some challenges in my life that have left me unhappy with my life for years. The thing that's always made me keep going is food. Taking that off... just makes it much harder.
Yeah - let it out ... let it ALL out ... it'll, in the end, make you feel better. Maybe not the moments you are wallowing in your misery as you write it, but the next day or so later .... Go back and reread what you wrote, and examine how you feel about what you said. Any ideas come to mind as you do? Think about those random new thoughts that pop up as you do think about your words. Ask yourself ... "is this how I really feel, or is this how I felt and why" ... it's good self exploration.
Just don't expect anyone on here to get it the same way you do. Cause we've all got our 'thing'5 -
I'm sorry you're down. I used to get depressed a lot but not so much over the last years, or should I say I get a little "blue" but not at all like i used to. Having said that, I've been depressed more than usual since Sept when a lot of circumstances changed & I was left alone with my own thoughts(stinking thinking) a lot more & most of my activity went way down.
Personally, Jesus is my Lord & the Bible is very practical for every day living & teaches how to fight it...our feelings follow our thoughts, so it's important to be aware of what I'm thinking about before it gets out of hand & replace it with thoughts that are good & true & not to project our thoughts too much into the future, we don't know the future & things change all the time. One day at a time5 -
Conflicted.
Agree that depression seems to be more of a problem than anything else.
Not happy that a new (by the sounds of it not particularly interacted with due to time and health constraints) puppy is in the middle of the situation.
Challenges happen in life and neither puppies nor dogs are necessary or appropriate for every family.
I had a similar conversation with a family that rented my basement about them adopting out their puppy while it was still cute and trainable.
I then had a similar conversation with them when their puppy was 7 months old and at that time gave them a list of no-kill shelters in the area.
They managed to get an extra good recommendation from me when they were moving out when their dog was 14 months old because well, without a good recommendation no-one would accept Vinny. Should have realised something was up when their youngest daughter told me that they were going to get a smaller puppy soon.
They drove Vinny to the kill shelter in their new neighbourhood the same night they moved out and dropped him off as a lost and found dog.
Since he was basically a neglected dog (not socialised, not well trained, not interacted with, not walked sufficiently or regularly), he was, un-surprisingly, aggressive with the shelter workers. He was destroyed within 48 hours.
If you can't care properly for a new puppy, something which I fully realise can be a great challenge when it comes on top of dealing with your own health problems and taking care of your existing family, then please arrange for it to be adopted out before it is too late to do so.
Thank you.
ETA: this is not dump on you day, just... evaluate for real whether a puppy is something you can CURRENTLY handle in your life and whether, AT THIS TIME, you and your family have the time, the emotional and the financial resources to commit to having an extra dependent. And if the answer is no, please do the right thing, and do so soon, as opposed to waiting until it is too late!
My puppy is completely cared for, thank you. My kids are just not great at keeping an eye on her if I'm upstairs working out, and she tends to get into things she shouldn't. My husband gets too much into whatever he's doing and totally ignores what's going on around him, so pretty much the same. I only mentioned that as the reason why I stopped going hiking, because I'm nervous about leaving her with them for too long (she just turned 1). When I'm around, at least I make sure to keep an eye on her and check on her if she disappears for a bit...
She's always getting attention, I walk her 40 minutes a day (except when it's under 25 degrees or something unexpected happens), she plays with our old dog (to some limits). She's never crated more than 6 hours a day, and usually it's 2... she sleeps in our room/on the bed with us.
Definitely NOT a neglected dog.
I'll add though that I did SO MUCH for her and still ended up with an anxious dog - that really doesn't have much to do with socialization sometimes. My friend got her puppy 2 weeks after we got ours and did absolutely nothing with him to socialize him, and he loves everyone. Mine went to puppy socialization classes (with 1oish other people and their puppies), she was with our friends and their dogs all the time as a puppy... she still barks loudly at everyone she doesn't know.
I don't know where the people you mentioned got their puppy... unfortunately a lot of places are not great about picking nicely-tempered parents either. They just pick whatever dog looks cuter to make quick $$, who cares if the dog is anxious/aggressive... then obviously there's accidental breedings... There's a lot to be said about genetics... A lot of neglected dogs still turn out great because they're just nice dogs. When the parents are questionable, socialization can help, but only to an extent (quite sure the puppy classes actually made mine worse).
My two dogs are rescued mutts, dumped at 6 weeks at a shelter then fostered until adopted. My 1yo was fostered with an older lady for 4 weeks, and I'm guessing she didn't exactly have a lot of guests... that probably didn't help either. But it seems that everything I did just made her more anxious of being around other people (doesn't help my 'I can't do anything right' feeling either, to be fair).
I actually went on some dog forums to post about it because I felt really down and they all told me... dogs are just different. They have different genetics. Sometimes no amount of socialization/attention will cure a naturally anxious dog (my dog loves us and our close friends and kids though. She warms up slowly to people she doesn't know, as long as they leave her alone).
Just had to point that out so I don't get accused that the reason she's that way is because I neglected/didn't work on her. I wonder if I just made things worse by putting her in uncomfortable situations.
8 -
Medical condition? Can it be fixed?My legs are in constant pain
Well first off I don't see why you should do something you hate, find a sport you like and do it. Nowhere is written you have to do strength training.I HATE strength training but still make myself do 3 sets of push ups 3x a week
Anyway, 3 sets of...10? 20? It takes you what 5 minutes 3 times a week? OMG it's a terrible committment to do something like that, I really don't know how you manage to. I mean, there are people who are stuck working 12 hour shifts into near-slavery jobs they hate, or cancer is destroying their bodies forever, but they are thankful they don't have to spend 5 minutes doing push ups, not even every day! Get into the real world.16 -
I have felt like this.
I had lost over 100 lbs and in a little over a yr, put back 20 on
It can be a constant struggle if you over analyze every thing.
Just focus on one day at a time
I’ve been there, too. I really think this is the deal. One day at a time... and try to be active in your every day life. Choose a treat every day that fits in your calorie goal. I’m struggling too. I just want a good balance with exercise and food.
4 -
Conflicted.
Agree that depression seems to be more of a problem than anything else.
Not happy that a new (by the sounds of it not particularly interacted with due to time and health constraints) puppy is in the middle of the situation.
Challenges happen in life and neither puppies nor dogs are necessary or appropriate for every family.
I had a similar conversation with a family that rented my basement about them adopting out their puppy while it was still cute and trainable.
I then had a similar conversation with them when their puppy was 7 months old and at that time gave them a list of no-kill shelters in the area.
They managed to get an extra good recommendation from me when they were moving out when their dog was 14 months old because well, without a good recommendation no-one would accept Vinny. Should have realised something was up when their youngest daughter told me that they were going to get a smaller puppy soon.
They drove Vinny to the kill shelter in their new neighbourhood the same night they moved out and dropped him off as a lost and found dog.
Since he was basically a neglected dog (not socialised, not well trained, not interacted with, not walked sufficiently or regularly), he was, un-surprisingly, aggressive with the shelter workers. He was destroyed within 48 hours.
If you can't care properly for a new puppy, something which I fully realise can be a great challenge when it comes on top of dealing with your own health problems and taking care of your existing family, then please arrange for it to be adopted out before it is too late to do so.
Thank you.
ETA: this is not dump on you day, just... evaluate for real whether a puppy is something you can CURRENTLY handle in your life and whether, AT THIS TIME, you and your family have the time, the emotional and the financial resources to commit to having an extra dependent. And if the answer is no, please do the right thing, and do so soon, as opposed to waiting until it is too late!
My puppy is completely cared for, thank you. My kids are just not great at keeping an eye on her if I'm upstairs working out, and she tends to get into things she shouldn't. My husband gets too much into whatever he's doing and totally ignores what's going on around him, so pretty much the same. I only mentioned that as the reason why I stopped going hiking, because I'm nervous about leaving her with them for too long (she just turned 1). When I'm around, at least I make sure to keep an eye on her and check on her if she disappears for a bit...
She's always getting attention, I walk her 40 minutes a day (except when it's under 25 degrees or something unexpected happens), she plays with our old dog (to some limits). She's never crated more than 6 hours a day, and usually it's 2... she sleeps in our room/on the bed with us.
Definitely NOT a neglected dog.
I'll add though that I did SO MUCH for her and still ended up with an anxious dog - that really doesn't have much to do with socialization sometimes. My friend got her puppy 2 weeks after we got ours and did absolutely nothing with him to socialize him, and he loves everyone. Mine went to puppy socialization classes (with 1oish other people and their puppies), she was with our friends and their dogs all the time as a puppy... she still barks loudly at everyone she doesn't know.
I don't know where the people you mentioned got their puppy... unfortunately a lot of places are not great about picking nicely-tempered parents either. They just pick whatever dog looks cuter to make quick $$, who cares if the dog is anxious/aggressive... then obviously there's accidental breedings... There's a lot to be said about genetics... A lot of neglected dogs still turn out great because they're just nice dogs. When the parents are questionable, socialization can help, but only to an extent (quite sure the puppy classes actually made mine worse).
My two dogs are rescued mutts, dumped at 6 weeks at a shelter then fostered until adopted. My 1yo was fostered with an older lady for 4 weeks, and I'm guessing she didn't exactly have a lot of guests... that probably didn't help either. But it seems that everything I did just made her more anxious of being around other people (doesn't help my 'I can't do anything right' feeling either, to be fair).
I actually went on some dog forums to post about it because I felt really down and they all told me... dogs are just different. They have different genetics. Sometimes no amount of socialization/attention will cure a naturally anxious dog (my dog loves us and our close friends and kids though. She warms up slowly to people she doesn't know, as long as they leave her alone).
Just had to point that out so I don't get accused that the reason she's that way is because I neglected/didn't work on her. I wonder if I just made things worse by putting her in uncomfortable situations.
One 40 minute walk?
8 -
I like chicken breast, but over & over, it can get boring. There are a lot of easy things you can make...meatloaf, chili, soups, grilled burgers, etc. that aren't that hard to make & would give you a change & really aren't that bad calorie-wise.0
-
VintageFeline wrote: »Conflicted.
Agree that depression seems to be more of a problem than anything else.
Not happy that a new (by the sounds of it not particularly interacted with due to time and health constraints) puppy is in the middle of the situation.
Challenges happen in life and neither puppies nor dogs are necessary or appropriate for every family.
I had a similar conversation with a family that rented my basement about them adopting out their puppy while it was still cute and trainable.
I then had a similar conversation with them when their puppy was 7 months old and at that time gave them a list of no-kill shelters in the area.
They managed to get an extra good recommendation from me when they were moving out when their dog was 14 months old because well, without a good recommendation no-one would accept Vinny. Should have realised something was up when their youngest daughter told me that they were going to get a smaller puppy soon.
They drove Vinny to the kill shelter in their new neighbourhood the same night they moved out and dropped him off as a lost and found dog.
Since he was basically a neglected dog (not socialised, not well trained, not interacted with, not walked sufficiently or regularly), he was, un-surprisingly, aggressive with the shelter workers. He was destroyed within 48 hours.
If you can't care properly for a new puppy, something which I fully realise can be a great challenge when it comes on top of dealing with your own health problems and taking care of your existing family, then please arrange for it to be adopted out before it is too late to do so.
Thank you.
ETA: this is not dump on you day, just... evaluate for real whether a puppy is something you can CURRENTLY handle in your life and whether, AT THIS TIME, you and your family have the time, the emotional and the financial resources to commit to having an extra dependent. And if the answer is no, please do the right thing, and do so soon, as opposed to waiting until it is too late!
My puppy is completely cared for, thank you. My kids are just not great at keeping an eye on her if I'm upstairs working out, and she tends to get into things she shouldn't. My husband gets too much into whatever he's doing and totally ignores what's going on around him, so pretty much the same. I only mentioned that as the reason why I stopped going hiking, because I'm nervous about leaving her with them for too long (she just turned 1). When I'm around, at least I make sure to keep an eye on her and check on her if she disappears for a bit...
She's always getting attention, I walk her 40 minutes a day (except when it's under 25 degrees or something unexpected happens), she plays with our old dog (to some limits). She's never crated more than 6 hours a day, and usually it's 2... she sleeps in our room/on the bed with us.
Definitely NOT a neglected dog.
I'll add though that I did SO MUCH for her and still ended up with an anxious dog - that really doesn't have much to do with socialization sometimes. My friend got her puppy 2 weeks after we got ours and did absolutely nothing with him to socialize him, and he loves everyone. Mine went to puppy socialization classes (with 1oish other people and their puppies), she was with our friends and their dogs all the time as a puppy... she still barks loudly at everyone she doesn't know.
I don't know where the people you mentioned got their puppy... unfortunately a lot of places are not great about picking nicely-tempered parents either. They just pick whatever dog looks cuter to make quick $$, who cares if the dog is anxious/aggressive... then obviously there's accidental breedings... There's a lot to be said about genetics... A lot of neglected dogs still turn out great because they're just nice dogs. When the parents are questionable, socialization can help, but only to an extent (quite sure the puppy classes actually made mine worse).
My two dogs are rescued mutts, dumped at 6 weeks at a shelter then fostered until adopted. My 1yo was fostered with an older lady for 4 weeks, and I'm guessing she didn't exactly have a lot of guests... that probably didn't help either. But it seems that everything I did just made her more anxious of being around other people (doesn't help my 'I can't do anything right' feeling either, to be fair).
I actually went on some dog forums to post about it because I felt really down and they all told me... dogs are just different. They have different genetics. Sometimes no amount of socialization/attention will cure a naturally anxious dog (my dog loves us and our close friends and kids though. She warms up slowly to people she doesn't know, as long as they leave her alone).
Just had to point that out so I don't get accused that the reason she's that way is because I neglected/didn't work on her. I wonder if I just made things worse by putting her in uncomfortable situations.
One 40 minute walk?
I'd be anxious too.4 -
snowflake954 wrote: »VintageFeline wrote: »Conflicted.
Agree that depression seems to be more of a problem than anything else.
Not happy that a new (by the sounds of it not particularly interacted with due to time and health constraints) puppy is in the middle of the situation.
Challenges happen in life and neither puppies nor dogs are necessary or appropriate for every family.
I had a similar conversation with a family that rented my basement about them adopting out their puppy while it was still cute and trainable.
I then had a similar conversation with them when their puppy was 7 months old and at that time gave them a list of no-kill shelters in the area.
They managed to get an extra good recommendation from me when they were moving out when their dog was 14 months old because well, without a good recommendation no-one would accept Vinny. Should have realised something was up when their youngest daughter told me that they were going to get a smaller puppy soon.
They drove Vinny to the kill shelter in their new neighbourhood the same night they moved out and dropped him off as a lost and found dog.
Since he was basically a neglected dog (not socialised, not well trained, not interacted with, not walked sufficiently or regularly), he was, un-surprisingly, aggressive with the shelter workers. He was destroyed within 48 hours.
If you can't care properly for a new puppy, something which I fully realise can be a great challenge when it comes on top of dealing with your own health problems and taking care of your existing family, then please arrange for it to be adopted out before it is too late to do so.
Thank you.
ETA: this is not dump on you day, just... evaluate for real whether a puppy is something you can CURRENTLY handle in your life and whether, AT THIS TIME, you and your family have the time, the emotional and the financial resources to commit to having an extra dependent. And if the answer is no, please do the right thing, and do so soon, as opposed to waiting until it is too late!
My puppy is completely cared for, thank you. My kids are just not great at keeping an eye on her if I'm upstairs working out, and she tends to get into things she shouldn't. My husband gets too much into whatever he's doing and totally ignores what's going on around him, so pretty much the same. I only mentioned that as the reason why I stopped going hiking, because I'm nervous about leaving her with them for too long (she just turned 1). When I'm around, at least I make sure to keep an eye on her and check on her if she disappears for a bit...
She's always getting attention, I walk her 40 minutes a day (except when it's under 25 degrees or something unexpected happens), she plays with our old dog (to some limits). She's never crated more than 6 hours a day, and usually it's 2... she sleeps in our room/on the bed with us.
Definitely NOT a neglected dog.
I'll add though that I did SO MUCH for her and still ended up with an anxious dog - that really doesn't have much to do with socialization sometimes. My friend got her puppy 2 weeks after we got ours and did absolutely nothing with him to socialize him, and he loves everyone. Mine went to puppy socialization classes (with 1oish other people and their puppies), she was with our friends and their dogs all the time as a puppy... she still barks loudly at everyone she doesn't know.
I don't know where the people you mentioned got their puppy... unfortunately a lot of places are not great about picking nicely-tempered parents either. They just pick whatever dog looks cuter to make quick $$, who cares if the dog is anxious/aggressive... then obviously there's accidental breedings... There's a lot to be said about genetics... A lot of neglected dogs still turn out great because they're just nice dogs. When the parents are questionable, socialization can help, but only to an extent (quite sure the puppy classes actually made mine worse).
My two dogs are rescued mutts, dumped at 6 weeks at a shelter then fostered until adopted. My 1yo was fostered with an older lady for 4 weeks, and I'm guessing she didn't exactly have a lot of guests... that probably didn't help either. But it seems that everything I did just made her more anxious of being around other people (doesn't help my 'I can't do anything right' feeling either, to be fair).
I actually went on some dog forums to post about it because I felt really down and they all told me... dogs are just different. They have different genetics. Sometimes no amount of socialization/attention will cure a naturally anxious dog (my dog loves us and our close friends and kids though. She warms up slowly to people she doesn't know, as long as they leave her alone).
Just had to point that out so I don't get accused that the reason she's that way is because I neglected/didn't work on her. I wonder if I just made things worse by putting her in uncomfortable situations.
One 40 minute walk?
I'd be anxious too.
Maybe they do one 40 minute walk and then let the dog out the yard 10 times a day, who knows (this is what I do, only sub 15 for 40 because my dogs don't like longer walks). But I'm not sure all this focus on the dog is doing anything helpful for the OP. Her thread isn't "how do I take care of my puppy?" on the chat forum.14 -
Conflicted.
Agree that depression seems to be more of a problem than anything else.
Not happy that a new (by the sounds of it not particularly interacted with due to time and health constraints) puppy is in the middle of the situation.
Challenges happen in life and neither puppies nor dogs are necessary or appropriate for every family.
I had a similar conversation with a family that rented my basement about them adopting out their puppy while it was still cute and trainable.
I then had a similar conversation with them when their puppy was 7 months old and at that time gave them a list of no-kill shelters in the area.
They managed to get an extra good recommendation from me when they were moving out when their dog was 14 months old because well, without a good recommendation no-one would accept Vinny. Should have realised something was up when their youngest daughter told me that they were going to get a smaller puppy soon.
They drove Vinny to the kill shelter in their new neighbourhood the same night they moved out and dropped him off as a lost and found dog.
Since he was basically a neglected dog (not socialised, not well trained, not interacted with, not walked sufficiently or regularly), he was, un-surprisingly, aggressive with the shelter workers. He was destroyed within 48 hours.
If you can't care properly for a new puppy, something which I fully realise can be a great challenge when it comes on top of dealing with your own health problems and taking care of your existing family, then please arrange for it to be adopted out before it is too late to do so.
Thank you.
ETA: this is not dump on you day, just... evaluate for real whether a puppy is something you can CURRENTLY handle in your life and whether, AT THIS TIME, you and your family have the time, the emotional and the financial resources to commit to having an extra dependent. And if the answer is no, please do the right thing, and do so soon, as opposed to waiting until it is too late!
My puppy is completely cared for, thank you. My kids are just not great at keeping an eye on her if I'm upstairs working out, and she tends to get into things she shouldn't. My husband gets too much into whatever he's doing and totally ignores what's going on around him, so pretty much the same. I only mentioned that as the reason why I stopped going hiking, because I'm nervous about leaving her with them for too long (she just turned 1). When I'm around, at least I make sure to keep an eye on her and check on her if she disappears for a bit...
She's always getting attention, I walk her 40 minutes a day (except when it's under 25 degrees or something unexpected happens), she plays with our old dog (to some limits). She's never crated more than 6 hours a day, and usually it's 2... she sleeps in our room/on the bed with us.
Definitely NOT a neglected dog.
I'll add though that I did SO MUCH for her and still ended up with an anxious dog - that really doesn't have much to do with socialization sometimes. My friend got her puppy 2 weeks after we got ours and did absolutely nothing with him to socialize him, and he loves everyone. Mine went to puppy socialization classes (with 1oish other people and their puppies), she was with our friends and their dogs all the time as a puppy... she still barks loudly at everyone she doesn't know.
I don't know where the people you mentioned got their puppy... unfortunately a lot of places are not great about picking nicely-tempered parents either. They just pick whatever dog looks cuter to make quick $$, who cares if the dog is anxious/aggressive... then obviously there's accidental breedings... There's a lot to be said about genetics... A lot of neglected dogs still turn out great because they're just nice dogs. When the parents are questionable, socialization can help, but only to an extent (quite sure the puppy classes actually made mine worse).
My two dogs are rescued mutts, dumped at 6 weeks at a shelter then fostered until adopted. My 1yo was fostered with an older lady for 4 weeks, and I'm guessing she didn't exactly have a lot of guests... that probably didn't help either. But it seems that everything I did just made her more anxious of being around other people (doesn't help my 'I can't do anything right' feeling either, to be fair).
I actually went on some dog forums to post about it because I felt really down and they all told me... dogs are just different. They have different genetics. Sometimes no amount of socialization/attention will cure a naturally anxious dog (my dog loves us and our close friends and kids though. She warms up slowly to people she doesn't know, as long as they leave her alone).
Just had to point that out so I don't get accused that the reason she's that way is because I neglected/didn't work on her. I wonder if I just made things worse by putting her in uncomfortable situations.
I'm glad that your dog is well cared for and loved.
I know the frustration that comes with a dog that is anxious. One of my dogs is constantly anxious and alert. Part of it is that he was abused before I rescued him. But even now almost 3 years later he is just an anxious little guy that barks at new people and warms up slowly much like it sounds like your puppy is.
Would it be possible to take your puppy on hikes with you periodically??? It may help with the puppy energy that most dogs have. Typically my dogs walk around 30-40 minutes a day with me but on weekends I'll often try to take them out on hikes for longer with me.
To be honest, the hiking improves my anxious dogs anxiety and sometimes destructive behavior (he gets bored and likes to dig in the trash or tear up the toilet paper) because he's too tired. He just wants to sit and cuddle. Plus since he's anxious about new people oftentimes hiking is better since there's less people and "quiet" time with his people and puppy brother.
I just was thinking since you said you worry about leaving the puppy for too long without her getting into things you could consider bringing her.2 -
MegaMooseEsq wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »VintageFeline wrote: »Conflicted.
Agree that depression seems to be more of a problem than anything else.
Not happy that a new (by the sounds of it not particularly interacted with due to time and health constraints) puppy is in the middle of the situation.
Challenges happen in life and neither puppies nor dogs are necessary or appropriate for every family.
I had a similar conversation with a family that rented my basement about them adopting out their puppy while it was still cute and trainable.
I then had a similar conversation with them when their puppy was 7 months old and at that time gave them a list of no-kill shelters in the area.
They managed to get an extra good recommendation from me when they were moving out when their dog was 14 months old because well, without a good recommendation no-one would accept Vinny. Should have realised something was up when their youngest daughter told me that they were going to get a smaller puppy soon.
They drove Vinny to the kill shelter in their new neighbourhood the same night they moved out and dropped him off as a lost and found dog.
Since he was basically a neglected dog (not socialised, not well trained, not interacted with, not walked sufficiently or regularly), he was, un-surprisingly, aggressive with the shelter workers. He was destroyed within 48 hours.
If you can't care properly for a new puppy, something which I fully realise can be a great challenge when it comes on top of dealing with your own health problems and taking care of your existing family, then please arrange for it to be adopted out before it is too late to do so.
Thank you.
ETA: this is not dump on you day, just... evaluate for real whether a puppy is something you can CURRENTLY handle in your life and whether, AT THIS TIME, you and your family have the time, the emotional and the financial resources to commit to having an extra dependent. And if the answer is no, please do the right thing, and do so soon, as opposed to waiting until it is too late!
My puppy is completely cared for, thank you. My kids are just not great at keeping an eye on her if I'm upstairs working out, and she tends to get into things she shouldn't. My husband gets too much into whatever he's doing and totally ignores what's going on around him, so pretty much the same. I only mentioned that as the reason why I stopped going hiking, because I'm nervous about leaving her with them for too long (she just turned 1). When I'm around, at least I make sure to keep an eye on her and check on her if she disappears for a bit...
She's always getting attention, I walk her 40 minutes a day (except when it's under 25 degrees or something unexpected happens), she plays with our old dog (to some limits). She's never crated more than 6 hours a day, and usually it's 2... she sleeps in our room/on the bed with us.
Definitely NOT a neglected dog.
I'll add though that I did SO MUCH for her and still ended up with an anxious dog - that really doesn't have much to do with socialization sometimes. My friend got her puppy 2 weeks after we got ours and did absolutely nothing with him to socialize him, and he loves everyone. Mine went to puppy socialization classes (with 1oish other people and their puppies), she was with our friends and their dogs all the time as a puppy... she still barks loudly at everyone she doesn't know.
I don't know where the people you mentioned got their puppy... unfortunately a lot of places are not great about picking nicely-tempered parents either. They just pick whatever dog looks cuter to make quick $$, who cares if the dog is anxious/aggressive... then obviously there's accidental breedings... There's a lot to be said about genetics... A lot of neglected dogs still turn out great because they're just nice dogs. When the parents are questionable, socialization can help, but only to an extent (quite sure the puppy classes actually made mine worse).
My two dogs are rescued mutts, dumped at 6 weeks at a shelter then fostered until adopted. My 1yo was fostered with an older lady for 4 weeks, and I'm guessing she didn't exactly have a lot of guests... that probably didn't help either. But it seems that everything I did just made her more anxious of being around other people (doesn't help my 'I can't do anything right' feeling either, to be fair).
I actually went on some dog forums to post about it because I felt really down and they all told me... dogs are just different. They have different genetics. Sometimes no amount of socialization/attention will cure a naturally anxious dog (my dog loves us and our close friends and kids though. She warms up slowly to people she doesn't know, as long as they leave her alone).
Just had to point that out so I don't get accused that the reason she's that way is because I neglected/didn't work on her. I wonder if I just made things worse by putting her in uncomfortable situations.
One 40 minute walk?
I'd be anxious too.
Maybe they do one 40 minute walk and then let the dog out the yard 10 times a day, who knows (this is what I do, only sub 15 for 40 because my dogs don't like longer walks). But I'm not sure all this focus on the dog is doing anything helpful for the OP. Her thread isn't "how do I take care of my puppy?" on the chat forum.
I wanted to stay on topic too, but I did notice the OP's use of words like "pain" & "ordeal" in regards to the puppy, which made me wonder if it wasn't the best idea right now. I just hope he is a source of joy for the family, and vice-versa 6
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 388 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.2K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.2K MyFitnessPal Information
- 22 News and Announcements
- 918 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions