Joined MFP 5 years ago... burn out

AliceDark

I agree with a lot of the previous posters that a lot of your depression is coming through your writing. We all think that what depression is telling us is authentic and true, and individual to our own situations, but that's part of the disease. In reality, depression voice is remarkably consistent from person to person, and it's easy (easier, anyway) to spot when you're not the person it's talking to.

Personally, I'd start by trying to fight the depression, not anything related to weight. My hunch is that, if it weren't talking to you about food and exercise, it would just pick another topic. Depression is sneaky that way -- it picks whatever topic it's going to find traction with, but it isn't really about that topic.

This may or may not be helpful, but if you're in the US and if you have health insurance through your partner's employer, check to see if the program includes an EAP. Most EAPs will cover a certain number of therapist visits at no cost or copay to you, and they should also cover spouses. It's a small number of visits, but it might be a start. (I have absolutely no idea how health insurance works in other countries, and I'm not sure where you live anyway, so I'm sorry if this isn't applicable for you).

try2again

AliceDark wrote: »

Personally, I'd start by trying to fight the depression, not anything related to weight. My hunch is that, if it weren't talking to you about food and exercise, it would just pick another topic. Depression is sneaky that way -- it picks whatever topic it's going to find traction with, but it isn't really about that topic.

Wow... talk about insightful It's absolutely been true in my own case that I make a little progress in some area only to find something else to get discouraged/complain about. We really do need to know/fight our true enemy.

zdyb23456

I definitely feel like I fall into ruts where I feel like I’m spinning my wheels going nowhere.

Recently I felt bummed out over the holidays. My husband is deployed and I was alone with my kids. I have friends but I think they all just assume I’m ok. A downside of trying to stay positive through tough times. Anyway, my kids were draining me. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids, but I felt like everything I did was for them whether I wanted to or not. Everything started feeling like a have to instead of a want to.

I’m not sure how I kicked it because I feel ok now. I guess I know everything is a season. Eventually my kids won’t need or even want me anymore. They’ll be self sufficient and then I’ll probably have too much time on my hands.

I enjoy running and have specific goals so that is time that I make for myself. I know that helps keeps me sane and helps with the weight gain.

I also think finding a hobby could help. It’s tough because a lot of fun hobbies can be expensive, but having something to look forward to that is just for you may really help. I have a few friends that do the paint nights, I enjoy cross-stitching, another friend does Brazilian Ju-Jitsu, I recently got an inexpensive sewing machine and had fun sewing. I’m going to try sewing some doll clothes for my girls. If you like video games there no reason why you can’t play them! I know a lot of grown men that play them to relieve stress and have fun for a few hours.

vivmom2014

zdyb23456 wrote: »

... I recently got an inexpensive sewing machine and had fun sewing. I’m going to try sewing some doll clothes for my girls.

Check out patternreview.com if you find you enjoy sewing - it's a great community and I've learned a ton about sewing! Congrats on your new machine - I hope you love it!

Christine_72

I wanted to touch on the puppy issue, only because we have a nearly 10 week old at home. I take him for 2, 30 minute walks a day, off lead at his pace, plus all the playing and shenanigans he gets up to at home. Those walking times will quadruple when he's old enough!

This is in no way directed at you Franc, but we have new neighbours who are absolute nutters, and their 2 dogs are no better I swear dogs pick up on their owners moods/anxieties and reflect it back 10 fold!! You need to work on your own issues and hopefully your dog will calm down and follow your lead.

Also, don't forget a tired dog is a happy dog, bored under exercised dogs do not make great companions, and will nearly always give their owners grief. Huge raw bones keep them occupied too when you get home from your walk.

Much luck and please focus on getting yourself well and happy again xx

Edited: to fix spelling errors, still a sleep deprived new puppy mamma here lol

Orphia

Yes, I hear the voice of depression talking, too. It makes me sad, because I'm familiar with seeing you here on MFP giving great advice to others, and you've done such an awesome job losing weight and maintaining for nearly 5 years.

You're awesome, Franci!!

I have confidence that a combination of counselling, medication, CBT, family support and friends / online support and the incredible consistency you've shown for many years, that you can start to bit by bit find little things you like about life.

Like weight loss, it all starts with making one little step, and another.

Sounds like all the responsibility for the puppy is laid on you. You don't need that stress right now. Your family needs to take more responsibility or it would be kind to all involved to find it a new home where they and the puppy will be joyful.

Know that you have my admiration, and do one kind thing for yourself today. Rack your brains and Google something that might have sparked your interest lately and see where it takes you. Hugs and best wishes.

Evamutt

I find it helpful to get your dog to focus on something, like agility or flyball or just teach a lot of tricks

100_PROOF_

I would definitely work on the depression first and foremost! Remember your worth it!
Listen, everyone wants to play like they know it all but you're the only person who really knows what is going on in your own head. Don't worry about the contrarians , it'll only bring you down further. Lol about them assuming your pet only gets to bathroom once a day! Do try to look into free or low cost therapy that may be available in your area. The longer you let this go, the worst it'll get.

spinnerdell

Francl27 wrote: »

I joined MFP 5 years ago... Lost 80 lbs, gained back 15ish in the last 2 years.

I just feel so burned out of the 'lifestyle' sometimes. I force myself to get 10,000 steps a day, feel guilty when I don't because it leaves my calories to a pathetic number (I haven't even managed to maintain with a 2300 calorie TDEE, not happening with 1700). My legs are in constant pain, I HATE strength training but still make myself do 3 sets of push ups 3x a week (I'd must rather do laundry or brush my teeth, frankly. Dishes are a close call).

It's just depressing. I like walking but it's just not fun when you feel that you have to do it (especially in the Winter). I typically do it on the treadmill while watching Netflix, but still. And I walk my dog, but she can be a pain in the *kitten* so it's not exactly relaxing either (still make myself do it because she's a terror if she doesn't get her walks).

Food... I've always been a foodie but I have to be in the right mood to cook and frankly it hasn't happened much lately (and I'm not such a good cook to begin with). It doesn't help that my 'lean meat and frozen veggies' meals started getting extremely boring 2 years ago and I'd rather be hungry that eat that now... Counting calories ruined eating out for me too so now when I go out, I just don't stress out too much and eat what I want (well, still the 'lighter' option as long as it sounds good). And we eat with friends more often too with less control on the menu, so I end up eating more calories (I'm still hungry and 'eating less' typically doesn't cut it for me).

I still follow my hunger queues. Still try to make better choices. But still. Always counting calories and wishing I could eat more (especially during PMS - I still feel horrible until I'm eating way too much). Always thinking about food and second guessing whether I should eat that treat or not because I don't know if I'll be hungry later or not... And even with that my clothes have got tighter.

I'm guessing I'm not alone because most people end up gaining the weight back, but has it happened to anyone else and how did you deal with it? I've obviously had too many 'whatever I don't want to deal with that right now' days that have contributed to the weight gain... and then I just feel worse about myself, so it's not really the solution either.

I've been hesitating to respond, but I hope you find your way back to some of the pleasure you must have felt creating those beautiful breads you posted about a while ago.

LifeStyleIT

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Dnarules

@Francl27 Have you considered taking classes, either just for fun or to brush up on skills? One thing I've noticed in your posts over the years is that you seem to sometimes be overwhelmed by all the things you do for others (kids, dogs, husband). As your kids get older, maybe it's time to find out how to really take care of yourself, to find out what you need to feel fulfilled.

nowine4me

At some point we need to cut the battle mentality and realize the new reality. If I want to weigh XX, I need to eat XX. By no means does every day need to be perfect, it just needs to even out over time.

Some practical ideas:

You like walking so walk. But take a day off now and then to rest your legs. Foam roll. Try yoga or Pilates rather than push ups. Explore your fitness options. Maybe a spin class. Swimming.

Try new things in the kitchen to challenge yourself. Some vegan or vegetarian meals, foods you’ve never tried before. Or, if that’s too ambitious, try a meal kit delivery service like Home Chef or Blue Apron.

Not sure if you are on BC, but hormones have a huge impact on appetite. Talk to your doctor about options.

nxd10

I've been here a bit more than 5 years too. I am not into guilt, to be truthful. And I love food. So I eat food I really love, but not a lot of it. Oddly, the better the food, the less I want of it. So I'm happy with a forkful or two of good cheesecake, but a crap bunch of storebought cookies - I'll eat the whole thing. So I find really tasty food and don't eat stuff that I don't really like. I think I'm looking for FLAVOR and fat (maybe a bit of salt) and not really calories.
Eating that keeps me from eating out of boredom.

I hate walking in the winter too. I've been a slug - you are super conscientious. What I do is just walk everywhere - hit all the stairs, no elevators, and just walk around my building at work. A lot. That's important to me because I know if I don't exercise, my weight creeps up even though my calories don't. I will walk a lot more come spring. Ice and nasty winds are not conducive to 10,000 steps.

I'm still well into the healthy weight - I've slowly losing the five pounds I gained before Christmas (given my calories, it's got to be water not fat).

But I'm not that interested in brushing my teeth either. I just keep doing it. I hit the calorie goals every week. I eat really really well. It's good food that actually keeps me on maintenance.

Suggestion? Go on a two week vacation and eat whatever you want. Then recommit. Two weeks will not kill you. You have done GREAT! You'll go back to it.

nxd10

I do have a suggestions about being sore all the time though. Are you low on B12? It's a big molecule that you stomach breaks down easily so it never gets absorbed in your intestines. If you're low your muscles and tendons hurt a lot. A lot of people absorb it better if they take the drops under this tongue. Just a thought.

Evamutt

There's a thread on here called "of refeeds & diet breaks" you may want to check out. We're all different but for me, I enjoy having new foods I haven't tried before & making things a little different. Today my hubby wanted a pie & he bought fresh blueberries yesterday & I had frozen pie shells so....we made a pie with 3/4 of 1/4 cup sugar & it came out to 174 cal/a piece(cut into 8ths) I had 2 servings with lite cool whip, he had his with ice cream. Have you tried different "exercises" you may like? I used to love playing racquetball , I like swimming , zumba, but not some other things like push ups or anything that puts pressure on my wrists

lorrpb

You lost a lot of weight. Congrats! 15 isn't a horrible regain, but I'm sure you don't want it to increase. There are lots of great suggestions on this thread.
One thing that helps me mentally is to read the many threads on here about people who regained and lost time and time again. Every time I see that, it reminds me of why I want to keep things in check. I also keep before pics and progress pics all around my desk and work out area to remind me of where I started and how far I've come. It's not always easy, but it's better than dealing with the consequences of being overweight, which I did for decades and am probably still suffering a few effects of.