You do you I'll do me? Is that ok or disrespectful?

jennifer_417

It's not fair of you to ask everyone else to disrupt their lives because you want to change something about yourself. You're just going to have to learn to work around it.

macgurlnet

Around 10 years ago, my mother finally found success losing weight by buying 100 calorie packs of snacks and keeping a lot of family-size bags foods out of the house. The pantry was slowly taken over by these things.

I wasn’t a fan, but there were still plenty of things I enjoyed so it wasn’t a big deal.

A more pressing issue was, my brother would eat a box of those and still be hungry. He was around 16 at the time. So there’s lack of fuel for him plus my mom’s grocery bill going through the roof and her snacks vanishing into the black hole of a growing teen.

I brought this up at one point when we were grocery shopping and we reached a compromise.

She would buy the larger bags of snacks she didn’t find so tempting, and brother could eat those to his heart’s content. We worked to keep him out of the lower-cal munchies and make sure his snack stash had what he wanted.

Everyone won

~Lyssa

BoxerBrawler

On one hand no one should disrespect anyone over their food and/or lifestyle choices. On the other hand, people should be allowed to eat whatever they choose to eat without feeling like they have to hide it. Can the two of you try to find a middle-ground?

CattOfTheGarage

I don't think it's fair to try and stop others eating what they want for the sake of my own goals. However, here are some things that helped us (family of one tubby adult, one slim adult and one frankly skinny child):

- Everyone has their own individual treat stash, and these are kept out of sight. I can't go rummaging in other people's stashes, that would be stealing.
- Sometimes if I'm feeling weak I ask my husband to hide my treat basket and bring it out only on request. I don't need to do this often these days, but it helps a lot.
- Keep things like cookies in a cupboard, above eye level, so they're not right there in front of you
- I do the cooking mostly, so I can choose meals which can be adapted so that they get bigger portions, more of the fattening bits etc and mine is a bit lighter

Apart from that, it's all just a question of learning my weaknesses and buttons and learning how not to overeat, even in the presence of tempting foods. This just takes time and effort and there's no way around it. This is a fattening world, and we need to learn to live in it.

I wouldn't dream of trying to make my daughter live without home made cookies or bread or other such projects. Those are the experiences that make up a cosy home.

My weight is my problem, and while my family can be supportive, it's my job to manage it, as much as possible without cramping their style.

sarahlifts

My husband bakes about 3 times a week sweet and savory things biscuits and pastries.

these items fueled my bulk. I was so happy for them pre and post workout CAAARRRBBBSSS!!

Now in a cut and if I walk into the house and smell BUTTER one more time!!! Imma murder him! Not really but I feel your pain.

I know he loves to bake, as do I, I make some beautiful cakes. I would never deprive him of the goodness that is dancing through the kitchen weighting flour and butter while singing with Marvin Gaye.

I simply have to practice more self disciple. There is a deeper lesson the be learned when you have to say NO to something you want to reach a goal.

I stay ready. I have my meal prepped if he is making a savory pie for dinner and I have my halo top on hand if he is making a dessert. am I happy, yes but still salivating for what he has prepared.

I know what it tastes like. why have some in a cut? I also know what being lean feels like and reaching that goal. Having something I know is not in line with my goal is not his fault. Its mine.

If he makes a chess pie, I'm having a small piece and I will save some calories for it. If he is making something new, I'll have a taste. I cannot have all of his bakes tho.

Stay strong. If you've already been to the land of lean, you know what it takes to get there, if that's where you want to be its gonna take focus.

alicebhsia

i think it's okay, and i wouldn't be offended. i would just take it as kind of a warning to back off because someone is getting a little testy. on the other hand, if your husband is 300 pounds, it might be a good idea to nag a bit anyway, just maybe try to do it more gently somehow as to not elicit a defensive response. i mean, it would be nice if he were more supportive of you..

cheryldumais

Lots of great comments here but I would like to add that I try to find something that fits in my diet that is more calorie friendly. Often I find if I have SOMETHING I can have it is less painful. For example I eat diet pudding (50 cal per serving) with some low fat cool whip. I can fit that in better than say a donut or cake. For the bread I would likely have a bowl of Boom Chick a Pop popcorn. I understand and feel your pain because my hubby snacks all night long and I am sitting right across from him but I save up some calories so I can have something else that satisfies.

Francl27

I'm mixed up about this. I mean, I guess I don't really understand why someone who's supposed to love you would make it so much harder on you, but at the same time, you don't have to eat it. I'd ask them to put it away so you can't see it, but that's pretty much all you can reasonably ask them to do.

I did stop baking when my husband had a heart attack though, and now only do it when we get together with friends or for special occasions, but that's for me too because I really don't need all the extra calories either.

kshama2001

mcfish618 wrote: »

I have lost abou 67 lbs and was able to keep it off for 7 years with very disciplined diet and exercise. Over the last 12 months I have started to gain a lot more body fat/ less lean muscle while putting on about 6 lbs. Please hear me loud and clear I am not blaming anyone else but, do you think it is ok or disrespectful for young adult kids and husband to eat whatever the want including take out, cookies, homemade bread, ice cream when you kindly ask to please not bake this stuff right now as I am trying to get back on track and it is so tempting having it in front of me all the time??? Hubby is nearly up to 300 lbs and although he used to eat healthy and had a major weight loss he feels it is to hard and just enjoys food to much to deprive himself...His words I don't gripe about smelling your brussel sprouts and cauliflower rice so stop complaining you smell my bread, brownies and cookies! Lol

I think "You do you I'll do me" is ok for coworkers but disrespectful among family members living together.

Also, seeing how your husband is pushing 300 pounds, I think it's a symptom of something bearing closer examination.

lightenup2016

I think that just as individuals must do what works for them, families/couples must also figure out what works for them. Everyone here giving advice is basing it on their own family relationships, which obviously vary from household to household. Of course it would be great if your family members took into account your wishes, but if they continue to do what they're doing, you have no choice but to adapt.

In my own family, hubby understands and supports my weight-loss efforts, but at the same time, he wants his treats, too. Sometimes that means actual sweets/snacks, and sometimes it means a particularly calorie-laden meal (we don't eat out much, so that helps). I need my own food choices to be sustainable as well, so I just try to incorporate our mutual indulgences into my calorie goal. For instance, he loves key lime pie, so I'll sometimes get that and I'll have a tiny sliver while he has his man portion. He also loves ice cream--if I'm shopping, I'll purposely buy HIS favorite flavor that I can live without (if it was cookies n cream or chocolate brownie, I'd be much more tempted). If the family wants a big meal of pancakes, bacon, hash browns, etc, I'll make that for dinner and save up calories for it. I can't have as much of it as I used to have, but it's enough that I can enjoy it but not go over my limit, either. The same goes with baked treats, grilled hamburgers, etc. Hubby also is Italian, so pasta and bread are frequent requests. Sometimes he shops and buys bread I don't have calories for. I either skip it, or I tear off a small piece, weigh it, log it, and enjoy. Sometimes I make zoodles for myself in place of pasta (it helps that I love them!). Maybe I have a little more control over the meals than OP does, but there are ways to adapt. Good lunch OP!

Lounmoun

do you think it is ok or disrespectful for young adult kids and husband to eat whatever the want including take out, cookies, homemade bread, ice cream when you kindly ask to please not bake this stuff right now as I am trying to get back on track and it is so tempting having it in front of me all the time?

It is unreasonable to demand everyone in the house change their eating habits unless it is something that can cause instant death like from a severe allergy or similar. That is not the same as lacking self control. That is "a little bit of that could put me in the hospital right away".
When dieting it is okay to ask nicely for family to limit or eat some things away from you or to enjoy things you don't like as well or to put food out of sight. If you come to such an agreement and they break the agreement it is disrespectful. You are justified in being upset.
If they never agreed then it is disappointing.
Ultimately you do have to do you and they have to do them no matter what. Even if it would benefit them too.