Anyone accept a weight that wasn't their "ultimate goal"?

LisaTcan

I had a baby 18 months ago and pre-baby I was 134 and a size 4 (I'm 5'6''). I was really happy at that weight but I worked out a lot, cycled 100miles a week and weight lifted 3-4x a week. I have been maintaining at about 140 for a year and I'm now a size 6 or 8. My diet is similar, 1600-1800 calories a day (I use a food scale), but I'm not working out as often (weight lifting 2x a week).

For the past year I've had MFP set to "lose 1lb" a week, but I'm obviously eating too much/not exercising enough to lose the last 6lbs. I'm a full-time working mom and I just don't have the time, energy or motivation to workout like that anymore. Anyone experience this? I feel like I should stop feeling like "I can't lose weight" and just accept that I am in maintenance and at this stage in my life this is good enough.

bbell1985

I'm TRYING to do this. I want to be 135. I just...can't...do IT. If I wasn't so stubborn I'd be okay but I just feel like a failure. I'm 5'4". It shouldn't be that *kitten* hard to weigh 135.

BeccaLoves2lift

I go back and forth with being okay with being in maintenance and recomping and wanting to lose 5-10 more pounds. I've tried losing that weight a couple of times and my body really seems to fight me on it with depressed mood and fatigue when cutting. Right now I'm back to eating in maintenance and I'm feeling happy.

bbell1985

BeccaLoves2lift wrote: »

I go back and forth with being okay with being in maintenance and recomping and wanting to lose 5-10 more pounds. I've tried losing that weight a couple of times and my body really seems to fight me on it with depressed mood and fatigue when cutting. Right now I'm back to eating in maintenance and I'm feeling happy.

Yay!

travelusdog

Yes! I’m probably 10-15 lbs higher than ideal. I’ve been wearing about the same size for 4 yrs. I’m not thrilled with my body or the excess weight but I also don’t want to go back to the days I was stressed about working out a lot or counting my calories or avoiding places or people because I was afraid of gaining wait. Even though I’m a size 10, life is good. Much more relaxed, content and feel like I live life instead of avoiding it just to be a smaller size. I wish I could be smaller but learning to accept that’s it’s ok not to be!

Wishing you well on your journey towards peace!

gymprincess1234

I think you should stop when you feel happy in your body. And with stop I mean stop the deficit. If you do a cost-benefit analysis and you are not willing to put in the work as you say, then stick to maintenance. It's all a matter of priorities.

RaeBeeBaby

I'm quite a bit older than you, which truly adds to the difficulty. I've come to accept that I will not be the same weight that I was when I was 30-35 but I'm not unhappy with where I'm at. My ultimate goal for my age (57) is still about 7 pounds away. I've tried to get there and gotten close, but my body seems to like it right where I'm at.

Realistically, I've been in maintenance for over 2 years and I guess this is where I'll stay. I'm eat well and exercise almost daily and enjoy my life. That stubborn 7 pounds will not define me.

SmithsonianEmpress

Well I’m creeping up on my goal weight which is 125/130ish and I believe I weighed in on the 1st at a little bit under 135. I’m 5’5” and 35 yo. BUT I don’t like my body composition AT ALL because I’m still squishy in all my areas. I know if I changed what I ate I’d see much better results, I’m guessing my body fat percentage would go down—-so I’m not accepting this stall I’m having as of late. I think if you like what you see star there. If you don’t then work on what you can when you can and you’ll get to where you want to be eventually.

ms_havisham

I have lost and regained weight before because of illness, and because of my prior experience, i set a higher weight as my initial goal. At that point, I plan on re-evaluating and deciding if I want to focus on the scale, inches, or a size, or just simply fitness.

I would ask if you had nursed and if so, how recently you stopped. That can take a little time to bounce back from. Honestly, even just pregnancy can take the rest of your body a little more time to recover from. I'm not talking about working out or losing weight. Your bones moved to make room for a person. When I first lost weight and got to my ideal weight my daughter was 6 months old (I was ill) and I wore a larger size at that weight than I did at 4 pounds more 8 years later. And it wasn't vanity sizing, several different brands, both sizes, bought the same year.

If you decide to just maintain, I wouldn't rule out trying again down the road. You might be pleasantly surprised.

LivingtheLeanDream

If you're happy where you're at now then leave things as they are... you don't have much to lose to get to your previous 134lbs plus 6lbs isn't that much to worry about if you are ok with how you are now.

Its up to you, either you keep doing what you've been doing or you cut a snack out somewhere out of each day, yes that's really all it will take, a deficit of 250 cals a day will see you lose 0.5lb a week.

For a long time I was happy at 133lbs, I liked having more calories but something clicked last year after being in maintenance for over 3 years at that point I decided I would aim to drop another 7lbs. I dropped a snack from my day and those 7lbs were history, ok so it took me around 6 months to do that (life happens, holidays/meals out etc slows the progress) but for me it was worth it and I've been able to maintain that lower weight easily since. I like being leaner.

My advice is: You do you

lightenup2016

When I first joined mfp 1.5 years ago, my goal was 125-ish. I got down to 135 and stayed there for about 6 months, still trying to lose, but only maintaining. I have since slacked off from logging and gained the weight back. Now I'd be happy just to be back at 135, so that is my current goal. I'll aim to stay there for a while and decide later if I want to try to go lower.

Keladelphia

I feel like if you can live a comfortable lifestyle at the weight you're at (which is an extremely healthy number still) and be relatively happy with your body it does you no good to stress yourself about sitting at a certain target number again. My goal was 135 at 5'6. I sat there for a while but it was a struggle to maintain everyday even with the massive amount of exercise I do. Now I let myself sit around 145 because it's easy to maintain and I don't have to obsess about every calorie that goes in my mouth. I only have to cut down to 138 twice a year to compete and every time I do it reminds me how much more I appreciate the balance that comes along with being a little less lean.

Francl27

I'm 20 lbs heavier than I'd like at the moment. I don't like it, but... I'm happier, honestly. I don't freak out if I can't plan my meals perfectly, I enjoy eating out and hanging out with friends without worrying too much about it... When I was even 140 lbs I was completely miserable, I felt like I could never enjoy myself because I was always thinking about calories and I had to deprive myself too much (or be THAT person who doesn't like what my friends planned for dinner because it wasn't healthy enough).

Physically, I feel the same way than I did when I was 15 lbs lighter, I can still do the same things (I'm actually stronger now)... it's just esthetics (although I am slightly overweight again). To be fair though, I'm not really ok with it, I'm just trying to find a happy middle ground, which is hard (I've been trying to lose those extra 15 lbs for a year, do great for a couple days, then I'm HUNGRY and erase that deficit).

I wish that my issue was staying mid-normal BMI range. I struggle enough trying to stay under the overweight category.

jjpptt2

This is only tangentially related, so take it for what it's worth...



Personally, I want to be happy with how I look and feel. That's my ultimate end game.

I've picked a weight and a body fat % that I think will get me there, but ultimately I have no idea how I'll look/feel at those goals... so who the heck knows. That's the biggest problem with setting metric goals rather than subjective goals (at least for me). So I get to my goal weight, and decide that it's not what I was expecting, so I change it and repeat the process.

VintageFeline

SmithsonianEmpress wrote: »

Well I’m creeping up on my goal weight which is 125/130ish and I believe I weighed in on the 1st at a little bit under 135. I’m 5’5” and 35 yo. BUT I don’t like my body composition AT ALL because I’m still squishy in all my areas. I know if I changed what I ate I’d see much better results, I’m guessing my body fat percentage would go down—-so I’m not accepting this stall I’m having as of late. I think if you like what you see star there. If you don’t then work on what you can when you can and you’ll get to where you want to be eventually.

It really has very little to do with what you eat other than getting adequate protein and everything to do with how you train. Food is food. Protein, fat and carbs. whether it's a pizza or chicken and potatoes.

OP, I have toyed with just hanging where I am but I know I am perfectly capable of getting lower and staying there. Maintaining each new low weight is never an issue. Fork put downs are my problem when trying to hit a deficit. I'm having another push right now though, happens every year when a vacation starts looming. Re-find my motivation and get smaller than I was for the vacation the year before!

You just have to weigh it all up. When I get back from holiday (last half of May), regardless where I am on the scale, I'm switching to a small deficit and recomping. Because I am done with full deficits now. Too much like hard psychological work.

rainbow198

At one point a little over halfway through my 80 pound weight loss I lost a lot of inches, was feeling and looking great, but the scale said I only lost about 5 pounds. *Very* frustrating.

After doing lots of researching, I realized for my goals focusing more on my body composition and losing fat and inches was a better fit for me.

Also I wanted to be able to eat as much as I could. Get rid of the fat. Improve my fitness, but enjoy my workouts and activities and not overdo it and I had a dream dress goal size that I never wore as an adult.

This approach of not being so dependent on the scale worked very well for me and kept me sane.

HoneyBadger302

I finally gave in and am going the slow recomp route right now. I'm still hoping to see the scale move more once my body adapts to my workouts, but I just can't handle eating less right now and working out the way I am. I'm 39/F/5'7" ~155 right now, size 6-8 depending on if there's vanity sizing or not. I could eat at a steeper deficit, I've got fat to lose, but my workouts are more important and I'm already dealing with enough hunger at a slight deficit, so meh. As long as my measurements are going the right direction, I'm okay with the scale being stuck.

That being said, before I let myself get fat, I had found that there was a "happy weight" for my body (at that time it was 126-131). In that range, I didn't feel deprived, I didn't have to watch every morsel going into my mouth, and I maintained there. Ideally I wanted to be a little less, more like 124/125ish, but my body just did NOT want to stay there. In fact, the only time I stayed at that lower weight was during my black belt testing when my activity was off the charts (and I was eating everything in sight). Once that was over, right back to my "happy weight."

mom23mangos

I like to revisit this thread sometimes to get my head straight.

http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/113609/relatively-light-people-trying-to-get-leaner

Christine_72

I got down to my goal weight early last year of 143lbs (5'8"), i stayed there for a second lol It was incredibly stressful getting there and staying there. My whole world revolved around calories and exercise
I'm currently at 153lbs, and that's where I'm staying. If i lose a few lbs in the mean time, then all good, if not, that's fine too.

LisaTcan

ms_havisham wrote: »

I have lost and regained weight before because of illness, and because of my prior experience, i set a higher weight as my initial goal. At that point, I plan on re-evaluating and deciding if I want to focus on the scale, inches, or a size, or just simply fitness.

I would ask if you had nursed and if so, how recently you stopped. That can take a little time to bounce back from. Honestly, even just pregnancy can take the rest of your body a little more time to recover from. I'm not talking about working out or losing weight. Your bones moved to make room for a person. When I first lost weight and got to my ideal weight my daughter was 6 months old (I was ill) and I wore a larger size at that weight than I did at 4 pounds more 8 years later. And it wasn't vanity sizing, several different brands, both sizes, bought the same year.

If you decide to just maintain, I wouldn't rule out trying again down the road. You might be pleasantly surprised.

I did nurse, but only until she was 8 months old. My hips and rib cage have definitely spread so that could be part of it. I also know that my body fat percentage is higher, I am much "softer" than before.

marissafit06

Also consider giving yourself more time before you decide. I am below pre-pregnancy weight, but it took a while for me to get there. Initial I was able to lose a certain amount of weight postpartum and I too was softer at a similar weight, but over time you can get back down.

LisaTcan

Thank you everyone for you comments! It definitely makes me feel better.

Keladelphia wrote: »

I feel like if you can live a comfortable lifestyle at the weight you're at (which is an extremely healthy number still) and be relatively happy with your body it does you no good to stress yourself about sitting at a certain target number again. My goal was 135 at 5'6. I sat there for a while but it was a struggle to maintain everyday even with the massive amount of exercise I do. Now I let myself sit around 145 because it's easy to maintain and I don't have to obsess about every calorie that goes in my mouth. I only have to cut down to 138 twice a year to compete and every time I do it reminds me how much more I appreciate the balance that comes along with being a little less lean.

This pretty much sums it up. I'm not willing to do the amount of work right now (precise tracking, more exercise) right now that it would take to get leaner. I am also pretty happy with my body and 140ish is an easy weight for me to maintain. I know a lot of people don't believe in set point theory, but for me 140 is a weight I can maintain without too much effort. Any lower is doable but a constant struggle.

SmithsonianEmpress

VintageFeline wrote: »

SmithsonianEmpress wrote: »

Well I’m creeping up on my goal weight which is 125/130ish and I believe I weighed in on the 1st at a little bit under 135. I’m 5’5” and 35 yo. BUT I don’t like my body composition AT ALL because I’m still squishy in all my areas. I know if I changed what I ate I’d see much better results, I’m guessing my body fat percentage would go down—-so I’m not accepting this stall I’m having as of late. I think if you like what you see star there. If you don’t then work on what you can when you can and you’ll get to where you want to be eventually.

It really has very little to do with what you eat other than getting adequate protein and everything to do with how you train. Food is food. Protein, fat and carbs. whether it's a pizza or chicken and potatoes.

OP, I have toyed with just hanging where I am but I know I am perfectly capable of getting lower and staying there. Maintaining each new low weight is never an issue. Fork put downs are my problem when trying to hit a deficit. I'm having another push right now though, happens every year when a vacation starts looming. Re-find my motivation and get smaller than I was for the vacation the year before!

You just have to weigh it all up. When I get back from holiday (last half of May), regardless where I am on the scale, I'm switching to a small deficit and recomping. Because I am done with full deficits now. Too much like hard psychological work.

Well this is GREAT NEWS! Some more months of consistency in lifting and I should be better off.

nowine4me

At 5-7” at 135 (started 2+ years ago at 220) im still squishy. Dropped to 130, still squishy. Now aiming for 125 - but that’s it, my absolute bottom line. To drop, I eat 1500, volume eating massive amounts of fruits and veggies helps.

sunshinedaydream21

LisaTcan wrote: »

I had a baby 18 months ago and pre-baby I was 134 and a size 4 (I'm 5'6''). I was really happy at that weight but I worked out a lot, cycled 100miles a week and weight lifted 3-4x a week. I have been maintaining at about 140 for a year and I'm now a size 6 or 8. My diet is similar, 1600-1800 calories a day (I use a food scale), but I'm not working out as often (weight lifting 2x a week).

For the past year I've had MFP set to "lose 1lb" a week, but I'm obviously eating too much/not exercising enough to lose the last 6lbs. I'm a full-time working mom and I just don't have the time, energy or motivation to workout like that anymore. Anyone experience this? I feel like I should stop feeling like "I can't lose weight" and just accept that I am in maintenance and at this stage in my life this is good enough.

I think that motherhood at this age can be very trying. Likely you will lose the weight a bit more down the road, I would just focus on staying at the weight you are at for now and you will know when the time is right for the next push forward. Just my 2 cents!

T1DCarnivoreRunner

My initial goal was 150 lbs., based on body fat % and then rounded off. As I lost, some of it was lean mass, so I had to lower that goal further. I got down to about 138 lbs., which was a bit too lean. On the way, 142 lbs. seemed the most ideal.

After a final crash diet to try to reach that goal by the end of 2017, I took a diet break at the beginning of 2018 and gained 32 lbs. in about 3 weeks; around 19 lbs. of which was fat. I've lost the water gain and a little bit of the fat during that time, but am not trying to lose at this point. I'm focusing on fitness now and I'll worry about the last 13 lbs.-16 lbs. of fat later.

So for now, I'm accepting a weight that was not my goal. Eventually, I'll return to lose the last bit of fat that I put on last month.

fitoverfortymom

Ahhhhh. I needed this thread so very much.

I started at 256 (5'6", F) and have been hovering between 150-155 for weeks/months after 16 months of pretty consistent losses and a few diet breaks. I'd love to get to around 145 and maintain between 145-150, but I'm not sure I have it in me right now for that push. I remember this time last year I ended up with a pretty decent vitamin D deficiency, and I'm wondering if that's creeped up again.

Either way, I've decided I'm going to eat at maintenance for a while--maybe until it warms up later in the spring--and give these last pounds some serious thought then. If anything, the maintenance practice will be good for me and I will be better fueled for reaching my running goals.

AEC50

I'm also full-time working mom and it IS HARD. Before kids, I was 130 (5'7), but it was a lot of worrying about food and exercising in almost all of my free-time. That isn't something I'm interested in now, so I'm happy at 140 for now. I eat smart and lift progressively heavier 3x/week and do cardio 2x, but I just don't have the brain power to spend quality time with two preschoolers AND futz with every bite I eat AND spend any more time in the gym than absolutely necessary. The scale does read more than I wish it did, but I know that if I ever wanted to shift my priorities, I could. I just figure that right now, I want to be healthy as a model for my kids and to live a long life, but anything beyond that is just vanity (for me, maybe not for everyone).

Best of luck finding your balance!

cwolfman13

I've never had a number on the scale as a goal...

bisky

I think you should listen to your inner voice that 140 is okay for now. You have a lifestyle change with a new baby and might not have as much time to diet and train hard to lose 6 lbs in a healthy manner. In the future you might change that but for today just listen and trust yourself.

ritzvin

I haven't changed my goal or settings, but I've been hovering about 115 lbs for a while. Haven't been quite motivated enough about it to keep to my calories and not skip or shorten many of the non-group winter runs.