Brutal Honesty
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I wish I could be someone who could be brutally honest....but I can't. I don't like to hurt people's feelings.1
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A few years ago, my Mom was going through a hard time (for whatever reason - menopause, hormones, who knows) and she was just being awful to my Dad - super snarky, highly critical, even yelling, just impossible to please. We were visiting with our kids and I just could not believe how she was speaking to him - just not respectful, at all. Anyways, I mentioned it to my Dad and he said that he was just waiting for whatever it was to pass. (They have been married over 50 years now!) But I just couldn't let it slide because my kids were there and it really bothered me. I felt like I had to say something. So I did. I took her aside and I said that I did not know if something had happened, but I just did not like the way she was speaking to Dad, that it was not kind, not respectful and I did not want the kids hearing her speaking to him that way. She was initially shocked and a little embarrassed - I think she could not quite believe that I was saying this to her. But then, she apologized and said that she didn't even realize that she was doing it and that she would stop. Things were better after that and thankfully, she never resented my honesty and it has not affected our relationship in any way.6
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evilpoptart63 wrote: »evilpoptart63 wrote: »
well how about feeling confident and empowered as a way of life..instead of because men are drooling over you.
well that feeling is not part of my way of life. so yeah....the new job works well. I'm not forced into it, I'm not desperate, I made the choice to do it and have no regrets. I'm not trying to tell you to make the decision to dance as well but Im happy with my own choice.
urloved33 -- I don't believe anyone asked you for your opinion about her occupation. It's ignorant to assume that your issues translate to every woman. Some women enjoy that part of their sexuality. You don't have to approve. You don't have to comment. Amazingly, not every stripper is a drug addled victim with daddy issues. There are plenty of women who strip because it works for their lifestyle. And it may have nothing to do with getting validation from strangers.
Furthermore, have you ever tried even a basic invert or chopper on a pole? Hold your body weight suspended in the air and look good doing it? It takes some serious upper body and core strength. THAT is empowering
evilpoptart63 - do your thing girl.
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I have been unintentionally brutal. Kid had a giant booger hanging off of his nose hair which got me off guard in mid sentence and apparently my reaction was unacceptable.0
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I don't know that I would qualify my honesty as brutal. I definitely try to word things tactfully, even to people I don't know or really care about.
Sadly, the last time I was truly honest with someone and told them exactly how things appeared from my point of view, he did not like my response and we ended a 10+ year friendship over it.
He came back about one year later and told me I was right, but has done nothing to correct the things I mentioned and has not accepted responsibility for his own choices, so.. we remain on non-speaking terms.
People already mostly dislike me for being as honest and factual as possible, so I guess this was just an inevitable outcome?1 -
actually when you POST HERE you are asking for opinions and comments. omg.2
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CanesGalactica wrote: »I don't know that I would qualify my honesty as brutal. I definitely try to word things tactfully, even to people I don't know or really care about.
Sadly, the last time I was truly honest with someone and told them exactly how things appeared from my point of view, he did not like my response and we ended a 10+ year friendship over it.
He came back about one year later and told me I was right, but has done nothing to correct the things I mentioned and has not accepted responsibility for his own choices, so.. we remain on non-speaking terms.
People already mostly dislike me for being as honest and factual as possible, so I guess this was just an inevitable outcome?
I think some people just don't want to hear the truth, or take accountability for their actions. And, that is honestly on them. If there is something one of my friends is doing that I feel is impacting their quality of life, I'm not afraid to say something. For example, I had a friend who just couldn't seem to make a good decision to save her life. Always getting into drugs, getting in abusive relationships, and overall being reckless with her life. I couldn't sit by and idly watch her ruin her life. So I said something about it on multiple occasions, and she no longer talks to me. Her idea of support (lending her bail or drug money) and my idea of support (doing what I can to get her a job or out of an abusive relationship, being a friend to lean on when her other friends were high) were two different things. I can't feel like I'm being a good friend by enabling poor life decisions. This and my inability not say anything has ended some friendships.
On another note @evilpoptart63 Pole dancing is on my bucket list of "when I grow up" professions. The power and strength some of these women have to do what they can do astound me. It makes me want to invest in one of those at home poles. It's great exercise if nothing else, lol.1 -
Crafty_camper123 wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »I don't know that I would qualify my honesty as brutal. I definitely try to word things tactfully, even to people I don't know or really care about.
Sadly, the last time I was truly honest with someone and told them exactly how things appeared from my point of view, he did not like my response and we ended a 10+ year friendship over it.
He came back about one year later and told me I was right, but has done nothing to correct the things I mentioned and has not accepted responsibility for his own choices, so.. we remain on non-speaking terms.
People already mostly dislike me for being as honest and factual as possible, so I guess this was just an inevitable outcome?
I think some people just don't want to hear the truth, or take accountability for their actions. And, that is honestly on them. If there is something one of my friends is doing that I feel is impacting their quality of life, I'm not afraid to say something. For example, I had a friend who just couldn't seem to make a good decision to save her life. Always getting into drugs, getting in abusive relationships, and overall being reckless with her life. I couldn't sit by and idly watch her ruin her life. So I said something about it on multiple occasions, and she no longer talks to me. Her idea of support (lending her bail or drug money) and my idea of support (doing what I can to get her a job or out of an abusive relationship, being a friend to lean on when her other friends were high) were two different things. I can't feel like I'm being a good friend by enabling poor life decisions. This and my inability not say anything has ended some friendships.
On another note @evilpoptart63 Pole dancing is on my bucket list of "when I grow up" professions. The power and strength some of these women have to do what they can do astound me. It makes me want to invest in one of those at home poles. It's great exercise if nothing else, lol.
I agree with you 100%. However, this particular person had asked me for advice and apparently did not truly want to do the things I suggested. I got a long string of excuses for why they "couldn't" do something and excuses for the behavior. So yeah, the only thing left is to cut ties, I guess. I didn't need the stress and I got tired of being the whining board for this person.
I definitely agree with not enabling bad behaviors, though. That doesn't help anyone in the end.2 -
CanesGalactica wrote: »Crafty_camper123 wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »I don't know that I would qualify my honesty as brutal. I definitely try to word things tactfully, even to people I don't know or really care about.
Sadly, the last time I was truly honest with someone and told them exactly how things appeared from my point of view, he did not like my response and we ended a 10+ year friendship over it.
He came back about one year later and told me I was right, but has done nothing to correct the things I mentioned and has not accepted responsibility for his own choices, so.. we remain on non-speaking terms.
People already mostly dislike me for being as honest and factual as possible, so I guess this was just an inevitable outcome?
I think some people just don't want to hear the truth, or take accountability for their actions. And, that is honestly on them. If there is something one of my friends is doing that I feel is impacting their quality of life, I'm not afraid to say something. For example, I had a friend who just couldn't seem to make a good decision to save her life. Always getting into drugs, getting in abusive relationships, and overall being reckless with her life. I couldn't sit by and idly watch her ruin her life. So I said something about it on multiple occasions, and she no longer talks to me. Her idea of support (lending her bail or drug money) and my idea of support (doing what I can to get her a job or out of an abusive relationship, being a friend to lean on when her other friends were high) were two different things. I can't feel like I'm being a good friend by enabling poor life decisions. This and my inability not say anything has ended some friendships.
On another note @evilpoptart63 Pole dancing is on my bucket list of "when I grow up" professions. The power and strength some of these women have to do what they can do astound me. It makes me want to invest in one of those at home poles. It's great exercise if nothing else, lol.
I agree with you 100%. However, this particular person had asked me for advice and apparently did not truly want to do the things I suggested. I got a long string of excuses for why they "couldn't" do something and excuses for the behavior. So yeah, the only thing left is to cut ties, I guess. I didn't need the stress and I got tired of being the whining board for this person.
I definitely agree with not enabling bad behaviors, though. That doesn't help anyone in the end.
I've been down that road before. I always hope the friend I mentioned will pull herself up by her bootstraps and get her life together, but I'm not holding my breath. People wont change unless they want to. It's sad to lose friends like that.1 -
I can get behind the honesty - it is the brutality that I am not really on board with. Honesty usually is the best policy - but the brutal honesty I think can come off as mean spirited.4
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I am always honest (some say brutally) but not in a mean spirited way. If you want to know something (*disclosure warning) I tam upfront in my responses. I have never really been a good liar so I learned to just answer a question with “my” truth. When people realize this they wind up showing me things, ask me more personal questions, show me a picture (sometimes 1 they shouldn’t be) and even get into friends domestic arguements. Sometimes it’s fun and sometimes not so much.0
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SabotageinStilettos wrote: »I nicknamed my ex husband whiskey dick. He didn’t even try to dispute.
Sounds like a compliment to me *loves whisky*
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“CBT”........
I’m gonna have to get used to this.0 -
There’s always a kind/thoughtful way to say something. I’m almost always honest, but very rarely brutally so. Those are not generally moments of pride.1
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CoffeeAndContour wrote: »My best friend told me she loves me, but that I need to get my life together. She told me that I use my past as a crutch to excuse my behaviour. That I’m carrying on like a loser. That I am ungrateful and cruel. That the world owes me nothing and that if I don’t go to rehab she won’t see me again.
That’s just the part I’m okay with mentioning. It was a lot worse.
She was right. I was all those things. And now I’m 10 years sober and I know that I have someone who will always keep things real with me.
I see you.
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I don't like being brutally honest. In fact, I've been told recently that I'm not so good at honest either... so yeah0
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I had a friend that would constantly complain about how he was the nicest guy and how he would be such a gentleman but no one wanted to date him and that girls don't want nice guys they just want *kitten*. I put up with it for YEARS. One day I just told him that he wasn't a nice guy if he expects girls to date him just for doing something a decent human being should be doing anyways. Yeah we're not friends anymore.2
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SabotageinStilettos wrote: »I nicknamed my ex husband whiskey dick. He didn’t even try to dispute.
Sounds like a compliment to me *loves whisky*
Google it.3
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