Ladies with broad shoulders

Stew501
Stew501 Posts: 65 Member
edited November 25 in Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
So I just started stronglift 5*5 about a month ago. I had some extra energy yesterday, so I did some upright rows with the bar-45lbs; my husband said I really need to limit my upper body lifting since I already have broad shoulders and more muscle in my shoulders, compared to average women. This pi$$ed me off, I’m I being over sensitive?
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Replies

  • LivingtheLeanDream
    LivingtheLeanDream Posts: 13,342 Member
    I would take broad shoulders as a compliment :smile: I have them and I think personally I look nicely balanced :smiley:
  • Strongerxthanxyesterday
    Strongerxthanxyesterday Posts: 81 Member
    What an ignoramus!
  • mom23mangos
    mom23mangos Posts: 3,069 Member
    Davidsdottir wrote: »
    As long as you can beat him up, it's all good LOL

    I started off really pear shaped and have gained many inches to my shoulders and am proud of that. Haters gonna hate... even the ones we're stuck with. If you're happy, that's all that matters <3

    Husbands can be really insensitive sometimes. Mine will make a remark about my back occasionally, then realize he shouldn't be saying anything and backtracks. I will say that he was afraid of me getting "boulder shoulders" (which I would love) at the beginning, but he's actually complimented me on my shoulders quite frequently.
  • Davidsdottir
    Davidsdottir Posts: 1,285 Member
    mom23mangos wrote: »
    Davidsdottir wrote: »
    As long as you can beat him up, it's all good LOL

    I started off really pear shaped and have gained many inches to my shoulders and am proud of that. Haters gonna hate... even the ones we're stuck with. If you're happy, that's all that matters <3

    Husbands can be really insensitive sometimes. Mine will make a remark about my back occasionally, then realize he shouldn't be saying anything and backtracks. I will say that he was afraid of me getting "boulder shoulders" (which I would love) at the beginning, but he's actually complimented me on my shoulders quite frequently.

    My husband's nicknames for me are hulk and fat kid. He says them with love, though, and has honestly never made a real comment on my body aside from that I'm looking fit.
  • speedingticket
    speedingticket Posts: 73 Member
    I honestly don't know how I'd feel if my partner said that. Like I know I'd be really angry, and lose a lot of respect for him, but I don't know how angry/pissed off I'd be. I'd be tempted to say it would be finito for him, I'd be well turned off by someone with such a "gendered" outlook.

    I've got a wide back and shoulders (used to be a swimmer). Personally I like it. It makes me feel athletic and strong. I only started lifting recently, but would bloody love it if I could get a bit more hench up top. Keep going, and do what makes you happy!

    Do you think your husband is at all insecure? Some of my friends asked my partner if he was worried I would get stronger than him. My partner is very supportive, and very proud (as in, of me), and so of course isn't remotely worried about that. But the fact two of my (male) friends thought that, made me think it might be an issue for some insecure blokes...
  • khaleesigoesketo
    khaleesigoesketo Posts: 5 Member
    -_-

    that was rude tbh. No reason for him to say that at all honestly. Some women are just broad shouldered and there's nothing wrong with that at all and for me, it kinda sounds like he thinks women with broad shoulders aren't attractive or something. Either way, his opinion on that subject is invalid lol. You know your body, and you like how your body looks so he'll learn to deal with it. I'm petty though, so I'd bring up something on his body and see how he likes it lol.
  • speedingticket
    speedingticket Posts: 73 Member
    Also, I think your argument was totally focusing on the wrong things.

    What about when you finish your deficit. You're going to carry on lifting then, right? What if you decide you WOULD like to gain some upper body mass? Is that going to be a problem? I think you need to make your husband see how it's your body and what you're doing is healthy and good for you (!). He might be grateful in the future, as you manage to maintain strength for functional stuff into your old age which many people lose. Also, as someone else said, he obviously doesn't understand how building muscle works for women (and how hard it is)- but it's almost irrelevant to his attitude.
  • MonaRaeHill
    MonaRaeHill Posts: 145 Member
    Well. I sorta' agree with gamesandgains. get another husband. lol.
    Anyhow, all of our husbands/partners can be insensitive and brusk; it's a man thing, I think.
    I am lucky mine is not, at least in that dept.
    He always says that anything I can do, to help myself, is good, and supports my various and sundry attempts at getting my pre-botched surgery (2010) body, back.
    He has other really bad traits, like inflexibility, control-issues, and a mind like a sieve, so none of our husbands are perfect.
    He has taken a LOT of training to realize that comments about my body, my goals and my art (which includes body sculpturing), are out of bounds, because if he forgets that one, he gets a punch in the arm, and a giant "HEY, WATCH IT BUDDY'. It has taken awhile (12-15 years), but he has learned...........lmao.
    I would sit yours down and tell him how you felt when he said that and to make it clear that your goals, strengths, and body, are generally off topic, for him, as they are really no one else's business, and that includes him.
    If he loves you, he will at least try and remember..........good luck!
  • Lean59man
    Lean59man Posts: 714 Member
    edited March 2018
    It is VERY hard for men to gain muscle and even harder for women because of their naturally lower testosterone levels.

    A common misconception is that women will become overly muscular from lifting weights. The only way this could happen is if the woman is taking steroids like the high level women bodybulders.

    The odds of you over-developing your shoulders are slim to none.

    Lift those weights!

    Upright rows are a good developer of the shoulders and strength builder.. Some people have impingement problems if they use a narrow grip. If you have this issue use a wider grip. This is what I do.
  • HoneyBadger302
    HoneyBadger302 Posts: 2,084 Member
    Add me to the broad shoulders group.

    Thing is, even with weight lifting, and being as "bulky" as I'll ever get (not a body builder) my shoulders provide balance to my waist and give the illusion of curves (of which, I have none - even overweight I'm still just a plump round apple).

    Finding clothes that fit can be a pain, but like someone else mentioned, that's what seamstresses are for!

    As to your DH's comment - if you've complained about your shoulders a lot, or go on a rant every time you go clothes shopping, then I could see the comment coming from the angle of "hey, you already complain about this, why are you making it worse?"

    On the flip side, if it was just a random comment, it seems pretty insensitive. Granted, I'd just tell him to piss off, and keep on with my workout since having a strong, well rounded body that can do everything I want it to is my priority.
  • foreversnafu
    foreversnafu Posts: 29 Member
    Stew501 wrote: »
    So I just started stronglift 5*5 about a month ago. I had some extra energy yesterday, so I did some upright rows with the bar-45lbs; my husband said I really need to limit my upper body lifting since I already have broad shoulders and more muscle in my shoulders, compared to average women. This pi$$ed me off, I’m I being over sensitive?

    You're right to be upset, but for the wrong reason. Kindly explain to your husband that women produce 15 to 70 ng/dL of testosterone, whereas men produce 270 to 1070 ng/dL, the average number being somewhere in the middle. To really put this in perspective, a man who produces under 500 ng/dl will not look like a man, no matter how hard he tries.
  • SusanMcMc
    SusanMcMc Posts: 252 Member
    My husband used to have long hair and I hated it. It didn’t look professional to me and it was not my preferred style. But you know what? I realized he’s a grown man and who was I to tell him how to wear his hair? So I stopped commenting on clothing, hair, etc unless he asked my opinion because it quite frankly wasn’t my business.

    I tell this story because I 5hink your husbands comments were wildly immature and inappropriate. Even if he was correct that your shoulders would get HUGE, which as others pointed out is all but impossible, they are YOUR shoulders. You are a grown woman able to make her own choices about her body...full stop.

    This is VERY different from the concerned conversation you may have with a spouse when they gain too much weight to be healthy or go on a fad diet that gives them health issues. This is just aesthetics.
  • HoneyBadger302
    HoneyBadger302 Posts: 2,084 Member
    You're looking awesome, keep it up.
  • Davidsdottir
    Davidsdottir Posts: 1,285 Member
    Not at all, you look great!
  • Nama_Slay
    Nama_Slay Posts: 24 Member
    Stew501 wrote: »
    So I just started stronglift 5*5 about a month ago. I had some extra energy yesterday, so I did some upright rows with the bar-45lbs; my husband said I really need to limit my upper body lifting since I already have broad shoulders and more muscle in my shoulders, compared to average women. This pi$$ed me off, I’m I being over sensitive?

    He's just worried you will look more jacked than him! Keep doing your thang, awesome work! I'm just at 40lbs for 8 reps with them upright rows! Beast on sista!!!
  • SusanMcMc
    SusanMcMc Posts: 252 Member
    Your arms are amazing! I have tiny little chicken wing shoulders so I'm a bit jealous. Guess I need to start putting in the work!
  • Stew501
    Stew501 Posts: 65 Member
    My husband does lift & honestly, I thought it would be good for me to start & have some quality time together. He told me instead of doing 5 sets of 5 reps; that I need to do 5 sets of 8 or 10 reps, with lower weight. This wouldn’t be the program then; was my response. Im still shocked by his attitude of me lifting weights; told me to do more cardio if I wanted to lean out; I’m still bookmarking website that contradicts everything he says
  • psuLemon
    psuLemon Posts: 38,430 MFP Moderator
    Stew501 wrote: »
    My husband does lift & honestly, I thought it would be good for me to start & have some quality time together. He told me instead of doing 5 sets of 5 reps; that I need to do 5 sets of 8 or 10 reps, with lower weight. This wouldn’t be the program then; was my response. Im still shocked by his attitude of me lifting weights; told me to do more cardio if I wanted to lean out; I’m still bookmarking website that contradicts everything he says

    Ironically, he doesn't realize what he is suggesting. 8 to 10 reps is more linked to muscle hypertrophy (growth), which will make them bigger. And realistically, a program that works in a variety of rep ranges will maximize growth and strength. Staying in one rep range is going to limit one or another things.
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